MIXED MESSAGES.

i want him back...

So i have put up multiple questions and am out to get some guidance.

It's long but please do read ...

My bf of a year brokeup with me because of career and felt that we werent good together, but still expects me around...

Now we work together. And everyday there is a new incident i have to sit and think about.

Today he told of guys who were staring at me... then he accidentally touched me inappropriately twice and laughed about it ( it would have been fine if we were dating, but since hes the one pushing it, it isnt okay)... and then he was talking about how he likes girls who eat with no inhibition.. and then goes " THAT"S WHY I LOVE YOU" and quickly turns the mirror so he can see my expression ( I have no doubts about it). And then a female friend was talking about my body and he's like dude you are skinny, and i love your rear.

this is only today. Earlier this week he would say stuff like i realllly miss you can i get a hug ? And my mother is coming over this weekend he insists on meeting her ( he has met her in the past, and i have few friends, i dont know if he wants to show to her that he is someone who is still around for me... but basically meeting my mum is an emotional experience for me)

He is always trying to tell me about how he and one of my friends were to share a room and then that they decided not to ( when it's something that wouldnt effect me, because 1) she's not so great looking and has been a bad friend to both of us that has put us off 2) I'm just not jealous of her.... he would keep bringing it up and i would laugh it off, and then he finally said i dont know if me being around her during that trip was a conflict for you but i am not fond of her in anyway, not even as a friend... and i said EW, im not jealous of her !

he even told our friend he misses me a lot, and then had changed his dp of a picture of us for 4 days this week. I didnt ask about it, because i feel like he is wanting a reaction, but i am not sure about what i should do about this whole scenario...


today he asked me if i was sad about the breakup i said yes, he said i dot know if this is good or bad but do you want to hear how i feel... i said im not sure im ready yet,sorry ( im sure he wanted to say he is enjoying being friends with me)

Since we work together i tend to become normal at times and not let him realise what he has lost. the only time he realises what he has lost is over the weekend when he isnt contac

Cant read your entire post but it sounds like he still has feelings for you, if you're broken up and hes not attempting to make things right and see you on the weekend he doesn't want to get back together. Him wanting to see your mother and do things with you has nothing to do with him wanting or not wanting a relationship, in fact he could be toying with you just to see what your emotions are, hes looking for you to react for sure but that may be all. I wouldn't give it to him, that satisfaction. Be smart, and be cool, move on its over with no real attempt to get you back.

also, because you two work together he could try and paint you like the crazy ex, that's why being cool is mandatory or your reputation could suffer. People are always quick to blame the crazy girl and its fun, don't become her by playing victim to his push/pull games.

The real problem here is you work at the same place. He broke up with you once. He breaks up with you again and you'll have to see him at work every day and/or look for another job.

It sounds like you 2 havent established boundaries. Tell him how you expect to be treated post breakup.

I agree with CocoKat and Este8. Also, let him prove himself... if he doesn't, that's your final answer. He's probably unsure of what he wants, but wants your affection and comfort anyway, without having to put in too much more effort or be too serious about anything right now... and his uncertainty, wishy washy behavior is the reason for the mixed messages.

He made the decision to break up. He doesn't think you're good together. So what changed? Unless he's trying to turn your relationship into FWB. Or, if he steps up to the plate to be mature and clear and takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration, instead of trying to incite jealousy or invoke some sort of reaction from you with these ambiguous games. Also, shouldn't allow him to meet your mom unless he earns that right to.

DMV +1

I there no way I can get him back though ? Because know i have been mature and all his friends have said theyve seen crazy exes in the past, but i am the ideal girlfriend.

Also i am good looking and the quiet but happpy kind that gets along well... So sometimes he sees that, and he keeps running after...

Since his feelings are more tender what can i do that will mae him feel like we should be together.... because we keeeeep having moments.... and he even said he still loves me.....
BUt im not being pushy or reactive.... i just want him to see what a big deal he has lost....

We are interning together so that is only a 2-3 month thing, then we finish our masters by may, which i also something he doesnt see..... like when he is away he comes back and gets all chummy and i miss you.... he doesnt see that in 2 months we are going to be gone and hes never going to get that....

Posted by sushmitais4eva
I there no way I can get him back though ? Because know i have been mature and all his friends have said theyve seen crazy exes in the past, but i am the ideal girlfriend.

Also i am good looking and the quiet but happpy kind that gets along well... So sometimes he sees that, and he keeps running after...

Since his feelings are more tender what can i do that will mae him feel like we should be together.... because we keeeeep having moments.... and he even said he still loves me.....
BUt im not being pushy or reactive.... i just want him to see what a big deal he has lost....

We are interning together so that is only a 2-3 month thing, then we finish our masters by may, which i also something he doesnt see..... like when he is away he comes back and gets all chummy and i miss you.... he doesnt see that in 2 months we are going to be gone and hes never going to get that....

Technically, he hasn't lost a thing.

He's screwing with your head... he knows you don't want to be apart, and

the way you wrote it... it's like he's getting off on your reactions.

Trying to make you jealous-- breaking up with you, but publicly possessing you

so no one else gets anything from you.

smh


Sorry, way too many red flags with this one.

This is not how ADULTS relate, in love or friendship - so kick the 'ex' label out the door and think about how YOU want to define it.
Chances are he'll come up short and then you'll have your answer sweets 🙂 life's too short, get out, achieve your Masters and have fun, work for what you need.
You'll attract the right guy in no time x

Ps any info on his/ yours astrology?

hankyou Montgomery, that has been a popular advice among my friends too.....

Wagtail, you are very kind... he i taurean i dont have details about his birth time o cant plot a chart, but im a leo with cancer moon, and have many more dominant cancerian traits than leonian ones ( i have been told so, and even astrologically my results have conveyed to be primarily cancerian 🙂

Here's more....



He has made it very clear that he doesnt want me out of his life... so im around... i had stopped mesaging him completely so as to be able to implement NC in some way or the other.... for which i had to beg him too....


He i not a bad guy, but right now, he is dictating everything. And Honestly, i dont know if it sounds selfish...I am playing it safe. I am not instigating topics that can cause an outburst. I try spending time resolving as much butter on my own as i can. im not trying to prove anything... I AM JUST BEING...

But everytime im on my own he keeps running around.

Now like i said we dont text at all, but we get a fair share ( more than that frankly) of each other at work ( mind you we are therapists, so doesn't like get a tad bit more adventerous?). So when its time for the weekend thats the time i get all these texts from him because he doesnt see me around ( or so i believe)....

This weekend, he went on a trip, and suddenly he mesaged me about work ( which was unusual, i didnt overthink about it ) and kep it simple... suddenly i get all these long messages about him wanting to go home, and his cousins coming for surprise and him not being able to go for them and all of that, and frankly, I didn't get the context or understand my role.... so i stuck to hmms and okays. Because I truly felt the weekend phenomena is back. and eventually that convo ended ....


I'd like to draw boundaries, as everyone above has said.... so that i can preapre myself for the worst, kind of give him what he wanted .... and give both of us that space which is really needed and healthy i think....
But I will have to deal with him flipping around. I KNOW.Sigh.


I dont want to push him and convince him about us, because Then even if he does come back its because he will push himself.... But I really hope, he sees that even if everything else is out of place, i was really being around for him and i dont want to force myself into his life, but again neither of us did anything to get here....

Also, i cant be so clear with him, because as psychologists. He is known well for using psychology to dissect his life... which can be harmful, because he personalizes a lo of the theories...

Basically at this point theres a lot costing us.

More tips for anything I can do to get him back ( as selfish as it sound i need tips that might work in favour of my intention) are welcome

We never fought about anything prior to this break, it was just something he wanted which took me aback a lot more, not because i couldnt understand his situation more so, because up until that moment I saw how he was going through crisis and was non-demanding and quiet and extremely supportive. I did make a concious effort. I am very proud of him and respect him a lot.

The issue here primarily also is that.... his ideal breakup scenario is a mutual breakup where people part ways and become friends and there is no pain but just happiness ( yes, please don't even ask)..... now I truly feel at this point that even while he was in the relationship, he was so afrai that when we breakup if we do, that it might get so nasty that its better to do it his way NOW, when he is feeling all caught up in life.

And in the process of having an ideal breakup, he ha forgotten about how i might feel about it. Even the way he treats it now is so matter of factly.....all in all.... he treats it like we decided for this. But WE never did. I wish he would see where I AM.