rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
To the women who come here, seeking advice...
You know he's an assclown when he uses The Dripfeed Manouver — Instead of being upfront and giving you all of the information, he makes the private decision to only tell you what he thinks you can handle at that time. Then it's drip??_drip??_drip. Unfortunately for you if you??re an eager listener willing to believe he's reformed or keen to be honest, you??ll take his latest drip as the truth and then become unseated when it turns out that you??re basing your relationship on another half truth. You are very likely to be caught out by this if you??re in denial about who they really are and don't want to let go of your illusions.
You know he's an assclown when he engages in Future Faking — Letting you think that there's a future so that he can get what he needs in the present, you??ll be spun tales, taken on whirlwind rides where he promises the sun, moon and the stars, says he wants to have babies, get engaged, get married, buy a house, and may even show pony you around to friends and family, and then shazam, the future's not so bright and when you call him on his rinky dink behaviour, he looks at you blankly, says you misunderstood, says that you didn't meet his standards, or starts saying that he just needs —time?? or that it turns out that he's not over his ex, or even worse, he's been shagging someone else the whole time while he's been spinning tales. You??re very likely to be caught out by this if you buy into the fairy tale illusion and don't think it's very odd when a man you hardly know is making grandiose promises and gestures that start to dwindle sharply. In fact, you don't find it odd when a guy wants to fast forward you through the initial stage of the relationship.
You know he's an assclown when he amends the Terms and Conditions of the relationship — Constantly switching the goalposts after luring you in on a temporary deal where you probably didn't read the small print, little do you realise is that he's mentally tweaking up the —agreement?? with every boundary busting manoeuvre he can manage. Tied in with his future faking, this guy reserves the right to withdraw the offer at any time or to roll out a different deal and if you want to be with him, it's his way, or no way.
You know he's an assclown when he engages in Future Faking — Letting you think that there's a future so that he can get what he needs in the present, you??ll be spun tales, taken on whirlwind rides where he promises the sun, moon and the stars, says he wants to have babies, get engaged, get married, buy a house, and may even show pony you around to friends and family, and then shazam, the future's not so bright and when you call him on his rinky dink behaviour, he looks at you blankly, says you misunderstood, says that you didn't meet his standards, or starts saying that he just needs —time?? or that it turns out that he's not over his ex, or even worse, he's been shagging someone else the whole time while he's been spinning tales. You??re very likely to be caught out by this if you buy into the fairy tale illusion and don't think it's very odd when a man you hardly know is making grandiose promises and gestures that start to dwindle sharply. In fact, you don't find it odd when a guy wants to fast forward you through the initial stage of the relationship.
You know he's an assclown when he amends the Terms and Conditions of the relationship — Constantly switching the goalposts after luring you in on a temporary deal where you probably didn't read the small print, little do you realise is that he's mentally tweaking up the —agreement?? with every boundary busting manoeuvre he can manage. Tied in with his future faking, this guy reserves the right to withdraw the offer at any time or to roll out a different deal and if you want to be with him, it's his way, or no way.
You know he's an assclown when he does the Showing You The Door act — Dumping you to gain power and control, or giving you periodical —opt-out's?? — —If you don't like how I roll, you know where the door is??_.??, he uses insecurity and fear and the prospect of telling you to beat it, to keep you in check. You??ll fall foul of this especially if you —cry wolf?? and engage in Women Who Talk (and Think) Too Much syndrome because he??ll realise that you??re crying and talking/complaining, but not going anywhere and recognises that the threat of him going or him disappearing after you voice any opposition will create maximum impact, possibly even silencing you.
You know he's an assclown when you get caught up in his Passive Aggression — Despite appearing to be on board, he obstructs and undermines through resistance that let's him do as he always intended. As an example he??ll agree to go somewhere with you and pick you up at a certain time. You hear nothing from him on the day and an hour after he's due to show up, he says he's got problems at work and will be there soon. You wait. He calls throughout the evening and then says he??ll be there about 10 minutes before the event is due to finish??_ It's the same when he says —Of course I??ll be faithful?? and then continues shagging around behind your back, or claims that he??ll move in and then comes up with every obstructive move possible. If you don't get wise to this very quickly and keep buying into his lies, you will be continuously let down.
You know he's an assclown when he relies on The Status Quo — A behaviour seen with Mr Unavailables as well, assclowns also try to keep the relationship in their own comfort zone by blowing hot and cold and managing down your expectations. What separates an assclown from a Mr Unavailable is that he has lots of other dodgy or downright outrageous behaviour that he's doing while managing down your expectations.
You know he's an assclown when you get caught up in his Passive Aggression — Despite appearing to be on board, he obstructs and undermines through resistance that let's him do as he always intended. As an example he??ll agree to go somewhere with you and pick you up at a certain time. You hear nothing from him on the day and an hour after he's due to show up, he says he's got problems at work and will be there soon. You wait. He calls throughout the evening and then says he??ll be there about 10 minutes before the event is due to finish??_ It's the same when he says —Of course I??ll be faithful?? and then continues shagging around behind your back, or claims that he??ll move in and then comes up with every obstructive move possible. If you don't get wise to this very quickly and keep buying into his lies, you will be continuously let down.
You know he's an assclown when he relies on The Status Quo — A behaviour seen with Mr Unavailables as well, assclowns also try to keep the relationship in their own comfort zone by blowing hot and cold and managing down your expectations. What separates an assclown from a Mr Unavailable is that he has lots of other dodgy or downright outrageous behaviour that he's doing while managing down your expectations.
I usually pick up on assclown signals quite quickly. Any of the above behaviour tends to result in me not sticking around.
Assclowns don't like being called on their bullshit and it tends to end things quickly when they realise they won't get away with it.
Assclowns don't like being called on their bullshit and it tends to end things quickly when they realise they won't get away with it.
Posted by Kim11180560
"Instead of being upfront and giving you all of the information, he makes the private decision to only tell you what he thinks you can handle at that time. Then it's drip??_drip??_drip."
Sounds like a Libra....
Or any guy who's out to manipulate a chick for his own emotional and sexual needs.
Posted by MadMarchRam
I usually pick up on assclown signals quite quickly. Any of the above behaviour tends to result in me not sticking around.
Assclowns don't like being called on their bullshit and it tends to end things quickly when they realise they won't get away with it.
click to expand
She pretty much sums that up in an entry I read last night. I'd dealt with someone recently who had what I called a "harem. (funnily enough, someone else in the comments referred to it as that as well)." The dynamic of everything and the way he went about life with this group just baffled the shit out of me because it was so dysfunctional. What is a dude's dysfunction that he HAS to keep THAT many women around as "friends" other than he wanting options? It was really difficult to find any type of feedback online in regard to a situation like this. It was also hard to discuss/explain to others as well because it's one of those things you have to see in action to understand, you know? I tried asking about guys having TOO many female friends and all I got was "it's not a bad thing if a guy has female friends..." No, you don't understand, we're talking stupidly excessive... :/
She wrote a post recently about this very same thing. Holy jebus, it was a relief to find and was fascinating to read because not only was her post insightful, but the follow up comments of others sharing their stories were also enlightening.
The entry was titled something like "When someone keeps exes, former potential love interests, and failed love interests as "friends."
I've learned a lot of stuff over the years, but that scenario has had me stumped a bit until I read that bit. I'd forgotten how insightful her website is, tbh. :/
Posted by Kim11180560
"When someone keeps exes, former potential love interests, and failed love interests as "friends."
They need a fallback or a spare tire or a replacement just in case their MAIN relationship does not work out.
I think in the majority of cases you're right.
I personally don't understand why people consider going to back to something that didn't work out in the first place.
Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
Ahh, I love tiki's website. I'd recommend it to any women and man too. Her content really forced me to take a hard look at all the dating/relationship mistakes I made in the past. Now I just don't have time or energy for assclowns, I can figure them out in seconds.
I didn't know that was Tiki's website. Cool!
Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
Ahh, I love tiki's website. I'd recommend it to any women and man too. Her content really forced me to take a hard look at all the dating/relationship mistakes I made in the past. Now I just don't have time or energy for assclowns, I can figure them out in seconds.
That website is Tikis?
Posted by Kim11180560
"When someone keeps exes, former potential love interests, and failed love interests as "friends."
They need a fallback or a spare tire or a replacement just in case their MAIN relationship does not work out.
Yeah, I know. It's been going on for ages with guys like this and it can be kind of a red flag when a guy has a lot of female friends, but the example that I knew of had a LOT of female friends. I generally don't see much wrong with guys having female friends, but you do have to wonder when a guy has a lot of them, what the intent is.
With the one I knew, it went beyond back ups and all the other because he treated EVERYONE he knows as an option (even guys), which is why I always thought it was so strange. Some were definitely exes, past crushes, past potential interests, etc. But it was like dude would make his "rounds" and had no real friends, just a shit ton of acquaintances. I dunno how to explain it, but it went deeper than "player" and was like a cluster eff of mommy issues or getting off on the fact that he could surround himself with women like that and generally use everyone he knew in some way, shape, or form.
It was also late when I read it and fuck if I remember the specifics of why I dug into that article like that haha.
Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
Ahh, I love tiki's website. I'd recommend it to any women and man too. Her content really forced me to take a hard look at all the dating/relationship mistakes I made in the past. Now I just don't have time or energy for assclowns, I can figure them out in seconds.
that's tiki??
That's website got me thru some ish for real/
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You know he's an assclown when he relies on The Outrageous Principle and busting your boundaries — He??ll take a chance and ask or do the most ridiculous thing to test to see what he can get away with, and with your little or no boundaries, taking this risk often pays off. He's always trying to push the boundaries and has little or no respect for any that you enforce. Basically if you have boundaries, a relationship with an assclown cannot and will not work because they on do things on their terms.
You know he's an assclown when he has an —I'm Not That Bad?? attitude and outlook — He??ll often compare what he deems to be worse to make himself look better and won't consider something to be bad if he didn't think there's been a tangible severe consequence. He also may not think he's —that bad?? if he believes that you don't know the true extent of his dubious actions plus coupled with his selective memory (see below with The Reset Button), he sees himself in a near glowing light anyway. He then backs up his —I'm not that bad?? attitude justifying it with ridiculous utterings
You know he's an assclown when he liberally presses The Reset Button — He possesses a —special?? ability to reset the relationship to whatever point that he feels most comfortable with, which is effectively like erasing the past. This is how he breezes his way back into various exes lives, disappearing for long enough and then bamboozling his way back in and trying to force out the memory of his misdemeanours. You??ll either remember them but be so fricking relieved to have him back and feel like you??ve —won?? that you go along with his —brainwash?? or you??ll try to reason with him and explain your point of view about past events and he reacts negatively, effectively teaching you (see below with passive aggression) that if you —remember??, he??ll be offski or difficult to deal with.