When an ex comes back

How many of you guys have had an ex try to pop back up after years of being apart what’s the story behind it?

This comes off the back of my own experience I was split from an ex for 4-5 years within that time I have had another relationship and had children with my current partner 🥳 and we are still happily in the relationship engaged to be married.

Within the first year of our relationship I had a friend request on fb from my ex in early 23 just randomly I did not accept it no way.

I told my partner about it after our weekend away because I didn’t want it to ruin our weekend. She wasn’t too happy about it but just got on with it anyway.

My ex was very manipulative and use to gaslight me I was so blind at the time as I was in love with her but after giving my all to her and her children It changed me as a person.

When I eventually come out of the relationship or non relationship as she use to call us just friends I was someone I didn’t recognise anymore it destroyed me as I gave so much of myself to it.

Anyway I took no notice of the request and just went about my business hell to the no would I ever jeopardise what I have or let her back in!!

Within a day the request was gone as she must of taken it away.

Fast forward to now 25 - 26 New Year’s Eve I was led watching fireworks when all of a sudden I had another request come through yet again from my ex this is 2-3 years down the line now like wtf.

Once again I ignored it and just went about my business and sure enough by the next day the request was gone again.

Why keep on trying to add me we have been split quite awhile now and she was the one who played games and messed around while I stuck by her side.

She also had another relationship and seen other people the question is why?

The audacity of it is beyond me lol

I am finally happy after trying to recreate myself and find the old person I once was after all that toxic stuff.

Meh don't flatter yourself that it's more than a whim. She might be bored in life right now and wants to use you again

Posted by Wizardzzz
Meh don't flatter yourself that it's more than a whim. She might be bored in life right now and wants to use you again

I’m not flattered lol just interested in what others have gone through

Posted by Wizardzzz
Meh don't flatter yourself that it's more than a whim. She might be bored in life right now and wants to use you again

I’m not flattered just interested in what others have gone through

3D

Many exes found me or texted me after years. Either for attention, boredom, to date again, to have sex again, even to marry..

One ex I was really in love with in the past pursued me years later, maybe even to marry but he didn't know my worth then, so I had to just reject him unfortunately. I'm a scorpio I never forget lol

Posted by Polyannanana
Many exes found me or texted me after years. Either for attention, boredom, to date again, to have sex again, even to marry..

One ex I was really in love with in the past pursued me years later, maybe even to marry but he didn't know my worth then, so I had to just reject him unfortunately. I'm a scorpio I never forget lol

I have Scorpio rising so I get it haha

Crazy thing is the audacity of some lol

My ex also came back evn though he was in a new relationship. I guess his gf found out and then he stopped but then now that they broke up, he emails me 🤡 now. Then apparently when he broke up with his gf, he kept asking to meet up to propose. I tell my bf everything, so he was like he was prob desperate lmao.

Maybe she thought she could gaslight u back into the relationship bc it was easier for her to get away w it?

I think people walk away from things even when they didnt really want to. This is typical for avoidant attachment style s. What usually happens is they dont address the real issues when they break from one relationship, and they avoid any feelings about it... they just put on a strong mask and just keep swimming. But that shit doesnt go away, so they carry it into their next relationship and repeat the cycle. They reflect on how they treated you, and the good things about you come back, they want to reach out, usually when they compare you to the ones who came after when things are going to shit, again. Its called the phantom ex.

Youre not really looking to reconcile, so just take.it as flattery and her showing you you were a good guy, or she wouldnt be trying to reach back out, now would she? Leave it at that. Unless someone comes back to apologize and have actually worked to change behavior, keep them at arms length. Its not that shes defective or broken, she probably just didnt learn to deal with shit growing up. Youre happy now, so just be kind.

Posted by SadHatter
I think people walk away from things even when they didnt really want to. This is typical for avoidant attachment style s. What usually happens is they dont address the real issues when they break from one relationship, and they avoid any feelings about it... they just put on a strong mask and just keep swimming. But that shit doesnt go away, so they carry it into their next relationship and repeat the cycle. They reflect on how they treated you, and the good things about you come back, they want to reach out, usually when they compare you to the ones who came after when things are going to shit, again. Its called the phantom ex.

Youre not really looking to reconcile, so just take.it as flattery and her showing you you were a good guy, or she wouldnt be trying to reach back out, now would she? Leave it at that. Unless someone comes back to apologize and have actually worked to change behavior, keep them at arms length. Its not that shes defective or broken, she probably just didnt learn to deal with shit growing up. Youre happy now, so just be kind.

I agree with what your saying and I wouldn’t be rude to anyone even though she broke my heart several times and I let it happen fool me but do you know what it woke me tf up so I learned a lot about myself and that I was worth a lot more than what she was giving me in the end and the way she played games with me when she knew I was head over heels for her but since her I haven’t let a single person take the piss I will cut off end of.

Sometimes people do not change and they are the same over and over and sometimes they do I will never know because I would never entertain her again but as for being polite that’s what I am doing by minding my own business and not giving any of my energy to it plus I am happy and have everything I wished for.

If I were to see her when I am out and about then I would also, be polite.

I walked away from her when I found she had slept with a guy in December who I had doubts about in the October and at the time she was calling us friends after being together for 2 years she played that friends card for around 4-5 months and it back fired.

I wasn’t aloud to do what I wanted or if I did she wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks but I didn’t want to do anything but sort it out.

I didn’t want to be friends who sleep with each other and spend time with each others kids etc doing family things like your still in a relationship playing constant mind games.

she said we are friends for around 5 months but had me with her every night.

It came to October we did not speak until the end of January when I slept with someone else she found out then manipulated the shit out of me told me I was so wrong etc for 3 weeks to the point I was in peace’s thinking I actually done something wrong but all along she had slept with a guy anyway in the December same guy I had doubts about in the October when we wasn’t talking. And she knew what she was doing toxic behaviour.



So I walked away for good after we met in the January I didn’t want to go around and around over and over again with her games.

Posted by Archer12
How many of you guys have had an ex try to pop back up after years of being apart what’s the story behind it?

This comes off the back of my own experience I was split from an ex for 4-5 years within that time I have had another relationship and had children with my current partner 🥳 and we are still happily in the relationship engaged to be married.

Within the first year of our relationship I had a friend request on fb from my ex in early 23 just randomly I did not accept it no way.

I told my partner about it after our weekend away because I didn’t want it to ruin our weekend. She wasn’t too happy about it but just got on with it anyway.

My ex was very manipulative and use to gaslight me I was so blind at the time as I was in love with her but after giving my all to her and her children It changed me as a person.

When I eventually come out of the relationship or non relationship as she use to call us just friends I was someone I didn’t recognise anymore it destroyed me as I gave so much of myself to it.

Anyway I took no notice of the request and just went about my business hell to the no would I ever jeopardise what I have or let her back in!!

Within a day the request was gone as she must of taken it away.

Fast forward to now 25 - 26 New Year’s Eve I was led watching fireworks when all of a sudden I had another request come through yet again from my ex this is 2-3 years down the line now like wtf.

Once again I ignored it and just went about my business and sure enough by the next day the request was gone again.

Why keep on trying to add me we have been split quite awhile now and she was the one who played games and messed around while I stuck by her side.

She also had another relationship and seen other people the question is why?

The audacity of it is beyond me lol

I am finally happy after trying to recreate myself and find the old person I once was after all that toxic stuff.

Just block her, she sounds like a headache

All of my exes gave up on me pretty quickly. Maybe she feels like you leave the door open?

Posted by Archer12

Posted by SadHatter
I think people walk away from things even when they didnt really want to. This is typical for avoidant attachment style s. What usually happens is they dont address the real issues when they break from one relationship, and they avoid any feelings about it... they just put on a strong mask and just keep swimming. But that shit doesnt go away, so they carry it into their next relationship and repeat the cycle. They reflect on how they treated you, and the good things about you come back, they want to reach out, usually when they compare you to the ones who came after when things are going to shit, again. Its called the phantom ex.

Youre not really looking to reconcile, so just take.it as flattery and her showing you you were a good guy, or she wouldnt be trying to reach back out, now would she? Leave it at that. Unless someone comes back to apologize and have actually worked to change behavior, keep them at arms length. Its not that shes defective or broken, she probably just didnt learn to deal with shit growing up. Youre happy now, so just be kind.

I agree with what your saying and I wouldn’t be rude to anyone even though she broke my heart several times and I let it happen fool me but do you know what it woke me tf up so I learned a lot about myself and that I was worth a lot more than what she was giving me in the end and the way she played games with me when she knew I was head over heels for her but since her I haven’t let a single person take the piss I will cut off end of.

Sometimes people do not change and they are the same over and over and sometimes they do I will never know because I would never entertain her again but as for being polite that’s what I am doing by minding my own business and not giving any of my energy to it plus I am happy and have everything I wished for.

If I were to see her when I am out and about then I would also, be polite.

I walked away from her when I found she had slept with a guy in December who I had doubts about in the October and at the time she was calling us friends after being together for 2 years she played that friends card for around 4-5 months and it back fired.

I wasn’t aloud to do what I wanted or if I did she wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks but I didn’t want to do anything but sort it out.

I didn’t want to be friends who sleep with each other and spend time with each others kids etc doing family things like your still in a relationship playing constant mind games.

she said we are friends for around 5 months but had me with her every night.

It came to October we did not speak until the end of January when I slept with someone else she found out then manipulated the shit out of me told me I was so wrong etc for 3 weeks to the point I was in peace’s thinking I actually done something wrong but all along she had slept with a guy anyway in the December same guy I had doubts about in the October when we wasn’t talking. And she knew what she was doing toxic behaviour.

So I walked away for good after we met in the January I didn’t want to go around and around over and over again with her games.

click to expand

You seem like a pretty stand up guy. I feel you more than you know, for sure. Youre 100% right in your decisions IMO. I would imagine she just ghosted and didnt explain why, also.. Just left you hanging trying to figure what happened. That seems the be the pattern. But, and not to excuse her or absolve her, id wager she had a fairly difficult childhood, even though "difficult" is a relative term. Just know, which I know you do, none of that was on you, thats on her. Thats shit shes packing with her. And im sure she did it to the last guy. And she'll do it to the next guy. And she'll keep doing it until she addresses the issue. Something i heard recently that just fucking clicked hard for me was "in relationships theres actually 4 people involved. You and your inner child how you were raised, and her and her inner child". that hit. Well, I guess in your case there was Mr. October also 😆 🤣 JK im messing. Was getting too heavy 😆. But seriously, if you do still think about it sometimes, just know thats not a reflection of you.. And, do you really think youd be happy in the future with that mess? Nah, you dodged a bullet. Be grateful for the lessons learned, im sure they'll were painful ones. She taught you things about yourself, helped you grow stronger, and more deliberate. You gotta tear the muscle to make it grow.. 💪

The only time I ever came back for an "ex" was hydorah lol

Almost everyone ive ever had a situationship with jumped back in my dms or re-followed at least eventually. Josh was the only one who I took back w open arms and it wasnt the same. In his case idk if his sanity was slipping with time, its likely. But either way if you entertain these people, your tx will probably be worse than the first time.

Worse than that, ive noticed that when I had sex w someone, then they dumped me, then they came back yrs later and we had sex again-- years later they are sexually sadistic. Its super weird esp when I didnt reject them or do anything wrong to them to cause the lapse. Its like my aunt says, they can tell im "low-hanging fruit" and since I put out before they're unconcerned w impressing me so they take the opportunity to bite tf out of my shit and beat me till im bawling. This happened 3x, it was 3x enough, ill never make the mistake again. Last time was in '22

Posted by MidAtBest
The only time I ever came back for an "ex" was hydorah lol

Almost everyone ive ever had a situationship with jumped back in my dms or re-followed at least eventually. Josh was the only one who I took back w open arms and it wasnt the same. In his case idk if his sanity was slipping with time, its likely. But either way if you entertain these people, your tx will probably be worse than the first time.

Worse than that, ive noticed that when I had sex w someone, then they dumped me, then they came back yrs later and we had sex again-- years later they are sexually sadistic. Its super weird esp when I didnt reject them or do anything wrong to them to cause the lapse. Its like my aunt says, they can tell im "low-hanging fruit" and since I put out before they're unconcerned w impressing me so they take the opportunity to bite tf out of my shit and beat me till im bawling. This happened 3x, it was 3x enough, ill never make the mistake again. Last time was in '22

How long were you with the ones who were abusive? Sorry that happened, BTW. Did you make it through the powerstruggle stage?

I think it can work, but you cant just go back like nothing happened. Like you have to really dig into things with each other. I dont think most people are emotionally equipped to handle that. It seems like a conflict to them. They have to admit their flaws. They gotta address their own mess. So, they want to either come back like nothing happened and slup into the same old patterns, which doesnt work.. one side is going to be resentful and start making new issues over old issues, or worse become a martyr that loses self respect because they'd rather suffer than perceive the relationship was a failure and thereby they were a failure. Or, they just move onto someone new, who has no history with them, doesnt know them really, its light kinda superficial, but the novelty is what they want. They dont want you to know them, and as the new relationship goes along, the same shit happens. But it usually starts at the power struggles stage.

Posted by SadHatter

Posted by Archer12

Posted by SadHatter
I think people walk away from things even when they didnt really want to. This is typical for avoidant attachment style s. What usually happens is they dont address the real issues when they break from one relationship, and they avoid any feelings about it... they just put on a strong mask and just keep swimming. But that shit doesnt go away, so they carry it into their next relationship and repeat the cycle. They reflect on how they treated you, and the good things about you come back, they want to reach out, usually when they compare you to the ones who came after when things are going to shit, again. Its called the phantom ex.

Youre not really looking to reconcile, so just take.it as flattery and her showing you you were a good guy, or she wouldnt be trying to reach back out, now would she? Leave it at that. Unless someone comes back to apologize and have actually worked to change behavior, keep them at arms length. Its not that shes defective or broken, she probably just didnt learn to deal with shit growing up. Youre happy now, so just be kind.

I agree with what your saying and I wouldn’t be rude to anyone even though she broke my heart several times and I let it happen fool me but do you know what it woke me tf up so I learned a lot about myself and that I was worth a lot more than what she was giving me in the end and the way she played games with me when she knew I was head over heels for her but since her I haven’t let a single person take the piss I will cut off end of.

Sometimes people do not change and they are the same over and over and sometimes they do I will never know because I would never entertain her again but as for being polite that’s what I am doing by minding my own business and not giving any of my energy to it plus I am happy and have everything I wished for.

If I were to see her when I am out and about then I would also, be polite.

I walked away from her when I found she had slept with a guy in December who I had doubts about in the October and at the time she was calling us friends after being together for 2 years she played that friends card for around 4-5 months and it back fired.

I wasn’t aloud to do what I wanted or if I did she wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks but I didn’t want to do anything but sort it out.

I didn’t want to be friends who sleep with each other and spend time with each others kids etc doing family things like your still in a relationship playing constant mind games.

she said we are friends for around 5 months but had me with her every night.

It came to October we did not speak until the end of January when I slept with someone else she found out then manipulated the shit out of me told me I was so wrong etc for 3 weeks to the point I was in peace’s thinking I actually done something wrong but all along she had slept with a guy anyway in the December same guy I had doubts about in the October when we wasn’t talking. And she knew what she was doing toxic behaviour.

So I walked away for good after we met in the January I didn’t want to go around and around over and over again with her games.click to expand

You seem like a pretty stand up guy. I feel you more than you know, for sure. Youre 100% right in your decisions IMO. I would imagine she just ghosted and didnt explain why, also.. Just left you hanging trying to figure what happened. That seems the be the pattern. But, and not to excuse her or absolve her, id wager she had a fairly difficult childhood, even though "difficult" is a relative term. Just know, which I know you do, none of that was on you, thats on her. Thats shit shes packing with her. And im sure she did it to the last guy. And she'll do it to the next guy. And she'll keep doing it until she addresses the issue. Something i heard recently that just fucking clicked hard for me was "in relationships theres actually 4 people involved. You and your inner child how you were raised, and her and her inner child". that hit. Well, I guess in your case there was Mr. October also 😆 🤣 JK im messing. Was getting too heavy 😆. But seriously, if you do still think about it sometimes, just know thats not a reflection of you.. And, do you really think youd be happy in the future with that mess? Nah, you dodged a bullet. Be grateful for the lessons learned, im sure they'll were painful ones. She taught you things about yourself, helped you grow stronger, and more deliberate. You gotta tear the muscle to make it grow.. 💪

click to expand

Let’s say her mother I never got to meet she would always say she is not all there and crazy.

When she was drunk one time she opened up abit more and said she had to be sectioned as she walked out with out clothes on etc.

Pmsl literally that 4 quickly escalated to 5 lol

I’m grateful believe me my libra is one of a kind

Posted by SadHatter

Posted by MidAtBest
The only time I ever came back for an "ex" was hydorah lol

Almost everyone ive ever had a situationship with jumped back in my dms or re-followed at least eventually. Josh was the only one who I took back w open arms and it wasnt the same. In his case idk if his sanity was slipping with time, its likely. But either way if you entertain these people, your tx will probably be worse than the first time.

Worse than that, ive noticed that when I had sex w someone, then they dumped me, then they came back yrs later and we had sex again-- years later they are sexually sadistic. Its super weird esp when I didnt reject them or do anything wrong to them to cause the lapse. Its like my aunt says, they can tell im "low-hanging fruit" and since I put out before they're unconcerned w impressing me so they take the opportunity to bite tf out of my shit and beat me till im bawling. This happened 3x, it was 3x enough, ill never make the mistake again. Last time was in '22

How long were you with the ones who were abusive? Sorry that happened, BTW. Did you make it through the powerstruggle stage?

I think it can work, but you cant just go back like nothing happened. Like you have to really dig into things with each other. I dont think most people are emotionally equipped to handle that. It seems like a conflict to them. They have to admit their flaws. They gotta address their own mess. So, they want to either come back like nothing happened and slup into the same old patterns, which doesnt work.. one side is going to be resentful and start making new issues over old issues, or worse become a martyr that loses self respect because they'd rather suffer than perceive the relationship was a failure and thereby they were a failure. Or, they just move onto someone new, who has no history with them, doesnt know them really, its light kinda superficial, but the novelty is what they want. They dont want you to know them, and as the new relationship goes along, the same shit happens. But it usually starts at the power struggles stage.

click to expand

I don’t want her I’m happy in my relationship just interested to see what else people have had been through similar

Posted by MidAtBest
The only time I ever came back for an "ex" was hydorah lol

Almost everyone ive ever had a situationship with jumped back in my dms or re-followed at least eventually. Josh was the only one who I took back w open arms and it wasnt the same. In his case idk if his sanity was slipping with time, its likely. But either way if you entertain these people, your tx will probably be worse than the first time.

Worse than that, ive noticed that when I had sex w someone, then they dumped me, then they came back yrs later and we had sex again-- years later they are sexually sadistic. Its super weird esp when I didnt reject them or do anything wrong to them to cause the lapse. Its like my aunt says, they can tell im "low-hanging fruit" and since I put out before they're unconcerned w impressing me so they take the opportunity to bite tf out of my shit and beat me till im bawling. This happened 3x, it was 3x enough, ill never make the mistake again. Last time was in '22

I’m just wondering, is the current Virgo physically aggressive and rapey?

Posted by zonedout

Posted by MidAtBest
The only time I ever came back for an "ex" was hydorah lol

Almost everyone ive ever had a situationship with jumped back in my dms or re-followed at least eventually. Josh was the only one who I took back w open arms and it wasnt the same. In his case idk if his sanity was slipping with time, its likely. But either way if you entertain these people, your tx will probably be worse than the first time.

Worse than that, ive noticed that when I had sex w someone, then they dumped me, then they came back yrs later and we had sex again-- years later they are sexually sadistic. Its super weird esp when I didnt reject them or do anything wrong to them to cause the lapse. Its like my aunt says, they can tell im "low-hanging fruit" and since I put out before they're unconcerned w impressing me so they take the opportunity to bite tf out of my shit and beat me till im bawling. This happened 3x, it was 3x enough, ill never make the mistake again. Last time was in '22

I’m just wondering, is the current Virgo physically aggressive and rapey?

click to expand

very much the opposite. he doesn't chase to an annoying degree. I'm rapier than him. he doesn't seem like he would physically hurt a woman but sometimes he will coldly/angrily tell us what to do and that we have to obey

They do all the time. I'm used to it and they decide what they want to do. I'm going to continue doing what I was doing anyway.

I keep everybody on a revolving door status.