what would you do?

If you had a friend who was always claiming the "busy" excuse to hang out/see you, but managed to miraculously find time for everyone else that they know? Or they claim that they hate x,y,z, but manage to do those things with other friends?

It's a typical user friend. "I don't have time for you, only when it's convenient/when nobody else is around/when I feel like it" attitude toward you.

Overall, just curious how you would approach this situation with such an individual? Fade out? Confront? Ignore any contact? How have you handled this situation if you've experienced it/or would experience it?

Same for me as well... if they never contact me then I would, and have, simply quit contacting them. Problem solved, and my Life is better without that kind of negative energy.

keep in touch, but just don't ask to hang out again unless they approach me about it. otherwise , I would just go about my day and have fun.

depending on who the friend is, I have a feeling that they are having a hard time confronting me about it...but is unable to confront it themselves. so I give them time to figure it out, and if they want me, they know where to find me.

I try not to look at it in a negative way, it could not be anything personal

Posted by rockyroadicecream
If you had a friend who was always claiming the "busy" excuse to hang out/see you, but managed to miraculously find time for everyone else that they know? Or they claim that they hate x,y,z, but manage to do those things with other friends?

It's a typical user friend. "I don't have time for you, only when it's convenient/when nobody else is around/when I feel like it" attitude toward you.

Overall, just curious how you would approach this situation with such an individual? Fade out? Confront? Ignore any contact? How have you handled this situation if you've experienced it/or would experience it?

I don't really give a fuck what my friends do to be honest lol If I see them, I see them and I'd be more than happy to put the kettle on sit down and catch up, or sometimes we go out for dinner in groups of friends and get wasted and make a ruckus in the restaurant, thats always fun. Never really had that problem worrying if someone didn't want to hang with me because I'm more than happy to be at home by myself and chill with my own devices.
My friendship circle ranges of people of all ages from 18 to 50 and we all do shit together We do have a friend of the group (the 18yo) that is the complete opposite of me, he needs to always "hang" with someone of the group otherwise he'll think were off having an awesome time without him, typical Leo.

Posted by Impulsv
Fade out. I wouldn't consider them
A friend. I've just disappeared n if it always took me reaching out when u don't they won't. Problem solved n gone.

Yeah, this is how I've handled it, too. Once I started to notice how one sided things were, I'd just stop contacting them and see what happens. Oh look, I never heard from them again. Good riddance.

Posted by crimsonxsoleil
keep in touch, but just don't ask to hang out again unless they approach me about it. otherwise , I would just go about my day and have fun.

click to expand

I went about this approach as well. I just backed off and left it up to them. I'd still hear from them, but they'd take months to get around to hanging out, despite all the talk of us doing this and that sometime. It often left me wondering why the hell they bothered keeping in touch since it felt that I was only a friend of convenience or I'd hear from them when they wanted something.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
If you had a friend who was always claiming the "busy" excuse to hang out/see you, but managed to miraculously find time for everyone else that they know? Or they claim that they hate x,y,z, but manage to do those things with other friends?

It's a typical user friend. "I don't have time for you, only when it's convenient/when nobody else is around/when I feel like it" attitude toward you.

Overall, just curious how you would approach this situation with such an individual? Fade out? Confront? Ignore any contact? How have you handled this situation if you've experienced it/or would experience it?

The writing is on the wall for you to see. If I were in your shoes, I'd erase the person into nonexistance. Friends don't do this to one another, however, I can spot a user a mile away and wouldn't be friends with someone who is user. But that's me...

*who is A user..

Maybe it depends .. 😄

By that I mean with 2 particular people in my life: one male, one female...

The male one...we made arrangements but he would then say he was "busy" and the whole thing ended up being one sided with me contacting to meet up and then him flaking coz something came up.

The female one...we made arrangements but she would then say she was "busy" and the whole thing ended up being one sided with me contacting to meet up and then her flaking coz something came up.

My reactions were different in each case. I cared with one but not with the other.

The female didn't affect me coz she is actually my oldest friend from school; I have known her for over 20 years and she is always like this with me. She is my friend and life is too short to be blocking her out of my life. I didn't feel it was a rejection.

The male affected me coz we'd been having sex so there was a sexual investment and in this case i DID feel it was a rejection

Funny comparison...plus...they're both LEOS 😄

Posted by AriesGirl74

.... The male one...we made arrangements but he would then say he was "busy" and the whole thing ended up being one sided with me contacting to meet up and then him flaking coz something came up.


...The male affected me coz we'd been having sex so there was a sexual investment and in this case i DID feel it was a rejection

Yeah, I don't blame you though. You had something sexual going on and then he's a shitty friend on top of it. It definitely comes across unfair/jacked up to be so flaky and rude to the person you're sleeping with.

I dealt with something similar once. While it wasn't TOO surprising, considering the individual, I still hated it because when you add sex into the mix, followed by such disrespectful behavior, you can't help but have a problem with it because it DOES make you feel shitty. It goes from okay friend, to super flaky only wanting to make time to hook up and then was "busy" all the time. Lol okay. Cut off.

I just think anymore that people don't KNOW how to be friends. Society, as a whole, is so incredibly self absorbed, that they have people they keep around for beneficial purposes.

Posted by size zero superhero
I'd leave the ball in their court, give it time from there & see what materializes. If they never reach out to me on their terms; I figure I'm clearly not on their radar thus there's no need to keep them on mine.

Right?

I think the first instance of something like this for me was high school when I'd moved out to Cali. I'd started to notice that everything felt one sided with two other friends in our trio. For curiosity's sake, I decided to stop initiating all the contact and left it up to them. They disappeared and I didn't hear from them after that.

Since then it's occurred several times with people, but that's how people are in Cali. Flaky and self serving. It's kinda depressing, especially since I wasn't raised around people who behaved like that. Fake people at their finest. *sigh*

Nah, it's the people here. I'm not the only one who's lived elsewhere that's noticed how people are here. It's interesting, needless to say.

And of course there's decent people here. It's just kinda lame that the crappy ones seem to outweigh the decent ones.

Though I gotta say that people were a bit friendlier than what I was used to when I moved here. I'd moved a lot as a kid, and to come from out of state after a decade, was a big change. People were very nice and friendly generally, compared to the past, where they just kinda stared and kept to themselves haha.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Nah, it's the people here. I'm not the only one who's lived elsewhere that's noticed how people are here. It's interesting, needless to say.

And of course there's decent people here. It's just kinda lame that the crappy ones seem to outweigh the decent ones.

Though I gotta say that people were a bit friendlier than what I was used to when I moved here. I'd moved a lot as a kid, and to come from out of state after a decade, was a big change. People were very nice and friendly generally, compared to the past, where they just kinda stared and kept to themselves haha.

They are different, imo.

I think they're a lot more wary of people they don't know because they know that there are some

crazy mthrfkrs running around.

But compared to the South where I'm from, they almost feel cold.

The further inland I went, though, the more down to earth people seemed.

*shrugs*

Just my experience. 🙂

I should note, however, that I met some AMAZING people in L.A., too.

Didn't mean to imply that they were all jerks.

—

I would not rely on this friend. If they contacted me or wanted to hang out I will see if its convenient for me first n if I feel like seeing them then decide.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Nah, it's the people here. I'm not the only one who's lived elsewhere that's noticed how people are here. It's interesting, needless to say.

And of course there's decent people here. It's just kinda lame that the crappy ones seem to outweigh the decent ones.

Though I gotta say that people were a bit friendlier than what I was used to when I moved here. I'd moved a lot as a kid, and to come from out of state after a decade, was a big change. People were very nice and friendly generally, compared to the past, where they just kinda stared and kept to themselves haha.

They are different, imo.

I think they're a lot more wary of people they don't know because they know that there are some

crazy mthrfkrs running around.

But compared to the South where I'm from, they almost feel cold.

The further inland I went, though, the more down to earth people seemed.

*shrugs*

Just my experience. 🙂

click to expand

I found that people here were generally friendlier than when I lived in the south.

But keep in mind, this was when I was younger. Before the age of 16 I had moved several times within the south and I hated it because of that whole first day/new kid thing. I'd be introduced and everyone kept to themselves and just stared. Of course, this is likely because it's immature kids/young adults.

However, I was used to knowing where you stood with people. You knew if someone did or didn't like you. Very transparent in that sense.

I moved out to Cali and I was surprised how many kids came up and introduced themselves and tried to make me feel welcome since I was new and had moved from so far away.

*shrugs* There is a definite difference in culture and how people approach you. The one thing I do miss immensely is the lack of fake bs and knowing where you stood with people. Here, it took me a few to start to notice the telltale signs of someone's fuckery.

And then there's fun thing of people keeping others around for personal gains as opposed to genuine friendship.

Posted by Montgomery
I should note, however, that I met some AMAZING people in L.A., too.

Didn't mean to imply that they were all jerks.

—

Agreed. You're going to meet good/bad people everywhere.

It was just an obvious change from one to the other. I've talked to others that have moved from elsewhere and are like omg the people here... haha. It's like yes, I KNOW. :/

I'd still prefer to live here over the south, though.

Maybe your not doing something the person is interested in doing? I flake out when something ppl want to do I dont consider fun.

Or if I consider the person a downer.

Hey not all of us Californians are that bad! Lol.

& I would drop the pal like a bad habit. Relationships whether romantic or platonic are about equal give n take, if you're not getting what you need from it, you move on.

I mean it could be that they're genuinely busy or are used to you calling the shots, but I mean if you go mia n they show no concern... you move on to pple who care about you.

Rule of thumb: invest in people who invest in you.

Let it go for a while everyone has busy periods and life circumstances change. But i would also if this person no longer wants the friendship. If they are no longer calling etc maybe they simply want to move on which is ok. Moving on for you can be good too.

Posted by Peanutbutter
I mean it could be that they're genuinely busy or are used to you calling the shots, but I mean if you go mia n they show no concern... you move on to pple who care about you.

Rule of thumb: invest in people who invest in you.

Totally agreed. One sided friendships are no fun and you begin to feel desperate/ridiculous constantly reaching out when they don't bother/can't be bothered.

Being busy is one thing, but when you start seeing holes in their stories/logic, it's hard not to call bs on them. I knew someone who was always claiming to be "busy" with random things, but *gasp* managed to find time doing all sorts of other shit. Or they were strapped for cash and managed to go out with other people. Amazing how that works... So it was lol when they were mystified why I distanced myself or stopped contacting them. Really??

Besides, I'd rather spend my time and energy on those who show considerate/respectful behavior.

I seriously think a lot of this bs stems from lack of respect for others. I don't see it as much with my generation or a little older, but the generations after me. My brother mentioned it the other day- he's just absolutely flabbergasted by how flaky, self absorbed, and opportunistic people his age and younger are. A lot of them are being raised without learning to respect others and they just demand/expect respect without earning it.

Oh parenting fail...