livictori
@livictori
11 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 2 · Posts: 761 · Topics: 90
so what now, long one
I had written a thank you note for Thanksgiving. He was making sincere effort, phone calls were happing, he was responsive to texts and we spent more time relaxed together. As soon as I wrote him the thank you card; he stood me up with good reason but without notice. I usually don't say anything when does this. What is the point of arguing with someone who knows they??re wrong?
He seems to be all vulnerable during sex. He asked me if I love him. I was honest when I replied that I was afraid of him. He talks about our married life during sex.
Now 6 months since meeting, I love the asshole. Now I'm not in love picking wedding dresses but I love him as a person. Because we are still simply dating; I continue to date other people. He does too and to be honest I told him, —If he could find someone better than me? Good Luck??
Just before he went on a 5 day cruise all alone, we had conversation where he told me sometimes he feels like the bad guy. I took it as manipulation because he is non communicative and he wants to maintain the relationship. I jokingly admitting writing him a —4 Page letter; sorry for Aaliyah reference??. I praised all of his characters and essentially told him I was ready for more. I described our adventurous life together raising our children while having adventures and living happily outside the box. He dared me to send it to him and I did. His response? Invite me daughters and I to participate more with his daughter. He went on the cruise and has been back since Saturday and I have not heard from him.
He has had this letter for over 10 days. How can he not say anything or even reach out to me since he came home? WTH? IDK what to do but sit in the corner and wait
He seems to be all vulnerable during sex. He asked me if I love him. I was honest when I replied that I was afraid of him. He talks about our married life during sex.
Now 6 months since meeting, I love the asshole. Now I'm not in love picking wedding dresses but I love him as a person. Because we are still simply dating; I continue to date other people. He does too and to be honest I told him, —If he could find someone better than me? Good Luck??
Just before he went on a 5 day cruise all alone, we had conversation where he told me sometimes he feels like the bad guy. I took it as manipulation because he is non communicative and he wants to maintain the relationship. I jokingly admitting writing him a —4 Page letter; sorry for Aaliyah reference??. I praised all of his characters and essentially told him I was ready for more. I described our adventurous life together raising our children while having adventures and living happily outside the box. He dared me to send it to him and I did. His response? Invite me daughters and I to participate more with his daughter. He went on the cruise and has been back since Saturday and I have not heard from him.
He has had this letter for over 10 days. How can he not say anything or even reach out to me since he came home? WTH? IDK what to do but sit in the corner and wait
So your real question is, "Should I be expecting more from him even though inconsistency is all I've ever gotten before?"
You already know the answer to this question
YOUR feelings for him have progressed over time, thus so have your actions & willingness to be more flexible, understanding & willing to invest your time in him
But what has he done differently? He's still standing you up. He hasn't done a thing (counseling or any true hard mental work) to get rid of the demons causing him to be so insecure, flaky, etc. He's still telling you 1 thing, but doing another.
We all have flaws BUT his flaws just so happen to be deal breakers for a relationship. And he has done nothing to eliminate those things. So was it rational for you to agree to take a risk on him with your feelings even though he's shown no proof that the demons causing his deal breaking behavior have changed? NO. It wasn't a rational decision
You can sit at home, fantasizing over him & how your wedding/kids may be, but you're up in the clouds by yourself. Loving who you WISH he was or who he has the POTENTIAL to be is not loving someone for who they are in the moment. You are upset with who he IS in the moment, as you should be b/c true character comes out when you least expect it.
And this guy has shown you his true colors every single time. When you feel like dealing with him, you allow yourself to shrug off the fact that he's stood you up 1,000 times b/c forgiving him serves your ego & desires in the moment. But then the moment he does the same thing on Wednesday, you are suddenly upset as if you had the right to expect anything different from him!
You talk about cutting things off in the past for 1 day or 2 weeks at a time as if that is enough time to teach a man a lesson. He's never really lost you for good so he has no real incentive to change or get his sh**t together b/c he knows that after you're done bit***ching about it for a week or 2, you'll be running right back to him.
He's doing this to you b/c you have allowed it. He's done nothing to prove to you that THIS about him has or ever will change. All the "sorry's" in the world are no substitute for action! YOU need to acknowledge this 1st. If you want him to stop stringing you along then prove that you're the kind of woman who doesn't accept deal breaking patterns/behaviors. Don't be a dominant doormat.
You already know the answer to this question
YOUR feelings for him have progressed over time, thus so have your actions & willingness to be more flexible, understanding & willing to invest your time in him
But what has he done differently? He's still standing you up. He hasn't done a thing (counseling or any true hard mental work) to get rid of the demons causing him to be so insecure, flaky, etc. He's still telling you 1 thing, but doing another.
We all have flaws BUT his flaws just so happen to be deal breakers for a relationship. And he has done nothing to eliminate those things. So was it rational for you to agree to take a risk on him with your feelings even though he's shown no proof that the demons causing his deal breaking behavior have changed? NO. It wasn't a rational decision
You can sit at home, fantasizing over him & how your wedding/kids may be, but you're up in the clouds by yourself. Loving who you WISH he was or who he has the POTENTIAL to be is not loving someone for who they are in the moment. You are upset with who he IS in the moment, as you should be b/c true character comes out when you least expect it.
And this guy has shown you his true colors every single time. When you feel like dealing with him, you allow yourself to shrug off the fact that he's stood you up 1,000 times b/c forgiving him serves your ego & desires in the moment. But then the moment he does the same thing on Wednesday, you are suddenly upset as if you had the right to expect anything different from him!
You talk about cutting things off in the past for 1 day or 2 weeks at a time as if that is enough time to teach a man a lesson. He's never really lost you for good so he has no real incentive to change or get his sh**t together b/c he knows that after you're done bit***ching about it for a week or 2, you'll be running right back to him.
He's doing this to you b/c you have allowed it. He's done nothing to prove to you that THIS about him has or ever will change. All the "sorry's" in the world are no substitute for action! YOU need to acknowledge this 1st. If you want him to stop stringing you along then prove that you're the kind of woman who doesn't accept deal breaking patterns/behaviors. Don't be a dominant doormat.
Long story short:
A man is irrational for continuously saying 1 thing, but then doing another
However, a woman is double irrational for continuously putting up with the very thing she's screaming that she won't put up with lol
Neither 1 of you are keeping your word! You're both being inconsistent! You're swearing you have a backbone, but it never shows up when it's needed the most! He swears he's just oh sooooooo into you but yet he never shows up when it's time to prove it. Literally
And just b/c you guys don't have the technical "title" doesn't make inconsistency any less wrong or deal breaking for a friendship/relationship. Wrong is wrong no matter what stage/phase 2 people are in (from associates all the way to marriage.)
If you want it to stop either leave him OR don't allow him to re-enter the door called your LIFE unless he has shown valid proof (other than 1,000 sorrys) that he's eliminated the demon in him that thinks it's ok to pass you off like you mean nothing.
If you DO what you always DID, you will always GET what you always GOT. Remember that!
A man is irrational for continuously saying 1 thing, but then doing another
However, a woman is double irrational for continuously putting up with the very thing she's screaming that she won't put up with lol
Neither 1 of you are keeping your word! You're both being inconsistent! You're swearing you have a backbone, but it never shows up when it's needed the most! He swears he's just oh sooooooo into you but yet he never shows up when it's time to prove it. Literally
And just b/c you guys don't have the technical "title" doesn't make inconsistency any less wrong or deal breaking for a friendship/relationship. Wrong is wrong no matter what stage/phase 2 people are in (from associates all the way to marriage.)
If you want it to stop either leave him OR don't allow him to re-enter the door called your LIFE unless he has shown valid proof (other than 1,000 sorrys) that he's eliminated the demon in him that thinks it's ok to pass you off like you mean nothing.
If you DO what you always DID, you will always GET what you always GOT. Remember that!
Maybe it's your attitude you share with your avatar?
"I love you but I love me more"
...and it's probably why he went on the cruise alone. Good for him.
"I love you but I love me more"
...and it's probably why he went on the cruise alone. Good for him.
Posted by livictori
Now 6 months since meeting, I love the asshole. Now I'm not in love picking wedding dresses but I love him as a person. Because we are still simply dating; I continue to date other people. He does too and to be honest I told him, —If he could find someone better than me? Good Luck??
He has had this letter for over 10 days. How can he not say anything or even reach out to me since he came home? WTH? IDK what to do but sit in the corner and wait
Wouldn't that make you the asshole (who supposedly loves herself so much) by sitting in a corner and waiting for an asshole?
Now why would she be sitting in a corner and waiting for an asshole when she can be out there and meet some more assholes.
Yeh, get it.
Yeh, get it.
Do any of you know how to bring something constructive to the table w/o having to insult someone?!
If you don't have any constructive advice to bring to the table, then keep your pessimism to yourself & keep scrolling.
People don't come here to be insulted or their character assassinated all b/c they have highs & lows in life just like YOU & everybody else. People create these threads so that they can get constructive advice OR constructive criticism if needed & to speak to people who can relate & who won't judge them just b/c someone pissed in YOUR wheaties this morning.
When you try to make a fool out of others for absolutely no reason, it speaks volumes about you
If you don't have any constructive advice to bring to the table, then keep your pessimism to yourself & keep scrolling.
People don't come here to be insulted or their character assassinated all b/c they have highs & lows in life just like YOU & everybody else. People create these threads so that they can get constructive advice OR constructive criticism if needed & to speak to people who can relate & who won't judge them just b/c someone pissed in YOUR wheaties this morning.
When you try to make a fool out of others for absolutely no reason, it speaks volumes about you
Posted by krysrenee7
Do any of you know how to bring something constructive to the table w/o having to insult someone?!
If you don't have any constructive advice to bring to the table, then keep your pessimism to yourself & keep scrolling.
People don't come here to be insulted or their character assassinated all b/c they have highs & lows in life just like YOU & everybody else. People create these threads so that they can get constructive advice OR constructive criticism if needed & to speak to people who can relate & who won't judge them just b/c someone pissed in YOUR wheaties this morning.
When you try to make a fool out of others for absolutely no reason, it speaks volumes about you
I was being direct, honest and REAL WORLD with my advice. No sugar coated bullshit. The entire e-mail was how he treats her, he's been home from a cruise for 10 days with no contact, and if she is stupid enough to sit and wait for further negative treatment in a corner (as suggested) that would make her an asshole just as she describes him as an asshole. It would also make her a hyocrite if she loves herself so much as she claims she does. Someone who loves themselves doesn't take bullshit from assholes. If ^^that speaks volumes about me, GREAT, at least I'm being honest. What you see is what you get.😉
Posted by livictori
I told him, —If he could find someone better than me? Good Luck??
He went on the cruise and has been back since Saturday and I have not heard from him.
lol
GD this place is funny as shit sometimes .... how a person not laugh at these idiots?
how could I have missed all of these posts.
1. he was home 3 days from the cruise when I posted this
2. I have an actual career where I can't just go on a cruise at the drop of a dime he went alone. No biggie we are adults
3. Maybe I used the wrong phrase "sit and wait". I continue to date other people but I felt more for him because he was the only one I was intimate with.
4. One's perception of having a backbone is subjective but since you are so touched to have been motivated to comment, let me be clear. We are not together. Dating means that. You meet someone and try to figure out if you like them enough to go further and then how far. I was honest both in intention and actions. He was not sure and his ambivalence is what I wanted perspective on.
I have spoken to him and the timing is off.
It's okay to like a person and be open enough to declare what you want. If my feelings changed, I was honest.
I've moved on from the situation and at this point I don't even speak to him. I wanted perspective not permission.
PS: if you know of a place I can meet perfect people; please give me the address. Maybe you guys think it's your home address, I promise not to stalk but I would love to find out what perfection looks like
1. he was home 3 days from the cruise when I posted this
2. I have an actual career where I can't just go on a cruise at the drop of a dime he went alone. No biggie we are adults
3. Maybe I used the wrong phrase "sit and wait". I continue to date other people but I felt more for him because he was the only one I was intimate with.
4. One's perception of having a backbone is subjective but since you are so touched to have been motivated to comment, let me be clear. We are not together. Dating means that. You meet someone and try to figure out if you like them enough to go further and then how far. I was honest both in intention and actions. He was not sure and his ambivalence is what I wanted perspective on.
I have spoken to him and the timing is off.
It's okay to like a person and be open enough to declare what you want. If my feelings changed, I was honest.
I've moved on from the situation and at this point I don't even speak to him. I wanted perspective not permission.
PS: if you know of a place I can meet perfect people; please give me the address. Maybe you guys think it's your home address, I promise not to stalk but I would love to find out what perfection looks like
Posted by livictori
Our connection is AMAZING.
Posted by livictori
He went on the cruise and has been back since Saturday and I have not heard from him.
He has had this letter for over 10 days. How can he not say anything or even reach out to me since he came home? WTH? IDK what to do but sit in the corner and waitclick to expand
...yeah
Posted by livictori
how could I have missed all of these posts.
1. he was home 3 days from the cruise when I posted this
2. I have an actual career where I can't just go on a cruise at the drop of a dime he went alone. No biggie we are adults
3. Maybe I used the wrong phrase "sit and wait". I continue to date other people but I felt more for him because he was the only one I was intimate with.
4. One's perception of having a backbone is subjective but since you are so touched to have been motivated to comment, let me be clear. We are not together. Dating means that. You meet someone and try to figure out if you like them enough to go further and then how far. I was honest both in intention and actions. He was not sure and his ambivalence is what I wanted perspective on.
I have spoken to him and the timing is off.
It's okay to like a person and be open enough to declare what you want. If my feelings changed, I was honest.
I've moved on from the situation and at this point I don't even speak to him. I wanted perspective not permission.
PS: if you know of a place I can meet perfect people; please give me the address. Maybe you guys think it's your home address, I promise not to stalk but I would love to find out what perfection looks like
lol, you come back with that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ in defense, when the only thing it shows is that you never understood. Let me try and explain it to you, but, since you're a Pisces, logic will likely fly right over your head .... AGAIN
You tell him .... good luck in finding someone better than you
He leaves you in the dust
Here you sit, not being able to put those two together and cannot for the life of you figure out why he isn't up your ass.
By him ignoring you, it means ... he found tons of people better than you
and you are absolutely clueless to it .. that's why you are astounded and bewildered as to why he isn't running to you, in your mind - His Majesty - all men's Majesty
You are seriously in la-la-land
Posted by P-AngelPosted by livictori
how could I have missed all of these posts.
1. he was home 3 days from the cruise when I posted this
2. I have an actual career where I can't just go on a cruise at the drop of a dime he went alone. No biggie we are adults
3. Maybe I used the wrong phrase "sit and wait". I continue to date other people but I felt more for him because he was the only one I was intimate with.
4. One's perception of having a backbone is subjective but since you are so touched to have been motivated to comment, let me be clear. We are not together. Dating means that. You meet someone and try to figure out if you like them enough to go further and then how far. I was honest both in intention and actions. He was not sure and his ambivalence is what I wanted perspective on.
I have spoken to him and the timing is off.
It's okay to like a person and be open enough to declare what you want. If my feelings changed, I was honest.
I've moved on from the situation and at this point I don't even speak to him. I wanted perspective not permission.
PS: if you know of a place I can meet perfect people; please give me the address. Maybe you guys think it's your home address, I promise not to stalk but I would love to find out what perfection looks like
lol, you come back with that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ in defense, when the only thing it shows is that you never understood. Let me try and explain it to you, but, since you're a Pisces, logic will likely fly right over your head .... AGAIN
You tell him .... good luck in finding someone better than you
He leaves you in the dust
Here you sit, not being able to put those two together and cannot for the life of you figure out why he isn't up your ass.
By him ignoring you, it means ... he found tons of people better than you
and you are absolutely clueless to it .. that's why you are astounded and bewildered as to why he isn't running to you, in your mind - His Majesty - all men's Majesty
You are seriously in la-la-landclick to expand
I did not know I had to defend myself. At this stage of your life, this
is what is important to you? Insulting a stranger is that paramount? You actually seem to be more emotionally invested in this than me
Posted by P-AngelPosted by livictori
how could I have missed all of these posts.
1. he was home 3 days from the cruise when I posted this
2. I have an actual career where I can't just go on a cruise at the drop of a dime he went alone. No biggie we are adults
3. Maybe I used the wrong phrase "sit and wait". I continue to date other people but I felt more for him because he was the only one I was intimate with.
4. One's perception of having a backbone is subjective but since you are so touched to have been motivated to comment, let me be clear. We are not together. Dating means that. You meet someone and try to figure out if you like them enough to go further and then how far. I was honest both in intention and actions. He was not sure and his ambivalence is what I wanted perspective on.
I have spoken to him and the timing is off.
It's okay to like a person and be open enough to declare what you want. If my feelings changed, I was honest.
I've moved on from the situation and at this point I don't even speak to him. I wanted perspective not permission.
PS: if you know of a place I can meet perfect people; please give me the address. Maybe you guys think it's your home address, I promise not to stalk but I would love to find out what perfection looks like
lol, you come back with that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ in defense, when the only thing it shows is that you never understood. Let me try and explain it to you, but, since you're a Pisces, logic will likely fly right over your head .... AGAIN
You tell him .... good luck in finding someone better than you
He leaves you in the dust
Here you sit, not being able to put those two together and cannot for the life of you figure out why he isn't up your ass.
By him ignoring you, it means ... he found tons of people better than you
and you are absolutely clueless to it .. that's why you are astounded and bewildered as to why he isn't running to you, in your mind - His Majesty - all men's Majesty
You are seriously in la-la-landclick to expand
Indictment: Guilty of poor grammar or sentence syntax
He had the letter for 10 days including the time he was on the cruise. He came home Saturday and I wrote the post Tuesday. Fine my elementary school teacher would give me an F for how I wrote the sentence
And still ..... it flies right over your head.
You make two posts, trying to figure out why people are laughing at you, even after being explained .... and still, it flies right over your head.
lol .... Fishes are serious dipshits when submerged in a delusion.
Posted by P-Angel
And still ..... it flies right over your head.
You make two posts, trying to figure out why people are laughing at you, even after being explained .... and still, it flies right over your head.
lol .... Fishes are serious dipshits when submerged in a delusion.
You've made 3 posts about a and to a "dipshit".... which is worst? People laughing? You seem to be the joke
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