@Pandora101
10 Years1,000+ Posts
Are unfit mothers responsible too for men not being men?
It's always easier to blame someone else.
very true
and the same with men, is there anyone who would explain them regularly, that if they sleep with someone, there is a possible 18 years of life-sentence?
not their moms, thats for sure and not their girlfriends/girls who think if they get pregnant the man will somehow stay with them/provide
maybe we should educate the girls first (like, you go and sleep with whomever you want, just make sure you dont get pregnant)
the child is always a women responsibility and some of them stick to it, because they can do nothing else
not even to be able to communicate with the "father" with whom they choose to have a child, because the "father" doesnt love them
very complex, I know
you're scratching at a way bigger issue here though
I am aware of it, unfortunately
we have to start somewhere
(Edit: I just see too many children raised by unfit parents)
you're scratching at a way bigger issue here though
I am aware of it, unfortunately
we have to start somewhere
(Edit: I just see too many children raised by unfit parents)
Unfit is the eye of the beholder though
click to expand
true, the result should speak for it
and every case is different
noone can change the numbers of unfit children sent out into the world, unfit parents produce unfit children, who are mainly unable to relieve themself from the "family" circumstances
very sad 😢
I personally think the relationship with the father often plays a huge role in how guys behave in relationships. I think a lot of guys will base their persona in relationships based on their dad and his dynamic with their mom.
For example, if the gender roles were super traditional with their parents, they will expect the same. If their dad was madly in love with mom for 70 years, they will try to replicate it. If dad was a man-child playboy with 6 ex wives, most likely the son will follow.
A few guys will also inversely try desperately to NOT be like their dad (this way more common for women & their moms though). If dad was absent and deadbeat, they are determined to be super present and successful. Sometimes it works but sometimes the dad's bad habits will crack through anyways unless they have gone to correct lengths like therapy to actually identify and fix the issues.
Buy yeah I think the dad plays a way bigger role than the mom.
To summarize, I think guys expectation for their partners will mirror their mother. But guys expectation for themselves and how they behave in relationship will depend on their dad.
Just my theory though. 🤔
To summarize, I think guys expectation for their partners will mirror their mother. But guys expectation for themselves and how they behave in relationship will depend on their dad.
Just my theory though. 🤔
I agree
the dynamics of the mother-father relationship, where the mother has to be there and doesnt allow the father to be there, because the father doesnt love them or whatever
why girls choose to keep a child from a one-night encounter and be baby-momas?
why steady partners dont share the responsibility to being with a child? is it because they dont have anything to show, just "I am the mother" which is very difficcult and demanding
why not to share it with the father?
like: I pick up the child Mo-Tue, you pick up the child We-Th and you are with them on Sat, and I will think of what to do on Sun
(I am thinking about normal couples as well who are together, why not share the burden?)
you're scratching at a way bigger issue here though
I am aware of it, unfortunately
we have to start somewhere
(Edit: I just see too many children raised by unfit parents)
Unfit is the eye of the beholder though
true, the result should speak for it
and every case is different
noone can change the numbers of unfit children sent out into the world, unfit parents produce unfit children, who are mainly unable to relieve themself from the "family" circumstances
very sad 😢
Then there are people like me, and countless others, who were raised by unfit parents and can now reach and really speak to others who are going through similar or shittier things, and who become wiser and more decisive over relationship decisions (eventually) to produce again healthier families/people..
everything is cyclical
click to expand
"Then there are people like me, and countless others, who were raised by unfit parents and can now reach and really speak to others who are going through similar or shittier things, and who become wiser and more decisive over relationship decisions (eventually) to produce again healthier families/people..
everything is cyclical"
yes, that is what I am passionate about, people who could escape family circumstances and speak for themselves, how it happened
some children just get roasted and mashed by the family circumstances and will never to be able to see themselves as individuals who are responsible of their own lives because they never saw it in their family, mainly boys
they will want to maybe stand up for their mothers who were left by the "lousy father" and never question how this situation happened
and they will be "victims" all their lifes and spoil the life of others and their own children
😢
Men always blame women whenever they fuck up.
these "Men" were raised by someone, they are not aliens to suddendly come to fuck up some women´s life, right?
Men always blame women whenever they fuck up.
these "Men" were raised by someone, they are not aliens to suddendly come to fuck up some women´s life, right?
Why should the parents always be blamed, it's their problem if they can't control themselves.
click to expand
"Why should the parents always be blamed, it's their problem if they can't control themselves"
Peachy, really?
you are right, adults should control themselves and lots of them are good at it, regardless of family circumstances, thats true
but, how boys and girls are raised to get into adulthood, where they are lost and cant form a normal relationship to save their lives, where is the beginning? how they got there?
but its true, some people just dont want a relationship (with the wrong ones) and it has nothing to do with the parents, but the people they date 🙂
(edit: I mean the people they date, when they dont acknowledge the other peoples baggage and their own and dont get out the minute they see there is a person with a bigger proglem than themselves)
I personally think the relationship with the father often plays a huge role in how guys behave in relationships. I think a lot of guys will base their persona in relationships based on their dad and his dynamic with their mom.
For example, if the gender roles were super traditional with their parents, they will expect the same. If their dad was madly in love with mom for 70 years, they will try to replicate it. If dad was a man-child playboy with 6 ex wives, most likely the son will follow.
A few guys will also inversely try desperately to NOT be like their dad (this way more common for women & their moms though). If dad was absent and deadbeat, they are determined to be super present and successful. Sometimes it works but sometimes the dad's bad habits will crack through anyways unless they have gone to correct lengths like therapy to actually identify and fix the issues.
Buy yeah I think the dad plays a way bigger role than the mom.
well said
Well, at some point the child becomes an adult and is fully responsible for how he/she behaves.
IF* it were up to me, every person in the world would have to get a license to have a baby organically, artificially or via adoption. $ 1000 per license bam, don't wanna get one? Well then 10 times the fines will come. I know, it sounds extreme but its exactly what these people need. Lets see how many people wanna be running around having sex recklessly and aborting now. Imagine how many lives would be saved... figuratively and literally?
Billions.
"IF* it were up to me, every person in the world would have to get a license to have a baby organically, artificially or via adoption. $ 1000 per license bam, don't wanna get one? Well then 10 times the fines will come. I know, it sounds extreme but its exactly what these people need. Lets see how many people wanna be running around having sex recklessly and aborting now. Imagine how many lives would be saved... figuratively and literally? "
a license to produce a baby, that would be fine
if you are fit to be a parent, you can be, nothing has changed
but but
WHO would manage that comittee? you know, no one can decide which people can reproduce
thankfully so, because lots of very intelligent people are born from these dickhead parents (both of them), who eventually get into great positions or are just fine with their lives
but, how many emotional (at least) injuries these people carry on bc of their irresponsible parents?
do you imagine that people who are now fucked up are mainly (not solely) the product of the fucked up people who produced them? and raised them?
It's always easier to blame someone else.
You so radical you just put all psychologists out of work
That’s a gross over simplification.
People are responsible for their own actions. Point blank.
Men get rejected/turned down for sex every minute of every day. Only a select few nutjobs pick up guns and go shoot up walmarts.
If we simplified this topic to the most basic of terms, with the same control idiosyncrasies and environmental contributions. Then having a woman with all the negative issues would likely be a direct result.
However that is not always the case, so that argument is moot. Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances. What if the father passed? There are too many what ifs to solely place the blame on the mother for the lack of a child being brought up to be dysfunctional.
Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white.
If we simplified this topic to the most basic of terms, with the same control idiosyncrasies and environmental contributions. Then having a woman with all the negative issues would likely be a direct result.
However that is not always the case, so that argument is moot. Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances. What if the father passed? There are too many what ifs to solely place the blame on the mother for the lack of a child being brought up to be dysfunctional.
Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white.
"Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances."
Nikki, you know I am not talking about the extreme circumstances (death of the parent, etc)
"Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white."
I think its ideal, and no, nothing is black and white
but, why to have a Male figure in your (not your, generally) who is not active? (again, not black and white, I dont blame anyone who married a nice boy who turned out a shithead)
what lead to the union, where a child was born without an active Male figure? (and I mean a father)
life circumstances are always different and difficult
just want to know what led people to take a child into this world without protection (without a thought of protecting their future lives? without thinking if they are fit to produce children and go it alone) obviously I am not thinking about some abusers (how a person so sweet you wanted a child with turned out an abuser? not you - just generally
(mothers protect their children, yes..... but how they got into the situation to have to protect the children from their fathers in the first place?)
that is my thread question for the mothers who "protect" and RAISE their children, in those circumstances.....who are unfit to parent, or they think they are super parents (without the father, who needs the father? the children? nah.... he was a lazy layabout and agressive as well - thats what I tell them, so I am a mother of the year? and their children are not able to finish school, not able to get into relationships (social or romantic),etc
I know its not black and white, I am tortured by this, seeing the total idiocy of some parents, and consequently, their children´s impact on other lifes
sometimes, people should be thankful someone raised them at all
others pass their kids on to the nanny
That’s a gross over simplification.
People are responsible for their own actions. Point blank.
Men get rejected/turned down for sex every minute of every day. Only a select few nutjobs pick up guns and go shoot up walmarts.
wut? did you respond to the right topic?
sometimes, people should be thankful someone raised them at all
others pass their kids on to the nanny
yes, okey
and that is the question, how people get into situations where they dont feel responsibility for their children? children are not born just by a magic wand 🙂
I mean, there are lots of people who have children together and dont care, because their ego (towards the other person) is bigger than their love for their children
just dont have kids with strangers and people who abuse you from the start
and if its not your case, then co-parent
your child needs his father (even if the father doesnt love you)
If we simplified this topic to the most basic of terms, with the same control idiosyncrasies and environmental contributions. Then having a woman with all the negative issues would likely be a direct result.
However that is not always the case, so that argument is moot. Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances. What if the father passed? There are too many what ifs to solely place the blame on the mother for the lack of a child being brought up to be dysfunctional.
Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white.
"Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances."
Nikki, you know I am not talking about the extreme circumstances (death of the parent, etc)
"Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white."
I think its ideal, and no, nothing is black and white
but, why to have a Male figure in your (not your, generally) who is not active? (again, not black and white, I dont blame anyone who married a nice boy who turned out a shithead)
what lead to the union, where a child was born without an active Male figure? (and I mean a father)
life circumstances are always different and difficult
just want to know what led people to take a child into this world without protection (without a thought of protecting their future lives? without thinking if they are fit to produce children and go it alone) obviously I am not thinking about some abusers (how a person so sweet you wanted a child with turned out an abuser? not you - just generally
(mothers protect their children, yes..... but how they got into the situation to have to protect the children from their fathers in the first place?)
that is my thread question for the mothers who "protect" and RAISE their children, in those circumstances.....who are unfit to parent, or they think they are super parents (without the father, who needs the father? the children? nah.... he was a lazy layabout and agressive as well - thats what I tell them, so I am a mother of the year? and their children are not able to finish school, not able to get into relationships (social or romantic),etc
I know its not black and white, I am tortured by this, seeing the total idiocy of some parents, and consequently, their children´s impact on other lifes
click to expand
The simple answer. Some people are morons.
I get what you are saying. We are talking about the category of "mothers" that have unprotected sex whole having no real moral compass. Heroin users that have multiple children with multiple men, each ending up in the system. Or women who have children by different men, while simultaneously not seeming to give a damn about the welfare of their child. Or choose to bring a child into this world with men that they know will be an absentee father.
I don't know why some women do this. It baffles me as well.
sometimes, people should be thankful someone raised them at all
others pass their kids on to the nanny
yes, okey
and that is the question, how people get into situations where they dont feel responsibility for their children? children are not born just by a magic wand 🙂
I mean, there are lots of people who have children together and dont care, because their ego (towards the other person) is bigger than their love for their children
just dont have kids with strangers and people who abuse you from the start
and if its not your case, then co-parent
your child needs his father (even if the father doesnt love you)
click to expand
coz people gonna people
my brother with my sis in law gosh they have the most volatile relationship
and they just keep dumping their kids on me
like brooo i play yugioh duel links like a 12 yr old
Abortion is an option way more people should be taking advantage of.. Just saying. It's a better option than trying to raise a child before you can even look after yourself. People don't seem to realize how selfish it is to bring a child into this world when they are still trying to figure themselves and their life out. Get your shit together, then have kids.
"than trying to raise a child before you can even look after yourself."
exactly
but I am thinking not only of these irresponsible people, but the married-divorced, scorned mother-father, who lead their children to parental alienation
and they dont mind their children will be scarred in their whole life, the only thing important is that they kick out the mother/father
and these children grow up, these are the people we have to deal with on a daily basis, and only a few of them escape their predetermined future, and if they do it before being ready, they produce a child/family, which will go on again
on the other side, I wonder, how many of us were thinking about their parents, as people with choices (not only parents)
If we simplified this topic to the most basic of terms, with the same control idiosyncrasies and environmental contributions. Then having a woman with all the negative issues would likely be a direct result.
However that is not always the case, so that argument is moot. Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances. What if the father passed? There are too many what ifs to solely place the blame on the mother for the lack of a child being brought up to be dysfunctional.
Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white.
"Some mothers must work more due to a result of divorce, or other extenuating circumstances."
Nikki, you know I am not talking about the extreme circumstances (death of the parent, etc)
"Do I think having a Male figure for a son is ideal. One that is active? Yes. But as with life, nothing is ever black and white."
I think its ideal, and no, nothing is black and white
but, why to have a Male figure in your (not your, generally) who is not active? (again, not black and white, I dont blame anyone who married a nice boy who turned out a shithead)
what lead to the union, where a child was born without an active Male figure? (and I mean a father)
life circumstances are always different and difficult
just want to know what led people to take a child into this world without protection (without a thought of protecting their future lives? without thinking if they are fit to produce children and go it alone) obviously I am not thinking about some abusers (how a person so sweet you wanted a child with turned out an abuser? not you - just generally
(mothers protect their children, yes..... but how they got into the situation to have to protect the children from their fathers in the first place?)
that is my thread question for the mothers who "protect" and RAISE their children, in those circumstances.....who are unfit to parent, or they think they are super parents (without the father, who needs the father? the children? nah.... he was a lazy layabout and agressive as well - thats what I tell them, so I am a mother of the year? and their children are not able to finish school, not able to get into relationships (social or romantic),etc
I know its not black and white, I am tortured by this, seeing the total idiocy of some parents, and consequently, their children´s impact on other lifes
The simple answer. Some people are morons.
I get what you are saying. We are talking about the category of "mothers" that have unprotected sex whole having no real moral compass. Heroin users that have multiple children with multiple men, each ending up in the system. Or women who have children by different men, while simultaneously not seeming to give a damn about the welfare of their child. Or choose to bring a child into this world with men that they know will be an absentee father.
I don't know why some women do this. It baffles me as well.
click to expand
accurate, unfortunately 😢
and it goes on for generations, not only with the junkies
Y'all are just grazing limbs and not actually hitting the kill shot.
It's been studied and proven time and time again that a lot of these types of problems can be directly linked to female agency.
Women with higher levels of both education and economic mobility get pregnant out of wedlock with a lesser frequency, they have fewer abortions, they get married later in life when, if they choose to have children, they are in a better state to provide for them, etc.
The list of socioeconomic ills you could solve by simply lifting women up is lengthy, but just as as example:
Abortions would go down.
Out of wedlock births would drop.
The size and inefficiency of the foster system could be reduced substantially.
The corrections system would also be reduced.
Think of all the taxes we could save...
Rabby, I know you are doing the right thing
we have to educate our girls AND boys, both
from the beginning
I am just not sure what is enabling and what is going the long way patiently, step by step
That’s a gross over simplification.
People are responsible for their own actions. Point blank.
Men get rejected/turned down for sex every minute of every day. Only a select few nutjobs pick up guns and go shoot up walmarts.
wut? did you respond to the right topic?
click to expand
Its an example.
People will blame others for their bad behavior. This is nothing new.
Idk I was raised to think about future & take responsibility for yourself. College was first so I wasn’t getting pregnant to screw up my life plan. A lot of females don’t seem to think that way. Maybe cuz I’m cap dominant too, I observed my situation growing up and never wanted to be put in the position my mother was.
Most men don’t seem to have the nurturing as a priority.. men and women are different I get it. But when I date guys & they ask questions about my ex and how he is with my kids.. it makes me sad. Cuz there guys out there who are there for their kids.
If if I’m off base on the subject ok, but somewhere it seems we have to work together to raise healthy people.
Also young women think the young bf is their be all and end all.
I’m seeing it right now with this bimbo my cousin is dating.
Off and on cuz she was clingy. Went off her bc pills cuz they were fighting and now she’s got a free ride and they’re both stuck living with his parents, just as he was getting his shit together.
He’s 22 and his life is over. She couldn’t even finish her hairdressing certificates because having it all locked down was more important at 19.
She’s having a boy.
Ari, that is exactly the situation I was talking about.
selfish decisions on the part of the mother (or both) and the inevitable realisation it was a mistake... anything .. they both will grow (hopefully) and do their thing in life.... his life is not over, but will be complicated by an unreasonable baby-momma and her life will be complicated by living with the parents who despise her.... so, that is the exact situation I was thinking of = she will wake up one day and realise that having a child with someone doesnt guarantee anything
and the endless (you pay! its my child! if you dont pay you dont see him! etc) begin
these type of girls (hairdressing certificate at 19) will do this kind of drama
but, it can be different, and I really hope for the one who is not even in the world and has parents who doesnt know what and how, parents, who will have to look after the baby-boy (and I am sure they will do it happily, but will have some comments on this girl), she doesnt know what is awaiting her, living with the parents if the on-off boyfriend now, and after the birth.... she will go insane, with no sleep and all
and probably she will then (after some time) take the child and go somewhere else (and with someone else) and will recount to everyone whos listening, how badly she was treated and how she fucked up her life and the baby-daddy is to blame
and everyone will listen to her and commiserate, she is the mother, right?
sad all around
and the child will grow up with his grandparents (which is maybe the best solution as they will take care of him) while the parents will go and explore themselves and others (and the bimbo will restrict the access of the child to the father (as soon as she locks another man down) and along the time, she will telling tales about the "abuse" she experienced, like "he wasnt a supporting father" or something
poor baby
(but maybe, like 5% of these situations solve themselves and the parents actually stay together, albeit the child will hear all their arguments what immaturity and this situation can give)
Kids that are born to loving parents and feel supported and safe stand more of a chance of being a happy and balanced person than those who are neglected or abused. Some people carry their childhood wounds around with them forever. The first seven years of a child’s life is of paramount importance.
Did this help you understand your situation?
dxpnet has hosted real conversations like this since 2000. If you value independent communities, you can support the site below.
Every contribution helps keep dxpnet independent and ad-light.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →
I was just thinking
I see lots of examples when the mother takes on too much and is unable to raise a normal kid
either being dumb or working too much hours to take care of the child, having children with whomever
sometimes its not the fault of the mothers, sometimes it is just circumstances, but I see too many examples of dumb decisions and unfit mothers who choose to have a child with a total loser and then have to work 24/7 to have a roof and food on the table and the child get loose
the most important thing is, some mothers use the children as their weapon to fight the cheating husband/baby-daddy, or to gain social security which they would never achieve without a child
other women choose to have a child without even knowing who is the dad (sperm-banks) and thinking they can provide to the child to being functional, just by themselves
men dont have to give birth.....
how it comes in this day and age someone doesnt use contraception?
girls can behave like boys as to sexual freedome, just please, make sure you dont get pregnant