I think he is toying with me....

What would you do if you have had very few relationships (5) that were so great and decided to date an older man who has swept you right off your feet. He has taken this somewhat innocent woman and opened my eyes to erotic sex, gourmet food, fine clothing, jewelery and whos who in our small town. I am very pretty but I've worked mostly on a ranch most of my life. I was asked to a photoshoot and discovered how to turn heads with my looks by taking time to wear makeup and fixing hair, but I still feel a bit clumpsy and out of place off the ranch. I've done some runway work, but most mostly photography.

He met me shortly after a rough breakup for him. Anyways, up to now you probably think, so what would I have to complain about. I don't want to complain, but I'm worried. He keeps telling me that he is not ready for any commitments as he still cares for his xgf. He also said he has slept with many, many women in this little town and he has propositions all the time.

Meanwhile I am letting him stay at my place, give me advice on life and business, give me personal loans and sex me all he wants. I cook for him and he buys the food and teaches me how to cook it. I am suddenly feeling like a prostitute because he got angry with me for telling someone that he MIGHT move in and partner in my house with me, which he has said and changes his mind every other week on this issue. He didn't sleep that night at all and left to visit his mom without me. He asked me if I wanted to come, but I didn't feel welcome to.

I feel he is the most wonderful man I've ever known, but after 6 months of sleeping with me, he still worries not to "lead" me on so I get my heart broken over and again when he's "honest" with me and tells me that he doesn't know what he wants and that he might leave town and leave me behind.

I want to be angry and forlorn, but I know if I don't take it with maturity and grace I will never see him again. I'm lost and feeling like I must be desperate to stay, but it's also the best I've ever had.

Please tell me, what would you do. I would appreciate all input.

Oh gosh, I meant that the 5 relationships WEREN'T so great.

I believe it was. He said he had made a commitment to stay faithful to his ex, and she slepted with someone and lied about it. She sounds like she was narcicistic (spelling?) and just ed his head bad. She came to him with the excuse that she didn't have a place to stay, she was living with another businesman in town and slept with him. She is very pretty and quite the trophy for him. I don't feel I could compete with the likes of her because she is a selfish gold digger and I feel like a country bumpkin that has never been in this playground before. When he refused to marry her, she literally moved in with an almost divorced doctor.

Maybe you are right. He keeps telling me, "you can't take the milk without buying the cow" when he explains why he is so generous about buying me things. It just makes me feel worse.

Like he is buying the milk so he can leave the cow behind.

He has a very nice home but he doesn't want to stay home alone and sais that he does commit to monogamy with me but that he is afraid if he doesn't stay with me he might fall for seduction from old friends. I think he like to hide at my place because no one in his circle knows me. I believe he has been faithful and that makes me want to try to stick it out a little longer. At first it was a weekly roller coaster with his conflicting emotions, but now it's every other week. It does seem like it's getting better, but still it making me go mad with uncertainty. With the holidays coming aroung the corner, what a rooten time to break up.

no, I'm not asking for anything, I tell him not to, but he does anyways.

Thank you antibling. I think I need to hear this. I'm loosing self-respect over this and that is what he said attracted him to me was my ethics and principals.

I think he is oversexed. He has to have it 2 or 3 times a day and they are long sessions. He has a lot of control and a lot of desire.

He plays me like strings on a fiddle and makes me cum when and how he chooses...it turns my head to mush. I feel like his hopeless addict.

I am forever stained, I never would have talked like this before I met him.

He owns his own biz and has plenty of money, but like I said I think he hides out from his old connections here. He is very unhappy and wants to move to another town, but because of his biz he has to stick it out. I feel like he's just making the time go by with me. He tells me I have restored his confidence, so after he beds me, he buys me jewels and clothes. I must be nuts thinking I want this to stop. But how can I respect myself?

This sounds too fishy...if you know all of this, then what is the problem...

accept or decease.

Gangsta-Bwoi...LMAO

Okay...Okay.... I know its not that easy, but you seem to know exactly what the problem is...you know you wont be able to change him if he doesnt want to himself. I suggest you leave him alone and stop accepting the gifts and YES even the sex (I know it WILL be difficult..judging from your posts)...but it sems like you are being made to feel like a whore, and Im pretty sure thats not what you want.

My advice is to do what is right and necessary for you and your self-confidence. Leave with DIGNITY love.

Just my Honest Opinion

Well, I feel like I need to take a couple of days to think this over. I left him a msg and asked him to please wait for me to call him in a couple days. He's a very proud man and I may loose him. He knows how much I care for him and I hope he will understand how this latest rue has left me feeling unloved unneeded and used. Maybe I'm being too dramatic. I need more than sex and gifts.

Damn he didn't get my message. He doesn't have cell range at his mom's. He just called from her land line to apologize and tell me that he thinks he was an ass for saying what he did. I told him I needed a couple of days to sort things out. He said he would honor that and that he hoped we were still on to spend Thanksgiving with his family. God he did it again, he knows what to say and turn me around. I'm holding firm, I need to. God give me strength. At least I have a couple of days to try and think clearly.

nikkie... dont sell yourself short. clearly you're wanting something more than the physical things... jewelry and sex aren't everything. in my opinion they are far far from everything. think about that. seems subconciously you already are. dont ignore those instincts, you may regret it later.

... just my advice.

Just cos he's older doesn't mean he's more mature and this guy sounds like he's going through a mid life crisis as well. He should have more respect for you but he only seems to be thinking about himself. What signs are you if you don't mind me asking?

Sex and Money are like a double-edged sword. Ignore this completely for a minute.

Outside of it^ is there anything else really worthwhile? From reading your posts, I don't feel there is.

You wouldn't be feeling so badly about yourself and the whole situation if he did what he did out of love. You know it, you feel it... it's not there. I hate to say stuff like this, but trust your heart.

You aren't happy and you won't be able to think or talk or type yourself into happiness. Sex wouldn't hurt if you truly believed he cared enough about you. Gifts and money wouldn't hurt if you felt they were an expression of something deeper.

I can only think, that if he's slept with so many women, there is something definitely wrong with him. And it is showing. I'm sure his behavior is nothing knew and I'd question his sob ex gf story. From what I've read he basically sounds like a... player :/ A man whoring around like that can only see women as objects. I'd doubt that he didn't get your message... he was trying to get out of it.

My honest opinion is that you should stay away from him and I am only basing it on how *you* feel. LEAVE the situation you're not happy in, the sooner the better. Why prolong? It's gonna end anyway.

Yeah I agree with a lot of what Raining Peanuts was saying but I don't think that it necessarily means she should cut all contact with the guy. I mean why should it be so severe? I do think she should distance herself a bit though and continure to date around and open her eys to other nice guys out there. Anyway it's not even as if she should feel guilty about doing this since this older guys claims he's been doing this himself.

And another thing, if an older man brags about the large number of women he has bedded all it does is strongly reflect how immature and egotistical he is.

Mya - Movin' On....

I don't think he is playing with you. I think he has been very open and upfront that he is not a monogamous man and may never give you the commitment you long for. I don't think he could be more clear.

If you see him as taking advantage of you, you are allowing him to take that advantage because he has been honest that he isn't sure how into you he is.

He buys you things to appease his guilt. You know it and that is why you don't feel right about it and yourself.

Thank you for the input and wisdom is what you;ve all said.

little sparrow, he has been pretty clear, but he also sends so many mixed signals. He calls me his girlfriend and then tells me he wants to take me traveling and then he books a vacation without me. I feel elated and then crushed. I think the bottom line is that he is not sure what he wants and isn't ready to committ. So I should stop thinking he is toying with me and start thinking he may never committ or I'm not who he really looks for as a partner. I am just a time passer about to loose all hope in us. I think I allow his words and actions to get my hopes up and I each time I think he must love me and want me in his life long term, he snaps back and cuts straight through my heart. I've been on such a rollercoaster emotionally.

Also, he has been monogamous with me, I believe it wholly. He was a womanizer and tells me he has outgrown it. But what really shakes my confidence is this feeling that he could cut me out of his life too easily for any small reason.

The thing is I'm so in love with him, it seems unreal that I could turn away from him as long as he's affectionate and respectful of me which he is. He reminds me so much of my own dad in so many ways. He can be so damn charming and gentle and thoughtful and generous with me and then pffft he's cool and detached with a take it or leave it attitude. It just confuses the hell out of me.

The two days are almost up and we have plans to go to his family's for Thanksgiving weekend. He wants to take me duck hunting and we get to stay in an old log cabin just he and I. Meanwhile I know by the end of the weekend any defenses of logical thoughts will be erased by a wonderful time. We really do have a lot of fun together too, it's not all serious and sex. He says I make him feel young.

I haven't come up wth the cure yet, but a good swift kick in the ass (for me that is) might be needed.

Happy Thanks giving to all of you, I hope to put the good advice in action. You;ve given me a little strength. Thank you!

Hey All!

Roxie,
I like someone feeling protective of me, so don't apologize. I know you'ss all read this with skeptism, but here's an update on myguy and me.

We continued to rollercoaster and I didn't want to break things up just before the holidays, but I made it clear I was running out of patience. So he comes back with full emotion and care, and still more gifts, groceries and utility bills. He practically moved in, practically. I told him I would sign whatever he wnated me to. That I wasn't in this for the money. I have plenty of my own. I thought we were doing really well and finally feeling some commitment from him. I was looking forward to the holidays as we made plans to go visit his family again. And just like clock work, he back stepped and finally on christmas eve morning, he tells me, I want to look at moving and buying a home in Texas, but I'm not sure I want to take you with me.

I cried for two solid days and it went down as my worst holidays ever. He finally told me that his x called and they were going to attend counceling so that they can resolve their relationship once and for all. I finally found some strenght and told him he had a damn good thing in front of him and he was throwing it away for a player that he never trusted, that if he wanted me he was going to have to fight for me, cause I don't want anyone that isn't sure I am the one they want to be with.

He practically moved out, practically but we ended up missing each other so much we decided to spend New Year together. Meanwhile he was planning his vacation abroad and started to take antidepressants after I told him I thought they might help him from feeling so emotionally unstable. He really started to feel better and made arrangement to remodel my home. He mentioned a couple of times that he was finally seeing some clarity about his life choices. He went to councelling but without his x. Before he left he kept telling me I was more important to him than anyone else and that he wished I was going with him. That he didn't want to get my hopes up. I got sassy and said, "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn" and walked away.

He's been gone for two weeks and I've heard from him everynight via email signing off....Love,

Then last night he called to tell me how much he missed me and said he talking too much about me to his friends and took pictures of me to show them. He said he wants to take me with him the next time he travels.

I'm still playing it real cool and I won't be so easy to win over this time. It may take longer than he thinks to convince me he is stable enough to commit long term, but if he makes it on solid ground for the coming year, I really do love him so much that I am willing to give a little more of my time to see if we can make it, he really does take such good care of me. My house is looking great thanks to him and he did it just to make me happy.

So here's to hope eternal. Wish us luck! If you dare.

PS, my daughter is just as in love with him as I am. He is so sweet to her. He has such a gentle spirit.

Would go through all this stuff with him even if he wouldn't give you any gifts, pay for your stuff and remodeled your house?

Don't you think that remodeling someones house is a "little" too much for two people who are just dating - or in your case, you are not even sure of him? Do you think he respects you?

Confessional....I don't mean to be rude, but that is an odd name.

I know how this sounds and you or anyone else is entitled to your opinion, but the gifts only mean that he wants to be good to me. He is very wealthy, and I had agreed to sign a prenup of his design before he sprung the remodel gift. For him. it's about a month's income. It's a relatively small job. My bedroom doesn't have closets or window and new carpet. I have a storage room where there will now be shelves and tiled floor for an exercise room and my small deck was in shambles so it's being rebuilt.

All of this he convinced me was so that if/when he moves in he will be more comfortable as well, but mostly because he knows how much it will mean to me in my everyday life as well. So that he has someplace to put his clothes, his exercise equip and a cosy deck for grilling and eating outdoors.

I agreed to it because he said I saved his life when he was so terribly depressed and lonesome, and because I helped him spruce up his home last summer and landscaped his back yard that was only weeds and dirt, now it has a nice hedge of trees for privacy and snade and nice flowers. I planted the rest to a nice lawn and it turned out really nice. I did all the work and design and I did it because I knew he wanted and needed the company and the soothing sight of a nice yard. Sure he could have snapped his fingers and hired it done, but it turned out to be the therapy he needed to find the joy in life again. And before you judge me again I had no idea then that he was so wealthy. He lives a simple life in comparison to his wealth.

If you can see past your judgement of me you might agree that it was o.k. to accept this gift. He pleaded that if we didn't make it, he wanted to know he did something grand for me too.

So, no, the gifts only mean that he is trying to express how much I mean to him. I had a lot of trouble with this before, and I've accepted that to him it really is pretty small stuff financially and it makes him happy to give me gifts. Well, it's time to start my day!

Don't get lost in synical judgement confessional, things aren't always what they seem. Try giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt, you might feel better about yourself and the world we live in.

Confessional,
I'm sorry if I came across as laughling at you, I really only meant that it is odd you would choose such a name and that you have judged me without knowing all. I came to this board hoping to have some feedback and everyone has been wonderful in sharing their opinions. I was very sensitive because I had been up all night with my kitty who died, I don't think I normally would have said that.

Jrussou,
I'd like to reply to a rational opinion, but you leave me little or actually nothing worth my time replying but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, you might care so much for confessional your emotions kept you from reading what I really replied.

So hmmmm... NO, He's NOT! I answered my own question for better or worse, and I'll take it from here, thank you.

I gotta trust my heart here, and where I once doubted I now believe. I know I have to move forward cautiously, but forward is my goal.

Peace Out,