So I Broke Up With the Scorp... (Page 2)

@Dazed Yes I do love him. No I haven't told him. I've never loved a man before. When he said it and I thought about saying it back, I got the most terrible feeling in my stomach. I was so afraid. I hate being vulnerable. I almost felt like what if he's joking and I say it back and he leaves me because I'm getting too attached? Weird I know.

He's... Sun - Scorp
Rising - Cap
Moon - Gemini
Venus - Virgo
Mars - Libra
Merc - Scorp

Ohhhhhh...I hope this has a happy ending! 😭 —

Posted by Mebs
And he won't contact me. He can't handle me when I'm angry. If I'm pissed off and quiet he says he can't take me being that way. When I break fool he jut shuts down.

Scorpios are really bad at calming people down are trying to " comfort them " I never saw that as a strength they have.

Well good for you hon if thats what you want!

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Mebs
@Deadringerrr. Yup. Gem mooners have a bad name lol.

@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.

@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".

I'm a Gemini Sun,,very different from Gem Mooners...They cheat alot...sorry to say it....

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Hmm I wouldn't agree with that. Half my friends had gem moons and only one is a cheater.

*have

Posted by Wynter
Ohhhhhh...I hope this has a happy ending! 😭 —

Awww thanks mama 🙂. I'm hopeful

Posted by DazedScorp
"I hate being vulnerable."

And so does he. Hence why we distances himself emotionally.

Once he hears how much you love him, he's likely to take on the world in order to show his love for you.

I trust you're right about this. I've been saying I would tell him since last year. I guess this situation is going to force me to grow the heck up and dive in. *gulp*
Lol!

Posted by Sag89

Posted by Mebs
And he won't contact me. He can't handle me when I'm angry. If I'm pissed off and quiet he says he can't take me being that way. When I break fool he jut shuts down.

Scorpios are really bad at calming people down are trying to " comfort them " I never saw that as a strength they have.

Well good for you hon if thats what you want!

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Reading this post remind me of my sag man.. He is excatly like this he def shut down when I am mad. well he has moon in gemini. They dont to well with that... He will come around mebs

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by Mebs

Posted by DazedScorp
"I hate being vulnerable."

And so does he. Hence why we distances himself emotionally.

Once he hears how much you love him, he's likely to take on the world in order to show his love for you.

I trust you're right about this. I've been saying I would tell him since last year. I guess this situation is going to force me to grow the heck up and dive in. *gulp*
Lol!

Here's a thought....

The sex was good before, right?

Imagine what the sex will be like with him, if he knows you two have an emotional, heart felt connection. 😉

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Whoowee! Yeah! Lol. Let's just hope he's not fed up with my feisty, hot tempered self lol. That Sag sun and Merc is a mutha sometimes :-/

Posted by RamenPancakes

Posted by tiki33
Mebs you seem like a really sweet person but you just give too much, next time let him figure out how to get around, don't offer to pick him up and next time tell him you're busy, you can't do it because you have so many other things on your plate, I bet you can't say that because you've made him a priority when your just an option to him, you are just over functioning way too much and it's not attractive. You're driving this guy to and from the mechanics, calling him to gauge whether or not you should make a move, scrambling, you sound frazzled and NO FUN, he probably wanted to be around people he could have fun with, you're doing too much, becoming a chore because you're too involved--too wrapped up into his life/world, he needed a break.

You use so much of your masculine energy, doing this, doing that, running here, picking him up, you are overfunctioning, stretching yourself thin and killing your good vibe, he doesn't want to be around you when you're like that, you gotta get out of the drivers seat and relax, let him use his masculine energy to pursue you, pick you up, do the driving in the relationship, you gotta stop jumping through hoops b/c being that way won't make him marry you nor take you seriously, he'll just figure you want to get married and that's why you're constantly jumping through hoops and proving your worth and he'll let you do all of that but that doesn't mean he'll give you his loyalty.

I wouldn't think that the 'play games' suggestions is really going to resolve this.

Mebs, what do you even want? Use that sag charm and be blunt here.

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Uh@ramen I don't see were I "suggested" she play games or games are being played in my statement...I suggest you read what I wrote again or you're just misinterpreting my words or lack comprehension skills to pick up what I'm communicating.

Posted by DazedScorp
Wow... People should read the whole thread before making presumptuous comments.

+1

Meb,

What I didn't like is your Scorp's ex inviting HIS friends over, unless they are common friends. I believe once divorced, being civil is wonderful and much ideal, especially when the couple has common children, but hanging out with ex would be no no for me. They are not a couple anymore, so that part appears a bit weird to me.

I do believe your Scorpio cares for you. I also sympathize very much with your reaction, Meb. He should have respected your time and either let you know early enough to re-schedule with you OR, since his running into friend appears unexpected, he should have left earlier for you. Plans are plans and I'm sure his friends would have understood.

I hope in a few days you may work things out. He may have seen the freedom to just change plans one-sidedly, but if he intends on staying with you, I hope he learns to respect also your conditions and you both can find compromises.

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp
Wow... People should read the whole thread before making presumptuous comments.

Who are you directing this comment to?

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I would also like to know?

@Fum that pissed me off too. They were together for about 8 years so they did have mutual friends. He kept saying he would explain who it was, but I was so disgusted I was like screw that dude. Don't tell me anything. Don't call me period. I was really upset.

Posted by RamenPancakes
And before you ask where the 'games' are coming from...it's from the suggestion to lie when the motives are not in good faith.

I'm not asking her to lie, she has a life of her own, if she continues to revolve her life around him he will take her for granted--he is taking her for granted, if she makes it all about HIM then HE'LL MAKE IT ALL ABOUT HIM TOO.

She is using all of her masculine energy and she wonders why he treats her like she's one of the boys and she'll understand when he doesn't want to be with her, I see her working hard to get him to and from the mechanic, she has a child of her own, she has a job I'm sure and she has her own life and yet she's jumping through hoops, walking on pins and needs to feel him out to see if she can get some one on one time and yet he dumps her for the night to be with his ex and friends.

Don't misconstrue my words, just ask me what I mean before implying game playing, anyone here that's been on DXP long enough know I don't do the game thing and if I do imply games I'll straight out say do this or that and yes I'll OWN IT, I'll own what I say. I have no problem with games or playing games but that wasn't what I was implying she do. I'm sure she was busy but she made time for him and then he turns around and dumps her for the night for his ex and friends--basically not making time for her, my point is that she should stop DOING and TRYING to win his love and loyalty by revolving her life around his life because it won't work, it's not working, he broke a date off with her to be with someone else/other people that is a sure sign her behavior is CREATING the very opposite of what she wants to experience.

"I mean if we can just be honest and establish boundaries that would help. We'd know what lines not to cross anymore. If we can have an agreement and stick to it that would be good. I'd like the relationship to move forward. I just don't push because I know how he is. Oftentimes he has things in his head that he plans on executing, but he won't tell me. So I don't like to pressure him too much because a lot of times he has his plan already. "

Now to shift the focus back onto Mebs...

Something interesting you said Mebs that caught my attention.

You said "we" 3x's and you said "he" 4x's and you said "I" 4x's in conjunct to talking about him so my point is...It's all about him and that's partly why he's being selfish, you make yourself INVISIBLE when it comes to him so he doesn't really have that connection-bond that naturally makes him want to THINK ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF. I'm sure if you ask him for something--need his help then he'll come through for you but the way you behave by making him soooo important well that message comes over to him as HE'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU or why else would you revolve your world-life around him, this behavior sends out the WRONG MESSAGE.

My point is doing things for him, revolving your life around him to push things forward is only ENABLING his selfishness, you're actually feeding into his Narcissism because the more you make the relationship about him the more he makes the relationship about him too, you are TEACHING him it's okay to be selfish then you blow up at him for being SELFISH, you're sending out mixed messages, you are encouraging him to think about no one other than himself by jumping through hoops--nudging--pushing things forward which means you're REVOLVING a lot of your life and time around him and that kind of behavior teaches him to be selfish and then once he displays that selfish you blow up--act a fool---get angry but you're part of the problem, you encourage this crappy behavior by making it all about him. In order to get married he has to think of you as a priority and he can't do that if you're encouraging him to be selfish-self involved, every time you make this relationship all about him, you are teaching him to be selfish towards you so really getting angry at him for something you ENABLE makes no sense.

It's no "we" set boundaries, YOU set a boundary, this is your life and you're responsible for YOU not him.

@Tiki great point. That is true. I guess it's like giving a kid everything they want, then complaining that they're a spoiled brat. When you're the one that created the monster.

That's I bad habit of mine. Time to stop that.

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by depth_scorp

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp
Wow... People should read the whole thread before making presumptuous comments.

Who are you directing this comment to?

I would also like to know?

Not you.

LOL..You're always trying t discredit me....I did read her OP....and my posts were based on just that....she doesn't have to take my advice or even acknowledge my posts. I really dont care...I was just participating and have a right to particiapate on any thread I choose....My so called presumptous comments are based on life experiences that I have had and don't take to kindly, you always trying to dumb them down....to be honest, most of this thread is you copy and pasting bullshit, cus you have no real experiences to contribute, none that is relevant to the situation,IMO. Just because you happen to be a Scorpio(a bad one too) doesn't mean shit!!

click to expand

lol

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by depth_scorp

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp
Wow... People should read the whole thread before making presumptuous comments.

Who are you directing this comment to?

I would also like to know?

Not you.

click to expand

typical scorp answer lol

@DeadRingerr sorry if you feel I don't acknowledge your posts. I definitely do. And I appreciate different points of view. Everything together paints a more complete picture. I most certainly have your thoughts swirling around in my head too 🙂

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by FUM
Meb,

What I didn't like is your Scorp's ex inviting HIS friends over, unless they are common friends. I believe once divorced, being civil is wonderful and much ideal, especially when the couple has common children, but hanging out with ex would be no no for me. They are not a couple anymore, so that part appears a bit weird to me.

1. Is one not allowed to have friends that are not in common with their partners?

2. The Ex is his son's mother. Just in case you were unaware.

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To question 1: Of course you can have common friends. However, you don't let your girlfriend hanging when your common friends are visiting your EX wife's house. That household is not common anymore. So to satisfy both parties, that is your common friends AND your girlfriend, one can hang for a short time, not like a whole visit.

To question 2: Yes I'm aware. They have a child together. Not a common household anymore though. That's my point. Just because they have a child together, let's say the guy has a girlfriend but goes to vacation with ex. Do you think that would be OK?

Posted by DazedScorp
@Tiki

Are you saying to play a more passive role in his everyday life, instead of taking charge of it all? That the behavior may be a bit controlling, and likely to push him in the opposite direction?

By being slightly more passive, you're likely to draw him closer?

In short answer yes...to elaborate

In general, we need the qualities of both energies. There are times where we want to do, give, and be active. And there are times when it is more helpful to be receptive and nurturing. If we give all the time, we can get depleted. If we are simply being all the time, we won't get much done! We all need both masculine and feminine energies. We need to engage in both in order to be balanced.

Many women feel giving is honorable and feminine because it comes so natural for many of us to give from our hearts but "GIVING" In fact is masculine! And that's why so many men get turned off by a woman giving so much of her energy and time to him, he doesn't want to date masculine energy female and a lot of the times that energy-vibe will propel a man AWAY from the relationship. Giving is his job--is something that actually CONNECTS AND BONDS HIM TO HER, if she's doing a predominant amount of doing--giving then there is a natural DISCONNECT, things become competitive and he'll always win, no longer is this about bonding--falling in love--being in love--its an all out war between 2 same energies.

If she is only giving and doing, she is neglecting her feminine side. When is she allowing herself to just be and to receive? Many women are lacking in these times the ability to receive and to be, I've encountered so many women living in her masculine energy space, driving him around, picking him up, nudging--pushing him forward--intensely focused on him as if he's her life or her child---fixating on his behavior--fixing him--mothering him and her side of the relationship gets lost and if he's not the one pushing things forward well there is no marriage to come because he isn't thinking about her like he should and could.

Doing, fixing, trying to improve is all masculine energy behavior and that kind of behavior will not create a strong bond with a masculine energy man.

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by FUM
Meb,

What I didn't like is your Scorp's ex inviting HIS friends over, unless they are common friends. I believe once divorced, being civil is wonderful and much ideal, especially when the couple has common children, but hanging out with ex would be no no for me. They are not a couple anymore, so that part appears a bit weird to me.

1. Is one not allowed to have friends that are not in common with their partners?

2. The Ex is his son's mother. Just in case you were unaware.

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oh sorry, I'm getting your question now. You are asking if it is not ok to invite friends that are not your own friend, but your ex's friends. Well.. uhm... unless those friends are a particular group or they are couples, then it's part of the same old group they used to be together in their times together. Otherwise, if those friends are only HIS friends, and if the ex knows the Scorp will be coming over same time around, then I suspect planned intentions.

Either way, he should have excused himself after a short visit and seeing his old buddies... again... unless those friends are from very far away and it's some once-in-a-blue-blue-blue-moon occasion, THEN I can understand.

Otherwise, I will assume he was insensitive and disrespectful towards MEB. I understand her reaction. But I do hope they get back together because he seems genuinely interest in her and a nice man. 🙂

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by FUM
EX wife's house. That household is not common anymore. So to satisfy both parties, that is your common friends AND your girlfriend, one can hang for a short time, not like a whole visit.

To question 2: Yes I'm aware. They have a child together. Not a common household anymore though. That's my point. Just because they have a child together, let's say the guy has a girlfriend but goes to vacation with ex. Do you think that would be OK?

I don't remember him going on vacation with his Ex anywhere in this thread.

They were together for 8 years, and have a child together. It's good for the child to see a mother and father being civilized towards one another even though they are apart.

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I understand that, Daze.. sweety. Of course it is healthy for the children, but then he would reschedule that visit in a timely manner. Not when his girlfriend is waiting for him.

Anyway, that's the way I see it.

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp
@DG...

My comment had nothing to do with you either.

Yeah it was....

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lol smh... ok settle down....

@ Mebs no one could imagine how these gemini mooners could be so sweet and weird sometimes 🙂 They have a unique charm about them. One of the reasons I left me ex because I have reliazed that I was not a prioty in his life. I tend to nurtured and took care of him. But I can honestly said this man has way too much going on his plate. He is always busy , he run a family business so he barely had time to do anything esle. He is not a cheater, at least with me 🙂 One of my challenges is to learn to "let go" when relationships end.

@Fum I agree with the rescheduling bit. That's where my behavior comes in. He is used to it being all about him because I coddle him. So he did what I taught him was ok to do.

Posted by Mebs
@Tiki great point. That is true. I guess it's like giving a kid everything they want, then complaining that they're a spoiled brat. When you're the one that created the monster.

That's I bad habit of mine. Time to stop that.

Yes Mebs you catch on fast, very intelligent woman you are...

Posted by DazedScorp
@Tiki

I think you and I on on the same page here.

I think it's rather difficult for a Sag to stop. And not Go, go, go all the time. I feel that if she would tap into her emotions (femimine side) instead of dominating with he Masculine energy, not only would he become more in touch with her and cater to her needs as well, but he'd also be more receptive towards her criticisms.

What do you mean tap into my emotions? Like be more demonstrative verbally and physically? Bot not trying to help him so much?

Posted by DazedScorp
@Tiki

I think you and I on on the same page here.

I think it's rather difficult for a Sag to stop. And not Go, go, go all the time. I feel that if she would tap into her emotions (femimine side) instead of dominating with he Masculine energy, not only would he become more in touch with her and cater to her needs as well, but he'd also be more receptive towards her criticisms.

yes yes...exactly, you get me 100%

With a manly man masculine energy won't work, he'll hurt her feelings as if she was just one of the guys, it's important that he FEEL her FEMININITY so he can connect with her, think about her, prioritize her in his life.

Posted by Mebs

Posted by DazedScorp
@Tiki

I think you and I on on the same page here.

I think it's rather difficult for a Sag to stop. And not Go, go, go all the time. I feel that if she would tap into her emotions (femimine side) instead of dominating with he Masculine energy, not only would he become more in touch with her and cater to her needs as well, but he'd also be more receptive towards her criticisms.

What do you mean tap into my emotions? Like be more demonstrative verbally and physically? Bot not trying to help him so much?

click to expand

Mebs if you send me your email address via DXP I will send you something that can help you with this issue of using your energy, when I was in your shoes way back in the day I was clueless to how I was using my energy in my relationships but once I realized how much of my masculine energy was creating so many of the problems I blamed the men in my life for I was able to turn it all around.

Posted by Mebs
@Fum I agree with the rescheduling bit. That's where my behavior comes in. He is used to it being all about him because I coddle him. So he did what I taught him was ok to do.

+1

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Sag89

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by Mebs
@Deadringerrr. Yup. Gem mooners have a bad name lol.

@Ramen you think I was being dramatic? Hmmm. I just found it so insulting.

@Tiki you definitely make valid points. That's probably why he doesn't say anything. He wants to keep the door open in case he wants to "come back".

I'm a Gemini Sun,,very different from Gem Mooners...They cheat alot...sorry to say it....

Hmm I wouldn't agree with that. Half my friends had gem moons and only one is a cheater.

LOL...that you know of, not something they come right out with at the dinner table😉 I was going by my experience with two that I dated...I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule.....

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lol I talk to my friends about everything....gem in venus tho. See I could see that more sketchy but that is just me...

Posted by DeadRingerr
Mebs, good luck with whatever you decide to do...I'm out!!!

Thanks for your help lady...

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by DeadRingerr

Posted by DazedScorp
@DG...

My comment had nothing to do with you either.

Yeah it was....

Actaully... it was referring to Sag89's post.

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Of course. What'd did I say wrong now?

@Dazed. Ok I understand. It's going to be a challenge, but I'm willing to do it. At least it will give us a chance if it's meant to be.

Posted by aquansidenout
He's a gemini moon? They can be flaky sometimes. They don't do it to hurt you they just live in the moment. You have to ask yourself if this is something you can learn to accept and over look.

I missed this. That's true. Sags are supposed to be flaky as well. If I'm not close to you, then I'll flake. But if I care, I'll move mountains to come through.

Thanks Aqua. You're right. Time to step up. I can't do what I've always done and expect different results right? The definition of insanity...

My apologies for being late.

HE WAS WRONG! So I don't think you overreacted (spellcheck). Me as a scorp I did that when I was younger. As far as priorities I can say he probably doesn't have you at the top. Most scorps I know including myself would rather go get money first then everything second, but his friends over you means something might be up. Maybe he was still bottling something up from your last incident, and trying to make you mad? I don't know but only he will which will also be hard to get out of him.

As far as breaking up with him. I can't tell you if the decision was right or wrong but I do agree that two years is a long time and to waste time is not good at all. Only thing that happens in an on and off two year relationship is feelings of love/hate get stronger, and more arguments in my opinion.

We are grown so if we are looking to be in a serious relationship that will lead somewhere both parties have to work towards that if not your wasting each others time.

I'M DONE WITH MY SCORP. HE'S A FREAKING IMBECILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Posted by Xin
@Mebs

Well at least you won't be alone in this thread. I just broke up with my Scorpio too. He raged. But this was after a long night of him telling me how worthless I was and how I make him miserable. He brought up everything wrong that I have ever done that he told me he forgave me for and threw it in my face. This is the same guy I have made countless posts about. But I finally did it. I wanted to be like "Now you know how it feels..." With how many times he has dumped me and left me sitting there with nothing but my emotions. I don't understand how Scorpio's bag on you for days wanting you to do things for them and expect you to stay. *Sigh* I am sad but he wasn't very nice to me.

OMG Xin

Cannot believe you're done with your Scorp too!! Hope you're OK. He sounded like a douchelord anyhow. You deserve better than him! He's a fool!

x

Posted by DazedScorp

Fwiw... Immature men don't put their children first. Don't provide for themselves, and more importantly, for their child. They don't work long hours to make ends meet. And the def don't give a woman space to think things over in situations like these.

That Scorp that is no longer mine does all the above but he is an IMMATURE bastard!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by DazedScorp

Man loves woman. Man tells woman he loves her. Woman loves Man. Woman doesn't tell man she loves him. Man becomes emotionally distant. Woman projects lack of emotional vulnerability onto man.

Brilliantly said

Heh.

Posted by SagChick411

Posted by DazedScorp

Man loves woman. Man tells woman he loves her. Woman loves Man. Woman doesn't tell man she loves him. Man becomes emotionally distant. Woman projects lack of emotional vulnerability onto man.

Brilliantly said

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I guess, but I would think you can kind of sense when a woman loves you and don't need it said. Unless I'm a weirdo then I'll take that back.

Posted by IntriguedScorp

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by IntriguedScorp
I think its safe to say that this was definitely not a good week for Scorp men. 😛

How many got the boot this week?

Ehhh... I'm single and loving it. For a year now. 🙂 (strange for a Venus in Scorp to say isn't it)

Good for you Dazed. There's nothing wrong with being single. Better than being in a crap relationship anyway. 🙂

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Yep that's right. The key thing is you're loving it! Make the most of your time 🙂

i can guarantee that you while you are critical of the flaws in him, that you are either too blind, distracted, or too proud to look at the flaws within yourself.

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by DazedScorp
Wow... People should read the whole thread before making presumptuous comments.

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went a step further and went and skimmed through previous threads also, thanks for the concern.

Posted by westside
i can guarantee that you while you are critical of the flaws in him, that you are either too blind, distracted, or too proud to look at the flaws within yourself.

Nope not at all. If he mentions something I think on it and try to show him I'm open to change.

People on here have pointed out that I need to assess my needs, acknowledge my responsibility in creating this situation, and also look at things from his point of view, not mine alone. And to do this while still not agreeing to be a doormat.

I hear it. I'm thinking about it. I'm already thinking about how I can bring about those changes in myself. Not change him, but change myself and how I interact with him to encourage a different response. And if that isn't able to happen, at least I can say I tried and learned more about myself from this relationship. Either way, there are many positive things I can take from this uncomfortable situation.

Posted by Mebs

Posted by westside
i can guarantee that you while you are critical of the flaws in him, that you are either too blind, distracted, or too proud to look at the flaws within yourself.

Nope not at all. If he mentions something I think on it and try to show him I'm open to change.

People on here have pointed out that I need to assess my needs, acknowledge my responsibility in creating this situation, and also look at things from his point of view, not mine alone. And to do this while still not agreeing to be a doormat.

I hear it. I'm thinking about it. I'm already thinking about how I can bring about those changes in myself. Not change him, but change myself and how I interact with him to encourage a different response. And if that isn't able to happen, at least I can say I tried and learned more about myself from this relationship. Either way, there are many positive things I can take from this uncomfortable situation.

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+1

You go girl..You got it!

Posted by Ellybean
I think I counted three, maybe four scorps who were dating people on the boards that got the boot this week? Strange. I got into an argument with mine this week too. Must have been some general transit for Scorpies.

@Mebs. I hope everything works out well for you, in every sense, individually and romantically. 🙂

Thanks 🙂