Mebs
@Mebs
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So I Broke Up With the Scorp...
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i think you will get back together. is this the first time he's cancelled on you liked this?
Wow Mebs, I can't believe that.
Have you spoken to him since, did he reply to your messages?
Do you think he 'thinks' you're messing and was just mad and said that in the heat of the moment.
The nasty messages you sent, I would have done the same thing still seething from his earlier antics, although I don't feel this is the end for you both OR is it?
Hope you're OK either way 🙂 *hugs*
Have you spoken to him since, did he reply to your messages?
Do you think he 'thinks' you're messing and was just mad and said that in the heat of the moment.
The nasty messages you sent, I would have done the same thing still seething from his earlier antics, although I don't feel this is the end for you both OR is it?
Hope you're OK either way 🙂 *hugs*
@Aqua I guess it was a heat of the moment thing. I mean I do love him. But he is so difficult. It is tiring and I am frustrated
@DMV No. But like this yes. He's such a scatter brain he runs around doing all kinds of things with his properties and his side sales, I have to call him and be like STOP AND COME GET ME NOW. lol
@SagChick thanks mama. I think he's going to wait me out to see. But I won't be coming back to him like I did after I cussed him out a few weeks before. If he wants me he can let me know. I'm sick of babying him.
@DMV No. But like this yes. He's such a scatter brain he runs around doing all kinds of things with his properties and his side sales, I have to call him and be like STOP AND COME GET ME NOW. lol
@SagChick thanks mama. I think he's going to wait me out to see. But I won't be coming back to him like I did after I cussed him out a few weeks before. If he wants me he can let me know. I'm sick of babying him.
And he won't contact me. He can't handle me when I'm angry. If I'm pissed off and quiet he says he can't take me being that way. When I break fool he jut shuts down.
scorpios are undercover workaholics and i think gemini moons like to have alot going on.
so is this something that you cant work to overcome?
so is this something that you cant work to overcome?
Oh dear. Sometimes my Scorpio gets that bit of tone too; it feels like a dog bite at times.
If you two do try to work it out, make sure he knows you aren't compromising your values or how you are to be treated. Also - remind him that you were in anger during those texts; not in clear mind. When I'm pushed too far with my Scorpion, my Leo sun teams up with my Scorpio moon and I become quite the nasty ice queen. My Scorpio always needs that 'hey that was too far, I'm sorry for saying that/it wasn't very truthful' from me or he'll get vindictive with low self esteem.
I hope your mind and heart find peace soon.
If you two do try to work it out, make sure he knows you aren't compromising your values or how you are to be treated. Also - remind him that you were in anger during those texts; not in clear mind. When I'm pushed too far with my Scorpion, my Leo sun teams up with my Scorpio moon and I become quite the nasty ice queen. My Scorpio always needs that 'hey that was too far, I'm sorry for saying that/it wasn't very truthful' from me or he'll get vindictive with low self esteem.
I hope your mind and heart find peace soon.
Yep he was taking you and your time for granted because he's afraid of love and vindictive, he knew you'd break up with him and that's fine by him because he doesn't want love anyway (least that is what emotionally unavailable men tell themselves) so him pissing you off was his way of getting you to break up with him--basically he was taking the EASY WAY OUT, vindictive people always think ahead, he knew the outcome would be you unleashing the Crack'n on his ass but he didn't care, he wanted to have his FREEDOM. He know you want marriage and he doesn't and as long as he doesn't want marriage well you are wasting your time.
He'll be back because that is what men like him do, they can't commit to staying and they can't commit to leaving....Leaving you stuck in limbo because when he comes back you'll be certain he's changed but then he'll turn around and do something deceitful--ignorant--dastardly and you'll be right back to square one all over again--broken up and miserable--wishing and hoping he'll come back and change for good and yes he'll come back b/c this back and forth thing suits him really well, he gets his freedom and he gets to have you too through this whole back and forth dance.
If you don't want to waste anymore of your youth and time, you'll get out for good and if you don't well be prepared to lose your years--youth and most likely end up with NOTHING to show for it.
He'll be back because that is what men like him do, they can't commit to staying and they can't commit to leaving....Leaving you stuck in limbo because when he comes back you'll be certain he's changed but then he'll turn around and do something deceitful--ignorant--dastardly and you'll be right back to square one all over again--broken up and miserable--wishing and hoping he'll come back and change for good and yes he'll come back b/c this back and forth thing suits him really well, he gets his freedom and he gets to have you too through this whole back and forth dance.
If you don't want to waste anymore of your youth and time, you'll get out for good and if you don't well be prepared to lose your years--youth and most likely end up with NOTHING to show for it.
Posted by DMV
scorpios are undercover workaholics and i think gemini moons like to have alot going on.
so is this something that you cant work to overcome?
I don't know. He uses it, I believe, to escape his emotions. He looks older than he is. His age shows on his forehead it seems from worry. He also drinks. And he told me he used to be a gambling addict. So I think it's a form of escapism for him. I think it's important.
Now with his properties, his little side sales thing, he's volunteered to coach his son's softball team. I'm like dude...he's always running.
Posted by sheathedclaws
Oh dear. Sometimes my Scorpio gets that bit of tone too; it feels like a dog bite at times.
If you two do try to work it out, make sure he knows you aren't compromising your values or how you are to be treated. Also - remind him that you were in anger during those texts; not in clear mind. When I'm pushed too far with my Scorpion, my Leo sun teams up with my Scorpio moon and I become quite the nasty ice queen. My Scorpio always needs that 'hey that was too far, I'm sorry for saying that/it wasn't very truthful' from me or he'll get vindictive with low self esteem.
I hope your mind and heart find peace soon.
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. I almost text that Irish I never met him. But I though that was too mean and untrue. I tried to curb it a little lol.
@Deadringerrr. Yup. Gem mooners have a bad name lol.
@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.
@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".
@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.
@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".
Excuse me? Oh hell to the no.
I don't think she over reacted in any type of way. That right there is disrespect. Period. Should have put her first since it is his girlfriend and she is the one who is there for him when the chips are down. Better tell them you need to go and go be with your girlfriend.
Good for you Mebs. I would have popped the hell off. No one disrespects me like that. Oh it's ok for him to be rude to you? But not them? PFF. He will be back.
Last night I had a knock down drag out with my Scorpio which he seems to think stinging me is ok. Mmm mm noooo fucking way. My Taurus Venus and Mars comes charging in. I will bulldoze the F outta you.
I don't think she over reacted in any type of way. That right there is disrespect. Period. Should have put her first since it is his girlfriend and she is the one who is there for him when the chips are down. Better tell them you need to go and go be with your girlfriend.
Good for you Mebs. I would have popped the hell off. No one disrespects me like that. Oh it's ok for him to be rude to you? But not them? PFF. He will be back.
Last night I had a knock down drag out with my Scorpio which he seems to think stinging me is ok. Mmm mm noooo fucking way. My Taurus Venus and Mars comes charging in. I will bulldoze the F outta you.
So Mebs I'm curious...
Why exactly are you with a man that has escapist behavior? So now he's escaping you and you're mad? What gives? You seriously had to expect this to happen, dating him doesn't make sense, you know he's an ESCAPE ARTIST yet you took him on anyway.
I'm just wondering what exactly did you expect from a man that is emotionally unavailable--per your own words vindictive, secretive, afraid of love, complicated, uses alcohol to escape through drinking--gambling addict and uses work and curricular activities to escape relationships--bonding etc.
Not sure what you want from this guy but you definitely will never come first so something has to give, you accept him as he is--shift the focus back onto you and your life, if he show up fine if he don't fine because your life and happiness doesn't revolve around him--what he's doing or not doing,lower your standards and expectations or leave this guy alone. You will never be a priority in his life if he has so much baggage and demons to contend with. YOU WON'T WIN, his issues, his fears, his escapist behavior will always win.
I'm curious as to what qualities he possess influenced you to give up 2 years of your life.
Why exactly are you with a man that has escapist behavior? So now he's escaping you and you're mad? What gives? You seriously had to expect this to happen, dating him doesn't make sense, you know he's an ESCAPE ARTIST yet you took him on anyway.
I'm just wondering what exactly did you expect from a man that is emotionally unavailable--per your own words vindictive, secretive, afraid of love, complicated, uses alcohol to escape through drinking--gambling addict and uses work and curricular activities to escape relationships--bonding etc.
Not sure what you want from this guy but you definitely will never come first so something has to give, you accept him as he is--shift the focus back onto you and your life, if he show up fine if he don't fine because your life and happiness doesn't revolve around him--what he's doing or not doing,lower your standards and expectations or leave this guy alone. You will never be a priority in his life if he has so much baggage and demons to contend with. YOU WON'T WIN, his issues, his fears, his escapist behavior will always win.
I'm curious as to what qualities he possess influenced you to give up 2 years of your life.
@Xin
I agree, I don't think she overreacted either, I'm sure this blow up has been building up, there is only so much a person can take.
I agree, I don't think she overreacted either, I'm sure this blow up has been building up, there is only so much a person can take.
@Tiki I must admit I like troubled people. I like to swoop in and save them. I also like outcasts. I'm pissed, so I'm only speaking in his bad points.
If I need something, he is there. No questions asked. Then he acts like nothing happened. He doesn't look for a pat on the back. He is also the best dad I've ever seen. That is really what made me think that if I can gain his trust and touch his heart, he'd be a good man. He's also great with kids in general. He's highly intelligent and very powerful when he puts his mind to something. he is also one of the most sensitive men I've ever been around. He can pick up a vibe in a second. He feels everything.
Honestly, he reminds me of myself when it comes to how protective he is of himself. When he lets his guards down and gives a glimpse inside we are very similar. When he spoke of his mom and dad pretty much abandoning him, I totally related. He even still takes care of his mom in his home country in spite of this.
So I guess I related to his pain. And I see his devotion at times, and thought I could get that for myself. But being with him made me admit I like a challenge. I guess it just proved to be too much, and clashed with my own issues. I guess I kind of like Captain-Save-A-Ho lol.
If I need something, he is there. No questions asked. Then he acts like nothing happened. He doesn't look for a pat on the back. He is also the best dad I've ever seen. That is really what made me think that if I can gain his trust and touch his heart, he'd be a good man. He's also great with kids in general. He's highly intelligent and very powerful when he puts his mind to something. he is also one of the most sensitive men I've ever been around. He can pick up a vibe in a second. He feels everything.
Honestly, he reminds me of myself when it comes to how protective he is of himself. When he lets his guards down and gives a glimpse inside we are very similar. When he spoke of his mom and dad pretty much abandoning him, I totally related. He even still takes care of his mom in his home country in spite of this.
So I guess I related to his pain. And I see his devotion at times, and thought I could get that for myself. But being with him made me admit I like a challenge. I guess it just proved to be too much, and clashed with my own issues. I guess I kind of like Captain-Save-A-Ho lol.
Posted by DeadRingerrPosted by Mebs
@Deadringerrr. Yup. Gem mooners have a bad name lol.
@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.
@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".
I'm a Gemini Sun,,very different from Gem Mooners...They cheat alot...sorry to say it....click to expand
So I've heard...
Oh and you know I'm pissed. How can I forget the best sex of my life? That definitely helped...
Posted by LeoVirgoGirl
This is strange. We all get last minute things but why has he not invited you?
I have never met his son's mother. I never met any of ex's new people either, so that's not a big deal to me. So I guess being that it was at her place, an invite was out.
I'm also very suspicious of baby's mommas. I think men like to hit it and they allow it. I'm not like that with my girl's dad which is part of why I think he has so much animosity. I'm not playing by the rules.
Posted by DeadRingerrPosted by Mebs
Oh and you know I'm pissed. How can I forget the best sex of my life? That definitely helped...
I dated two men with Gemini Moons, both cheated on me...just sayin! Yes it sucks when the sex is good!! Hard to say goodbye 😢click to expand
Girl as secretive as he is, he still opens up to me at times. Twice I caught him in stories of short affairs that would've occurred within the timeline of him being with his kid's mom. I'm like really? Weren't you with so and so then? He just got quiet. :-/
@Tiki I must admit I like troubled people. I like to swoop in and save them. I also like outcasts. I'm pissed, so I'm only speaking in his bad points.
So you're trying to save someone who actually LIKE HIMSELF just the way he is? That can be a huge contradiction and create opposition, the kind of opposition you're currently experiencing, he'll buck back just to let you know you don't control or run him--he do what he want-when he want, I'm sure he's wondering when you're going to get that and stop trying so hard to make him be something he's not. He's not a guy that live by conventional relationship standards so getting mad at him for being a feral-rogue male won't resolve anything.
" That is really what made me think that if I can gain his trust and touch his heart, he'd be a good man. "
So you're trying to do what no other woman including the mother of his child COULDN'T DO. That's fantasy thinking, if the prior women in his life couldn't accomplish turning him into a good man then you damn sure wasn't going to be able to do it.
Being a good dad doesn't make for a good boyfriend, meaning you can't measure him being a good dad to being a good boyfriend because most likely he prioritizes being a good dad FIRST which makes him appear more appealing to women but that doesn't mean he'll prioritize YOU, clearly that's not the case.
As for him being there when you need well that's admirable but clearly that's not all true either or he'd have showed up when he was supposed to....I guess I see a bit of la la land thinking on your part, you're prioritizing the good when you really should be prioritizing the bad, the bad is the most important part.
You're attempting to make an uncivil damaged man civil healthy and whole so he can be a good man FOR YOU--That's a selfish controlling NEED--it's NEEDINESS especially when he's completely fine with the way he is because if he wasn't fine he'd change FOR YOU BE A BETTER MAN FOR YOU. You're beating a dead horse, you pick a man that has all kinds of issues and on top that he has abandonment issues which means he can never trust anyone and LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, loving him, being there for him simply isn't going to be enough for a damaged man such as him.
So you're trying to save someone who actually LIKE HIMSELF just the way he is? That can be a huge contradiction and create opposition, the kind of opposition you're currently experiencing, he'll buck back just to let you know you don't control or run him--he do what he want-when he want, I'm sure he's wondering when you're going to get that and stop trying so hard to make him be something he's not. He's not a guy that live by conventional relationship standards so getting mad at him for being a feral-rogue male won't resolve anything.
" That is really what made me think that if I can gain his trust and touch his heart, he'd be a good man. "
So you're trying to do what no other woman including the mother of his child COULDN'T DO. That's fantasy thinking, if the prior women in his life couldn't accomplish turning him into a good man then you damn sure wasn't going to be able to do it.
Being a good dad doesn't make for a good boyfriend, meaning you can't measure him being a good dad to being a good boyfriend because most likely he prioritizes being a good dad FIRST which makes him appear more appealing to women but that doesn't mean he'll prioritize YOU, clearly that's not the case.
As for him being there when you need well that's admirable but clearly that's not all true either or he'd have showed up when he was supposed to....I guess I see a bit of la la land thinking on your part, you're prioritizing the good when you really should be prioritizing the bad, the bad is the most important part.
You're attempting to make an uncivil damaged man civil healthy and whole so he can be a good man FOR YOU--That's a selfish controlling NEED--it's NEEDINESS especially when he's completely fine with the way he is because if he wasn't fine he'd change FOR YOU BE A BETTER MAN FOR YOU. You're beating a dead horse, you pick a man that has all kinds of issues and on top that he has abandonment issues which means he can never trust anyone and LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, loving him, being there for him simply isn't going to be enough for a damaged man such as him.
"So I guess I related to his pain. And I see his devotion at times, and thought I could get that for myself. But being with him made me admit I like a challenge. I guess it just proved to be too much, and clashed with my own issues. I guess I kind of like Captain-Save-A-Ho lol."
LMAO! Exactly...You can be with him but you must lower your expectations and standards, YOU CAN'T EXPECT LOVE FROM A DAMAGED TROUBLED SOUL, you will not get it, troubled men--toxic men--damaged men are very complicated because most everything he does is for HIMSELF, sometimes they can give you a glimpse of heaven, a glimpse of what it would be like if he wasn't so troubled but that's NOT THE REAL HIM, that's a fantasy that women like you attach to a troubled man and then you turn controlling trying to MAKE HIM BE SOMETHING HE'S NOT and this has everything to DO WITH YOU.
You admitted you are attracted to troubled me well that's a BIG DEAL, that's a truth that you can work with, instead of expecting a troubled soul to behave like he's not troubled, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, expect the worst and hope for the best and then take what shows up--take what you get, you'll be less stressed and the relationship will most likely be a lot smoother..
Accepting him the way he is instead of trying to control that aspect of him CAN TURN HIM AROUND if he's not too toxic, once he realizes you are not going to try and change him, control him, force him to be civil and in love with you he may just turn himself around without you doing anything.
APATHY, learn how to be completely apathetic towards his emotionally unavailable nature and he'll be forced to fix himself or lose you.
But as long as you're attracted to troubled men you'll always be nagging, complaining, moaning, breaking up about something you can't control.
Yes he was rude but he's not your average guy, he's troubled and he's going to do what he wants to do FOR HIMSELF, everything he does is for him, he prioritizes HIM FIRST and as long as you're not a priority in his life he'll always CHOOSE HIM FIRST over you.
LMAO! Exactly...You can be with him but you must lower your expectations and standards, YOU CAN'T EXPECT LOVE FROM A DAMAGED TROUBLED SOUL, you will not get it, troubled men--toxic men--damaged men are very complicated because most everything he does is for HIMSELF, sometimes they can give you a glimpse of heaven, a glimpse of what it would be like if he wasn't so troubled but that's NOT THE REAL HIM, that's a fantasy that women like you attach to a troubled man and then you turn controlling trying to MAKE HIM BE SOMETHING HE'S NOT and this has everything to DO WITH YOU.
You admitted you are attracted to troubled me well that's a BIG DEAL, that's a truth that you can work with, instead of expecting a troubled soul to behave like he's not troubled, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, expect the worst and hope for the best and then take what shows up--take what you get, you'll be less stressed and the relationship will most likely be a lot smoother..
Accepting him the way he is instead of trying to control that aspect of him CAN TURN HIM AROUND if he's not too toxic, once he realizes you are not going to try and change him, control him, force him to be civil and in love with you he may just turn himself around without you doing anything.
APATHY, learn how to be completely apathetic towards his emotionally unavailable nature and he'll be forced to fix himself or lose you.
But as long as you're attracted to troubled men you'll always be nagging, complaining, moaning, breaking up about something you can't control.
Yes he was rude but he's not your average guy, he's troubled and he's going to do what he wants to do FOR HIMSELF, everything he does is for him, he prioritizes HIM FIRST and as long as you're not a priority in his life he'll always CHOOSE HIM FIRST over you.
Posted by DeadRingerrPosted by Mebs
@Deadringerrr. Yup. Gem mooners have a bad name lol.
@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.
@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".
I'm a Gemini Sun,,very different from Gem Mooners...They cheat alot...sorry to say it....click to expand
unfortunately
@mebs, what aspects does your moon and venus make? what house is uranus at in your char?
Posted by DMV
@mebs, what aspects does your moon and venus make? what house is uranus at in your char?
Oh wow. I'm clueless about that. I'm Venus in cap in The 6th house. Moon in aqua In the 7th house
Uranus is in Scorp in The 4th house. Is that what you mean?
Posted by MebsPosted by DMV
@mebs, what aspects does your moon and venus make? what house is uranus at in your char?
Oh wow. I'm clueless about that. I'm Venus in cap in The 6th house. Moon in aqua In the 7th house
Uranus is in Scorp in The 4th house. Is that what you mean?click to expand
Ok it says moon semiquintiles Venus.
@Tiki Very wise words. I never thought of what I was doing as being controlling. I figured, I just had to show him what's right lol.
But I guess being a man, and a SCorp, he definitely bucks against pressure.
Although it seems, if I bark then back off, he does evolve some. He has actually come a long way from when I first met him. Once he told me, "You complain and give me problems.". I said, "I'm sorry but I'm not used to your ways.". He said, "I didn't say it was a bad thing.", then gave me a kiss.
But thanks for the insight. And you know I had to look up apathy right? Lmao!
But I guess being a man, and a SCorp, he definitely bucks against pressure.
Although it seems, if I bark then back off, he does evolve some. He has actually come a long way from when I first met him. Once he told me, "You complain and give me problems.". I said, "I'm sorry but I'm not used to your ways.". He said, "I didn't say it was a bad thing.", then gave me a kiss.
But thanks for the insight. And you know I had to look up apathy right? Lmao!
@Tiki "" That is really what made me think that if I can gain his trust and touch his heart, he'd be a good man. "
So you're trying to do what no other woman including the mother of his child COULDN'T DO. That's fantasy thinking, if the prior women in his life couldn't accomplish turning him into a good man then you damn sure wasn't going to be able to do it."
^^^^^^ That's so true. And I always talk smack about women that feel that way. And look at me smh.
So you're trying to do what no other woman including the mother of his child COULDN'T DO. That's fantasy thinking, if the prior women in his life couldn't accomplish turning him into a good man then you damn sure wasn't going to be able to do it."
^^^^^^ That's so true. And I always talk smack about women that feel that way. And look at me smh.
Posted by RamenPancakes
So you aren't going to talk to him again?
I'm just saying because maybe you could have reschedule again. Yes, it was a dick move, but it doesn't seem like anything was ended properly. But oh well, you sags seem to just end things completely on the spot without talking about it anyways. Guess others are different.
You're right. He deserves more than that and I was enraged. And no your post wasn't ignorant. It's just been a build up of frustration.
LMAO@@Tiki Very wise words. I never thought of what I was doing as being controlling. I figured, I just had to show him what's right lol.
I know right, I used to think the same way too....
++1@Dazed Scorp...
Something he said especially caught my attention....
"What if he eventually became that better man, to the point in which you had nothing else to fix? Would you leave him? Because a woman, who feels she needs to fix a broken man, has nothing left worth staying for, if he becomes that better man. Right?"
Something I wanted to add to that if I could...
What if you FIX HIM and HE LEAVES, typically a man that is troubled-broken and gets fixed by his mate moves on to someone else, someone whose HEALTHIER, not trying to fix him and has her own life--doesn't revolve her life around him so be careful for what you wish for, you very well could be raising this man up to be a better man for someone else. If you're investing in this man then you should really consider getting MARRIED FIRST before raising him up. Your nesting instincts to fix and mold can come back to bite you in the ass, as Dazed pointed out either accept the negatives or move on.
He may just get his shit straight--get fixed and begin to feel he's too good for you, he'll LOOK DOWN at you, realizing he's too healthy for you. If he doesn't need to be fixed anymore then what good are you to him, he'll move on. What healthy man needs-wants a woman that is controlling and fixing him, not very many emotionally healthy men stay with women that want to fix them, fixing a man is like CRITICIZING HIM, it's like saying you're not enough, you're not good enough just the way you are and he'll buck back at you really hard, he'll punish you for making him feel bad about himself, he'll associate his bad feelings that he feels when you try to fix him WITH YOU, he'll blame you for how he feels and once that happens he'll act up to the point of you being pushed to dump him.
Yes he was rude but had you not relied on him to be there for you well you probably wouldn't have had to break up, you can't put too much pressure on a man that is troubled, he'll bounce on you and come back when it's convenient for him, you expect too much from troubled men and yes you'll be disappointed and hurt every time because you expect too much.
I'm not giving him a pass to mistreat and neglect you but at the same time you can't really expect much from a troubled man that isn't prioritizing you in his life.
I know right, I used to think the same way too....
++1@Dazed Scorp...
Something he said especially caught my attention....
"What if he eventually became that better man, to the point in which you had nothing else to fix? Would you leave him? Because a woman, who feels she needs to fix a broken man, has nothing left worth staying for, if he becomes that better man. Right?"
Something I wanted to add to that if I could...
What if you FIX HIM and HE LEAVES, typically a man that is troubled-broken and gets fixed by his mate moves on to someone else, someone whose HEALTHIER, not trying to fix him and has her own life--doesn't revolve her life around him so be careful for what you wish for, you very well could be raising this man up to be a better man for someone else. If you're investing in this man then you should really consider getting MARRIED FIRST before raising him up. Your nesting instincts to fix and mold can come back to bite you in the ass, as Dazed pointed out either accept the negatives or move on.
He may just get his shit straight--get fixed and begin to feel he's too good for you, he'll LOOK DOWN at you, realizing he's too healthy for you. If he doesn't need to be fixed anymore then what good are you to him, he'll move on. What healthy man needs-wants a woman that is controlling and fixing him, not very many emotionally healthy men stay with women that want to fix them, fixing a man is like CRITICIZING HIM, it's like saying you're not enough, you're not good enough just the way you are and he'll buck back at you really hard, he'll punish you for making him feel bad about himself, he'll associate his bad feelings that he feels when you try to fix him WITH YOU, he'll blame you for how he feels and once that happens he'll act up to the point of you being pushed to dump him.
Yes he was rude but had you not relied on him to be there for you well you probably wouldn't have had to break up, you can't put too much pressure on a man that is troubled, he'll bounce on you and come back when it's convenient for him, you expect too much from troubled men and yes you'll be disappointed and hurt every time because you expect too much.
I'm not giving him a pass to mistreat and neglect you but at the same time you can't really expect much from a troubled man that isn't prioritizing you in his life.
@Dazed Thank you so much for your input. Please speak! Your opinion means alot. I'm open to the truth wether it makes me look good or not🙂
What you're saying is very true. He told me he never wants his son to feel like he felt growing up without a father. He said he has unlimited access to his kid and wants to keep it that way. You're spot on with that.
I hope I'd be happy that we both got to abetter place by lifting each other up. And not be bored that there is nothing left to fix. But you've raised a good issue for me to think about.
Ahhhh...sensibility is a great thing. Thanks for the insight 🙂
What you're saying is very true. He told me he never wants his son to feel like he felt growing up without a father. He said he has unlimited access to his kid and wants to keep it that way. You're spot on with that.
I hope I'd be happy that we both got to abetter place by lifting each other up. And not be bored that there is nothing left to fix. But you've raised a good issue for me to think about.
Ahhhh...sensibility is a great thing. Thanks for the insight 🙂
@Tiki That's so true. I guess I don't realize how much criticizing can hurt. Even if you are right. And a man likes to feel appreciated.
Like you said it isn't a free pass, but just being realistic about the man I'm dealing with. I guess he is so smart and has such a cool demeanor, that I forget what really goes on beneath the surface.
Like you said it isn't a free pass, but just being realistic about the man I'm dealing with. I guess he is so smart and has such a cool demeanor, that I forget what really goes on beneath the surface.
Mebs hopefully you 2 will work things out, you broke up in haste, it's understandable, you both have your own inner struggles going on and then trying to come outside of that and deal with one another, well that in itself in complicated but hopefully you both can get past this and move on from what happened.
You love this guy, that's clear, I have no doubts that you care and want this man in your life, but when you get triggered-feel abandoned you have to learn that it's YOU that's responsible for your own feelings, he's not trying to hurt you and attack you emotionally, he really is just doing what he feel is best for him, yes that's selfish but it's not personal, learn how to back off a bit which includes learning how to take care of yourself, take care of your own feelings when he does something selfish, yes you'll feel triggered by his behavior but he's not responsible for your reactions to his behavior, sometimes it really isn't about you, although it does feel that way, he just isn't healthy enough to put someone other himself and his son first, he's learning and he won't always get it right.
Prepare yourself for those kind of moments, make alternative plans to do something else just in case he doesn't come through for you so you won't put so much energy into him and his behavior, this is complicated in and of itself because you have 2 grown individuals with heavy issues and you're both triggering each other which brings out the worst in both of you, you gotta learn how to STEP BACK, breathe and not make his selfishness your issue. Learn how to calmly tell him you're not happy with his choices and then back away for a few days, give him space to breathe and figure things out for himself.
You can keep raising him up, changing him but don't be surprised if he's no longer interested in being with you after you've invested a ton of your energy fixing him. Try to love him for who he is and if you can't then wish him well and move on.
You are just wearing out your nerves and anger--frustration makes a woman look old and unattractive...
You love this guy, that's clear, I have no doubts that you care and want this man in your life, but when you get triggered-feel abandoned you have to learn that it's YOU that's responsible for your own feelings, he's not trying to hurt you and attack you emotionally, he really is just doing what he feel is best for him, yes that's selfish but it's not personal, learn how to back off a bit which includes learning how to take care of yourself, take care of your own feelings when he does something selfish, yes you'll feel triggered by his behavior but he's not responsible for your reactions to his behavior, sometimes it really isn't about you, although it does feel that way, he just isn't healthy enough to put someone other himself and his son first, he's learning and he won't always get it right.
Prepare yourself for those kind of moments, make alternative plans to do something else just in case he doesn't come through for you so you won't put so much energy into him and his behavior, this is complicated in and of itself because you have 2 grown individuals with heavy issues and you're both triggering each other which brings out the worst in both of you, you gotta learn how to STEP BACK, breathe and not make his selfishness your issue. Learn how to calmly tell him you're not happy with his choices and then back away for a few days, give him space to breathe and figure things out for himself.
You can keep raising him up, changing him but don't be surprised if he's no longer interested in being with you after you've invested a ton of your energy fixing him. Try to love him for who he is and if you can't then wish him well and move on.
You are just wearing out your nerves and anger--frustration makes a woman look old and unattractive...
Also could it be that you were angry that he chose his ex--child's mother over you? I'm just curious because yeah that would make me pissed too, that would bring out all of my insecurities lol, I'm human and I don't know too many women that would be happy that her lover was sitting around yah yah'n with his ex and mutual friends...He didn't call you to see if you were okay? Were did he sleep that night?
Posted by tiki33
Also could it be that you were angry that he chose his ex--child's mother over you? I'm just curious because yeah that would make me pissed too, that would bring out all of my insecurities lol, I'm human and I don't know too many women that would be happy that her lover was sitting around yah yah'n with his ex and mutual friends...He didn't call you to see if you were okay? Were did he sleep that night?
Oh that's definitely true lol. I didn't want to feel that way, but I did. I really don't know where he slept. He was going to call me when he was leaving, but being a hothead, I told him not to call me ever 😢
He won't call for a long while. He can't deal with me when I'm angry. And I'm sure I hurt his feelings. He knows not contacting me hurts me, so he'll definitely use that card on me now.
Tiki you're so right about having a back up plan. It's just this weekend her dad didn't get her. So I had to take my daughter to her grandma, and the Scorp didn't have his car. That made for a lot of running around.
I picked him up from work and took him to his mechanic. I kept checking in with him to gauge wether or not I should make a move. Everything seemed good so I started scrambling around, and boom! This happened.
Everything happens for a reason. Smh. I guess I have to evaluate wether or not I can deal with his issues, in light of my own issues. But you are 100% correct. We absolutely trigger each other. I never thought about that before.
I picked him up from work and took him to his mechanic. I kept checking in with him to gauge wether or not I should make a move. Everything seemed good so I started scrambling around, and boom! This happened.
Everything happens for a reason. Smh. I guess I have to evaluate wether or not I can deal with his issues, in light of my own issues. But you are 100% correct. We absolutely trigger each other. I never thought about that before.
Mebs you seem like a really sweet person but you just give too much, next time let him figure out how to get around, don't offer to pick him up and next time tell him you're busy, you can't do it because you have so many other things on your plate, I bet you can't say that because you've made him a priority when your just an option to him, you are just over functioning way too much and it's not attractive. You're driving this guy to and from the mechanics, calling him to gauge whether or not you should make a move, scrambling, you sound frazzled and NO FUN, he probably wanted to be around people he could have fun with, you're doing too much, becoming a chore because you're too involved--too wrapped up into his life/world, he needed a break.
You use so much of your masculine energy, doing this, doing that, running here, picking him up, you are overfunctioning, stretching yourself thin and killing your good vibe, he doesn't want to be around you when you're like that, you gotta get out of the drivers seat and relax, let him use his masculine energy to pursue you, pick you up, do the driving in the relationship, you gotta stop jumping through hoops b/c being that way won't make him marry you nor take you seriously, he'll just figure you want to get married and that's why you're constantly jumping through hoops and proving your worth and he'll let you do all of that but that doesn't mean he'll give you his loyalty.
You use so much of your masculine energy, doing this, doing that, running here, picking him up, you are overfunctioning, stretching yourself thin and killing your good vibe, he doesn't want to be around you when you're like that, you gotta get out of the drivers seat and relax, let him use his masculine energy to pursue you, pick you up, do the driving in the relationship, you gotta stop jumping through hoops b/c being that way won't make him marry you nor take you seriously, he'll just figure you want to get married and that's why you're constantly jumping through hoops and proving your worth and he'll let you do all of that but that doesn't mean he'll give you his loyalty.
@Mebs,
i have moon conjunct uranus and this article was helpful for me. it may be helpful for you since you have an aqua moon and aqua is ruled by uranus.
http://sasstrology.com/2010/06/the-detached-lover-aspects-between-the-moon-and-uranus-in-the-natal-chart.html<BR> http://sasstrology.com/2008/05/bad-boys-uranus-ruled-relationship.html
i have moon conjunct uranus and this article was helpful for me. it may be helpful for you since you have an aqua moon and aqua is ruled by uranus.
http://sasstrology.com/2010/06/the-detached-lover-aspects-between-the-moon-and-uranus-in-the-natal-chart.html<BR> http://sasstrology.com/2008/05/bad-boys-uranus-ruled-relationship.html
there is something about an unstable man that i love. every lover has been this way and i am a bit unstable myself. although in relationships, i am the one trying to bring more stability to it, but its hard.
@Ramen I'd like an emotionally satisfying relationship, with thrills and chills too. Not boring not perfect. But one where I can feel secure. I like a little friction. But too much and I start getting nutty. If I feel loved, everything else is workable. And great sex. A kid would be nice, but isn't a deal breaker , because I want to be married for that, and I'm realize I'm getting too old.
@Tiki That's a hard pill to swallow lol. But you make sense. I have to learn how to fall back. His car broke down Wednesday. I gave him a ride to his mechanic that day as I'm only 10 minutes from there. Thursday I let him fend for himself. Then Friday I wanted to move things along and swooped in. I should've just laid back, or as you said, explain it was going to be too much. *slapping myself*
@Tiki That's a hard pill to swallow lol. But you make sense. I have to learn how to fall back. His car broke down Wednesday. I gave him a ride to his mechanic that day as I'm only 10 minutes from there. Thursday I let him fend for himself. Then Friday I wanted to move things along and swooped in. I should've just laid back, or as you said, explain it was going to be too much. *slapping myself*
Posted by DMV
there is something about an unstable man that i love. every lover has been this way and i am a bit unstable myself. although in relationships, i am the one trying to bring more stability to it, but its hard.
Lol. My first boyfriend and this Scorp were the only two men I dated that were this way. And the two I had the most feelings for.
I just want to be careful and really gauge myself. Because with my first, Leo, he was abusive for so long and I tried to help. He ended up becoming a better man after we broke up, but I was so bitter from everything he put me through I didn't want to be with him. He's still a nut ball lol. But really a better man. He always thanks me for the love I gave him 21 years ago (I was 16 he was 28 yikes!) but I have no feelings for him romantically.
I guess the chances of this happening with the Scorp are low, as I don't have that kind of tolerance anymore. Now I will break fool lol
Posted by RamenPancakesPosted by Mebs
@Ramen I'd like an emotionally satisfying relationship, with thrills and chills too. Not boring not perfect. But one where I can feel secure. I like a little friction. But too much and I start getting nutty. If I feel loved, everything else is workable. And great sex. A kid would be nice, but isn't a deal breaker , because I want to be married for that, and I'm realize I'm getting too old.
I'm asking about the situation with this guy.click to expand
I'd like to at least speak with him. He deserves more than an abrupt break up over the phone.
I mean if we can just be honest and establish boundaries that would help. We'd know what lines not to cross anymore. If we can have an agreement and stick to it that would be good. I'd like the relationship to move forward. I just don't push because I know how he is. Oftentimes he has things in his head that he plans on executing, but he won't tell me. So I don't like to pressure him too much because a lot of times he has his plan already.
Did I answer the question? Lmao
Posted by DMV
@Mebs,
i have moon conjunct uranus and this article was helpful for me. it may be helpful for you since you have an aqua moon and aqua is ruled by uranus.
http://sasstrology.com/2010/06/the-detached-lover-aspects-between-the-moon-and-uranus-in-the-natal-chart.html<BR> http://sasstrology.com/2008/05/bad-boys-uranus-ruled-relationship.html
Oh wow. Thanks DMV. That was very interesting.
The first article sounds like him. He takes pride on reacting to nothing. His uranus is in Libra in the 9th house. His moon trines Uranus and his mars is in conjunct with Uranus.
It says my uranus is in scorp and sextiles my venus and sun, and squares my ascendant.
Posted by RamenPancakes
Then, accept whatever answer he gives you and go with that. If it sounds like its the end, at least you tried.
You're right. It's important to accept he answer and not think I can change his answer over time. It is what it is.
@Mebs
Well at least you won't be alone in this thread. I just broke up with my Scorpio too. He raged. But this was after a long night of him telling me how worthless I was and how I make him miserable. He brought up everything wrong that I have ever done that he told me he forgave me for and threw it in my face. This is the same guy I have made countless posts about. But I finally did it. I wanted to be like "Now you know how it feels..." With how many times he has dumped me and left me sitting there with nothing but my emotions. I don't understand how Scorpio's bag on you for days wanting you to do things for them and expect you to stay. *Sigh* I am sad but he wasn't very nice to me.
Well at least you won't be alone in this thread. I just broke up with my Scorpio too. He raged. But this was after a long night of him telling me how worthless I was and how I make him miserable. He brought up everything wrong that I have ever done that he told me he forgave me for and threw it in my face. This is the same guy I have made countless posts about. But I finally did it. I wanted to be like "Now you know how it feels..." With how many times he has dumped me and left me sitting there with nothing but my emotions. I don't understand how Scorpio's bag on you for days wanting you to do things for them and expect you to stay. *Sigh* I am sad but he wasn't very nice to me.
Posted by Xin
@Mebs
Well at least you won't be alone in this thread. I just broke up with my Scorpio too. He raged. But this was after a long night of him telling me how worthless I was and how I make him miserable. He brought up everything wrong that I have ever done that he told me he forgave me for and threw it in my face. This is the same guy I have made countless posts about. But I finally did it. I wanted to be like "Now you know how it feels..." With how many times he has dumped me and left me sitting there with nothing but my emotions. I don't understand how Scorpio's bag on you for days wanting you to do things for them and expect you to stay. *Sigh* I am sad but he wasn't very nice to me.
😢 I'm so sorry to hear that. It really seems as though Scorps need for people to jump through endless rings of fire to gain their trust. *shrugs* I know I have difficulty trusting people, but they seem to take it to a whole different level.
*hugs* Are you okay? You said he wasn't very nice. Do you feel that this is for the best?
@Mebs
Thanks for caring and asking I appreciate it. I hope you are ok too.
But yes it is for the best. For the past couple of days it was all about how miserable I make him and how sometimes he just doesn't want to speak to me because all we do is argue like he purposely wants to avoid me but I should be happy that he talks to me anyways. Just constant hour after hour of being pummeled in the face with insults and how I don't do anything right. So I felt if I am such a crappy person maybe I should leave, and I did. Now hes furious with me and being very immature. I guess when someone breaks up with a Scorpio they lose all control and then you are the driver. I think it makes them go crazy. He even told me he broke up with me so many times in the past because he didn't want me to do it so he did it because it would hurt less. Always about his feelings and never mine.
Thanks for caring and asking I appreciate it. I hope you are ok too.
But yes it is for the best. For the past couple of days it was all about how miserable I make him and how sometimes he just doesn't want to speak to me because all we do is argue like he purposely wants to avoid me but I should be happy that he talks to me anyways. Just constant hour after hour of being pummeled in the face with insults and how I don't do anything right. So I felt if I am such a crappy person maybe I should leave, and I did. Now hes furious with me and being very immature. I guess when someone breaks up with a Scorpio they lose all control and then you are the driver. I think it makes them go crazy. He even told me he broke up with me so many times in the past because he didn't want me to do it so he did it because it would hurt less. Always about his feelings and never mine.
Posted by Mebs
@Ramen I'd like an emotionally satisfying relationship, with thrills and chills too. Not boring not perfect. But one where I can feel secure. I like a little friction. But too much and I start getting nutty. If I feel loved, everything else is workable. And great sex. A kid would be nice, but isn't a deal breaker , because I want to be married for that, and I'm realize I'm getting too old.
Sounds like you need an aries. Or a scorpio who has matured.
You did the right thing. What a joke that way canceling on you at the last second for something like that. Good riddance and good luck to you on your next man.
I feel ya tho. A relationship needs to me emotionally satisfying, thrilling, but still stable so you know where you stand. Never a good thing to be left wondering where you're at with them.
@Dazed Thanks so much for the insight. I believe in what you're saying.
Last night I couldn't sleep very well thinking. I remember last year after I'd given him all of his birthday gifts he looked at me and said "I love you baby.". I wanted to say it back but was too afraid. I never thought about how that might've made him feel. DMV pointed that out to me. I figured I show it through my actions. But again. That's how I see it. He might not feel the same.
That is to say I have my b.s. too, and he didn't leave me for not being able to return his affection at that time. He's also told me a lot more about his childhood than I've told him about mine. Maybe he might understand me a little better if I'd open up and stop being so fearful.
Thanks again. I guess I can use this experience to deal some things I've been running from too 🙂
Last night I couldn't sleep very well thinking. I remember last year after I'd given him all of his birthday gifts he looked at me and said "I love you baby.". I wanted to say it back but was too afraid. I never thought about how that might've made him feel. DMV pointed that out to me. I figured I show it through my actions. But again. That's how I see it. He might not feel the same.
That is to say I have my b.s. too, and he didn't leave me for not being able to return his affection at that time. He's also told me a lot more about his childhood than I've told him about mine. Maybe he might understand me a little better if I'd open up and stop being so fearful.
Thanks again. I guess I can use this experience to deal some things I've been running from too 🙂
@Deadringerr. You're Absolutely right about that. But I'm very understanding because as Dazed pointed out, I too have a child. I have no qualms with a man taking care of his responsibilities. As a matter of fact, I like that he won't neglect his kid for a woman. We're both on the exact same page with child rearing. I think the nicest thing he ever told me was how much of a great mom he thought I was. He said I'm the only person that sees children like he does.
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