Nothing gets you over the last one...

...like the next one.

Hey people. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this idea. Whats your experience with it?

I really wish that was true.

In my experience nothing and nobody ever seems to be able to get me over the last one.

hrmmm. you do wish it were true?

its happened to me on one occassion. and quite frankly i dont like the idea. i dont like thinking that getting attention from someone and having someone to give attention to is what is going to make my feelings for someone else come to a conclusion.

i'd like to think that moving on can happen independently of moving into something else. ya know?

and even if moving into something else doesnt necessarily mean 'moving on' from the last one... i still think id rather that.

getting over the last one with the next one seems like you need attention... either being given it, or having someone to give it too. needy is the word.

yikes.
ya, its not fair to anybody.

CreepyPants,

Moving on independently is a wonderful idea. And it's what I am doing. It just never works is all (for me). If there was some perfect magic pill out there for situations like these I'd like to know about it. And I'm not saying it's a good idea to find a replacement. But in my case, after years of this, I sort of do wish. I know it will never happen.

The problem isn't needing attention but rather not being able to let go. Make sense?

Just my experience.

...It just never works is all (for me)....

And by this I mean I always end up coming back to the last one instead of moving on for good.

ya it does make sense, purrrfect. purrrrfect sense 😛 i wasn't trying to come off like i was suggesting You in particular seek attention. when you have feelings for someone that are so strong that they just linger even after becoming involved with someone else, whether you want them too or not, i'm in no place to say that thats a bad thing. id sooner say that it's a good thing. though, frustrating as hell! i imagine.

but what i mean to say is that there are some people who perhaps tie up a loose end by stringing up someone else. and i think that's wrong. i think there are two opposing attitudes when involving yourself with someone else while still having feelings for the last relationship. 1.) you are really trying to move on and trying to give your own heart a chance to accept something new that in all hopes is good for you. versus... 2.) last relationship didnt work out and here you are left with that lonely feeling and those feelings for that last person... must find someone else to replace all the bad.

see what im sayin?

what helps me is realizing and differentiating my remorse for the loss of what the relationship was (keeping in mind the 'why' behind it not working out and the reality of it all) and my remorse for my sudden lonely self.

part of what makes getting over someone so hard is exactly that... the sudden loneliness and the memory of the good times when you 'had someone'

the sooner i can get over being 'alone', the sooner i can tend to my broken heart and the emotions/feelings i have for someone else with a clear mind.

...2.) last relationship didnt work out and here you are left with that lonely feeling and those feelings for that last person... must find someone else to replace all the bad....

Lonely. I think that's the number one reason people jump on to the next person. It ends up hurting more when you realize the next person isn't who you want them to be.

"It ends up hurting more when you realize the next person isn't who you want them to be."

ahhh, that always hurts. makes me wonder what i should (or shouldn't) be wanting from anyone.

....makes me wonder what i should (or shouldn't) be wanting from anyone....

Because maybe in some part of you it may be that you are still wanting for something the last person had? Or, don't want anymore? Even though you took the 'time' to get through it?

We could tear this apart for ages. lol

ya we could!

*sigh* oh love

"Because maybe in some part of you it may be that you are still wanting for something the last person had? Or, don't want anymore? Even though you took the 'time' to get through it?"

personally, i do my best to stay away from thoughts of comparisons... they just arent fair. id be crushed (and really pissed!) if i knew the guy i was seeing compared me to his last girl. we're all our own people with our own wonderful characteristics and character flaws. there's only one instance in which i compare... and thats when im trying to understand relationships and myself better... i compare my reactions to guys and who they are, what they do, what they're like. i think my problem is just having strong and set thoughts on what i want in a guy. sometimes my perimeters are just plain rigid and i can be uncompromising. that too isnt fair.

far off topic, but still good discussion!

Nothing gets you over the last one... like the next one

- Well no, but it helps 🙂
I've always had this attraction for my crabby (current bf) So it was pretty hard when we stopped talking years ago...

We weren't going out but we did see each other a lot for a while and I had developed feelings for him. But I had started dating someone else too (as in, officially my bf) The reason was that I knew that me and crabby weren't going anywhere *then* since he had a gf who he was on and off w/.

Anyway, the point is that it would have been harder had I not had a bf who (ugh, I know) was so into me. I liked him too and we got along great. I remember I was pretty sad about cutting contact from crabby for about 2weeks but my thoughts were replaced with thoughts of my bf (we were just so sparkle motion funny 2gether lol)

That was UNTIL me and my bf ran into crabby. I couldn't even smile after that, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I couldn't stop comparing my bf against him and it made me even sadder that I wished I was with crabby instead. What was worse was that I had made the mistake of pointing him out to my bf thinking I'd just forget about it but instead I was distant the rest of the night... he noticed, he looked so sad 😢 He said 'you still like him huh?' Things started going downhill from there.

I dunno what to make of it because I feel that if I had kept my mouth shut he (my then bf) wouldn't have noticed and I would have forgotten it and I could have definitely fallen for him. Instead he was heartbroken... grrrrrrr that makes me angry =/ We ended up splitting. But it still wasn't him who I was missing... but rather... yes, crabby.

Maybe not just ANY "Next" but rather a special person like my bf. I had dated other guys while I was still seeing crabby (because we weren't an 'item') but it obviously just wasn't there because I'd think of him on my dates lol And second, I didn't have much extra time for anyone else because I spent it with him nor was I as willing to make time as I did for my bf... well, he asked me out right away... I still had some getting to know to do hehe

Thing is that it wasn't until I stopped seeing another mildly significant 'next' that I started missing my previous bf. But by this time... crabby was again in my life. Those pincers snatched me back in *sigh* We started dating, became exclusive and have been 2gether up until now and so it is rumored... for good 😉 This happened over the course of a few yrs.

I like how it feels when you're dating someone else, and it makes you appreciate your past relationships.

it's very hard to get rid of us crabs!!! there's something about us that leaves others wanting to come back for more 😉

"I personally suggest a time out after every break up, to regroup yourself, you need time alone to get peace back in your heart, and make sure all is well with you before going to the next one, otherwise it's kind of like going grocery shopping when you're hungry, you might end up bringing junk home, things that will satisfy your present need and not your long term health"

exactly. good analogy.

moonchild... yes, cancerian caring, nurturing and affection lingers in our hearts. i had a cancer bf that sang to me all the time. sang me to sleep on occassion. he had a great voice. a girl cant help but lovingly look back on moments like that.