When you love someone......

Truly love someone but are not in a commited relationship can you handle just being their friend? Like in the movie "Diary of a mad black woman" for those of you who have seen there's a part where one of the main characters suggests being friends and her counter part responds..."I can't just be your friend,when you love someone,truly someone you cant just be friends..I'd rather have none of you then pieces here and there" something to that effect anyhow...how many of you feel this very way? Or can you carry on with someone you love as friends take the little pieces given just to keep them in your life? Personal experience I can absolutely not..I tried but just cannot bring myself to do it...Have you been in such a situation & what's your take on it? Can you just go with the flow...to the beat of their drum or is there no way in hell for you?

TRUE love and he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship?

Rather blow my brains out.

I could not, how can you sincerely be that persons friend. you would still have that desire to be with them. What if they meet someone new, as a friend you should share in their joy. Would that be possible if your still in love with them?

I couldn't do it, I would rather have nothing than to have pieces of that person just to say they are in my life. I think it would be impossible to be your friend and see you date other people and all those things I couldn't be happy for you and it would be phony...........

That is one of the most complex questions to answer, for I have felt both emotions mightily.

For me. I rather have the emptiness than be your friend, have to hear you tell me some other asshole is hurting you or treating you like shit, when I already know that i have more Love for you in one of my fallen eyelashes than he could ever accumulate, even if he were given four lifetimes to try.
For me the thought of holding her first child and looking at that baby and wishing inside that it were ours, would probably kill me.
But at the same time, I guess it would be at that moment when I would finally realize why we werent meant to be...
it's because, there is no way I couldve have ever helped you create something as beautiful as that child, because only two people who truly love one another mutually could create someone as beautiful and perfect.


I'll never know.

@nicearies..haha!

@claire..I'm with the love is selfless part as well as love is patient,love is kind...right out of the bible...I also believe love is selfless on behalf of both parties a two way street..one cannot give & give while the other takes and gives and gives and takes...it then becomes fore of a selfish act rather than a selfless act

There is no way I could do that. I am already very touchy feely/mushy with friends who I have strictly platonic feelings for...

With love comes certain expectations that a friendship shouldn't be required of. For that reason, I don't think it's possible to be "just friends" when you're really just "in love."

And the people who do "try" to be friends are literally doing that...trying.

People try to be just friends all the time, but it rarely ever works out w/o 1 person always feeling like they're suppressing their deepest feelings & desires.

And depending on how you define "friendship" I don't think a friendship (or love) is even worth it if you're only in it b/c you had to suppress your innermost feelings/desires

Think about it from a backwards standpoint. People who start off as friends always grow into loving eachother b/c once the boundary of love has been crossed, it only makes sense to go forwards vs. remaining friends or cutting eachother off altogether.

Once the love is there, the friendship part isn't genuine. It's just that some people have to try or force themselves to be just "friends" from an outside (not emotional) level b/c of someone else's terms & b/c it's their only way of keeping a "piece" of that person

"I already know that i have more Love for you in one of my fallen eyelashes than he could ever accumulate, even if he were given four lifetimes to try." - So Endearing...

HELLS NO! I want everything! Because I'm giving you every part of me and that's what love is to me. I'd get angry/jealous/resentful/mad every time we talked or I saw you! You'd never know it, but I'd would be at war with my emotions. I don't think you ever get over a "true love".

Posted by LeoGal4Real
"I already know that i have more Love for you in one of my fallen eyelashes than he could ever accumulate, even if he were given four lifetimes to try." - So Endearing...

HELLS NO! I want everything! Because I'm giving you every part of me and that's what love is to me. I'd get angry/jealous/resentful/mad every time we talked or I saw you! You'd never know it, but I'd would be at war with my emotions.




I don't think you ever get over a "true love".

God. I hope so. Although after reading about Chiron and wounds...some wounds never go away.
That just sucks panda balls.

You let them see you pee or drop the kidz off at the pool. Now that's real vulnerability and trust.
Hmmm I'm old school thought, so true love as it were is a rare thing in this times. I agree that you never "get over" a soul mate or true love...... Not that you can't move out but you Will always feel incomplete I think.

Posted by Lobo
Not that you can't move out but you Will always feel incomplete I think.

And I considered myself evolved until I met this one man! Damn him to hell!!! Haha! I actually can be your friend..I know this because I live it. When I'm not in love with you I am evolved enough to see you date other people,talk to you..whatever it maybe if that's what makes you happy. When I'm loving you no way in hell can I just be your friend...its a blk & white thing for me...I don't like living in a world with shades of gray...it makes me feel so out of control...OMG! I said the "C"word!!! I am on the same page...its all or nothing and I won't settle...I won't just fall out of love either 😢 I will cut you out of my life completely and break my own heart before I alow you to break it for me...and when they keep trying to communicate with you knowing how you feel not only makes it harder but pisses me off too...just confirms how selfish someone truly is and could give a rats ass about your feeling! I can be in love and be your best friend...but I can't continue to love someone in a non-commited relationship and be your friend...I'm selfish that way...I don't like sharing!!

I need time to step back and reassess the situation. If it's just a crush I put on the big girl panties and put my hand out for a shake. But on the flip side of this...I've hurt feelings because I revert to friends ONLY, and deep down it's not what the dude really wants. Test me and tell me that's all you want? Well welcome to it, but if I'm told to back off and do..don't get butthurt over it. They think we give mixed messages? Yeh well, so do they.

I can.

@lovelibra...right off that seat too!scorpdiva & bluemoon..all or nothing works for me!its a mutaul thing,its about respect for the other person & yourself...yes I know its 100% possible(for me)but not with someone I'm in love with..it tugs at me emotionally & mentally..I'm a giver & I'm a taker too! I cannot live on a one way street...its the all or nothing thing again...I cannot live with the feeling that I'm somehow being cheated or I'd end up resenting my own personal choices and be angry of how I handled them! Scorps cannot live under these circumstances....we feel the need to be in control of a situation!!

I've done it before. I still love him, but now I'm not IN love with him. It's just a friend thing completely now. It took a while to get that way tho.

I've tried more than once with the same person...I've told myself in the past I could do it and attempted to more then once...I know now I don't have what it takes to settle for the here and then and have since ended it...if only he'd leave me the hell alone now! Since it makes for a much harder process....sigh*

Posted by wgamador2
That is one of the most complex questions to answer, for I have felt both emotions mightily.

For me. I rather have the emptiness than be your friend, have to hear you tell me some other asshole is hurting you or treating you like shit, when I already know that i have more Love for you in one of my fallen eyelashes than he could ever accumulate, even if he were given four lifetimes to try.
For me the thought of holding her first child and looking at that baby and wishing inside that it were ours, would probably kill me.
But at the same time, I guess it would be at that moment when I would finally realize why we werent meant to be...
it's because, there is no way I couldve have ever helped you create something as beautiful as that child, because only two people who truly love one another mutually could create someone as beautiful and perfect.


I'll never know.

HOW BEAUTIFUL, MADOR...

I'm going through that now... and it HURTS like HOT BUTTER!!! OMG!

I guess, he can't be friends... I can, but through my tears. I agree with Mador..
I moved on, he did too. Years later, feelings are still there. He is having a baby w/ another woman- and it hurts because he wanted it to be with me. In another life, I would LOVE that. I have 4 kids w/ my husband- committed.
KILLS me to hear him tell me how much she hurt him- him almost in tears, and there's nothing I can do. Knowing she could never love him or appreciate him the way I do. Kills him for him to know that I'm not really happy and that I'm not loved like I "should be". As he puts it, I let you go and you will be my biggest regret.

We both agreed, in another life, we would be together forever.. but that's not to be. He totally disappeared one day and we haven't spoken since. Not sure if its because he lost interest or has given up. The last thing I said to him is "if I can't have you as my own, then I will have you as my friend." He said, "If being your friend keeps you in my life,then that's what you will be because I never want to lose you again." He doesn't answer calls or texts anymore. ;-(

While i can be his friend, loving him and watching him move on with someone else, I cry inside knowing he couldn't do it. HATE broken hearts and promises. maybe that's just the Taurus way and the Pisces broken heart.. 😢

Your story makes me sad too shortii...I'm sorry 😢 the only thing that always comes to mind when I'm trying to be strong and not give in to him is...and this is for you too...everything in life happens for a reason & if it was meant to be it just would be..maybe if it were somewhere down the line the hurt you'd feel would be multiplied by 10 then what it is now...someone special spared you =) or when you love someone you set them free and if its truly meant to be somewhere down the line you'll meet again for all the right reasons at precisely the right time =)

A friend of mine has maintained a friendship with someone she is completely in love with and tells me how it just works for her...she also sees other people aside from him...I could never make something like that work? It completely baffles me how she does it? When I love ..there's only him...

Cakey eaty, to borrow a phrase. 🙂

Maybe....a modern ho?!! Lmao...but really I just can't grasp the thought of it? I need to be your friend,your lover,your confidant..your other half..if I cannot be those things with the person I love then I would rather walk then settle

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by venusianbull
Cakey eaty, to borrow a phrase. 🙂

*chortle*

click to expand

Heheheee.

When you love someone more then you love yourself...true...but then you have to love yourself first to to share the depths of love with someone else...howd ya like them oranges?! =)

My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" 'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...Oh God... 🙂

Awww...that's some serious biz when you wake the dog up!

Oh Christ....aahhh, but she's been dead two years and that's the shit I remember. Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made
her my wife. Oh and she had the goods on me, too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they're not, aw that's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let in to our weird little worlds... 🙂

Yes when you allow someone into your world for love you love everything about them..I'm sorry for your loss...😢cake?!

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by venusianbull

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by venusianbull
Cakey eaty, to borrow a phrase. 🙂

*chortle*

Heheheee.

You should call the most sugary, calorie laden cake for your empire something along the lines of that. 🙂

click to expand

LOL J'adore. 'Cakey Eaty' layer cake. With perfectly done roses to say you really care.

Mmmmm

Tunnel of fudge, it's a real cracker. 🙂

Posted by missscorp
Truly love someone but are not in a commited relationship can you handle just being their friend? Like in the movie "Diary of a mad black woman" for those of you who have seen there's a part where one of the main characters suggests being friends and her counter part responds..."I can't just be your friend,when you love someone,truly someone you cant just be friends..I'd rather have none of you then pieces here and there" something to that effect anyhow...how many of you feel this very way? Or can you carry on with someone you love as friends take the little pieces given just to keep them in your life? Personal experience I can absolutely not..I tried but just cannot bring myself to do it...Have you been in such a situation & what's your take on it? Can you just go with the flow...to the beat of their drum or is there no way in hell for you?

Of course. Love is purely spiritual; sex is earthy. If you truly loved them you could wait.

When you truly love someone... just kill yourself, it ain't worth it!!

Love is patient, love is kind...yes you can wait! This I know but how long...everyons waiting period is different until the bell goes off & your done...no waiting in vain....it not allowed!!!

Posted by missscorp
Love is patient, love is kind...yes you can wait! This I know but how long...everyons waiting period is different until the bell goes off & your done...no waiting in vain....it not allowed!!!

You see, if you want to be with the person, it's no longer about YOU.. it's also when they are comfortable. Or else why be with them, or why say you "love" them when it's ALL about you? Loving someone is being in sync!

Yes it is about being in sync...it requires two....it doesn't work when one is on the bus and the other keeps goin along for the ride

Hahaha! The one that's worth it is out there...and you'll never know cause your dead!!hehe

We wanna know!

Posted by lildol
When you truly love someone... just kill yourself, it ain't worth it!!

ROTFL!! Hilarious!!

she made a funny...

Posted by Sean
My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" 'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...Oh God... 🙂

LMFAO!!

Posted by LibraLuv

Posted by spica

Posted by missscorp
Truly love someone but are not in a commited relationship can you handle just being their friend? Like in the movie "Diary of a mad black woman" for those of you who have seen there's a part where one of the main characters suggests being friends and her counter part responds..."I can't just be your friend,when you love someone,truly someone you cant just be friends..I'd rather have none of you then pieces here and there" something to that effect anyhow...how many of you feel this very way? Or can you carry on with someone you love as friends take the little pieces given just to keep them in your life? Personal experience I can absolutely not..I tried but just cannot bring myself to do it...Have you been in such a situation & what's your take on it? Can you just go with the flow...to the beat of their drum or is there no way in hell for you?

Of course. Love is purely spiritual; sex is earthy. If you truly loved them you could wait.

Have you seen the movie? In case you haven't...the woman was emotionally abused and cheated on by her husband. He brings home the woman he's been cheating with and has had children by, and puts the wife/woman out of the house...literally. Fast forward, this woman eventually meets new guy and starts dating. Okay, they fall in love, and man proposes. Here comes the drama, the woman's ex husband gets shot and paralyzed as a result and the mistress left him. Now, old girl finds out, calls new boy'friend'/fiance' to a bar and says...I have to go care for my ex-husband, can we just be friends? Hence, his response to her "I'd rather have none of you, than pieces of you here and there!"...okay he was already working with old girl and her 'issues' and then she dropped a bomb like that?

Sorry...He should have told her to put the crack pipe down! So, in a scenario like that, my answer is still...NO.

click to expand

I didnt see the movie. The scenario sounds complicated, so much so that it is more of an illusion than love. In that case, "you can love many people.." best applies. My statement only refers to two people with no other complications in between.

Posted by Sean
My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" 'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...Oh God... 🙂

Next time, give credit to the screenwriter who worked hard to write what you have quoted Sean.
I love "Good Will Hunting" and won't let you disrespect the writers!

Mocha

Posted by spica

Posted by missscorp
Truly love someone but are not in a commited relationship can you handle just being their friend? Like in the movie "Diary of a mad black woman" for those of you who have seen there's a part where one of the main characters suggests being friends and her counter part responds..."I can't just be your friend,when you love someone,truly someone you cant just be friends..I'd rather have none of you then pieces here and there" something to that effect anyhow...how many of you feel this very way? Or can you carry on with someone you love as friends take the little pieces given just to keep them in your life? Personal experience I can absolutely not..I tried but just cannot bring myself to do it...Have you been in such a situation & what's your take on it? Can you just go with the flow...to the beat of their drum or is there no way in hell for you?

Of course. Love is purely spiritual; sex is earthy. If you truly loved them you could wait.

click to expand

What time frame? How long does one wait?
Is this why we have people settling for Ms/Mr OK for Now instead of waiting for Mr/Miss Right? because they don't have the patience to wait for their true love/soulmate/The One/whatever? Cause of much misery, affairs and distress for all concerned.

Can you wait too long for your true love and suddenly find yourself alone and unloved?
I have never been an advocate for settling rather than waiting for the real thing, but I am old and unmarried and seek guidance from the wise and happily married folk among us.

Is Not Quite True Love good enough?? Is it better to wait?

Posted by missscorp
Truly love someone but are not in a commited relationship can you handle just being their friend? Like in the movie "Diary of a mad black woman" for those of you who have seen there's a part where one of the main characters suggests being friends and her counter part responds..."I can't just be your friend,when you love someone,truly someone you cant just be friends..I'd rather have none of you then pieces here and there" something to that effect anyhow...how many of you feel this very way? Or can you carry on with someone you love as friends take the little pieces given just to keep them in your life? Personal experience I can absolutely not..I tried but just cannot bring myself to do it...Have you been in such a situation & what's your take on it? Can you just go with the flow...to the beat of their drum or is there no way in hell for you?

I can go with the flow for a while but eventually it will eat me up inside to harbor such feelings. I'm not the type that would disclose my love for someone especially if I don't feel it's being reciprocated. Most likely I would slowly but surely cut ties.

For me, the feeling slowly goes away. Eventually in time, it will be ok to be just friends. Just depends how hard you fell for them.