When Married Men Cheat

When married men cheat, get caught and their wife kicks them out or leaves them, why do some of these men treat the wife like crap, like she's the one who did wrong?

Are they pissed they had to give up half their stuff from their own stupidity or is it ego or did they really expect her to keep allowing it to happen so he could have this cake and eat it too?

I'm basing this opinion on when my own marriage broke up and now I'm witnessing a friend go through it, as well as some others I've observed and heard about. It's so not fair. The way these men act is as if the wife was the one who had the affair.

Just curious on your opinions on the matter.

(and this question has nothing to do with me and aqua, in case you're wondering).

Well, when you look at the big picture of being in the wrong (whether male or female) and being caught red handed, I almost feel like it's a defense mechanism to turn it around. To deflect one's anger and hurt towards the other person, by saying that they are somehow responsible for it getting to that point. It's an attempt to justify their actions or to help relive some guilt.

In regards to a relationship or marriage, I think that if one person is unhappy with the other... to the point that cheating has even crossed their mind, that they need to talk to their partner. Unhappiness with the other person does not condone cheating. So that BS of, you pushed me to this point, or if you weren't this or that... then I wouldn't have. Is the biggest crock of shit ever. I'll take responbility for my actions if I am responsible for making you unhappy, and we can work on it together, but I didn't force you to cheat.

Maybe they feel you are the "cause" of their cheating, in a sense?

Posted by truecap
When married men cheat, get caught and their wife kicks them out or leaves them, why do some of these men treat the wife like crap, like she's the one who did wrong?

Are they pissed they had to give up half their stuff from their own stupidity or is it ego or did they really expect her to keep allowing it to happen so he could have this cake and eat it too?

I'm basing this opinion on when my own marriage broke up and now I'm witnessing a friend go through it, as well as some others I've observed and heard about. It's so not fair. The way these men act is as if the wife was the one who had the affair.

Just curious on your opinions on the matter.

(and this question has nothing to do with me and aqua, in case you're wondering).

Dafuq? this NEVER happens, the level of emotional inmaturity it would take to cheat and be angry at the person you betrayed is... mind boggling.

Posted by truecap
When married men cheat, get caught and their wife kicks them out or leaves them, why do some of these men treat the wife like crap, like she's the one who did wrong?

Are they pissed they had to give up half their stuff from their own stupidity or is it ego or did they really expect her to keep allowing it to happen so he could have this cake and eat it too?

I'm basing this opinion on when my own marriage broke up and now I'm witnessing a friend go through it, as well as some others I've observed and heard about. It's so not fair. The way these men act is as if the wife was the one who had the affair.

Just curious on your opinions on the matter.

(and this question has nothing to do with me and aqua, in case you're wondering).

This was my divorce...I'm still looking for that answer!

This not an easy answer and really. You really have to look at the relationship and the individuals.

In my case, it took two tangle. I really wasn't the innocent one in our marital issues and neither was he. I am not saying his actions where acceptable, because they weren't. But just saying is not always an easy answer.

Like someone else mentioned, I think it's that karma bit them in the ass and their selfish actions are now flying back at them tenfold and they can't handle being an adult and facing the consequences of their actions.

Cue the immature temper tantrums and behaving like a jack ass. OMG YOU REMIND THEM OF THE BAD SHIT THEY DID.

I haven't been married, but I relate because of the recent behavior of an ex. Kinda the same shit- absolutely ridiculous behavior and it leaves me stumped too because he behaved badly and he chose to split up.

All I can think of is immaturity and not being able to face the douche things they did. It wouldn't be surprising because our society generally raises males to be a bit on the entitled, cakey eaty side with this stuff.

Posted by Rabbit
It would have been a far better question if it was phrased as "When Married PEOPLE Cheat".

Both genders are equally capable of infidelity.

Why do men do this?? Any time a female addresses an issue she's seen with the opposite gender, guys immediately jump in with some variation of WOMEN DO IT TOO!

Touchy ego much?

Yeah, I think so too. It is a self defense mechanism, the guilt, the lack of taking responsibility, the refusal to deal with consequences.

And yes, it does take two to tango and there are reasons why people cheat. They're not happy, but a lot of them don't even talk to the spouse about their concerns. They just go out and have their fun. Any woman (or man for that matter) worth her salt and with self esteem will not tolerate a cheating spouse. The cheater knows this going into it and lo and behold acts all shocked that the spouse ends things.

I kicked mine out immediately. My friend tried to work through it and repair the marriage, but all that did was give him the go ahead to keep cheating since he knew she wouldn't do anything about it.

Get this, my ex never paid his credit cards after the divorce, went into default, but now its MY fault he has bad credit. Go figure.

For what its worth, three years later, sweet, sweet karma has kicked in and my ex'es girlfriend is back with her ex husband from what I hear. Or at least she's back and forth between the two. She's a real piece of work. Gotta love small town gossip. lol! I just stay out of it because I really don't care.

Posted by Rabbit
It would have been a far better question if it was phrased as "When Married PEOPLE Cheat".

Both genders are equally capable of infidelity.

I wasn't trying to blame this on the men only. You're right both people cheat. But, I've only seen the men act this way on the 5-6 cases I've witnessed.

Good point, Robyn. Do we make them act that way toward us?

It seems perfectly normal to me, for people to get mad when they are caught .... just look at dxp, for example ... if the truth of their ways is noticed, they get pissed to high hell at the person who noticed.

So why should this be any different?

People fuck up and act like it's another happy day in the park ... when someone notices and calls them on it ... they clearly can't handle their own truths then, and act like they never did anything wrong ..... when all along, they are the douchebag who made the decision for themselves.

So, for a married person to get angry at their partner for noticing and pointing it out, seems to be a normal reaction.

No one likes consequences. The guilty especially don't like consequences.

You notice that those who really are guilty in courtrooms can sometimes be the most defiant in courtrooms when it's time for sentencing. You'd think they'd be calm, mellow & more than willing to accept their face b/c of their actions, right? Wrong

Men who cheat continuously are usually very arrogant & feel that they are entitled to cheating. They justify their actions to themselves. When someone justifies something to themselves (even if it's wrong), they react with anger & feel that they are entitled to sympathy or mercy all b/c "they" felt they had a good REASON to do what they did

Almost like they're thinking, "How dare you kick me out & make me face consequences!!" lol

A lot of times cheaters cheat b/c they either 1. Don't think they'll ever get caught (arrogance....arrogance leads to an explosive & unreasonable temper when they are made to be brought down a notch) OR 2. They don't think their partners are strong or smart enough to leave. You'd be surprised at how many people secretly think you're a doormat that will "take it"..of course they'd never tell you that though

Most cheaters aren't mad that they did it. They're mad that they got caught. A person who is upset that they did it would try their best to be the most humble & understanding b/c facing the truth & holding yourself accountable for your actions will bring that out of you

A person who is not ready to take responsibility or who justified their actions (therefore feeling no consequence was even necessary in the 1st place) will react with ego, anger, & reverse psychology on the victim

Any time a cheater is more offended & mad after he's caught than the person who got cheated on, yep, that's your cue that they will not, have not & never will take responsibility for their actions. And since you can't change what you can't acknowledge, you can't fix what you don't acknowledge. And if you can fix a problem, the problem will just persist. Dead end

Posted by P-Angel

It seems perfectly normal to me, for people to get mad when they are caught .... just look at dxp, for example ... if the truth of their ways is noticed, they get pissed to high hell at the person who noticed.

So why should this be any different?

People fuck up and act like it's another happy day in the park ... when someone notices and calls them on it ... they clearly can't handle their own truths then, and act like they never did anything wrong ..... when all along, they are the douchebag who made the decision for themselves.

So, for a married person to get angry at their partner for noticing and pointing it out, seems to be a normal reaction.

Is it human nature for anyone to be upset when they are about to be punished for something they did? Yes

But is it LOGICAL or fair for a person to feel entitled to mercy when they spared their victim no mercy? NO

Just b/c something comes "natural" to human beings doesn't make it right. Lying may come natural to someone whose back is up against the wall, does that make lying justified or ok? No.

You see these cases a lot in courtrooms. Those who are guilty of hurting others in some way are somehow more upset than those they wronged. They are mad at the world when they have to serve crime for murder & feel that we as a society/jurors have somehow wronged them! BULL. They think this way b/c their inability to accept responsibility doesn't allow them to think about anyone else other than themselves. It should be the other way around

Taking responsibility doesn't just mean admitting your wrongs. It also means being willing to face/accept any consequences as a result of your actions.

Those who are ready to take responsibility & face the consequences can usually feel empathy for those they've hurt. And the empathy they feel allows them to not make it about them, but about trying to comfort those they hurt, NOT scold them.