Nervous about calling...

I'll try to make this short. I met a guy last Saturday and approached him in a rather unconventional manner. After some two hours together, he walked me home part of the way, then asked me whether there was a chance of meeting again. I suggested exchanging numbers, he suggested exchanging online messenger IDs, in the end we did the phone numbers first and then I sent him a message with my messenger ID the following day (some 24 hours later). Since then, we spoke online twice and, mostly, I feel like he's interested in me, though he sometimes gives off a weird vibe, like he's trying too hard or something. That's only when we're talking, of course. Now, the thing is, on Tuesday morning my phone broke down and I lost all my phone numbers, so on Thursday, when I saw him online, I told him what had happened and asked whether he'd still be willing to give me his phone number. Which he did. I also said I had been meaning to call to ask him out for a walk and was wondering whether it would be ok to call whenever I got the impulse to. He said, yeah, it's ok. So far, so good. Problem is, while it seems like calling him is the natural thing to do next - it's Saturday evening, after all, and I would like to see him - for some reason I'm really nervous about it. So, I know this sounds funny to ask, but any idea why I might be feeling this way? Should I go ahead and call him anyway? Should I wait and hope he shows up online?... Is it more likely that I'll regret it if I do or if I don't?...
It's silly, I know, but I'm confused 😛

Id switch this thread title to "Confident Im Calling" from "Nervous About Calling" Half of your problem is solved the other half is not making it a repetitive behavior.

I personally don't think that chatting online is the same as talking in person or on the phone. I'd probably be inclined to phone and just chat (like people used to in the old days - LOL). He may suggest meeting up, or you can if you like. Perhap meet for a walk on Sunday to keep things casual while you get to know him better. Let him do some work too though. Don't do all the running yourself. Otherwise you'll get no clues about how interested he really is.

i have a bit of a phone phobia but in this situation, where he's expecting your call, i would just go for it 🙂

Posted by LibraRose
I personally don't think that chatting online is the same as talking in person or on the phone. (...) Let him do some work too though. Don't do all the running yourself. Otherwise you'll get no clues about how interested he really is.

I wish I had read this earlier, LibraRose 🙂 But it seems I made the right decision after all. I didn't call him on Saturday, because he showed up online just hours after I'd posted on dxp, and he contacted me. We had a long and interesting chat, then I told him I was going for a bike ride later that evening and told him he'd be welcome along. He didn't even bother to reply, which sort of annoyed me. But when I logged in again, after returning from my ride, he contacted me again to ask whether I'd enjoyed myself... and that led to another few hours of chatting online, with things turning to some sexy flirting towards the end. Then, on Sunday, we chatted online AGAIN, I told him I was planning to go to an open-air concert, actually invited him along, he declined...
Afterwards I decided to take a break from logging on online. At least for a couple of days. PRECISELY because I need him to show more than some mild interest in banging me. I mean, I was the one to approach him in the first place, which, to me, counts like having done quite a lot. So he must know I'm interested. And he does have my phone number. So what he does from now on is up to him 🙂

Wow.

ArticleL, I don't get the "wow". Really 🙂 Though I suspect it's been brought about by this: "I need him to show more than some mild interest in banging me". Is that it? 'Cause I honestly don't see a problem with that. I approached him because I found him physically attractive, and he responded because, presumably, he found me "hot" at least to some extent. I'm single and free to do as I please and yes, sleeping with him did cross my mind from that first night we met. It also crossed HIS mind, as he told me in the course of our most recent conversation online.
BUT. Notwithstanding all the above, I do have a problem with him refusing to go out with me, however casually, and I believe initiating contact over the internet, while we're both doing other things online (surfing, working, whatever) does not count as trying to seduce me. If anything, the sort of vibe he gives off is "I wouldn't mind sleeping with you, but I'm not gonna work that hard to make it happen". And I'm not having that.
Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe he's just shy or unsure about my level of interest (or his!), or whatever. Maybe I'm just a tease playing stupid mind games with him and refusing to go online just to force him to go out with me. Hey, you never know. What I do know - as learnt from my previous experiences - is that, with any potential partner, how you train them is how you have them. And I know myself for a hothead who gets emotionally involved WAY too quickly, so if I am to play any sort of rational game, I can only do it now. NOT after I've developed a major crush on the guy...

rebecca83: you have exactly the right approach. if he wants you, make him work for it. if he grows a pair and picks up the phone or makes a more concerted effort then you'll be clearer where you stand. if you continue to speak only online with him, that's the way it will continue. best to know now like you said 🙂

Looks like another woman emotionall smothering any possibility, before it even has a chance.


::: shakes head :::

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be smothering, but I've certainly ignited some small fires that I didn't mean to... 😢
I spoke to the guy a few more times online. And we met face to face twice, although the first time it was only for a 5 minute chat. The second time... well, the second time was everything a date is NOT supposed to be, but, surprisingly enough, he wants to see me again. Whereas I'm not sure anymore...
My major issue with calling or not calling is, in fact, that I prefer face to face interactions, as opposed to just chatting online OR by phone. Especially with this guy, since his behaviour online and his behaviour in real life seem so far apart...
So, at the moment, I'm trying to figure out who's the real him, the online persona or the flesh and blood guy. I'm tempted to assume that would be the latter, but you never know...

I'm tripping off the whole "training" comment as if he's a puppy or something. Then the games. You get into a sexual convo without actually getting to know him first then want to pull the plug and say "I want more than that." oh well.

Am I the only one who thinks he's married or in a relationship?

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm tripping off the whole "training" comment as if he's a puppy or something

Ok, it's my fault on that one. English is not my first language so what I was trying to say was, basically, that if I accept a certain treatment from him right off the bat, it's likely he'll keep treating me the same way throughout the relationship. Whereas if I establish my rules and what I want and don't want ... maybe he'll go with them without making a fuss. I'm NOT saying I see him as a puppy or anything. But in my previous relationship I was the one to always give in and accept anything because I was so madly in love and then it turned out to be impossible to change some things that REALLY bothered me..

Posted by beautifulsoul74
You get into a sexual convo without actually getting to know him first then want to pull the plug and say "I want more than that."

click to expand

True that. Getting into a sexual convo with someone I'm interested in WAY too early is something I tend to do - and I'm aware it's not exactly the right approach. But the whole thing DID start as a game for me and, so far, I'm not exactly sure I want to take it any further. Fortunately, he doesn't seem like he'd try to pressure me into anything, so we'll see where this goes. I definitely appreciate the honest and straightforward feedback, though 🙂


And NO, he's NOT married or in a relationship. We went out in a small group a few days ago and he acted openly interested in me. In fact, I suspect the only reason why he might have kept himself in check a bit was the presence of an ex boyfriend of MINE, so if anyone has unresolved issues with relationships, current or past, that might be me... I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that one out. At the moment I'm switching to "confident I'll be calling again", as another poster suggested. So thanks 😄