How I can support him through his emotional scars?

This topic was created in the Sagittarius forum by libraqueeen on Saturday, October 8, 2016 and has 3 replies.

Profile picture of libraqueeen
@libraqueeen
10 Years

Just found out his mother is Narcassistic. The disorder. We found out because she started acting passive aggressive towards me. We visited her last week. It's my birthday month so he's taking me shopping every weekend until the end of october. she heard him tell me "are you excited?" and she would ask why would I be excited, and then I said because (my fiancé) is taking me shopping all October. and then out of nowhere, "only (libraqueeen) you care about. you buy her 10 things and get me 1/2!" which started a HUGE, uncomfortable argument between them. he kept saying she isn't his wife or anything and he's dissapointed in her that she's jealous of me, and that he loves me and she needs to respect me more, and that I do deserve the "10 things" he gets me.

She's also tried turning him into a surrogate husband and when he realized that, we looked up info together and basically he told me he wants to cut ties with her. I said isn't that severe? And he said you have no idea what she made me go through. And he's right.

Ever since the realization he seems so much happier, more mature, more "sure" of himself. I hope everything goes nothing but positive at this point.

Based on what I said does it seem like this is the healing process? How do Sags deal with a complicated situation like this? How can I support?

Profile picture of NobleSag
@NobleSag
9 Years500+ Posts

I would say it's a toxic codependency. There's nothing you can do until he learns that he can walk away. I recently did this with my family. I just went Leeroy Jenkins on them and walked away. When it's all said and done, at least I have chicken.

Profile picture of NobleSag
@NobleSag
9 Years500+ Posts

His scars will heal the minute he accepts that his family is supposed to give as much as him. When they don't it's not family. It's kinda like an epifany that happens overnight. Probably loves to help people and has a I can do anything for everyone at the same time attitude. He'll learn. Just give him space but be there it's all on him.