People with too many friends of the opposite sex

So what's your view on people with too many friends of the opposite sex?

Is there such a thing? How many counts as too many?

Have you been in such situations like this? Be it dating some who has too many or you yourself having too many?

Posted by atearth
So what's your view on people with too many friends of the opposite sex?

Is there such a thing? How many counts as too many?

Have you been in such situations like this? Be it dating some who has too many or you yourself having too many?

I am one of them.

20-30 male friends? close to 5-7 female friends.

I have no problems with people with friends of the opposite sex.

I think it boils down to me have a fantastic relationship with my dad, I always related better to men.

Males with Sun trine Moon in fire signs
maybe in air

5th house full of planets

for females i don't know

@ Reincarnation you're saying it would be difficult for you to be involved with a woman who has a lot of male friends?

It is indeed a red flag.

Most dudes out there don't "hang out" with a girl unless he wants to have sex with her or be her boyfriend.

There are exceptions to the rule, but the worst scenario a dude can allow is to allow a woman to "FRIEND ZONE" him after he makes clear he wants to be with her.

In that case, there is no such thing as "friendship." It is an intellectually dishonest claim for a woman to believe it is normal to be "friends" with a man who wants to be exclusive with her, just as it is madness and self-torture for a man to be "friends" with the girl he loves.

Oh and to add.

For me it's a red flag if my partner finds something wrong with how many male friends I have.

Posted by ScorpioFish
It is indeed a red flag.

Most dudes out there don't "hang out" with a girl unless he wants to have sex with her or be her boyfriend.

There are exceptions to the rule, but the worst scenario a dude can allow is to allow a woman to "FRIEND ZONE" him after he makes clear he wants to be with her.

In that case, there is no such thing as "friendship." It is an intellectually dishonest claim for a woman to believe it is normal to be "friends" with a man who wants to be exclusive with her, just as it is madness and self-torture for a man to be "friends" with the girl he loves.

I run into awesome men 😄

But I see your point.

Not a big deal for me. I think most of the men I've dated have had majority female friends. But I'm the same way I relate more and feel more comfortable with females, I've had a lot of strong females in my life. I have male best friends but most of friends are females due to what SF said... it's true it is hard to be friends with a guy if they are attracted to you, I tend to avoid relationships like that.

Oh this one is easy

If ANY of your "friends" are people you've slept with, had feelings for, are considered a good plan B, used to be in a relationship with you, wanted to sleep with or have an attraction to you in any way, then they are NOT technically "friends." And when you get in a relationship, it is absolutely FAIR for your partner to expect that your "friends" are in fact friends!

A man who's always got tons of women around him at all times is suspicious to me, especially if he's attractive & if all his "friends" just so happen to be his type. They are especially suspect if all these "friends" aren't chicks he's known for a long time. The girl you went to elementary school with is different than, "Hey baby, meet Ashley, we met 6 months ago on Facebook."

If you notice up front that a person already has bad/dishonest/manipulative judgement about what a real "friend" is then you'd have no reason to assume that their bad judgement will suddenly go away later on down the road.

So many people deal with unnecessary worry & drama b/c they're unclear about what a real "friend" is. Relationships are so much smoother when people don't try to fool you. Call a spade a spade. If you can't, then at least 1 person in the relationship will always worry & question things, which completely ruins the vibe & defeats the purpose of even being in a relationship to begin with

If I don't feel that your judgement for who you consider a "friend" is good, then I won't trust you period. If you're honest about who your real friends are, then I won't mind if you have 2 or even 4 female friends. But when it gets in the teens & 20's, it's not believable. Sorry

well if the girl has alot of male followers..... she has either put them ALL on friend zone,
and they're each "hoping' and "wishing" still for something, even if it's nothing.

but i agree with ScorpioFish, there's no friendship if she says clearly, "Nope, never gonna happen."
and if he stays, it's because he's just a mascohist. plain and simple.
likes getting abused and tortured, dumb as bricks. Don't let me put up the video "Self esteem" by Offsrping...it's just itching for it!!

and for guys, i've never met any guy that has many female friends unless they are gay. Usually men don't have that many women friends, and desire to have male buddies due to 'understanding' eachother and doesn't have to deal with the feigning and fawning...*shrugs*

so no self esteem video, but this one is fun, and the title is appropriate:

Posted by StillWater
I used to have a lot of male friends bit then learned what ScorpioFish is talking about.

I still have guy friends but very few and keep them at a certain distance.
I appreciate female companionship much more in friendships.
As for some of im dating and if he has a lot of female friends, i would ask what about him enables him to keep so many female friends? He probably has a lot of feminine traits and im not a fan of that.
I like aggressive guys who don't have many female friends, especially to the point where they are hanging out. No, don't like that.

That's what I thought too. In the past, the men i've met & known never had female friends, only males because many of these men hate to deal with women and their chasing ways. They don't like women bothering them and the drama. So they enjoy the company of men. But they do choose ONE female they will go for in the end.

Posted by size zero superhero
I can respect if a girl has a lot of male friends, but the instant she says it's specifically because mo' women = mo' drama...



I'll hang out with fellow girls all day as long as they cool--but never those of the self-hating variety!

I wish I had more female friends. But for some reason we always get stuck in the acquaintance stage. Especially with groups of girls. I think there might be unwritten rules I'm not aware of.

With guys, I'm able to get to the point where we become legit friends and talk about and do fun things with. Totally platonic, only once has a male friend wanted more. Others, I've known for years no problem.

Luckily my guy gets that. He still set some "rules" though, which are mutually applicable (no hanging out at home alone with them at night, etc). Fair enough compromise.

My libra friend has a lot more male friends than female friends. She says she gets along with them better and I believe her. She's a fun-loving girl and guys her age usually know how to have her kind of fun. Not saying that's sexual in nature. It's caused some issues with her boyfriends as they get jealous/concerned, but she's physically loyal. Hanging out with guys a lot, though, she sometimes wonders if she'd be better off with one of her friends. So far that hasn't caused her to jump relationships, though. It's sad because even though she hasn't done anything sexual with these guys, people I know still call her a 'whore' and 'slut'.

It's unreasonable when a partner thinks you can't/shouldn't have 1 opposite sex friend.

But it's def. reasonable when they're not buying that all 20+ of these "friends" are AND always have been platonic "friends."

Me using 20+ friends was just an example. So all 20 include people you interact with on a regular basis regardless of where (social media, in purpose, out at clubs, on the phone, texting, etc.) count.

Posted by size zero superhero
I harbor a low opinion of folks that consciously limit their circle of platonic friends on the basis of gender too. Well-rounded, well-adjusted people are unlikely to put stock in cliches to the extent it prevents them from forming alliances outside the confines of their hugbox/comfort-zone.

IME they're typically the same people with "knee-jerk" preconceived notions of the opposite sex AND members of their own. ~oh men r all pigz and only want sex * wimmin be insecure demented basketcases~

In 2014? 😢

=
Yeah good luck with that LOL
Don't be somewhere in your feelings when your girlfriend's "friends" or "play brothers" are caught sending her pictures of their slingers at 2AM. Yeah, that's why he's been keeping her phone on vibrate at night bro lmao

@Tizani, there's def. nothing wrong with having opposite sex friendships.

It's just that out of respect, you shouldn't be entertaining ANY women (friend, ex or whoever) that you've had sex with, or had romantic/intimate thoughts and/or feelings for), while you're in a relationship. That is 100% fair.

There's just too much room and opportunity for things to get ugly. Not even b/c your partner doesn't respect boundaries but b/c the people they consider their "friends" DON'T respect those boundaries. Both are big NO-NOs!

If a guy is like, "Baby, why is it such a big deal for me to hang out with a girl who likes me?" I pause & think like......um do you realize that you're literally fighting your girlfriend for the right to continue being someone else's man candy/crush? LOL

If a man can be friendly/platonic with women, that's fine. But that doesn't mean that all the thousands of women he is friendly with or comes across should be considered a "friend" that his partner should automatically respect & trust.

People use the term "friend" too loosely. I'm careful about who I call my real "friend" anyways, male or female. My friendship isn't something everybody deserves. This is why I'm skeptical of the women/men who go around extending themselves in some way to everybody. It reeks of desperation & again, is bound to end up causing a rift in your relationship some way, some how

I'd be just as nervous to be with a man who went around thinking every guy he meets is his "friend" too lol

In the real world, everybody isn't your "friend." There's nothing insecure or wrong about your partner expecting for you to know/understand that

Posted by size zero superhero
I don't think so.

Oh hush, you got the point! Ok ok ok boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend! That better? :-p

The mentality continues in 2014 b/c the sneaky sly behavior regarding the opposite sex has boiled over into 2014. As long as a less than honest trend continues, so will strong viewpoints about it exist. That's fair

I wish I had some guy friends.
Especially gay male friends.

Posted by LilyTree

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by StillWater
I used to have a lot of male friends bit then learned what ScorpioFish is talking about.
I still have guy friends but very few and keep them at a certain distance.
I appreciate female companionship much more in friendships.
As for some of im dating and if he has a lot of female friends, i would ask what about him enables him to keep so many female friends? He probably has a lot of feminine traits and im not a fan of that. I like aggressive guys who don't have many female friends, especially to the point where they are hanging out. No, don't like that.

That's what I thought too. In the past, the men i've met & known never had female friends, only males because many of these men hate to deal with women and their chasing ways. They don't like women bothering them and the drama. So they enjoy the company of men. But they do choose ONE female they will go for in the end.

But that is just ONE type of woman. I don't know, but surly there is more to women than just drama and chasing? All the women I consider friends are either artists, writers, teachers, tour guides, athletes, or computer geeks. Maybe those guys haven't met many nerdy women? Which is a shame because we're pretty awesome. xD

click to expand

lol alot of these guys don't really care about women's views, though. It doesn't even cross their minds. They have a ton of confidence. It's hard to explain. Only US ladies care about our own female problems and stuff. But once they do fall in love, they care about only that one lady and everything about her. That's what i mean about they enjoy being in the company of other men more. If they wanted to be around women, they would be. Just something i noticed from the ones i knew.

Posted by LilyTree
I totally goofed that post and ended up with my response as a quote.

But my last sentence may connect to something you said, Lisabethur, about the guys you've met wanting to be around a woman they're in love with. Is it possible for a man to be genuinely curious without having an ulterior motive?

well i do have my husband's buddies who talk to me politely and respectfully. we all hang out together once in awhile.

and what about you? If you're asking me, and i'm DIFFERENT than you obviously. you sound like you can have friends with guys easily, judging from what you said below too. And that's good for you that you like that type of man, who can converse with you easily and get on. If you're single, go for it, enjoy your life and talk to as many men if you want. No holds bar right? No one can tell you what to do when you're single.

Even at the university, i've met feminine bisexual men who were STILL interested, and had "motives"...so when they used to ask,"Hey let's study together!" they weren't really just wanting to study. You have to be careful with them too. But like i said, everyone is different. so your experience and mine are different.

what i'm saying about the types i've known, is that they are good observers of women but at a DISTANCE, and just leave it be, and hang out with guys. they don't want to bother, unless they are really interested, and just on one. Because, after all, you're wasting your "TIME"....why waste your time?? SOME gay men for example, enjoy shopping with women and help putting make up with them and going to the salon and hairdresser to help/aid in making you look prettier. They understand the feminine ways.

It's only a red flag if you start to see apparent problems.

Generally, I view it as a semi red flag. Not because they're the opposite gender, but because a trend I've noticed with guys who practically collect female friends is that they either have a harem around for a reason, whether it be sex or mommy issues, or that they use it to their advantage in the sense that they get "insider" knowledge in how to manipulate women.

Seems extreme, but I've seen this happen more often than I'd like. Some men who have hoards of female friends seem to also be womanizers.


However, the idea in general is no big deal to me as long as all those female friends don't infringe on a relationship or that you feel you're constantly competing for the guy's attention over the female friends. If the guy cannot prioritize his relationship over his gaggle of bitches, then he needs to remain single until he can prioritize in his life.

I had to deal with this once. I was fine with it overall, but still had that tiny voice in my head going, "HMMMMM...." but just went with it.

Oooh my God, it wasn't long before I was able to realize how many of these chicks were former and/or current crushes. He also had mommy issues and used whatever female presence he could to fill her spot when he wasn't around her. At some point, I felt like I was competing with his little harem of girls that he collected and it was such bullshit considering I was the one dating him. He basically was dating me at the time, all while keeping options around.

I grew real tired of it fast and things basically fizzled out once I confronted him. It was also quite interesting that he had an issue that I had a lot of guy friends.

THAT is something I will never understand, either. Oh, it's okay that they have tons o female friends, but omg, she has guy friends?? OMGNOWAI

On the flip side, if none of this is the case and he just has female friends, eh, whatever. As long as none of the above is an issue, none of those thirsty hoes are trying shit, and he respects the relationship boundaries, who cares?

y'know i just realized, after revisiting the past when i mentioned the feminine bisexual guy at uni,.... lmao.....i later found out he was a dominant male, as he had a "bottom" guy. I was so clueless!! i got super shocked when I found out from other people who know him so well and close.

Point blank...

Trust in your partner has to be there

And good judgement about who their "real friends" are has to be there

And vice versa

The only time opposite sex friendships cause rifts in relationships/marriages is when 1 of the 2 ^^^^above aren't happening. Of course it sucks if a "friend" comes onto your partner, BUT just like they should say no & show temptation to the door when a complete stranger comes onto them, the same should be done with their "friends" whenever a line has been crossed.

The minute people try to get around that or blur those lines, is when drama & trust issues come. Not worth it. Again, be real with yourself & your partner about who your real friends are. Saves you a lot of unnecessary trouble in the future. This is even true for single folks

@lilytree, you're welcome. it was hard for me to explain but glad you get it. These things are easier to explain with references to situations or demonstrated in a way that is a story/with characters.
anyway....i just realised and told my husband that we just lost an hour, as time went forward and it's later.