What does it mean when

somebody uses your own words on you?

e.g.

dude says: "feels empty without you."

you've used these words but in a completely different context once in the past. and in some desperate attempt to hold on, they decide to activate this like some kinda trap card. wtf does that mean? this the kind of crap i expect from the libra/aries axis. don't even matter if sun or moon. just something i've noticed. they always do this shit. don't it sound 'fake' to you somehow?

Posted by maiden

You mean like, you sense they're doing it on purpose?

Or it sucks hearing words you've used on others in a similar situation, now being used on you?

more like you've used these words in a completely different situation but i guess with similar meaning.... what you feel about something, some 'concept' but now this person uses similar words to describe how they feel about a situation involving you. is this some type of manipulation tactic?

Posted by maiden

Well that goes back to the first question if you're sure they're doing it on purpose.

People often use phrases or jokes I've used back to me, and they've forgotten entirely that they came from me.

(my Dad (a sag) havest the fastest turnarouns time at ca. 24 hours.. telling me all about something which I'd just explained the night before)

It's furstrating. There's also an astro placement that explains it..I forget what it is though. Jupiter or Uranus involved I think.



Over the years I've found that if it happens a lot, it's very likely that you do the same thing and don't realize it, an you're being made aware.

i doubt it. seems calculated to me. but i'm always secretly upset over something. not angry, just always disappointed. i never echo words unless to lightly make fun of something but this was used in a serious situation like wtf.

It is a tactic used on honest or stubborn people . Using your own beliefs against you, putting your integrity in question. Business men use this as leverage over another all the time. Try to bypass it. If you hunch is correct, they will search for another belief to use against you. Then, you will have your answer.

Posted by SureShotCap

It is a tactic used on honest or stubborn people . Using your own beliefs against putting your integrity in question. Business men use this as leverage over another all the time. Try to bypass it. If you hunch is correct, they will search for another belief to use against you. Then, you will have your answer.

wow that sealed the fate of the whole convo. i was open and willing to listen until he said that. it was a highly emotional situation. and that sense of calculation felt.... unnatural. will you forgive it if it was done in desperation?

calculation in desperation.

guess it's better than irrationality in desperation if i had to choose.

but i'm personally more honest when i'm desperate and more delusional when i'm happy.

Posted by maiden

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by maiden

Well that goes back to the first question if you're sure they're doing it on purpose.

People often use phrases or jokes I've used back to me, and they've forgotten entirely that they came from me.

(my Dad (a sag) havest the fastest turnarouns time at ca. 24 hours.. telling me all about something which I'd just explained the night before)

It's furstrating. There's also an astro placement that explains it..I forget what it is though. Jupiter or Uranus involved I think.



Over the years I've found that if it happens a lot, it's very likely that you do the same thing and don't realize it, an you're being made aware.

i doubt it. seems calculated to me. but i'm always secretly upset over something. not angry, just always disappointed. i never echo words unless to lightly make fun of something but this was used in a serious situation like wtf.

It is just as realistic to assume that people are working in your best interests instead of assuming they're working against you.

And I'm not dismissing that.. sometimes people work against you but sometimes they don't, and then we react like they are, and then they react accordingly.

Try to think of other reasons why this person may have said that, and humor those reasons, if only to ease yourself a bit..

click to expand

when someone is transparently working in your best interest seemingly without much thought for their own interest, does it worry you? self-denial can only go so far before it crashes down both your heads. but now that i've had some time to think about it, maybe i should be more forgiving. but this would be the 3rd spin and i'm wondering how many times this could go on. it often takes me months to forgive people coz you can always be sure that similar shit WILL happen. but this person seems to have the same perspective of time to me which makes this a never-ending cycle. people are so careless. and they wonder why you ghost. 😒😒

Posted by maiden

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by maiden

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by maiden

Well that goes back to the first question if you're sure they're doing it on purpose.

People often use phrases or jokes I've used back to me, and they've forgotten entirely that they came from me.

(my Dad (a sag) havest the fastest turnarouns time at ca. 24 hours.. telling me all about something which I'd just explained the night before)

It's furstrating. There's also an astro placement that explains it..I forget what it is though. Jupiter or Uranus involved I think.



Over the years I've found that if it happens a lot, it's very likely that you do the same thing and don't realize it, an you're being made aware.

i doubt it. seems calculated to me. but i'm always secretly upset over something. not angry, just always disappointed. i never echo words unless to lightly make fun of something but this was used in a serious situation like wtf.

It is just as realistic to assume that people are working in your best interests instead of assuming they're working against you.

And I'm not dismissing that.. sometimes people work against you but sometimes they don't, and then we react like they are, and then they react accordingly.

Try to think of other reasons why this person may have said that, and humor those reasons, if only to ease yourself a bit..

when someone is transparently working in your best interest seemingly without much thought for their own interest, does it worry you? self-denial can only go so far before it crashes down both your heads. but now that i've had some time to think about it, maybe i should be more forgiving. but this would be the 3rd spin and i'm wondering how many times this could go on. it often takes me months to forgive people coz you can always be sure that similar shit WILL happen. but this person seems to have the same perspective of time to me which makes this a never-ending cycle. people are so careless. and they wonder why you ghost. 😒😒

I don't ghost.. It's rude and indecent. That this action has become so popular as to have an actual name is disgusting, to me. Integrity is important, for both people.

To answer your question, yes and no. Yes it would worry me, but then also no, because if I notice the other person is forgoing their own interests (or, to put it another way, making too much of a sacrifice) then just as soon as I notice, I can do something about it, either by accepting less of their attention/sacrifice or giving more to them.

Forgiveness is a process. You say you are secretly disappointed often though.. if this is the "third spin" is it the third time you've communicated to this person that you've felt disappointed or otherwise put off, or is this the third "spin" of you being disappointed in secret, with the other person potentially oblivious?

click to expand

rude? like manners had anything to do with how i feel. sure it's not exactly a 'virtue' but i am pro-ghosting. we've had a 'reasonable' conversation, didn't we? and the whole thing fell flat. how do i feel about it now? i am still upset about it to be honest and it has been MONTHS. i think people need space and time to think through things coz when you're quickly trying to bandage things up, just feels fake to me. also i'm still hurt that i can't even be around the person. and i know that he KNOWS that i'm hurt.

he's never oblivious. maybe initially, but immediately he KNOWS. we've known each other for years and he's got a good feel for me. though i admit, there are 'spins' that actually meant that i am disappointed/hurt/upset in secret. and that kinda accumulated and got out of hand. thing is i don't like people knowing that they've caused me to feel this way coz i feel like i should be responsible for my own feelings, that i need to manage that shit on my own privately. there are things i'm upset about for 'good reasons' while some can be downright petty. now whichever one that may be, i need to be able to SORT IT OUT and that's what i'm doing by ghosting. i'm extremely polite but always suspiciously busy when i'm trying to avoid people. i just need the hurt feeling to go away so i can forgive.

@maiden

no drama, no hysterics, no questions asked, no trying to manipulate me by word or action to try to change my mind, no need to justify my behavior and create extra drama to add on to the other problems.. i will ALWAYS take it the wrong way whatever it is that happens in direct confrontation. and i may even act like i can put that all behind me but i'll just end up doing what my gut tells me which is basically hiding until it all blows over. and how will that be interpreted? it will be seen as an outright rejection. but what i really need is space and time to think. just that it may take longer than most people....

Posted by maiden

Posted by virgoOPPP

@maiden

no drama, no hysterics, no questions asked, no trying to manipulate me by word or action to try to change my mind, no need to justify my behavior and create extra drama to add on to the other problems.. i will ALWAYS take it the wrong way whatever it is that happens in direct confrontation. and i may even act like i can put that all behind me but i'll just end up doing what my gut tells me which is basically hiding until it all blows over. and how will that be interpreted? it will be seen as an outright rejection. but what i really need is space and time to think. just that it may take longer than most people....

why do you decide to take it the wrong way? why do you decide to behave like this?

the behavior fosters/ nurtures all the hurt you feel

would you consider taking the time to obverse your thoughts prior to "taking it" the wrong way? Would you consider allowing other thoughts (i.e. what OTHER reasons may the other person have for doing or saying something that isn't beause they want you to feel hurt, etc..)

and would you consider that if you need time and space to think and sort yourself out that it's completely fine to communicate this instead of simply disappearing? That this action may foster hard feelings in the other person, just like the ones you are feeling, but to the other person your actions come out of nowhere and send messages about you?

A last note, assuming other people know how you feel (men especially!), especially after a lot of secret disappointments, is a terrible idea

click to expand

it's not that i 'decide' to take it the wrong way. it's just that i can't help but take it negatively.

coz people will always try to force an explanation from me. why can't 'i need time and space' be enough and just let it rest on that?