Cclion
@Cclion
4 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 140 · Topics: 10
Monogamy
lessons learned: people are fickle, selfish assholes.
Posted by Maxian
Cheated on:
1) How did you find out?
- He told me.
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not?
- No, packed my bags and left.
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what? 4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened?
- Yes, I was too busy with myself and study at the time so i didn't invest enough. But also I was a person that needed more freedom than him, just not a good match..
The other person:
1) how did the relationship start and end (if it did)?
- We met at a party and ended when his gf saw us dancing somewhere in town on another night.
2) if you found out the person was cheating, why did you start or continue the relationship?
- Was quite young. Didn't know he had a gf, and honestly couldn't care enough back then to look into it because I only saw him when out dancing.
3) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?
Yeah, do your due diligence thoroughly.
I have a friend that definitely needs her freedom. Any person who tried to stifle that ended in their heartbreak. She never did it intentionally.
Cheated on: yes
1) How did you find out?
He showed up with her
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not?
Yes, my first love and he made promises to change
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what?
Yes, refer to the end
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened?
No, he was immature and just went with the feels
Cheaters:
1) why did you cheat?
Payback
2) Who did you cheat with (not looking for specifics) and why?
Slept with his best mate!
3) how did the relationship start? Did it end?
One random night at a party, 1 night only.
4) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?
Yes, some friends are shit friends!! Refer to the end..
I was young and immature, he was young and immature. Even though we thought we were old enough we weren’t.
I learned very young, how much it hurts to be cheated on and how much it hurts to cheat on someone. When you cheat on someone, it doesn’t come without consequences. You still have to face up to what you’ve done and how you’ve deeply cut someone that you love.
Most of all, I learned I don’t ever want to go through those hurts and those conversations ever again.
1) How did you find out?
He showed up with her
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not?
Yes, my first love and he made promises to change
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what?
Yes, refer to the end
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened?
No, he was immature and just went with the feels
Cheaters:
1) why did you cheat?
Payback
2) Who did you cheat with (not looking for specifics) and why?
Slept with his best mate!
3) how did the relationship start? Did it end?
One random night at a party, 1 night only.
4) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?
Yes, some friends are shit friends!! Refer to the end..
I was young and immature, he was young and immature. Even though we thought we were old enough we weren’t.
I learned very young, how much it hurts to be cheated on and how much it hurts to cheat on someone. When you cheat on someone, it doesn’t come without consequences. You still have to face up to what you’ve done and how you’ve deeply cut someone that you love.
Most of all, I learned I don’t ever want to go through those hurts and those conversations ever again.
Cheated on:
1) How did you find out? Found a note in his car. Yes, the hoe wrote him a fucking note saying "I know what we're doing is wrong but I don't want to be right." Makes me laugh when I recall thr cheesiness.
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not? No. I left. I'm not a doormat.
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what? Take your time getting to know a person before you trust them with your heart. Also, codependency sets you up for immense heartbreak. And that's coming from a Libra.
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened? No. Cheating is a choice. I'm not perfect, but he could've talked to me and worked out our issues or hell, he could've told me he didn't love me anymore. I'm not the type of chick who would beg if someone tells me they're not feeling it anymore, I would've silently walked away. Instead his choice of action ruined our family.
1) How did you find out? Found a note in his car. Yes, the hoe wrote him a fucking note saying "I know what we're doing is wrong but I don't want to be right." Makes me laugh when I recall thr cheesiness.
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not? No. I left. I'm not a doormat.
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what? Take your time getting to know a person before you trust them with your heart. Also, codependency sets you up for immense heartbreak. And that's coming from a Libra.
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened? No. Cheating is a choice. I'm not perfect, but he could've talked to me and worked out our issues or hell, he could've told me he didn't love me anymore. I'm not the type of chick who would beg if someone tells me they're not feeling it anymore, I would've silently walked away. Instead his choice of action ruined our family.
Cheater:
1. I was a drug addict.
2. He was a drug dealer.
3. He found me online and talked me into meeting him since he lived nearby. It ended when I asked him, “Don’t you want more for your life??” after refusing the syringe he had slid over to me. He had said smugly, “What are you too good for it now?” Maybe I am, was my immediate thought and that was it. I think I saw him a couple more times briefly out of weakness but it’s all a haze now. It was all bad…. Had to block him out of my life because he was the type to keep showing up uninvited—no thanks!! Lessons learned.
4. I learned a lot about myself through all of it. Getting clean was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because I’ve actually done the work mentally and emotionally. I had shit for self esteem, wanted to die for years. So I had to go back and teach myself to love myself, because I ended up hurting the person I loved most in this world over my selfish bullshit. I learned that I should have listened to everyone years before when they said to take time to be single and find myself. I had truly lost myself through grief and back to back codependent relationships, and self medicated with drugs. So yeah, I had to really think about my priorities and working on mastering the only control I truly have in this life—that over myself. It truly changed me. So much pain…. so I’m trying to focus on the present now.
Other person:
1. He was a bartender at a local music spot, super fine. It ended when his girlfriend—another bartender at the same place—tried to bar me from entering one night.
2. I had no idea he was seeing anyone else but we weren’t exclusive so it didn’t bother me. But they were exclusive I’m guessing. It did bother me that I had to endure so much drama. Needless to say we did not continue a relationship lol.
3. I learned how to not take shit, to get to know someone better before jumping in the sack, to stop drinking so much lol. Idk that was a weird one… I was 20-21 so it was all a learning experience haha. He was a super tall hottie and a musician with the voice of an Angel—so I had no chance back then! Lol
1. I was a drug addict.
2. He was a drug dealer.
3. He found me online and talked me into meeting him since he lived nearby. It ended when I asked him, “Don’t you want more for your life??” after refusing the syringe he had slid over to me. He had said smugly, “What are you too good for it now?” Maybe I am, was my immediate thought and that was it. I think I saw him a couple more times briefly out of weakness but it’s all a haze now. It was all bad…. Had to block him out of my life because he was the type to keep showing up uninvited—no thanks!! Lessons learned.
4. I learned a lot about myself through all of it. Getting clean was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because I’ve actually done the work mentally and emotionally. I had shit for self esteem, wanted to die for years. So I had to go back and teach myself to love myself, because I ended up hurting the person I loved most in this world over my selfish bullshit. I learned that I should have listened to everyone years before when they said to take time to be single and find myself. I had truly lost myself through grief and back to back codependent relationships, and self medicated with drugs. So yeah, I had to really think about my priorities and working on mastering the only control I truly have in this life—that over myself. It truly changed me. So much pain…. so I’m trying to focus on the present now.
Other person:
1. He was a bartender at a local music spot, super fine. It ended when his girlfriend—another bartender at the same place—tried to bar me from entering one night.
2. I had no idea he was seeing anyone else but we weren’t exclusive so it didn’t bother me. But they were exclusive I’m guessing. It did bother me that I had to endure so much drama. Needless to say we did not continue a relationship lol.
3. I learned how to not take shit, to get to know someone better before jumping in the sack, to stop drinking so much lol. Idk that was a weird one… I was 20-21 so it was all a learning experience haha. He was a super tall hottie and a musician with the voice of an Angel—so I had no chance back then! Lol
Cheated on:
Not to my knowledge.
Cheating:
Yes. I had three girlfriends and really didn't think much of it at the time. I was just having fun. Well I took this chick home from the club and her husband called from Iraq RIGHT AFTER we had just finished and she was as sweet sounding as could be. It totally blew my mind how cold she was and then I realized I wasn't any better. I told the three what I was doing, and surprisingly 2 of them wanted to make it work, and one of those two... well, she sent me this text, I'll never forget it like a week later, "I have something to tell you." And I was oh shit, here we go. "You wanna go half on a baby?" I couldn't believe it.
Anyways, I shaped up and never cheated again, never even myself in a position where my partner would be uncomfy.
Not to my knowledge.
Cheating:
Yes. I had three girlfriends and really didn't think much of it at the time. I was just having fun. Well I took this chick home from the club and her husband called from Iraq RIGHT AFTER we had just finished and she was as sweet sounding as could be. It totally blew my mind how cold she was and then I realized I wasn't any better. I told the three what I was doing, and surprisingly 2 of them wanted to make it work, and one of those two... well, she sent me this text, I'll never forget it like a week later, "I have something to tell you." And I was oh shit, here we go. "You wanna go half on a baby?" I couldn't believe it.
Anyways, I shaped up and never cheated again, never even myself in a position where my partner would be uncomfy.
Posted by sweethearts
Cheated on: yes
1) How did you find out?
He showed up with her
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not?
Yes, my first love and he made promises to change
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what?
Yes, refer to the end
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened?
No, he was immature and just went with the feels
Cheaters:
1) why did you cheat?
Payback
2) Who did you cheat with (not looking for specifics) and why?
Slept with his best mate!
3) how did the relationship start? Did it end?
One random night at a party, 1 night only.
4) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?
Yes, some friends are shit friends!! Refer to the end..
I was young and immature, he was young and immature. Even though we thought we were old enough we weren’t.
I learned very young, how much it hurts to be cheated on and how much it hurts to cheat on someone. When you cheat on someone, it doesn’t come without consequences. You still have to face up to what you’ve done and how you’ve deeply cut someone that you love.
Most of all, I learned I don’t ever want to go through those hurts and those conversations ever again.
Tough lessons, but glad you were able to take that away at an earlier age than some. I know a few…
Posted by Mutya
Cheated on:
1) How did you find out? Found a note in his car. Yes, the hoe wrote him a fucking note saying "I know what we're doing is wrong but I don't want to be right." Makes me laugh when I recall thr cheesiness.
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not? No. I left. I'm not a doormat.
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what? Take your time getting to know a person before you trust them with your heart. Also, codependency sets you up for immense heartbreak. And that's coming from a Libra.
4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened? No. Cheating is a choice. I'm not perfect, but he could've talked to me and worked out our issues or hell, he could've told me he didn't love me anymore. I'm not the type of chick who would beg if someone tells me they're not feeling it anymore, I would've silently walked away. Instead his choice of action ruined our family.
I felt similar with my last ex. I was hurt more by the fact he didn’t feel like he could be open and honest about that. He used to tell me a lot as friends and before we had started dating. When we dated things changed between us.
Posted by mysticmedusa
monogamy is a heavy lift, it's unrealistic IMO. Let me be fooled into it because the thought of being with the same person for the rest of my days is frightening. however, if I have the freedom to feel like I have a choice while in the relationship and I choose to just be with my partner then I might be able to do it but not if I'm mandated to stay with only that one person. does this make sense? 🤷♀️
I think you nailed it on the head…. I think it boils down to choice vs feeling trapped often. I’m sure it’s different for some. I know I’m usually more upset about feeling like my ability to choose was taken over a lot of the things that happen. For example, I had dated a guy and found out he was married. Didn’t know and we even had some friends in common who never said a word. When I found out I was more pissed that he didn’t give me the choice to decide on whether I had wanted to be in the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I was livid and felt disrespected. I would have never chosen it if I had had the option.
Posted by AbbyNormal
Cheater:
1. I was a drug addict.
2. He was a drug dealer.
3. He found me online and talked me into meeting him since he lived nearby. It ended when I asked him, “Don’t you want more for your life??” after refusing the syringe he had slid over to me. He had said smugly, “What are you too good for it now?” Maybe I am, was my immediate thought and that was it. I think I saw him a couple more times briefly out of weakness but it’s all a haze now. It was all bad…. Had to block him out of my life because he was the type to keep showing up uninvited—no thanks!! Lessons learned.
4. I learned a lot about myself through all of it. Getting clean was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because I’ve actually done the work mentally and emotionally. I had shit for self esteem, wanted to die for years. So I had to go back and teach myself to love myself, because I ended up hurting the person I loved most in this world over my selfish bullshit. I learned that I should have listened to everyone years before when they said to take time to be single and find myself. I had truly lost myself through grief and back to back codependent relationships, and self medicated with drugs. So yeah, I had to really think about my priorities and working on mastering the only control I truly have in this life—that over myself. It truly changed me. So much pain…. so I’m trying to focus on the present now.
Other person:
1. He was a bartender at a local music spot, super fine. It ended when his girlfriend—another bartender at the same place—tried to bar me from entering one night.
2. I had no idea he was seeing anyone else but we weren’t exclusive so it didn’t bother me. But they were exclusive I’m guessing. It did bother me that I had to endure so much drama. Needless to say we did not continue a relationship lol.
3. I learned how to not take shit, to get to know someone better before jumping in the sack, to stop drinking so much lol. Idk that was a weird one… I was 20-21 so it was all a learning experience haha. He was a super tall hottie and a musician with the voice of an Angel—so I had no chance back then! Lol
*hugs* props to you on your journey! That’s amazing that you are sober! I have family that struggles with sobriety and I feel like I was reading some on the conversations we have had.
Posted by Seajatt
Cheated on:
Not to my knowledge.
Cheating:
Yes. I had three girlfriends and really didn't think much of it at the time. I was just having fun. Well I took this chick home from the club and her husband called from Iraq RIGHT AFTER we had just finished and she was as sweet sounding as could be. It totally blew my mind how cold she was and then I realized I wasn't any better. I told the three what I was doing, and surprisingly 2 of them wanted to make it work, and one of those two... well, she sent me this text, I'll never forget it like a week later, "I have something to tell you." And I was oh shit, here we go. "You wanna go half on a baby?" I couldn't believe it.
Anyways, I shaped up and never cheated again, never even myself in a position where my partner would be uncomfy.
Kudos for being honest! Sounds like you definitely figured out who you wanted to be from that experience.
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Good or Bad?
Just that.
Anyone have that combination?
What is your experience?
What is your knowledge of this combo?
Hi,
I am a virgo man married to a taurus woman for 7 years. We have a 4 year old son. I am a working professional and my wife is a home maker.
I studied the MBTI personality types and understood that I am of INTJ personality type and my wife is of INFP
I am not condoning disrespect, ridicule, or judgement. Just looking for an open forum for conversation to build understanding. I have 3 sets of questions:
Cheated on:
1) How did you find out?
2) Did you stay with the other person and why/why not?
3) Did you learn anything from it and, if so, what? 4) Do you feel like you might have played a part in what happened?
Cheaters:
1) why did you cheat?
2) Who did you cheat with (not looking for specifics) and why?
3) how did the relationship start? Did it end?
4) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?
The other person:
1) how did the relationship start and end (if it did)?
2) if you found out the person was cheating, why did you start or continue the relationship?
3) did you learn anything from it? If so, what?