He want's a divorce......

Just saying that word "divorce" is so painful. I'm not even sure what it is that I want to write. I'm still in shock over the whole thing.

I know that it's for the best but it's just the way he did it that is so upsetting. We weren't compatible, but even though we would laugh one minute and spat the other I was willing to do all I could to make it work. NOt anymore, but going on about 9 hours ago I did.

I was wondering why he wasn't talking to me that much and ignoring me. We had troubles in the past when we almost seperated for a time but he decided (or so he said) that he wanted to make it work. I've been doing/or I did all I knew to do. I wanted things back the way they were when we first met. I started backwith the loving text messages the calls just to say "I love you". Made sure he didn't need anything and that i did all I knew how. Still there was no responce. No texts back...when i called he'd say "Yeah, what do you want"...hitting brick wall after brick wall. I asked him two days ago if he was happy, if he was happy with me, with being married to me. He said "yes". So I left it at that. Still we felt 100 miles apart.

It all was unveiled yesterday. My car broke down, my battery was bad. We went to get it checked at the auto zone and i accidently cut the car off. He yelled at me in front of everyone. Then i thought he replaced the battery so when we got back home i cut the car off again and went into the house. He came into the house and nearly slammed the door so hard it almost came off the hindges and cominced to calling me all kinds of stupids, idiots, and dumbies. Asked me how I could be so stupid as to cut the car off again. I told him i thought he replaced the battery, but then he was all in my face calling me and idiot and telling me that he couldn't believe i was so stupid. (He's never called me out my name before) I knew then that it wasn't about the car there was more to those words. He asked me "when was I going to learn not to talk back to him?" like i was a child. THe last straw had been drawn.

He didn't have to be at work til 6 this morning but left the house at 12 last night. Freshly shaven and clean cut. I didn't bother to even question, it just wasn't worth it. But after a little while of thinking I did call and he picked up. He said "I'm trying to think of the best way to tell you this" I told him ... the way he said his next few words wouldn't matter. He told me

I'm so sorry CapyWife. 😢

(((hugs)))

Stay Strong.

" I'm not in love with you anymore and I haven't been for a long time"...

What a low blow. My heart couldn't contain those words at first. Not in love with me? For a long time? He said that he only stayed for our son (4 months old. It may be hard to believe and this is only one side to the story but I was a damned good wife and mother to the children. It was so unexpected, although thought about...never expected. How could he not love me? I was so good to him.

I told him that I couldn't respect the way he told me how he felt because it should have been said a long time ago. He should have NEVER made me waist my time and energy trying to fix a love that wasn't there. All the times I said I love you and he said it back, all the laughter, all the quality time together, the days in the park with our kids, all the playing around together, and most importantly the love I showed him through sex. He took advantage of me. He used me. He betrayed me. He is a phony. To pretend to love someone should be a crime. It would have been nice for him to sit me down out of respect as his wife and tell me "It's not working and I think we need some time apart" I would have been hurt but I would have respected that.

It's one thing to leave...but to go so low is another. How, why? He began to try and tell me how wonderful of a mother and wife and woman I am....but I had to stop him because honestly I already know who I am and what I am. I didn't give him the benifit of assuring me I was and am wonderful!!! I didn't need him to validate that.

With those words " I don't love you" it makes parting easier. Those words answered so many questions all at one time.I should have never had to hear him say that. some things that you just don't say. Somethings you keep to yourself. "I want to go" would have been enough.

I'm not asking any questions on this post, there isn't anything that anyone can say at this point to make me feel better. I know there is a time of greif that I have to go through in the healing process. I'm there now. But soon the tears will stop and I'll begin to recover from this.

Lastly, I prayed last night.... Cried out to God for help in going through this. I told him I just needed to feel his arms around me and i needed him to hold me. As soon as I finished praying...my little 4 year old daughter came down stairs and lay with me on the couch...she didn't say a word she just held me in her little arms..and God was there.

"when you don't have kids and material possessions (like a house, boat, car)"

This is true and the bad thing is we have all those things. I wish we didn't (except for the children).

"Also if your not senseing it, sounds like he may have someone else too."

I did last night... that's why I decided to call. After he told me how he felt I asked and he said that there isn't anyone else and that he didn't have anything to hide. Said that he would have told me yes if there was since he's leaving anyway.

I don't know whether I believe him. Actually it doesn't matter one way or another. The result is still the same and I don't want to change it. I deserve better either way.

I know I've said on previous posts that I never worried about him leaving me. Over and over again I've said this. So you can imagine how shocked I was. I must have been nieve cause I didn't see it coming, or maybe I did but I was in denial. I've always said how much I love him and I still do, but I don't respect him or admire him anymore. I though he was a better man...though he would have handled a situation like that better.

it wasn't the bar incident that did it. Him saying that he fell out of love with me a long time ago proves that. He wasn't in love with me before that happened. I guess if he was showing me the love I needed it would have never happened. This isn't an excuse but it is the truth. I've never given him reason to doubt me before.

Anther thing is that he's been acting strange for the pass 2 weeks and I just started working again 2 weeks ago after being a stay at home mom since last year. He's always had a controling side to him and he knew I was financilly dependent on him (his way of control I guess)but since I started working he's been acting weird. Guess he knew I didn't need him financially anymore and he'd have to give that control up.

With all that was said last night I know he wouldn't have attempted to tell me how good I was to him if he didnt mean it.

yeah I said it was a team effort... not mad at that.. just the way he went about it.

"He took advantage of me. He used me. He betrayed me. He is a phony. To pretend to love someone should be a crime. It would have been nice for him to sit me down out of respect as his wife and tell me "It's not working and I think we need some time apart" I would have been hurt but I would have respected that."


Can I ask you a question? What does the below paste mean exactly?

"He should have NEVER made me waist my time and energy trying to fix a love that wasn't there."

Does this mean that you had awareness that a real love wasn't there?

Why does something need fixing by you if it isn't broken?

"Does this mean that you had awareness that a real love wasn't there?"

No you are reading it wrong... I'm saying that I didn't know he didn't love me, but he did. So all my efforts were for waist. I was trying and trying not knowing he felt the way he did. He told me he wanted to work it out...and so as far as i knew that's what we were doing. That's why he lied... Not only about that but he would tell me he loved me and now he tells me that he hasn't for a while..that's also a lie.


"Why does something need fixing by you if it isn't broken?"

I'm not sure what you mean by this it's a little confusing. I said that we had almost seperated before but he decided he wanted to make it work. I never said there weren't problems i said that it was wrong the way that he went about everything.... WHich is true it was wrong.

I do feel for you also, I have read your comments and others. I am sorry for your children too. No matter how you feel, I do hope that you will put it aside when you want to lash out at him. Dont let your kids see that. They will be broken too-because they love both of you. Your husband- I hate to say- probably has his interest somewhere else. Whether he has acted on it or not. That is probably why you dont quite understand. I hate to be saying that to you. But also know, that you will heal after you grieve and he will be the one who is sorry when you find someone else in your life. You see, you will be done... and when you are done...there wont be anything he can do to fix things. He will do whatever he wants for awhile, while you are hurting. But there will come a day when you wont be crying all day and feeling like you cant do anything because you cant stop thinking about things. not to change things - But you say you have 4 children and your are 25 yrs old. How long have you been together? and ya know like most of us we just want someone to listen to what we are going thru. (life) You will come out of this- do you have family or friends to also be there for you?

CappyWife, .Keep your faith in God and he will see you threw. Focus on whats best for you and your daughter,.you're a beautiful woman and deserve better.

sagittarian thank you .... thank you!!!

I'm sorry, too, that you are having to face this .. it's not easy to face our mistakes, our failures .. for it is indeed both your mistakes for there are two people in a union NOT one.

I told you on the Aries board that after what happened in the bar that you'd already lost him, he just hadn't left yet .. you didn't believe me.

An Aries can't be treated that way and then expect to be respected by him. You make it sound in here as though you did nothing wrong, which is a falsehood .. they are two people in a union and what you did in the bar was unacceptable, how you've been treating him all along is unacceptable and I'm seriously surprised that it took him this long.

An Aries CANNOT be ignored when he needs to express himself .. I told you that before. To do that is NOT being a perfect and faultless victim as you've portrayed yourself in this thread.

With time, and a lot of proving to him that you are faithful to him, he might reconsider and want to try the marriage again. If he does, then it's going to take REAL work on your part this time, as well as his.

To ignore him when he needs to express ..then shower him with praises later to compensate for your ignorance, isn't proper treatment for the Aries. From everything you have posted, you've been quite confused about this relationship for a while .. so, it's simply not truthful to say that he has been the one to do everything wrong, while you remain innocent.

There are two of you here, CappyWife .. NOT one. And, according to how you describe the way both of you have treated each other .. it indicates that BOTH of you fucked up.

I know you want compassion and there are plenty of people who will come in here to comfort you, and they have ... however, I am a realistic person and it is my belief that the only way a person can heal is by knowing where they screwed up .. how can you grow/learn if you don't comprehend how your actions played a part in him wanting to divorce you?

You believe, and have said, that you were a good wife and I'm sure you were, for the most part .. but, you have to also know that there are always two sides to a partnership and you participated in whatever transpired to lead him away. You have implied by this thread that you did nothing wrong, you were a perfect wife and he just wanted out for no reason .. and this simply isn't the truth.

You have to hold yourself accountable for your actions if you expect to gain real perspective, so you can evolve.

This goes beyond signs anyway but if you want to go there, the Aries would have brought up any issues that bothered them IMMEDIATELY, if they really cared. This guy saying he hasn't loved her for a long time; well, that's just shit. He should've said something a lot sooner and would have since Aries are romantics and do not give up easily on a relationship they are heavily invested in. But let's say he lost respect or love for her a while back, well, that's when we can't help telling our mates what's happening as it is happening.

His explanation that he hasn't loved her for a long time sounds more like he's trying to hurt her and that can only happen if he has been hurt deeply from her.

Considering children are involved, I can only hope that your separation can work out to be amicable as possible with as little effect on the kids as possible. You both deserve to find happiness and Cappywife, I sincerely hope you'll find it.

how callous. it sounds to me like his temper flared up and he said some cruel things. don't let it get to you. you're worthy of love and it is just ridiculous that he could be so heartless.

"I told you on the Aries board that after what happened in the bar that you'd already lost him, he just hadn't left yet .. you didn't believe me."

No, He said that he hasn't loved me for a long time...which means it was way before that happened.

He's been cheating the whole time.....

"An Aries can't be treated that way and then expect to be respected by him. You make it sound in here as though you did nothing wrong, which is a falsehood .. they are two people in a union and what you did in the bar was unacceptable, how you've been treating him all along is unacceptable and I'm seriously surprised that it took him this long.
"

Well Miss P-Angel he confessed that he was seeing someone long before I did that so yeah it was his wrong... If he hadn't been seeing someone and treated me better we would have never been in that situation in the first place but that's how they are. Get bored with a reationship and then cheat. I'm sure you've never expereinced this because you are perfect but most of us have. He's not as great as you are trying to make him seem and you don't know him at all, nor me for that matter. This is painful enough without you having to justify his actions which proceeded mine in the first place.

"With time, and a lot of proving to him that you are faithful to him, he might reconsider and want to try the marriage again. If he does, then it's going to take REAL work on your part this time, as well as his"

I'd never go back to him after that. He's not an angel or a knight in shinning armor. If he had been paying ME the attention I needed then I wouldn't have felt like I was being neglected... But like they say "it's ALLLLLL about the ARIES" Self centered and self obsorbed... ME ME ME... and never thinking about the other persons feelings. The majority of them are like this. They consider themselves to be like GOD and everyone is supposed to bow down... well not me, maybe you.... but not me. My dignity will not let me.

" You have implied by this thread that you did nothing wrong, you were a perfect wife and he just wanted out for no reason .. and this simply isn't the truth."

Are you seriously so neive to think that I could possibly believe that it is ALLLLLLL his fault. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This isn't even realistic. I've said that it takes TWO...Maybe you should read ALLLL my posts over again. Do you think that when he talks about the relationship he's saying what he did wrong—? HELL NO!!! ESpecially not an ARIES... they don't admite to thier mistakes... You can hardly get them to say sorry when they are wrong.

Don't make it seem like you know me and I'm some kind of dumb as* b*itch who is so self obsorbed that I believe every single mistake that was made was on him....

He is the one now who wants me back... wanting to sit and talk about things... to take back what he said... I'm the one who isn't having that sh*t. He blew up...now he regrets what he said and did, but this time he has to eat those words.

"and it is just ridiculous that he could be so heartless."

This is my whole point... thank you!!!! it's not what you say it's HOW you say it. He should have said something sooner, there is not excuse for that. You don't lead people on and hurt them by pretending. If he's a BIG BOY he should have been Man enough to fess up and get the hell out. Who has time for games? I didn't need to know he didn't love me that's just trying to pierce my soul and NO, it's not because I hurt him soooooooooo bad that he did that.. It was because these Aries men blow up when they get mad and they say hurtful shit and they lash out like some kind of animals and then after they calm down they realize what they said and regret it. This is the truth. They don't have control over their tempers.He has always been like that, but I put up with it and hoped that through me staying calm during arguments it would encourage him to do the same, but it never worked. I'm sure anyone who's been with an Aries has experienced this.

I believe ROXI has my back on this one... didn't your (Aries man) spit in your face?

No one DESERVES that... no one!!!

"Well Miss P-Angel he confessed that he was seeing someone long before I did that so yeah it was his wrong... If he hadn't been seeing someone and treated me better we would have never been in that situation in the first place"


And yet .. you say you never saw this coming .. as though this came from nowhere, where you had no idea that he didn't love you .. and now, in a defense mode .. you admit to him being unfaithful and has done so for awhile.

The truth finally comes out .. you were aware he didn't love you and yet you continued to play the part.

If he was cheating on you and you KNEW IT AND STAYED .. then your suffering is self-inflicted.

Sorry .. it is what it is.

"I'm sure you've never expereinced this because you are perfect but most of us have."

I would venture to say that most women haven't, because most women LEAVE when they know their husband is unfaithful to them.

You started this whole thing, saying you had no clue that he didn't love you, and hasn't for a long time .. and that you didn't appreciate the manner in which he presented this divorce to you .. yet, defend your position by saying you've known for a long time that he has bitches on the side he's banging.

lol .. reality sucks .. I pick up on EVERY inconsistency .. the only solid advice I can give you is if your going to attempt to manipulate, make sure you know who you're trying to fool.

"He should have NEVER made me waist my time and energy trying to fix a love that wasn't there"


Food for thought .. some people like to have the upper hand, and if you are so easily controlled in saying that he made you stay and waste your time, when you KNEW he had a lover on the side .. then these type of people will take advantage of this kind of weakness.

So, the moral to the story is be strong and confident, know what is valuable to you and what isn't .. know that a relationship is a waste of your time because the partner is disloyal to you .. then leave, instead of staying and then say he made you do it.

"it's not what you say it's HOW you say it"

"I didn't need to know he didn't love me"



OMG ... you only know that the wind is blowing .. my hope for you is that one day, you will come to want to know, and actually care, what the message is that's being brought to you.

Capy, you are young and have two little kids. They do not deseve to grow up in an unloving environment. Think what's best for them and for yourself too, and finish things up gracefully if it is time. You have a long, new life in front of you. Be courageous.

"The truth finally comes out .. you were aware he didn't love you and yet you continued to play the part."

I don't know if you can't read correctly or what... but I never said I knew he was cheating on me. I did say in this post and previous posts that something seemed strange and that things were not the same. Now just because I felt that way doesn't mean the first thing I'm going to jump to is "He doesn't love me anymore". I never said things were peaches and cream. I did say that I wasn't getting attention.

Is this about you or me? Cause you seem to be taking this personally for some reason.

He told me he had been unfaithful the other day I never said I already knew. Damn do you read the posts carefully or just skim over them. You're putting words in my mouth and saying that I've said things that I haven't said. You're so ready to jump down my back that you can't even make a correct judgment. You sound like you're illiterate cause you're way out in left field.

You're dumb as rocks!!!

"OMG ... you only know that the wind is blowing .. my hope for you is that one day, you will come to want to know, and actually care, what the message is that's being brought to you."

No, I didn't need to know he didn't love me.. he didn't have to tell me he should have just left. I never said "oh, I didn't want to know he didn't love me so I could stay with him" you obviously can't read a sentence or paragraph and understand what it means. I'm sure everyone who comes on here and reads your posts is going to notice that. Cause you've taken all my words and misconstrued them and made this whole new story that never existed.


NO............... I never said I knew he was cheating (where did you get that from?)
NO................I never said I knew he didn't love me the whole time (where did you get that from?)
NO................I never said It's ALLLLLLLLLLLL his fault (where did you get that from?)


You obviously can't read and comprehend.... Is something wrong with you?

You seem like you're really on edge like your about to blow some s@it up... like a ticking time bomb... DAMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN are you ok?

If you stand in front of 200 people and BITCH when something as sensitive as "divorce" is present, rather than crumbling to your feet because of devastation .. then it leads this particular reader to believe that this is more about getting attention than it is a severe pain.

There are actually many people in here who get sympathy from me, rather than fault-finding .. the difference is that those people are extremely devastated, at their wits end, the world feels like it is tearing down around them .. because they are actually "feeling" how horrible the path of their life at this time is unfolding because it is sincere.

The only thing I can sense from your testimony is relaying events in your marriage (quite personal events, I might add, that should be withheld from a public room full of strangers) with the intention of getting people to agree with you that your husband is a dickhead.

For one of your responses to me was something about somebody having your back .. this isn't a game, there are no sides. There is only truly feeling suffering, if that is the case.

That doesn't appear to be the case .. why does a person in here to whom is not personal to your life, by this person having your back .. what does that mean? Because she believes that your husband was a dickhead, then it's all ok? That's what you are looking for?

Is this divorce so superficial to you that it means nothing to come into an open room full of hundreds of strangers to seek refuge? I should think that a divorce from a man to whom has fathered your child would be so friggin horrible that you'd still be in the crying your eyes out stage .. how quickly you moved to bad-mouthing your baby daddy.

If you want the sympathy of the people who know your heart, then go to them .. afterall, that's where something is serious belongs.

I don't sense any kind of grief, any kind of pain, any kind of remorse, any kind of sensitivity for the well-being of your children (which should be first and foremost) .. the only thing I sense in your words is where you want to lay blame.

That's the energy you are putting out .. that is the energy you will recieve from me ..

.. if fault and blame is what you seek, then I'm prepared to sit here and point all night long.

People who put out the energy that there is actual pain, while comprehending that they are responsible for thier own suffering by their own actions, don't get this kind of a response from me.

"Is this about you or me? Cause you seem to be taking this personally for some reason."


It would be nice if you did take this as seriously and as personally as should be .. then, I wouldn't have to be forcing you to do it.

You don't have to force me to do anything. You don't know me.. and this is a message board where people are free to talk about what they chose to talk about. I don't have my address listed and my phone number where you can contact me and come and see me. I'm not seeking sympathy from anyone. Like I said it's not what you say but how you say it. There is a such thing as constructive criticism but when it's presented in an ugly and hateful fashion then it's usually shut down no matter how true it may or may not be.

How can you even have the audacity to say that I can't possibly be hurting? What a crude understatement. I'm not looking for support and I'm not looking for someone to sit back and say "your husband is a dickhead". I do believe that people HURT in different ways.

"I should think that a divorce from a man to whom has fathered your child would be so friggin horrible that you'd still be in the crying your eyes out stage"

I'm all cried out... Crying isn't going to fix it and no matter how much I cry it's not going to help me plan my next step.

In situations like this when a person asks "why" they aren't really looking for an answer to that question. I'm mad at everyone around me... myself included. I can't stop think of what I could have done differently...what I could have said differently... I'm full of pain and anger for what is going on. When someone says "it will be ok" that's not them saying "I think it's his fault" that's just someone saying that this will pass... no matter who's at fault. If someone says he was wrong for not telling you sooner... well I agree.

I asked the question on this site because people will judge it nonbiased. My family is on my side but I don't want someone on my side because I know it wasn't all his fault. I do however have a problem with how I always admitting my faults to him and never hearing him say he's done anything wrong. Who's in a relationship and NEVER does anything wrong?

When I say that someone has my back..i'm saying they've experienced that particular situation and can back me up as far as the temper tantrums. I'm sure that's the statement you was talking about.

Just because I'm writing on here doesn't mean I don't take it seriously and for you to even think that my marriage means so little to me..well, that's just cold all in itself.

Everyone grieves differently. My heart is torn and I'm confused. Sometimes I'm mad, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I think I'll be ok..

"his, hers, and the truth"


Ditto that .. most of us are blinded by our egos and cannot see with clarity when we feel rejected.

This is an open forum, which means there a tons of people all with different views .. if a person is seeking opinions, then there has to be preparation for a person to look at a different angle than what we want to hear.

Just like you prrr, I think you're sweet as apple pie, but, that doesn't mean that if I see an err, that I will remain silent .. I speak truthfully, from my perspective, regardless if it's the desired answer. I treat people the way I want to be treated, and I expect people to tell me the truth if I'm in err, whether I like it, or not.

Which you do, as do many others .. and I don't get upset .. because the truth from your eyes, is just that and that's what I seek. This is nothing against CapyWife, rather her deeds. Just like when I was answering your post about your issues with those 4 friends, it was about your deeds, and not you .. there's no ill-will from my part towards you as a person.

With this scenerio .. the truth, from my perspective, is that there is more concern about who is right versus who is wrong, than the appropriate concern for the circumstances.

The concern should be about the marriage dissolving cordially and with maturity, for the sake of the baby .. and I can't see this attitude.

In any event .. this is just my opinions and a person should, as with all opinions, listen, apply what's applicable and toss the rest.

somtimes I want to blame him...sometimes I blame myself... The only emotion that's consistant is CONFUSION!!!

i don't need 200 People to answer this post...not even 1. I don't want a cookie or a pat on my back.

My heart is torn and I'm losing one of the most dear people in this life!

he is gone............and nothing can fix that!!
he wants to come back...........but nothing can fix it!!!

well if that's the case P-angel why don't you stop commenting on what i did wrong or he did wrong and give advice on the children? Not that i need your advice about my kids..but your concern seems to be about me and him...not them.

My concern is that this seperation is done for the best of all concerned, and so long as the focus in on who is at fault .. then there won't be resolution for the benefit of the family because it will always be about fault.

I believe that both of you have been existing with a fantasy and not reality .. for example:

"We had troubles in the past when we almost seperated for a time but he decided (or so he said) that he wanted to make it work."

It appears from this quote that at one point in time, a seperation was in the works, however, it was by his choice, his decision that it would be worked out. To you, this was fine that such a life-altering decision by made HIM because the next thought (quote) after that is ..

"I've been doing/or I did all I knew to do. I wanted things back the way they were when we first met. I started backwith the loving text messages the calls just to say "I love you"."

Which means .. you wanted a relationship that had obvisiously changed to go back to what was .. what was is gone .. instead of either of you adjusting your lives, it just went back to the same thing that wasn't working.

You said, "We weren't compatible" .. then later said, "It was so unexpected" .. this confusion that you now have is because you're trapped in the idea of what your love should mean, rather than what it actually is.

So, my whole point is that the two of you believed that you were so good to each other, loved completely .. when in reality, you were trying to make the relationship into being something that it wasn't. There was no comprehension of this .. if a relationship has evolved to another level, beit, good or bad .. then if a decision is made (solely by him, which you later said you hated it that he got to make all the decisions) to attempt to rescue the marriage then it has to be approached with the realization that it's NOT the way it used to be, for if it was then the marriage wouldn't have been threatened with seperation .. yet, this is how it was approached by both of you.

Therefore, within my perception of reality .. you were looking for the idea of what you deem is love inside an illusion .. trust me, I'm an expert when it comes to discerning between illusion and reality, for I live it everyday.

So, in conclusion as to how this relates to my ultimate concern for your family .. because you're not within the reality of terms of this relationship, neither are you at the ending of it.

So, since my concern is for the family to remain a unity for the child's sake, eventhough the two of you are seperated .. then, it has to be realized that since niether of you were loving each other for what the other needed in terms of love, rather what is believed this love should have been is the only way to be able to determine what is going to be best for your child together.

For, this dispute will continue because each of you believes that what you were doing was within the terms of truly loving each other and it wasn't .. so, the resolution will also be altered within the realm of what is ideal, rather than what is in reality.

"P-A, the forcing comment does come off a bit pretentious"

You're right .. I'll step down off that and ask for pardon.

Sorry 🙂

I know .. it's new, it's fresh .. but, I still believe it won't be able to be processed logically when the time comes if it isn't viewed within reality. For instance .. it has been said that it doesn't matter that he didn't love her, for she said that he shouldn't have told her.

Shouldn't have told her? WTF?

The concern is the tone in which he used .. how can a person say over and over that they are distraught because their spouse wasn't loving them anylonger .. then turn around and say, they actually didn't want to hear whether he loved her, or not .. she only wanted to hear words in a nice tone.

There's no desire to actually "hear" the message coming from the other person .. just the tone of the voice.

So, later when reason does start to set in, how can it be processed logically as to what should be done, if the only thing you really want to hear is the tone in which the other speaks.

"No, I didn't need to know he didn't love me.. "

This was actually said .. yet, at the beginning of this, it was said over and over again .. how can he not love me? Not love? What a low blow! How can a person pretend to love? And similiar statements.

Yet, she really didn't want to hear that he didn't love her .. only the tone of his voice.

So, if the whole union is viewed within this illusion .. how then is it possible to maturely and responsibility settle and dissolve the marriage if they aren't listening to each other's feelings?

There are plenty of people in here who will and have come in here and provide support, comfort .. however, my voice comes from reasoning.

I reason stuff out, I look at it for what it means with no interest in stroking ones ego or feelings .. this is the way I work.

However, I understand what you're saying prrrrr .. and will back off.

🙂🙂

WoW he must be some kind of spoilt brat to treat you the way he did - someone as gorgeous, comforting and sexy as you, he even passed on his genes through you, you have about three kids now right? Either he has a psychological problem or he's plain spoilt. What kind of work do you do Capy? Were you earning more than him?

"My concern is that this seperation is done for the best of all concerned, and so long as the focus in on who is at fault "

It's not so much about who's fault it is... to me it was more about how it all happened.

I just should have been told earlier.

Many marriages go through rocky times and one or both parties want things to change. sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. In our case they didn't. Still, it's not always going to be gravy.

"CW is probably still processing the fact that her relationship w/her mate and father of her kids is ending. logic will have to wait a wee bit."

Thank you PL for understanding that sometimes it takes longer then 1 hour after being told something like that to be able to focus clearly. Once I calm down and refocus I'll be able to look back at PA's comments and see them in a new light.


"it has been said that it doesn't matter that he didn't love her, for she said that he shouldn't have told her. Shouldn't have told her? WTF?"

Maybe the way that I worded the sentence is a little confusing, let me explain. When i say that he didn't have to tell me what i'm saying is. The very worst thing you can tell someone you're supposed to love is that you no longer love them. I could have figured that out on my own if he would have kept it to his self and just came to me and said that "it's not working i want out". With those words i would have known that his love was gone. I'm not asking for him to say things in a nice way, but only to consider how certain words can hurt a person. Those are words he can never take back...and he's trying to now, but they are powerful words. I'm not in denial... I just feel there is a certain amount of dignity you want to take with you when you end a relationship and when you spit out words out of anger you can't always take them back and your left to eat them and live with them. Yes, when you talk to someone your supposed to care about (maybe not even love) but care about you should watch what you say and how you say it.


"What kind of work do you do Capy?"
I'm an accountant... he made more then me though.

CapyWife .. I don't mean anything against you as a person, I don't even know you. I'm just the kind of person who takes things away from the personal to analyze. In doing this, it does appear cold, and perhaps it's true .. however, from my perspective, so long as feelings are involved, a person is incapable of being practical.

In here .. everybody is just words typed on the computer screen, there aren't any feelings involved. I'm sure you're a lovely person. I'm talking about the deeds that took place and analyzing it in comparison to what words have been said as justification to see what needs to be adjusted and what is within reality.

I will speak to everyone how I process something from my perspective ONLY .. but, that doesn't mean it's the truth, or real, it just means this is how I see it. And as most people know who have listened to me in here .. I refuse to acknowledge the ego and will NOT stroke someone's ego unless warranted .. just as when I get full of myself (ego), I expect people to knock me on top the head.

The Ego is my number one enemy and I fight against it in everybody, at any cost .. it's just you, this is how I treat everybody.

However, keep in mind .. I'm a Pisces .. so, my reality is in a state of perpetual atleration, changing with every new feeling.

it's just you, this is


That was suppose to read: it's NOT just you, this

Geesus, CW...I totally missed this post. Is it on the Cap board? Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. The only thing i can really say is SHIIT, that really sucks! Urg...I'm really sorry.

It's going to be hard, and I think you know that. But you really have no choice but to get through this for you and your kids. I've read a few of your posts, and to be honest, I can't conclude anything from what I've read. I've seen, and intuited two sides of your story. But nevertheless, this is the end result. Believe it or not, it's probably for the best. Caps seem to be the most sensible and practical of all earth signs, and definitely more so than fire signs (I could only imagine my reaction).

Either way, you'll be fine. I'm here to chat if needed:-)

THank you AquaJ... advice taken!

"you simply ignore P-Angel. She makes some valid points"


lol .. you people are just too funny.

The day you learn to look at things without letting feelings get in your way, the sooner you will be able to comprehend the message.

awww honey .... I am so sorry. I was hoping things weren't this far gone. Take care of yourself during this difficult time. Surround yourself with gentle people, gentle music ... just really look after yourself and your heart.

Be good to you.

"we're not missing "the message" at all. The reason everyone discredits what you say is because .."


Not MY message .. her husband's .. geez

What do you mean by "we're"? I'm not talking to YOU .. what a chucklefuck !!!!



we're? Did you actually say that? lol

he wasn't balance well... or let me say.... we weren't balance well for each other.

"but, sometimes words are just that, words...he may have been feeling totally frustrated and not able to express himself (and you also) to you and things just got worse and worse...and his words just spilled out."


I believe this is true.

* he wasn't balance well... or let me say.... we weren't balance well for each other.

It happens.

What has happened since all this went down?