AnnaPhototaker
@AnnaPhototaker
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 181 · Topics: 68
Would you break up with him?
I'm not sure I would be so quick to break up with him, without talking to him about it first. I,personally, would not be cool with that. Though I am a secure girl, in my opinion, I feel that naturally, you would start going to your friends of the opposite sex less and to your SO more with personal issues and whatever else you are experiencing in your life. I believe that your partner should be your best friend as well.
I know that in the past, my best friend was male, and when I had a boyfriend, I found myself going to my bestie less and my SO more eventually.
All she can do is communicate her feelings to him, let him digest them, and she'll have to take it from there.
I know that in the past, my best friend was male, and when I had a boyfriend, I found myself going to my bestie less and my SO more eventually.
All she can do is communicate her feelings to him, let him digest them, and she'll have to take it from there.
LMAO @ celebrating 6 mnths. Your friend is being selfish, a car accident is a life changing event. It makes you start revaluating your life. It's like a new lease in life & important stuff that was ignored before take the front row because you realise life is too short & could be over just like that. His friends are his friends & they were probably there before she was & are giving him the real support he needs instead of the one who only craves hugs from broken arms. She is selfish & he must be sensing it too.
I see her as a big red flag.
He got into an accident and she was worried about the date not happening. Oh, yeah, she made sure he was okay, offered her car, etc but why did she have to mention the date at all? For Real— Then she tried to make the date work anyway. He wanted to be alone - rightfully so. He's got a lot on his mind, probably sore after a couple hours, has to figure out a way to get around, get his car fixed, call the insurance company, deal with medical and she is so focused on whether they get to celebrate their six month anniversary. Couldn't that wait until next week?
Should she break up with him? ha! Maybe he should break up with her. She showed her shallow and selfish side.
He got into an accident and she was worried about the date not happening. Oh, yeah, she made sure he was okay, offered her car, etc but why did she have to mention the date at all? For Real— Then she tried to make the date work anyway. He wanted to be alone - rightfully so. He's got a lot on his mind, probably sore after a couple hours, has to figure out a way to get around, get his car fixed, call the insurance company, deal with medical and she is so focused on whether they get to celebrate their six month anniversary. Couldn't that wait until next week?
Should she break up with him? ha! Maybe he should break up with her. She showed her shallow and selfish side.
Who celebrates a 6 month relationship!? That's ridiculous. I don't think married couples celebrate being together for 6 months. But maybe there are people who celebrate relationships early, I dunno.
I agree with everyone. For the most part she's worried about something so trivial as a 6 month relationship.
She need to slow down. Stop offering up so much of herself, her car, money, whatever she's offering and instead tell him if he needs anything call me and let it go.
Her desperate energy is more of a burden on him and he can't cope with her desperation and the car accident, money issues etc.
Notice he preferred just to talk, he didn't need her car, to celebrate eating pizza with her etc. He just wanted a gentle ear to listen. The red flag is her not being in tune with that.
I agree with everyone. For the most part she's worried about something so trivial as a 6 month relationship.
She need to slow down. Stop offering up so much of herself, her car, money, whatever she's offering and instead tell him if he needs anything call me and let it go.
Her desperate energy is more of a burden on him and he can't cope with her desperation and the car accident, money issues etc.
Notice he preferred just to talk, he didn't need her car, to celebrate eating pizza with her etc. He just wanted a gentle ear to listen. The red flag is her not being in tune with that.
Posted by starlover
i sense he feels stifled and the car accident was a representation of him having to stop and take stock
dont lots of guys just hate that *oohhh we have been together 7 days, lets celebrate*
i felt burdened just reading it
Yes, seven days, or 6 months, is not that big of a feat.
Hey all,
I showed your answers to my friend.
She said the 6 months anniversary date was actually his idea.
I showed your answers to my friend.
She said the 6 months anniversary date was actually his idea.
Still it's beyond dumb...
Maybe he realized 6 months was nothing to celebrate and came up with an elaborate verifiable excuse to get out of it. Who the hell celebrates 6 months together? Ridiculous, he might have realized this as well and backed out.
Maybe he realized 6 months was nothing to celebrate and came up with an elaborate verifiable excuse to get out of it. Who the hell celebrates 6 months together? Ridiculous, he might have realized this as well and backed out.
He's not ready to be in a real-life, adult relationship
He might love her too death. She might really love him too. Doesn't matter though b/c he isn't placing enough value on communication & letting her into his heart when he should the most. Relationships can't last unless you give your partner the ability/access to be there for you, be your hero or your shoulder to cry on
A man only allowing his friends to be there for him & get all the glory during his downtime is similar to a man who lets another woman fulfill his "needs" w/o even giving his actual partner the chance/respect/opportunity to do so.
1 of the main reasons people love being in relationships is b/c they desire that ONE person that they can flock to when things get tough. That 1 person they can be completely open & vulnerable with. That 1 person they can cling to b/c they feel understood when they usually would've just clung to a bumch of "friends" who probably don't really understand, when they were still single.
He's not willing to let his girlfriend in completely, which is selfish on his part & yes is a big red-flag. Relationships can survive tough times IF both people are willing to put in the effort to still fulfill each other's needs during those tough times. It's very hard, BUT it's essential in order for the relationship to work out.
1 of a woman's needs is not only feeling listened to but also her ability to nurture/protect those she loves. It's realistic to expect a man to have some degree of ego or unwillingness to open up completely right away. BUT if a man's ego or fears of vulnerability are SO huge that even his own girlfriend can't get "in" then that's a problem & a sign that things may be that way in the future.
However, some people are only willing to let you "in" fully when they fully trust you & are madly in love with you. Just b/c they made their relationship official doesn't mean that he is madly in love with her or ready to be 100% open. This very same guy may only be pushing back now b/c him doing that is reflective of his feelings for her (or lack thereof). To be fair though, this very same guy might act/be completely different 6 more months down the road when the relationship has grown & his feelings for her are stronger.
He might love her too death. She might really love him too. Doesn't matter though b/c he isn't placing enough value on communication & letting her into his heart when he should the most. Relationships can't last unless you give your partner the ability/access to be there for you, be your hero or your shoulder to cry on
A man only allowing his friends to be there for him & get all the glory during his downtime is similar to a man who lets another woman fulfill his "needs" w/o even giving his actual partner the chance/respect/opportunity to do so.
1 of the main reasons people love being in relationships is b/c they desire that ONE person that they can flock to when things get tough. That 1 person they can be completely open & vulnerable with. That 1 person they can cling to b/c they feel understood when they usually would've just clung to a bumch of "friends" who probably don't really understand, when they were still single.
He's not willing to let his girlfriend in completely, which is selfish on his part & yes is a big red-flag. Relationships can survive tough times IF both people are willing to put in the effort to still fulfill each other's needs during those tough times. It's very hard, BUT it's essential in order for the relationship to work out.
1 of a woman's needs is not only feeling listened to but also her ability to nurture/protect those she loves. It's realistic to expect a man to have some degree of ego or unwillingness to open up completely right away. BUT if a man's ego or fears of vulnerability are SO huge that even his own girlfriend can't get "in" then that's a problem & a sign that things may be that way in the future.
However, some people are only willing to let you "in" fully when they fully trust you & are madly in love with you. Just b/c they made their relationship official doesn't mean that he is madly in love with her or ready to be 100% open. This very same guy may only be pushing back now b/c him doing that is reflective of his feelings for her (or lack thereof). To be fair though, this very same guy might act/be completely different 6 more months down the road when the relationship has grown & his feelings for her are stronger.
Posted by tiki33
Still it's beyond dumb...
Maybe he realized 6 months was nothing to celebrate and came up with an elaborate verifiable excuse to get out of it. Who the hell celebrates 6 months together? Ridiculous, he might have realized this as well and backed out.
Well if he made the whole thing up, then she's got an even BIGGER problem on her hands. It's bad enough as it is having a partner that won't let you "in" when it's the most important time for them to do so, but it's even WORSE when your partner has to flat out lie & make things up to get out of situations vs. just being honest.
If this guy is using lying/crazy sob stories to get his way in or out of situations, she's in trouble & needs to run quickly
I'm not gonna lie though, a small part of me was thinking that maybe he made it up lol but I just didn't say anything b/c I didn't wanna be the negative nancy coming up with these crazy conspiracy theories lol
BUT to be fair, it could be that him totaling his car = more financial issues on top of what he was already going through
And hey, for some men, they can't completely tune into their relationship (or other things) when finances go down the hole.
I think it's absolutely true when they say that men can't be the best they can be in a relationship when they've lost (or never acquired) their ability to provide and/or protect. If his car being totaled caused a lot of other problems, then yes, I could see how some men would completely disconnect. It's not personal. Just that some people can't stay connected to their partners as much when the other strings in their life have become unglued
However, I still think this should be cause for concern. Why? B/c if he was THAT torn up about the accident & needed his "space," he'd need it from everybody, not just his girlfriend.
I think he either made it up OR has disconnected from her b/c he doesn't feel as strongly about her as he/she thought. He's probably clinging to his best friends so hard b/c he feels a stronger bond & sense of understanding with them than he does his own girlfriend. That's def. possible, especially considering their relationship is so fresh/new.
And hey, for some men, they can't completely tune into their relationship (or other things) when finances go down the hole.
I think it's absolutely true when they say that men can't be the best they can be in a relationship when they've lost (or never acquired) their ability to provide and/or protect. If his car being totaled caused a lot of other problems, then yes, I could see how some men would completely disconnect. It's not personal. Just that some people can't stay connected to their partners as much when the other strings in their life have become unglued
However, I still think this should be cause for concern. Why? B/c if he was THAT torn up about the accident & needed his "space," he'd need it from everybody, not just his girlfriend.
I think he either made it up OR has disconnected from her b/c he doesn't feel as strongly about her as he/she thought. He's probably clinging to his best friends so hard b/c he feels a stronger bond & sense of understanding with them than he does his own girlfriend. That's def. possible, especially considering their relationship is so fresh/new.
Posted by AnnaPhototaker
Tuesday they were suppose to celebrate that 6 months together in a upscale restaurants, but that morning on his way to work he got in a car accident. Nothing major, just an blown tire and car panelling issues. No physical injuries either....
Meanwhile he stayed home and talked to his best friend, a female all night....
He replied with "I love you babe. But i have to take care of these issues that keep creeping up in my life to get my sanity back. Its nothing to do with you though dont worry."
Issues being, help his family with money (parents are unable to work), his car, issues at work....
She sees it at a big red flag.
Posted by AnnaPhototaker
She said the 6 months anniversary date was actually his idea.click to expand
Hmm
He blew a tire and scraped his car up a little.
Therefore, he had to stay up all night talking with another woman.
And all of these issues, with the exception of having to replace his tire, were already there.
"She sees it at a big red flag."
So would any other woman in her right mind-- regardless, whenever your instinct throws out a red flag, it's usually best to pay attention.
Only she knows (not US) what behavior is, and is not, characteristic of this man-- and if this situation has caused the WARNING signal to start up-- it probably has merit.
She ought to go with her gut.
🙂
+1
I could see if the wreck was life changing
But if he just scraped his tire, why the sudden disconnect from his girlfriend? Him disconnecting from his girlfriend isn't proportionate to what actually happened.
People disconnect when big life-changing things happen, not over the small things. And if they're disconnecting over the small things, then YES they absolutely do have issues with communication & vulnerability (red flags) OR they were never truly connected to begin with (another red flag)
Most of us have "friends" outside of our relationship that we go to when things get a little rough. BUT we don't necessarily completely say F off to our partner just b/c we have other people in our lives that we care about too wtf lol
1 of the purposes of having friends is that when things happen, you lean on them to vent. Well that's also 1 of the main advantages of being in a relationship, isn't it? Having someone you can lean on & vent to? Hell, if you can't do those things with your own partner, doesn't that DEFEAT the purpose of being in the relationship?? Especially considering EVERY relationship needs communication & vulnerability to survive?!
Come on now!
I could see if the wreck was life changing
But if he just scraped his tire, why the sudden disconnect from his girlfriend? Him disconnecting from his girlfriend isn't proportionate to what actually happened.
People disconnect when big life-changing things happen, not over the small things. And if they're disconnecting over the small things, then YES they absolutely do have issues with communication & vulnerability (red flags) OR they were never truly connected to begin with (another red flag)
Most of us have "friends" outside of our relationship that we go to when things get a little rough. BUT we don't necessarily completely say F off to our partner just b/c we have other people in our lives that we care about too wtf lol
1 of the purposes of having friends is that when things happen, you lean on them to vent. Well that's also 1 of the main advantages of being in a relationship, isn't it? Having someone you can lean on & vent to? Hell, if you can't do those things with your own partner, doesn't that DEFEAT the purpose of being in the relationship?? Especially considering EVERY relationship needs communication & vulnerability to survive?!
Come on now!
How do you know that your boyfriend stayed up all night talking to a friend?
Were you peering through his window all night?
Posted by P-Angel
How do you know that your boyfriend stayed up all night talking to a friend?
Were you peering through his window all night?
LOL!
Oh hush P-Angel
If my husband was up all night talking to his mother, I'd know. Not b/c I peeped or am spying on him but b/c if 2 people are in the same household & 1 is spending a lot of time talking to someone or doing something for a long time, you'd know it!
Unless a man is trying to hide that he's been talking to the same person for hours, why else wouldn't you know?! If he's all out in the open with the conversation, why would your ears suddenly stop working?
That doesn't make you a peeping tom wtf
If my husband was up all night talking to his mother, I'd know. Not b/c I peeped or am spying on him but b/c if 2 people are in the same household & 1 is spending a lot of time talking to someone or doing something for a long time, you'd know it!
Unless a man is trying to hide that he's been talking to the same person for hours, why else wouldn't you know?! If he's all out in the open with the conversation, why would your ears suddenly stop working?
That doesn't make you a peeping tom wtf
lol.
She's right in worrying about red flags. That 6 month thing aside, the fact he used something so little as an excuse to cancel plans HE wanted initially, only to talk to another female all night is a big red flag.
Call him out on it and see how much he packpedals/waffles.
I went through this with a guy and it ended up being nothing but one headache after another. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. Do not ignore them or try to justify them. It's not good juju no matter what angle you look at it from.
Be glad she started noticing this shit now before things went on even longer.
She's right in worrying about red flags. That 6 month thing aside, the fact he used something so little as an excuse to cancel plans HE wanted initially, only to talk to another female all night is a big red flag.
Call him out on it and see how much he packpedals/waffles.
I went through this with a guy and it ended up being nothing but one headache after another. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. Do not ignore them or try to justify them. It's not good juju no matter what angle you look at it from.
Be glad she started noticing this shit now before things went on even longer.
Posted by AnnaPhototaker
(I'm actually posting this for a friend. She cannot talk to her friends about this situation as they all know her boyfriend and don't want any of them to report to her boyfriend)
She is 27, he is 25.
They have been dating for about 6 months now.
Tuesday they were suppose to celebrate that 6 months together in a upscale restaurants, but that morning on his way to work he got in a car accident. Nothing major, just an blown tire and car panelling issues. No physical injuries either.
When he texted her to tell her about it, she expressed her concerns, offered to go and get him, offered her car, offered support. She also said she was sad the date wouldn't happen, and tried to make it work anyways by going and picking him up or going to his house and order pizza. She just wanted to be with him in this difficult times.
He told her the stress of the accident, his first one was too big and he didn't wanna see or talk anybody. Needed his space for a day.
Meanwhile he stayed home and talked to his best friend, a female all night.
The next day she texted him to know how he was doing. He didn't reply for a while, didn't say I love you back like he always do.
She expressed her concern as she doesn't understand.
He replied with "I love you babe. But i have to take care of these issues that keep creeping up in my life to get my sanity back. Its nothing to do with you though dont worry."
Issues being, help his family with money (parents are unable to work), his car, issues at work.
What she hates is that he's shutting her off, yet, keep talking to his other friends. Both female and friends.
She sees it at a big red flag.
What do you think she should do here?
Sorry, but the only red flag I see is her.
In time, he will probably end it.
Posted by AnnaPhototaker
She also said she was sad the date wouldn't happen, and tried to make it work anyways by going and picking him up or going to his house and order pizza.
Smh...Seriously? I guess because he's was "okay" physically she didn't see the problem with wanting to proceed as usual.
Yeah.....big red flag.
Posted by WaterCup
LMAO @ celebrating 6 mnths. Your friend is being selfish, a car accident is a life changing event. It makes you start revaluating your life. It's like a new lease in life & important stuff that was ignored before take the front row because you realise life is too short & could be over just like that. His friends are his friends & they were probably there before she was & are giving him the real support he needs instead of the one who only craves hugs from broken arms. She is selfish & he must be sensing it too.
+1.
Posted by tizianiPosted by ellessque
why do women ask their friends if they should break up with their partner?
that just makes zero sense to me whatsoever.
Some women get into relationships for other women.click to expand
I sense you're joking, but I think there is some truth in this.
Posted by AnnaPhototaker
Hey all,
I showed your answers to my friend.
She said the 6 months anniversary date was actually his idea.
Posted by tiziani
Vulnerability just isn't something many men are afraid of. I'll tell you for free, thanks to Hollywood vulnerability is something romanticized and highly overrated. Most men can allow themselves to be vulnerable after sex with a one night stand. It means nothing of note in terms of commitment. A lot of women have this fantasy of "he's opening up to me and only me with his deepest darkest fears!" And I respect that but the reality is it's something a lot easier for men to do than is made out. The reality is he's most likely regrouping and his friends are helping him see whether she is able to listen to him and keep faith in him. Whether you like it or not his text message to her was letting her in completely. It's very clear in what he's asking of her. A woman you can be vulnerable with is a good night but a woman who believes in you is a lifetime.
Very nicely put.
What's wrong with celebrating a 6 month anniversary? Every couple has their "thing" & if that's their things, what's so wrong with that?
Some people would even say that celebrating a 1 year anniversary or Valentine's day is pointless. Another might say, why celebrate 1 year when it's not REAL unless you've been together for 5 or 10 years?!
See what I'm saying? What each person considers sentimental & important differs from couple to couple
And I agree with @Rocky. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. The fact that she even created this post symbolized that her gut isn't accepting his story. Red flag.
My dad told me growing up that "Your intuition doesn't have it out for you, others do." I'm so glad I listened b/c now I am my own best friend, I don't have to depend on others to tell me in order for me to figure out the "truth" & plus I've dodged sooooo many potentially F'd up situations simply by listening to my gut.
Some people would even say that celebrating a 1 year anniversary or Valentine's day is pointless. Another might say, why celebrate 1 year when it's not REAL unless you've been together for 5 or 10 years?!
See what I'm saying? What each person considers sentimental & important differs from couple to couple
And I agree with @Rocky. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. The fact that she even created this post symbolized that her gut isn't accepting his story. Red flag.
My dad told me growing up that "Your intuition doesn't have it out for you, others do." I'm so glad I listened b/c now I am my own best friend, I don't have to depend on others to tell me in order for me to figure out the "truth" & plus I've dodged sooooo many potentially F'd up situations simply by listening to my gut.
Sometimes the only excuse you need for not fully trusting/believing something is that your gut is telling you not to
But most people don't realize they should've trusted their gut/instincts until it's too late & the damage has been done. They vow never to ignore their gut again, but they usually end up doing just that the next go round when they're gut is trying to tell them something. And the cycle just repeats itself over & over again lol smh
But most people don't realize they should've trusted their gut/instincts until it's too late & the damage has been done. They vow never to ignore their gut again, but they usually end up doing just that the next go round when they're gut is trying to tell them something. And the cycle just repeats itself over & over again lol smh
Posted by rockyroadicecream
lol.
She's right in worrying about red flags. That 6 month thing aside, the fact he used something so little as an excuse to cancel plans HE wanted initially, only to talk to another female all night is a big red flag.
Call him out on it and see how much he packpedals/waffles.
I went through this with a guy and it ended up being nothing but one headache after another. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. Do not ignore them or try to justify them. It's not good juju no matter what angle you look at it from.
Be glad she started noticing this shit now before things went on even longer.
...*backpedals.
What the hell? :/
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She is 27, he is 25.
They have been dating for about 6 months now.
Tuesday they were suppose to celebrate that 6 months together in a upscale restaurants, but that morning on his way to work he got in a car accident. Nothing major, just an blown tire and car panelling issues. No physical injuries either.
When he texted her to tell her about it, she expressed her concerns, offered to go and get him, offered her car, offered support. She also said she was sad the date wouldn't happen, and tried to make it work anyways by going and picking him up or going to his house and order pizza. She just wanted to be with him in this difficult times.
He told her the stress of the accident, his first one was too big and he didn't wanna see or talk anybody. Needed his space for a day.
Meanwhile he stayed home and talked to his best friend, a female all night.
The next day she texted him to know how he was doing. He didn't reply for a while, didn't say I love you back like he always do.
She expressed her concern as she doesn't understand.
He replied with "I love you babe. But i have to take care of these issues that keep creeping up in my life to get my sanity back. Its nothing to do with you though dont worry."
Issues being, help his family with money (parents are unable to work), his car, issues at work.
What she hates is that he's shutting her off, yet, keep talking to his other friends. Both female and friends.
She sees it at a big red flag.
What do you think she should do here?