Islam -- Pork and Intimacy Questions

I'm preparing for my Muslim significant other to move in with me and have a few questions that have been on my mind.

1. Although there's no pork in the house, I've realized that esentially all of my pots, pans and utensils have come into contact with pork at some point in time. Can we still use these, or should I be mentally prepared to replace everything?

2. Let's say I—go out to dinner with my friends and consume a pork product (like pepperoni pizza). Would my body then be "unclean"? Can I pork-and-kiss?

3. This question is NSFW: I'm a bit confused about oral. He let me give him oral once, and while he says he enjoyed it, he felt bad about it because he views my mouth as holy/sacred and his penis as something dirty and defiling, and that him allowing me to give him oral goes against his job of protecting me. Is this... typical? He's also expressed interest in giving me oral, but only because he knows I enjoy it. Is oral sex frowned upon in Islam?

Thanks for any advice!

On the one hand, this guy is supposedly religious and concerned about eating Halal.

Yet, on the other hand, he seems to have no problem engaging in pre-marital sex and moving in with you.

Sounds not as religious nor as "traditional" as you might believe OR he's projecting a false image of himself on to you.

Be wary.

Thanks for the responses. 🙂 I'm glad to hear I can keep my pots and pans, haha!

He holds fast to his religion and culture in some aspects of his life, and rejects them in other aspects entirely. He's Hui Chinese, an ethnic minority that is predominately Muslim. The Hui hardly marry outside of their ethnic group, and if it happens it's generally Hui men marrying Han women. So, him being in a relationship with a white non-Muslim girl is unheard of lol!

We're apparently the talk of the town in his village now, and while he's gotten some flack from a few strangers, his parents approve of the relationship and only want him to be happy. His father is well-versed in the Quaran (a rarity since few Hui folk speak/understand Arabic), and he told me after we started dating that he got his father's approval to "chase me" long before he told me he even liked me. Yay family approval! He doesn't expect me to convert, only asks that I respect his religion just as I only ask that he will respect mine.

He told me when he first expressed interest in dating me that he was looking for a marriage partner. As for sex, he said that he "only wants to sleep with his wife". I told him that if he and I ever got into a relationship, I would want to have premarital sex. His response was that, if ever truly WERE in a a relationship, it would, in his eyes, mean that we will one day be husband and wife thus he'd be comfortable engaging in premarital sex. And well... here we are, all coupled up, in it for the long haul! 😛 (If it were up to him, we'd be married by now, but I told him I want to take things slower and expressed the need for a period of engagement before marriage.)

Religion is different for each individual, and his personal relationship with Allah is his own business. So while he's willing to break tradition by being together with me, he still wants to hold fast to things like dietary restrictions. I just wanna make sure I do what I can to respect that. If that means giving up a few pots and pans, well hey, that's okay with me.

Posted by ackeibler
#silentjudging

lol, my thoughts exactly.

I can't add to this topic because I have no close experience with Islam..but I do want to say that it's refreshing to see people approach/handle situations/relationships the way you are doing it in this topic.

Kudos to you!

"Strictly speaking, islamicly it is only allowed to live together if you've arranged a marital status, so as husband and wife. If he's a muslim, he knows this."

That's not true. Actually marriage in Islam is very simple. He asks her. She says yes. And there are a few witnesses.

Anything beyond that is for the sake of state law and traditional festivity. And involving society.



Handling islamic rules is different from family to family. Some families get it easier. If they have guests of a more difficult family, the try a little harder. Example: one may be easy on children who don't do prayers at the right time. But if they have guests, they force the children to keep face and behave better. Kinda hypocrit.

Now back to the subject. In a difficult family you have to flush water over everything which was in contact with pork. Also urine has to be washed away. I don't know what all is called dirty. I guess dogs and atheists are called dirty too.

Posted by SpiceNSugar
On the one hand, this guy is supposedly religious and concerned about eating Halal.

Yet, on the other hand, he seems to have no problem engaging in pre-marital sex and moving in with you.

Sounds not as religious nor as "traditional" as you might believe OR he's projecting a false image of himself on to you.

Be wary.

Not at all.

Based on Islamic rules and looking at the first years of Islam it has been made very easy for men to have sex with women from other religions. But also within Muslims it is easy to get married. A married man can have side chicks even easier. He askes her. She says yes. That's it. No sin. No cheating.

Tradition is in Islamic countries actually the modifications each folk makes to Islam because of their history before Islam. For example uigur women does not have the highly restrictive clothing as women in Saudi Arabia. Also in most of Islamic countries women are allowed to drive a car. Not in Saudi Arabia. The birth place of Islam.

What seems to be very common among Muslims is their respect/obedience towards older family members.

Posted by DwellingOnMove


Based on Islamic rules and looking at the first years of Islam it has been made very easy for men to have sex with women from other religions. But also within Muslims it is easy to get married. A married man can have side chicks even easier. He askes her. She says yes. That's it. No sin. No cheating.

Right. So basically, a Muslim man can bang non Muslim women because they are considered to deserve no respect. That's what it boils down to in my perspective.

Posted by SpiceNSugar

Posted by DwellingOnMove


Based on Islamic rules and looking at the first years of Islam it has been made very easy for men to have sex with women from other religions. But also within Muslims it is easy to get married. A married man can have side chicks even easier. He askes her. She says yes. That's it. No sin. No cheating.

Right. So basically, a Muslim man can bang non Muslim women because they are considered to deserve no respect. That's what it boils down to in my perspective.

click to expand

well, there are more women than men ready to change their religion because of marriage.

My ex-colleague is a chritian missionary. He married a girl who converted from Islam to Christianity. (Which tehoretically deserves death penalty in Islam. Not only she is still alive but also her man visits her parents each year in her home country. Another example how individual Islam practice is.)

Look at all the marriages of kings and queens. In the majority of cases it is the woman who moves away from her family, bff and cousins to live with their partner abroad. You can call it patriarchat. Fact is the older the culture the more flexible and love/marriage/children oriented the women.

Posted by DwellingOnMove


My ex-colleague is a chritian missionary. He married a girl who converted from Islam to Christianity. (Which tehoretically deserves death penalty in Islam. Not only she is still alive but also her man visits her parents each year in her home country. Another example how individual Islam practice is.)

Look at all the marriages of kings and queens. In the majority of cases it is the woman who moves away from her family, bff and cousins to live with their partner abroad. You can call it patriarchat. Fact is the older the culture the more flexible and love/marriage/children oriented the women.

Apparently the girl that he married was not from Saudi Arabia, apostasy being a crime punishable by death there.

No, she's not from Saudi Arabia.
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It is interesting that Islam does not like hypocrites (=————??).
But if you change your religion and you cannot publicly show in what you believe (because you have fear of your life), then that religion makes a hypocrite out of you. Cause you have to hide what you realy believe.

Maybe this is the reason why in practice your people have mercy with you. They hope that will become fixed one day. So God will.

It's another story if you want to be actively missionary. That can be dangerous. I cannot imagine that any Muslim society likes it when one of their youngsters emphasize teaching them fundamentals of another religion. Not in the way missionaries do. No, that does not work.

Posted by Gobshite

Maybe you should be asking him these questions, especially since he's moving in with you. Isn't that what real couples do?

You sound like someone who would betray your own beliefs, for the sake of holding onto some Muslim guy. Unless you're planning to convert, stop being a bloody doormat!

As soon as he cottons onto your insecurities, Muslim or not, you're going to be severely manipulated by him.

Lol, no. My beliefs are my own and no one is changing them. I'm not betraying them, nor am I planning on converting. It isn't about "holding onto some Muslim guy", it's about being respectful, understanding and accommodating to my partner's needs. He is uprooting himself and stepping into my culture -- it will be a big change for him, and probably mentally draining for while -- so if replacing a few pots and pans or learning more about his religion's position on oral sex with help ease his transition, then so be it! 🙂 Being considerate isn't being a doormat.

Right now we are both busy with the move, each on opposite ends of the country, so we don't always have the time to sit down and have a chat for the moment. And if I can get the answers to my questions on my own, or hear others' perspectives and their answers, then when we finally do have the time to sit down and hash through questions like these, I'll already have a better understanding of what his answers might be. That's just how *I* function in my tasks: look first, then ask. It's not me being insecure, it's just me being me.