What A Man Really Wants .. it's good for all of us

What A Man Really Wants
by Tom McKnight

Though primarily addressed to the women, most men who happen to feel drawn to read this article will find themselves doing so with a touch of curiosity. Of course, they think they already know what a man wants and are curious as to whether I am going to say something different or not.

They think a man wants a good looking woman. Foremost, last and always. And though, as a man, I know where they're coming from, what a man is really looking for is something much deeper than that. He is wanting something to reassure him that he is an alright guy, that he is an okay person, that he is worth something.

In short, what a man really wants is validation.

He seeks this in many ways, a primary vehicle of which is his relationship with women. Something instinctive tells him that she can make him alright. Whether it be by how pretty a woman he can keep at his side, or by the scorecard of how many women he has vanquished in some romantic fashion, he sometimes goes through an entire lifetime attempting to feel good about himself through having relationships with women.

Harvey

In the classic movie taken from the play Harvey, with Jimmy Stewart, there is a scene in which a very rigid psychiatrist, Dr. Willie Chumley, begins to let down his emotional defenses and reveal his true desires in life. He said if his fondest wish were to come true, it would be to just lie in his comfortable chair for hours and have some compassionate female simply rubbing his head, saying over and over, "Poor boy!"

The humor in the character is the fact that there is a little bit of Dr. Chumley in every man. Down deep he wants to be unconditionally loved just like a little boy by a perfect, loving mother.

Pride, of course, causes that vulnerability to be hidden as a man grows from childhood into manhood. First it is hidden from others and then at last it is hidden from himself, but it is still there waiting to be discovered.

Meanwhile, man begins to seek some sort of gratification as a substitute for this missing unconditional love from a source he can look up to, and he usually turns to those substitutes that never quite fill him up, emotionally speaking. There is always something lacking, or as the Rolling Stones have said and capitalized on, he "can't get no satisfaction."

The Key to Winning a Man's Heart

But the fact remains, he is vulnerable, very vulnerable. And for that wise woman who understands this it provides an opening to secure the man of her choice like spearing fish in a barrel!

You see, most men going around trying to sport a good looking woman on their arm, or keeping lists of their female conquests, for one reason and one reason alone: It gives them a sense of validation and being worth something, and that is a feeling they desperately feel the need for.

The only problem is, this kind of validation is temporary and fleeting and, like a drug or alcohol, only leaves him feeling empty and in need of another fix as soon as a little time has gone by.

Man's greatest vulnerability is not a physical need, but a psychological one. It is the need to be loved, but not just loved by anyone - to be loved by someone he senses is emotionally independent and strong. This kind of love is validating and worthwhile.

So, if you as a woman wish to stand out and make a difference to the man of your dreams you have to make up your mind not to be weak. You must demonstrate in your every action that, though you may derive great enjoyment and fulfillment in the company of the man you want, you still have the capacity to survive very well and go on with your life and be happy without him if he ever takes you for granted or misuses you.

A man may think he needs a bimbo by his side to show off to the other guys, but in his heart he knows he's perpetrating a fraud. She may help him make the other guys jealous, evoking a kind of prideful satisfaction in one way on his part, but in his heart he knows she's not what he really wants or needs. He's compromised for this because he's lacking the real thing he wants.

No, what a man really wants is a woman who loves him in spite of himself, but won't put up with his bull.

Validate Your Man

Here are several key points to remember, in trying to bring true love into your life and into the life of the man you choose:

Come to terms with the fact that you don't need anyone to be happy in your life. You may want someone very badly, but in the end you must come to accept the reality that you will always somehow survive if it doesn't happen and you will make the best of what life gives you. Make up your mind that you will not ever tolerate being disrespected, disregarded, misused, abused, or used in any fashion whatsoever. You need not revile against someone who so treats you, but you definitely make your absence felt in their life when they do so. Be reserved in the love you shower upon your man. You may bestow limited tokens of cherishing, but if they are not reciprocated in quantity and kind, back off or your love will become less and less appreciated and ultimately despised.

Learn to listen objectively, and to reflect feelings expressed by him without advising, criticizing, or trying to change him. Don't even offer too much sympathy, lest it be quickly taken for granted. Don't be afraid to be without him for extended periods of time. When he is out of your life, make sure that your life is as happy and productive and fruitful as it ever is when he's around. At the same time, don't throw out a welcome mat that says, "Walk On Me!" the minute he starts coming back around. Show pleasure to see him again, but be restrained.

Conclusion

In essence, then, you have it in your power to calm your troubled man like a little boy in his mother's arms. Therein lies what a man really wants: a Woman who nurtures him but who he can look up to and knows won't take any of his guff.

Be caring, but be strong. Therein lies the key to fulfilling a man's heart. You may wonder why I'm so concerned about meeting the man's needs and not yours, but that's another article. If he isn't fulfilling your needs you're definitely choosing the wrong man.

But if you've got the right man and you become What He Really Wants, such a love must be clung to with all the strength you can muster. For such a love is attainable, but rare in this world of ours.

"Learn to listen objectively, and to reflect feelings expressed by him without advising, criticizing, or trying to change him."

This is impossible for me to do nor have I ever known another human, man or woman who can do this.

" Don't even offer too much sympathy, lest it be quickly taken for granted. Don't be afraid to be without him for extended periods of time. When he is out of your life, make sure that your life is as happy and productive and fruitful as it ever is when he's around."

So this means, pretend that you don't care about someone, that they do not have an impact on your life. That's BS. I can't pretend and don't want to be with someone who wouldn't care if I was there or not.

" At the same time, don't throw out a welcome mat that says, "Walk On Me!" the minute he starts coming back around. Show pleasure to see him again, but be restrained."

Again, more game playing, ,more BS. From my experience, the men who have played games with me trying to be distant or pretend they didn't care; the minute I responded with, "Oh, you don't care? Ok, cya!" Well, they were pretty damn quick to end their little games.

I say, be yourself and be honest with yourself about what you really want and talk to your potential partner about it at the appropriate time.

take it easy, ladies! 🙂

laws of attraction .. we get what we give .. we give love we get love .. we take love for granted the person takes us for granted .. we doubt people then people doubts us .. we can't be happy and contented in relationship then we will never find somebody to fill our happiness and contentment ..

what our thoughts are run our lives .. it can even run our hearts .. i think that the mind and the heart was not made to travel together and that if we can never see ourself being stupid .. we will never learn how it is to truly love a person .. i still think that all is fair in love .. women are just more emotionally attached to the men they love that's why i think it's still advisable to choose to be in a relationsip with a man who loves us more ..

it's hard to figure out though .. and it's a mystery that's about to unfold in time .. a greater risk .. a price to pay .. of course we wouldn't be able to know it during the courting stage or whatsoever .. but one can determine the goodness of a man through trial times .. was he there when you needed a shoulder to cry on? or did he leave you hanging? was he inconsistent, unpredictable and puzzled all the time .. it will only show how unstable your relationship is going to be ..

I've been good! Once you let go of the fear it isn't hard to do. All it takes is being honest with yourself and the situation. If you feel you need to protect yourself then you're basically telling the other person I don't want you to have all of me, so why in return should that person give you all of them? You're not suppose to be able to control things when it comes to the heart. In that case everyone would be in great relationships and wouldn't fall for people who were wrong for them. EVERYONE has to take the same risk for love if they want REAL love. Its no way to get around it. Like vgurl said if you can except being stupid then you can love someone.

Wow, this post was filled with alot of wisdom...I never really thought my mom was the guru on relationship advice, but she did say the man should always love you more. I can see why!

I appreciate this post vgurl it makes complete sense.

For those that didn't appreciate. I don't think this author meant anything about changing yourself, or playing games. I just think he meant be true to yourself and most important being your own person... living your own life, because it is true when it comes down to it. The only person you have is yourself, no matter what happens... keeping your own. He's not saying not be yourself, just not a doormat. See the difference?

But yeah vgurl this was a good post, thanks 😄!

Posted by vgurl

The humor in the character is the fact that there is a little bit of Dr. Chumley in every man. Down deep he wants to be unconditionally loved just like a little boy by a perfect, loving mother.

It's funny because I was just talking with this about my friend yesterday. We both call our boyfriends little boys because they have the tendency to want to be pampered and mothered. My boyfriend actually asked several times if I could tuck him in. It's adorable. As long as they don't act like little boys in other walks of life I see no problem with it.

Posted by .Tasha.
yea..i don't see it as playing games--one of my friends tells me i play games all the time...but the only guy who said that to me was a Sag he said "i'm not some toy u can play with when you're bored"...and i said "that's exactly what u are" muahahahahaha 😛 just kiddin y'all...

being secure enough with urself that u will live a happy life with or without him is great! i went CrAzY after my first heartbreak a few yrs ago i was so depressed and constantly txting how sad i was it was soooo PATHETIC!! needless to say it only pushed him away further and further!! who knew?! 😉 everyone has 2 learn

when i was hurt by a Leo recently, i simply put on my facebook status: 'Been there done that, moved on to bigger and better!' i kept it on there for a week hoping he would see it...and then removed him from my friends...he called me a week later--i think it was when he found out i removed him 🙂

thennn he apologized and i simply said "it's cool just do what u do"--me and my cappy friend are on the same page...i really admire her by the way. the needy/clingy one that STILL insists i keep trying, the same one accusing me of playing games is an Aqua...but he (the Leo) called me last week and we spent the day together. i dropped him off at night cuz i had plans...if he wants to hang out again, he will call me...

i know they say games won't work in long run but like i said i really don't see it as playing games. u know when a situation is bad...and u just need to let it be sometimes, if it's not going to work out then just accept it. i'm not a guy but i don't admire emotionally unstable girls who need validation from guys 2 be happy...i can see how a guy wouldn't either

ROFL!!! You are a Leo rising right Tasha?

I really enjoyed this post and think it's very true. Quite helpful...thanks!