Why Does It Matter?

Ladies just want to ask a quick question.

I'm not dating right now due to serious personal circumstances. Not sure If I ever will when the worst does happen. But in the event I change my mind down the road just wanted to pique your perspective.

I try to take care of my physical appearance. Mainly for health purposes. But by taking care I mean just watching my diet and nutrition. And I keep a trim slender frame because of it.

I understand women need a mixture of equal mental stimulation plus visual in a relationship. Muscles are a huge turn on for most women.

I've never worked out and always was just trim. The main reason I never worked out was because my skin is fair and I have to keep out of the sun. So in my mind women like tanned and muscular. And what would the point be if I am pale?

So my question is this. Would you still find muscles on a guy with pale skin attractive? Just curious..

It might sound cliched, but it's true that personality outweighs physique. At least a quality woman (who is looking for a relationship and not a casual fling) would think so. While I will admit that I tend to be initially more physically attracted to a certain "type" I've dated men of all shapes, sizes and complexions. I've dated men who were dark and muscular and was bored to tears by their dull personality. And I've dated men who were pale and skinny and loved being with them because they were so much fun.

At the end of the day - humour, intellect, confidence, kindness, etc. is what makes a man attractive, sexy and desirable more than anything else.

I can see what you all are saying about the personality thing and appreciate that.

But on the other hand, I've seen lots of girls who date average guys have wandering eyes to athletic types. If they think they have a chance with the Matthew McConaughey clone, the girl will break up or cheat on their guy.

Again it could just be the place I live, cause I see it happen all the time. I'll never forget a movie I saw on Showtime when I was a teenager.

This movie inspired a tv show. Bear in mind that I'm talking about the film, not the tv show. The movie was Red Shoe Diaries. It was about this engaged couple and one day this guys fiancee kills herself.

A few days after the funeral, the guy finds her diary in their apartment. He starts to read it and discover she had a secret life. She meets a muscle bound studly guy who works construction out on the street. SHe talks about how hot he is in her inner monologue. They have a moment then she walks away. She cant stop thinking about him, and decides to stalk him when he gets off work to go to his other job in retail.

She goes in there, they talk he gives her his number. She meets up with him and it's boink city from then on. The guy she cheated on was a nice guy, but it goes to show strong animal attraction will override love. Guess I'm a little leary of a girl pulling her own red shoe diaries on me.

"people's eyes are going to wander whether it be by a man or woman. you can't tell me if an attractive woman walked by you when you were with your significant other that you wouldn't have a private thought to yourself about how attractive she was. THIS IS NORMAL."

This is my fault, I didnt clarify in my original statement what I was talking about. When I talk about wandering eyes, I mean in the sense of actual cheating or dumping for the BBC - (Bigger Better C-ck)

I dont care if the girl I'm with checks out other men. I agree with you totally its natural. As long as she is coming home at the end of the day with me. But if she is checking out other guy's penis up close then there is a issue if we're not casual or in a open relationship.

I dont want my original statement to sound like a criticism of most women wanting six pack abs on me. That is totally fine. I was just explaining my cynicism of the personality over looks philosophy as I have seen women who were cute or hot cheat or dump their bf for the athlete.

Which is the main reason why I would work out. If she's got an athletic bod at home, the less likelihood of seeking it outside the relationship.

But I originally thought having a muscular body would be a waste given that I'm fair-skinned. But since women say it isnt then if I ever get out in the dating world again, then the gym is my destination.

Hi Layna. Appreciate the feedback.

Noticed how I said LESS the likilhood of them looking elsewhere. Never said they would. But a lot of my female friends (not all mind you have some actual good ones) though I love em dearly are straight up ho's.

They either cheated or dumped their bf's for the main reason of not feeling enough physical attraction. So when a new prospect came their way they felt too tempted not to sample a taste. Which resulted in them dumpin' or cheating to get a sizable amount of it.

And Layna I do agree it does take more than strong physical appearance to keep a girl interested. Though I have known a lot of gals to stick with good-looking douchebags for the main reason that they can give the big O every time. I kind of believe (based on my observations anyway) an old adage of Eddie Murphy that if you make a woman cum, that she will tolerate the craziest amount of bullsh-t from a guy.

I want to stress I dont think that's true for all females. Notice how I said kind of believe. Sorry just didnt want to be misunderstood and then lynched.

Anyhow, I'm not that way in a relationship. I'm a decent guy but not a nice one so to speak. I dont do flowers except once in a great, great while. I sure as heck dont write nor ever have written poems for gals. I think that's wimpy.

Believe me, I have backbone. If I feel a woman is 100 % wrong on something, I call her on it. I'm pretty objective about myself and do admit if wrong(a lot of people not just here online) think I'm too hard on myself as far as faults though.

If a woman threatens to break up with me based on my not backing down, I show her the door. I'm very independent. I've gone through some very hard times in my life without friends or girlfriends to lean on. Since I've never had anyone be there for me, I don't have the fear of being alone a lot of people do.

I was just asking this question mainly out of curiosity and to take my mind of stuff. I honestly dont think I'll ever be in a relationship again by choice. I'm too messed up psychologically from all the crap that has happened in my life. I planned to get therapy in a year or two for it. But I'm also wise enough to know it would take too many years of therapy in healing psychological wounds for me to be in a relationship.

Ain't gonna lie, I may have the occasional fling now and then. But will always tell someone I'm too damaged to be serious with them.

ZenArcade .... how you look isn't the problem.


The problem is that you base your self-image from television.


In every part of your description, as to why you feel the way you do ... you referenced television.



That is so fucking sad, there aren't words to even describe it properly. Just like women, they are measured according to what is acceptable by society, as viewed/compared against models/stunning celebrities. Hell, all Media/advertising draws people attention in by showcasing gorgeous fucking women ... and all women in this world aspire to look just as beautiful if they plan on being percieved worthy of their womanhood.


And it's fucking disgraceful.

The only thing you need to do at this point ... is turn the goddam television off, and view yourself according to your own personal standards of awesome.

DO NOT measure yourself according to programming.

Hi Zen,

I personally like guys with a little bit of flab, fat, cushion or whatever you want to call it. Something that I can grab. Something I can lay on while watching TV. I don't want to feel like I am hugging a tree. Muscles are usually hard and very heavy. When muscles are on top of you, it is difficult to breathe.

I do think it is possible to be strong and healthy without having muscles.

Tanned skin and muscles are nowhere near the top of my list for guys. They aren't even ON the list. There's no way to know what a particular woman is going to notice.

Physically, I tend to notice a man who has a slender to "teddy-bear" size, hairless to mildly furry body, no muscles to slightly defined muscles, medium to long hair, any natural skin color, and large, brown eyes. If a guy was trying to attract me, and had huge muscles and a tan, I would probably glance over him at first, and he would have to try harder to get my attention. There are all types of women, so just be yourself.