Should I be concerned?

Quick question: Let's say you are dating a guy (6 weeks so far) and... it's going great but you find out he's still best friends with his ex-wife (and mother of his two children). They talk and text all the time, hang out as a family both at his house and going out to lunch and stuff...and he insists there's nothing going on and he loves you and you alone... but you are concerned that she wants him back and friends have told you they have been sexually active and in a relationship together as recently as a month or so before you started dating him. Would you be concerned about him still having feelings for her? Just curious.

They are still together. He's lying to you. I think you know that, that's why you're asking. You said it yourself...

They talk all the time
They are together like a family
They are supposedly still having sex

The bigger question is why do you think they are not together? Cuz he told you that?

He loves her, he prolly just wants some strange

TBH I would be more concerned with someone saying they love me after 6 weeks.

I suspect, if you read your post a few times you will be able to answer your own question.

What are your signs? Yours, his, and hers.....

I would doubt him.

Me: Taurus
Him: Virgo
Her: Sagittarius (had to look at her FB profile)

I see she posts public pics of her and the kids at his house in his pool.. but no pics of them together or status updates about them. In fact I think she just started dating someone.

He insists they can never be together because her dad hates him. His friends tell me I have nothing to worry about... he says she's crazy but if she's so nuts why is he hanging out with her and talking to her so much? It can't be just for "the sake of the kids". But he INSISTS he doesn't love her... so why does he feel the need to keep her in his life to such a drastic extent?? Is this normal?

You have every right to be concerned, actions speak volumes compared to words, if they still have been messing around that recently you should back away, or you will get hurt

What do the astrological signs signify? Who's the better match? Also.. I'm a Goat.. he's a Dog... she's a Rat (I'll hold my tongue on that one)

I should also mention that I am NOT allowed around their children because of a clause in the parenting plan saying she has to give consent for a sign. other to be introduced and she says she will never give consent.. I'm sure she wants him back. And I'm afraid she's gonna get him. And yes we told each other I love you 2 weeks in... soon yes but it just feels so right with us.

Posted by FLGirl1972
What do the astrological signs signify? Who's the better match? Also.. I'm a Goat.. he's a Dog... she's a Rat (I'll hold my tongue on that one)

Technically speaking, You are the better match for him, a Virgo...But, Virgos and Sagittarius, have some strange sort of bond that is very hard to break... Also, I was married to a Taurus man, and I am a Sagittarius..He cheated on me with a Virgo woman. If I were you, I would leave him alone for a while, to see where he ends up...If he is meant to be with you, He will be with you...Do nothing, and see what he does.Either she is going to make it work with him, therefore leaving you out of the picture, or he will take care of his children, and be your man...But I honestly have a feeling that your Virgo may still love that Sagittarius woman.

Let her have him.... that's seems like way to much.. apparently he is happy playing family with her and that's ok.

Posted by FLGirl1972
I should also mention that I am NOT allowed around their children because of a clause in the parenting plan saying she has to give consent for a sign. other to be introduced and she says she will never give consent.. I'm sure she wants him back. And I'm afraid she's gonna get him. And yes we told each other I love you 2 weeks in... soon yes but it just feels so right with us.

I have no opinion on the relationship aspect, but I will say -- you should not be allowed around his kids after only 6 weeks.

That consent thing is good, IMO. Way to confusing for his kids to be exposed to you (the GF), especially since they are still operating as a nuclear family.

Posted by FLGirl1972
but you find out he's still best friends with his ex-wife (and mother of his two children). They talk and text all the time, hang out as a family both at his house and going out to lunch and stuff.

Honestly, I'd love to meet a man like that. So many people carry incredible grudges towards exes and to see too mature individuals who got a divorce but still meet regularly and have fun with their kids..that is amazing in this instant gratification world. It shows good parenting and good values over all.

Posted by FLGirl1972
and he insists there's nothing going on and he loves you and you alone...

click to expand

It boils down to this. You either trust him or you don't.

I wouldn't be concerned. I would decide if I trusted him or not and maybe follow up with an honest conversation.

"Hey, we've been dating for the last 6 weeks..I know it's not long and don't know where this is going but I am starting to have strong feelings for you and I was wondering..is it over between you and your ex-wife?"

Not an accusation, just a calm voice..sense where he's at. Trust still is paramount.

*two mature individuals

Posted by FLGirl1972
It can't be just for "the sake of the kids". But he INSISTS he doesn't love her... so why does he feel the need to keep her in his life to such a drastic extent?? Is this normal?

Yes it is normal. They have two kids together, she will always be in his life because he's the mother of his kids. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill here.

As a side note, my dad's a Virgo...his girlfriend is a Taurus. When he started dating her, after he and my mother divorced..I had no idea. It wasn't until..4 years I think? into the relationship he told me about her and brought her for us to meet. He was scared I was going to judge or it would make me feel abandonned..he had lots of concerns for my own sake. I respect that mindset and understand it.

No one here will tell you if he has any feelings for her ot not. You need to suck it up and start a conversation with him...without accusations or insecurities. You will find your answer soon enough and then you can decide if you're willing to stick around or not.

Don't be worried about not meeting the kids yet. You will be part of their lives one day if you guys make it in the long run 🙂

Posted by FLGirl1972
In fact I think she just started dating someone.

Posted by FLGirl1972
I I'm sure she wants him back.

click to expand

You seem to be in a panic because those two statements pretty much contradict each other. This isn't between you and her or what was between them..it's about you and your partner. Address your worries calmly with him and see what he has to say about it. Virgos respond well to honest intent..we will listen and accomodate and soothe our partners if they don't come at us accusatory ot flying off the bat. Trust him enough to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.

He will be a part of his ex-wife and those kids until they reach 21 years old, and even after.

Either deal with that or move on. Children are a #1 PRIORITY

Posted by FLGirl1972
I should also mention that I am NOT allowed around their children because of a clause in the parenting plan saying she has to give consent for a sign. other to be introduced and she says she will never give consent...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^THAT is a pile of horseshit, and I challenge you on this.

Are they officially DIVORCED? How long?

During the separation process, ALL attorney's will tell both parties to refrain from dating for a minimum of six months, and not to get serious with anyone until AFTER the divorce is final. It keeps the separation/divorce process which is already usually heated on a lower flame and gets the divorce moving at a steady pace. Once you get to this point, the ex has NO right to dictate what her/his ex does with the children during their visitation. The ONLY way you would be banned from seeing the children is if you are being investigated on a complaint made regarding you and the children. The judge does the banning if you are found guilty and only then, not the ex wife.

Regardless, you are only in six weeks seeing this guy. Even if he IS divorced, you don't introduce children to anyone until it's 6 mos or longer into the relationship and you have plans to live under the same roof and make it a SOLID relationship. Anything short of that...you don't need to be around his kids.

I'd move on because he clearly has a lot of unfinished business with his ex-wife. Plus if there's a chance he could work things out with the mother of his children and reunite the family, I really wouldn't want to be involved with him.

Avoid him like the Ebola virus!!!

Posted by FLGirl1972

He insists they can never be together because her dad hates him.

His friends tell me I have nothing to worry about...

But he INSISTS he doesn't love her...

If he is insisting .... then it means you won't shut up about it.

If he feels compels to insist (you even typed it in caps) ... then it's a logical assumption that you are bombarding him with the accusation.

And furthermore, this becomes obvious since you have his friends involved. If you have his friends speaking on it, then it means you are pressuring his friends, also.

You sound very needy .. and a typical Sag isn't emotionally needy at all.

You probably need to check yourself.