candy10
@candy10
14 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 617 · Topics: 39
WILL he regret his decision?
******
continued..
Next day which was the 31st march... he called me up in the evening..and I was thinking everything was ok even after his goodbye text and he was calling to have a normal conversation with me. He said hi and how are you and what you doing like normal, and I said I was just catching up on some tv series. Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you". I was too shocked to even speak, i literally had no idea how to react or what to say.. I just ended up saying "whats the point". He said "what do you mean what the point". He said "i'm not going to lie I did like you and I did want to get to know you better, but I think we are from two different worlds and i'm sure you'l make someone very happy some day".
He then continued and said "is there anything you want to say". I said "its kool if thats what you want". But to be honest I was far too surprised to be able to speak or express what I was thinking at that moment. But I suppose thats how I ALWAYS am with him so to be expected.
In hindsight I should have told him more or said more..like where on earth has this all come from but I didnt. I did try to call him the next day but his number had changed.
Two months later and i'm stilll like wth happened.
He thought I was "special"..basically always made out like i was the "one" for him and how much he cared about me and would always bring up marriage.and how he could see me as his future wife..Why would he then say goodbye forever So suddenlyl and change his number so suddenly.
continued..
Next day which was the 31st march... he called me up in the evening..and I was thinking everything was ok even after his goodbye text and he was calling to have a normal conversation with me. He said hi and how are you and what you doing like normal, and I said I was just catching up on some tv series. Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you". I was too shocked to even speak, i literally had no idea how to react or what to say.. I just ended up saying "whats the point". He said "what do you mean what the point". He said "i'm not going to lie I did like you and I did want to get to know you better, but I think we are from two different worlds and i'm sure you'l make someone very happy some day".
He then continued and said "is there anything you want to say". I said "its kool if thats what you want". But to be honest I was far too surprised to be able to speak or express what I was thinking at that moment. But I suppose thats how I ALWAYS am with him so to be expected.
In hindsight I should have told him more or said more..like where on earth has this all come from but I didnt. I did try to call him the next day but his number had changed.
Two months later and i'm stilll like wth happened.
He thought I was "special"..basically always made out like i was the "one" for him and how much he cared about me and would always bring up marriage.and how he could see me as his future wife..Why would he then say goodbye forever So suddenlyl and change his number so suddenly.
I do care about this person a lot..but i've always had a difficult time expressing my feelings. and that has obviously been the problem
I just want him to come back for real..I just dont kno what exactly to say to him..
for example i do want to facebook him..but i wouldnt even know where to start.
HELP!
I just want him to come back for real..I just dont kno what exactly to say to him..
for example i do want to facebook him..but i wouldnt even know where to start.
HELP!
Posted by candy10
I do care about this person a lot..but i've always had a difficult time expressing my feelings. and that has obviously been the problem
I just want him to come back for real..I just dont kno what exactly to say to him..
for example i do want to facebook him..but i wouldnt even know where to start.
HELP!
Been there, done that. It took me a long time to figure this out: Men don't want emotional bonding all the time. It scares them. They will submerge for a while then come up for air. Women OTHO, will breath O2 non stop. Men are wired differently. Once you understand this, you can deal with them.
I linked a very apropos piece that is off of a blog site. The lady who writes this and her other pieces is spot on. Read it, then re read it, then absorb it and follow what she advises. You do this and you will maintain your piece of mind. First and foremost, you come first. NO ONE should be dangling on to a memory. Value yourself first and the rest will happen naturally if it's meant to be.
Good luck.
http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html
Posted by gemini64Posted by candy10
I do care about this person a lot..but i've always had a difficult time expressing my feelings. and that has obviously been the problem
I just want him to come back for real..I just dont kno what exactly to say to him..
for example i do want to facebook him..but i wouldnt even know where to start.
HELP!
Been there, done that. It took me a long time to figure this out: Men don't want emotional bonding all the time. It scares them. They will submerge for a while then come up for air. Women OTHO, will breath O2 non stop. Men are wired differently. Once you understand this, you can deal with them.
I linked a very apropos piece that is off of a blog site. The lady who writes this and her other pieces is spot on. Read it, then re read it, then absorb it and follow what she advises. You do this and you will maintain your piece of mind. First and foremost, you come first. NO ONE should be dangling on to a memory. Value yourself first and the rest will happen naturally if it's meant to be.
Good luck.
http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2012/11/dating-when-why-how-use-no-contact-rule.html<div class="bqfade">click to expand
lol ye it is tru they are different and dont want to be emotional all the time. In that case if he said goodbye out of annoyance to my text..he will sooner realise that he needs to epxres him emotion again right? and he will wish I was around.
However I think he is unbelievably stubborn and because what he said was really final..I think in his mind for him to come back will take a lot on his part...so i need to make it easy for him to come back. Like say to him that if he did it wouldnt be a big deal..and tht whts important is tht he likes me and cares so why do this.
The thing is a lot of what he did is my fault to so its difficult to think I didnt deserve for this to happen to me..if tht makes sense.
I didnt give him what he wanted..for a long tIME. I think if i was nice to him all the time and was a doormat then what you said would be relevant as in that i should value myself and all that. Because iv always valued myself anyway lol..mybe a bit too much over him
This is the kinda stuff that burns my soul.
On 1 hand, you got left high & dry b/c you weren't emotional enough. The next minute, you're being told that being emotional is what scares men (especially this guy) away. See the conflicting messages?
If this guy wanted to marry you, he would've at least went to 1st base with you: a relationship.
You seem to be very vested in the things he says & not what he does.
All the "You're special" lines in the world mean nothing if the very guy saying it treats you like an option. Analyzing a person's words takes far more energy & work than using your common sense to gage a person's actions.
You both are playing games with each other. He disappears, reappears, apologizes & then ends up redoing the very same thing he'd just apologized for. And when you finally put your foot down & stand up for yourself, suddenly he can't handle the conflict. Conflict, anger & confusion that he created.
Then from there, you play right into his hand. You know he's in the wrong, but you're so whipped over this guy that his reverse psychology works. Next thing you know, you're saying things you don't mean out of anger b/c you're too terrified to stick up for what you want (sparing his feelings although he's never spared yours), only then to chase after him when he doesn't take to your "goodbye!" well.
Just stop. If he wanted to be with you, you 2 would be together already. Not only does it NOT take 5 years to decide if you can see yourself in a relationship with someone, but it def. doesn't take 5 years to finally make things official.
Whether you're emotionally unavailable or have issues with vulnerability or not really doesn't matter if when you get your ish together, he's still F'd up himself.
Move on. Life is too short to continue chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught. Surely, you don't think he & what he's putting you through is the best that it gets right?! If so, then perhaps relationships/love is the last thing you're ready for.
I'm assuming your goal is to eventually find a companion to share your life with. Cool. But you're wasting precious time that you'll never get back trying to offer your heart, time & all you've got to a person who only remembers that you exist & that you have feelings SOME of the time. If you're gonna seek and chase, AT LEAST let it be a guy who is consistent, communicates, has the actions to back up his words & who proves it when they tell you you're special.
On 1 hand, you got left high & dry b/c you weren't emotional enough. The next minute, you're being told that being emotional is what scares men (especially this guy) away. See the conflicting messages?
If this guy wanted to marry you, he would've at least went to 1st base with you: a relationship.
You seem to be very vested in the things he says & not what he does.
All the "You're special" lines in the world mean nothing if the very guy saying it treats you like an option. Analyzing a person's words takes far more energy & work than using your common sense to gage a person's actions.
You both are playing games with each other. He disappears, reappears, apologizes & then ends up redoing the very same thing he'd just apologized for. And when you finally put your foot down & stand up for yourself, suddenly he can't handle the conflict. Conflict, anger & confusion that he created.
Then from there, you play right into his hand. You know he's in the wrong, but you're so whipped over this guy that his reverse psychology works. Next thing you know, you're saying things you don't mean out of anger b/c you're too terrified to stick up for what you want (sparing his feelings although he's never spared yours), only then to chase after him when he doesn't take to your "goodbye!" well.
Just stop. If he wanted to be with you, you 2 would be together already. Not only does it NOT take 5 years to decide if you can see yourself in a relationship with someone, but it def. doesn't take 5 years to finally make things official.
Whether you're emotionally unavailable or have issues with vulnerability or not really doesn't matter if when you get your ish together, he's still F'd up himself.
Move on. Life is too short to continue chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught. Surely, you don't think he & what he's putting you through is the best that it gets right?! If so, then perhaps relationships/love is the last thing you're ready for.
I'm assuming your goal is to eventually find a companion to share your life with. Cool. But you're wasting precious time that you'll never get back trying to offer your heart, time & all you've got to a person who only remembers that you exist & that you have feelings SOME of the time. If you're gonna seek and chase, AT LEAST let it be a guy who is consistent, communicates, has the actions to back up his words & who proves it when they tell you you're special.
Keep in mind that if he were the one posting here, I would be telling him the same thing. If he saw all the signs that you were emotionally unavailable or having issues truly giving your all, then I'd tell him to save the energy, agree to be just platonic friends with you & save the energy for a woman that's already what he wants & ready for he wants.
B/c "waiting" on someone who keeps taking you through the same crap over & over again is how we get HERE. Making posts like this. Still being just as confused 5 years later as you were 5 years ago.
However, I don't think he's gonna be the one to look back & regret all the time wasted & feelings hurt. I think the person who's gonna be the most pissed off & feeling regretful will be you. Not b/c any of this is your loss, but b/c it'll 1 day hit you, if it hasn't already, that you just spent all that time trying to over-analyze, wait for and/or chase a guy that never had any intentions on putting his money where his mouth was & giving you the consistent relationship that you wanted/deserved.
I don't think you ladies understand just how short life is. I get it. When you like a guy a lot, it's easier said than done to just up & walk away. People don't wanna rid themselves of someone whom they connect with. However, if your ultimate goal is commitment with someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them, your emotional logic and emotional decisions have to reflect that & prove that you're looking for what you deserve.
You can't swear you deserve better if you're just gonna continually sit around entertaining a person/situation that you don't deserve. Doing that is again, how we end up HERE. Take yourself & your time more seriously. A person can't give you what they don't have & vice versa. He's giving you the minimum, but "almost" doesn't count. Given that, move on.
B/c "waiting" on someone who keeps taking you through the same crap over & over again is how we get HERE. Making posts like this. Still being just as confused 5 years later as you were 5 years ago.
However, I don't think he's gonna be the one to look back & regret all the time wasted & feelings hurt. I think the person who's gonna be the most pissed off & feeling regretful will be you. Not b/c any of this is your loss, but b/c it'll 1 day hit you, if it hasn't already, that you just spent all that time trying to over-analyze, wait for and/or chase a guy that never had any intentions on putting his money where his mouth was & giving you the consistent relationship that you wanted/deserved.
I don't think you ladies understand just how short life is. I get it. When you like a guy a lot, it's easier said than done to just up & walk away. People don't wanna rid themselves of someone whom they connect with. However, if your ultimate goal is commitment with someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them, your emotional logic and emotional decisions have to reflect that & prove that you're looking for what you deserve.
You can't swear you deserve better if you're just gonna continually sit around entertaining a person/situation that you don't deserve. Doing that is again, how we end up HERE. Take yourself & your time more seriously. A person can't give you what they don't have & vice versa. He's giving you the minimum, but "almost" doesn't count. Given that, move on.
Posted by champrangerPosted by krysrenee7
However, I don't think he's gonna be the one to look back & regret all the time wasted & feelings hurt. I think the person who's gonna be the most pissed off & feeling regretful will be you. Not b/c any of this is your loss, but b/c it'll 1 day hit you, if it hasn't already, that you just spent all that time trying to over-analyze, wait for and/or chase a guy that never had any intentions on putting his money where his mouth was & giving you the consistent relationship that you wanted/deserved.
If you were him, would you chase someone who you dun think is interested in you? Would you open your heart to someone who you dun think is interested in you?
click to expand
Thanx for getting me updated & up to speed lolol
Well yeah, that def. changes everything!!
Something told me to include the part where I mentioned how I'd give him the same advice if the tables were turned. Just like women should be told to stop chasing what doesn't want to be caught just yet, I believe the same advice applies to men when the tables are turned. If anything, it especially applies to men b/c their egos take a bigger lashing when a woman they like has the nerve to reject them when they're offering something that they believe other women would kill for (undivided attention, a man who's actually emotionally open, & the eagerness to commit).
He's only still chasing her b/c it's killing him that he wants what he can't have. He can't believe that a woman would act like a lot of men do towards women (shut down, afraid of commitment, afraid of vulnerability, etc.) when they're being offered the world. He's probably thinking that there's no way he's going to give up until he finally gets what he wants.
Then IF and when he gets what he wants, he may even lose interest & give up the fight altogether b/c it'll dawn on him after the fact how tired/drained he is + he'll lose all confidence b/c he'll remember that the intensity & passion is only there temporarily, based on how things were quick to stop as soon as they started in the past. Guys like consistency too.
This has been going on for YEARS.
She is THAT daft.
She is THAT daft.
I mean, imagine how a lot of men perceive women to begin with.
They think we've wanted vulnerability, commitment & a guy who's willing to offer the world to us, since we were little girls. They think we sit around all day dreaming about weddings, babies, the kind of family we'll have in the future & the perfect dream guy. There's 2 kinds of men: 1. The men who encourage women to stop believing that her ideal dream guy even exists, thus not even trying to be that for her b/c he's unwilling to reach for a bar that he perceived to be unreachable to begin with & 2. The type of men that step up to the challenge & try to be her dream guy, even if he lacks confidence that he can successfully pull it off.
They think we've wanted vulnerability, commitment & a guy who's willing to offer the world to us, since we were little girls. They think we sit around all day dreaming about weddings, babies, the kind of family we'll have in the future & the perfect dream guy. There's 2 kinds of men: 1. The men who encourage women to stop believing that her ideal dream guy even exists, thus not even trying to be that for her b/c he's unwilling to reach for a bar that he perceived to be unreachable to begin with & 2. The type of men that step up to the challenge & try to be her dream guy, even if he lacks confidence that he can successfully pull it off.
@Candy: From the looks of things, you've been posting about this for a long time & have been asking for advice. Advice I'm sure you were given 1,000 times. Why have you never followed the advice?
If 1,000 people are telling you how to fix it OR successfully heal, move on & make sure this in you doesn't happen again, why hasn't it been fixed? Why is this still the story of your love life?
Getting him back won't last long if you haven't fixed the very issues within you that led to you pushing him away in the 1st place. You know this, which is why you & him met the same outcome this time (falling out) as you did the last few times. Insanity = Doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results.
Why are you so afraid to take some time to yourself, do some inner soul-searching & come up with answers & solutions for how to fix this toxic pattern that you introduce to the people who care about you?! Why obsess over or analyze HIS actions/thoughts instead of putting that same energy into the internal storm that keeps buzzing in YOUR head?!
Even if he did come back, did regret walking about again, or whatever it is that you want to see happen, THEN WHAT?! Are you that selfish or naive to think that any man, whether he loves you dearly or not, is going to keep putting up with that?! You're taking him for granted b/c you're so used to him coming back & giving you another shot at getting it right next time.
I don't think you realize just how close you are to being the one who regrets what happened overall. I don't think you realize that the time of him finally giving up on you for good is nearing, if it hasn't already reached that point.
If 1,000 people are telling you how to fix it OR successfully heal, move on & make sure this in you doesn't happen again, why hasn't it been fixed? Why is this still the story of your love life?
Getting him back won't last long if you haven't fixed the very issues within you that led to you pushing him away in the 1st place. You know this, which is why you & him met the same outcome this time (falling out) as you did the last few times. Insanity = Doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results.
Why are you so afraid to take some time to yourself, do some inner soul-searching & come up with answers & solutions for how to fix this toxic pattern that you introduce to the people who care about you?! Why obsess over or analyze HIS actions/thoughts instead of putting that same energy into the internal storm that keeps buzzing in YOUR head?!
Even if he did come back, did regret walking about again, or whatever it is that you want to see happen, THEN WHAT?! Are you that selfish or naive to think that any man, whether he loves you dearly or not, is going to keep putting up with that?! You're taking him for granted b/c you're so used to him coming back & giving you another shot at getting it right next time.
I don't think you realize just how close you are to being the one who regrets what happened overall. I don't think you realize that the time of him finally giving up on you for good is nearing, if it hasn't already reached that point.
Posted by krysrenee7
@Candy: From the looks of things, you've been posting about this for a long time & have been asking for advice. Advice I'm sure you were given 1,000 times. Why have you never followed the advice?
If 1,000 people are telling you how to fix it OR successfully heal, move on & make sure this in you doesn't happen again, why hasn't it been fixed? Why is this still the story of your love life?
Getting him back won't last long if you haven't fixed the very issues within you that led to you pushing him away in the 1st place. You know this, which is why you & him met the same outcome this time (falling out) as you did the last few times. Insanity = Doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results.
Why are you so afraid to take some time to yourself, do some inner soul-searching & come up with answers & solutions for how to fix this toxic pattern that you introduce to the people who care about you?! Why obsess over or analyze HIS actions/thoughts instead of putting that same energy into the internal storm that keeps buzzing in YOUR head?!
Even if he did come back, did regret walking about again, or whatever it is that you want to see happen, THEN WHAT?! Are you that selfish or naive to think that any man, whether he loves you dearly or not, is going to keep putting up with that?! You're taking him for granted b/c you're so used to him coming back & giving you another shot at getting it right next time.
I don't think you realize just how close you are to being the one who regrets what happened overall. I don't think you realize that the time of him finally giving up on you for good is nearing, if it hasn't already reached that point.
i inboxed u
Posted by champrangerPosted by krysrenee7
However, I don't think he's gonna be the one to look back & regret all the time wasted & feelings hurt. I think the person who's gonna be the most pissed off & feeling regretful will be you. Not b/c any of this is your loss, but b/c it'll 1 day hit you, if it hasn't already, that you just spent all that time trying to over-analyze, wait for and/or chase a guy that never had any intentions on putting his money where his mouth was & giving you the consistent relationship that you wanted/deserved.
If you were him, would you chase someone who you dun think is interested in you? Would you open your heart to someone who you dun think is interested in you?
click to expand
snet u a message tooo!
Posted by Damnata
This has been going on for YEARS.
She is THAT daft.
I simply cannot believe a person is really this dumb.
I realize that people get their feelings invested into situations and it blinds them to truths ... but, this chic isn't even a smart person, just acting stupid because her heart has taken over her senses.
No ... she doesn't even have any practical or common senses AT ALL. And it boggles my mind that a person can truly ACTUALLY be this dense.
And their all fucking Virgos ... why's that?
That female Virgo who couldn't manage to pass a GED at 30 fucking years old, living with mommy and daddy and proud of being an imbecile ... or how about that Virgo chic who's on the Cancer board now that used to bombard the Aries board with her stupid shit, she still has no clue how dumb she is.
This Candy is a Virgo .... wtf?
Thank goodness that is the exception to the rule ... but, why?
I think it's because some Virgos supress emotions to the point they are something alien to them.
Then they find a trigger and it pours over them as a waterfall. They can no longer use reason or logic and just..drift away into delusion.
Then they find a trigger and it pours over them as a waterfall. They can no longer use reason or logic and just..drift away into delusion.
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He started becoming distant after coming on really strong and wanting to meet me between december and february i'd say. after that.like he wouldnt call or text me anymore..and I was wondering what had happened to him. I assumed it was because of us not meetin up and me taking my time about it, so I tried to message him a couple of times about meetin and he said yes thats fine but he didnt follow through with it or didnt seem particularly enthusiastic.
The week leading up to the end of march I started to get annoyed with him for not replying to my txts or calling.. but then when he eventually did I ignored him, and then texted him something i'll probably regret for the rest of my life. i only said it to get a reaction out of him and to see where his head was at.
I said "I can't be bothered anymore..this whole thing is a joke". He replied and said " you're right this whole thing is a joke.. Goodbye".
I was thinking he didn't mean it and he just texted it after my joke comment, after all we've been friends for five years..would I really think he meant goodbye?
Next day which was the 31st march... he called me up in the evening..and I was thinking everything was ok even after his goodbye text and h