Angry Scorpio

My ex (male Scorpio) and I got back together after two years being apart. I was reluctant because I had been so hurt by him, but he kept saying he would do anything he could to heal and protect my heart, and I eventually caved. We have had arguments, but we have made a lot of improvements. He is learning how to deal with conflict a lot better than when we were together before. He really has been trying, and I always have been appreciative of it and acknowledged his efforts.

To spare you from details I don't feel comfortable writing on the internet--He is very insecure, deep down. He has even said he doesn't think he deserves me. He seems to subconsciously self-sabotage things. I don't even think he means to do it or realizes he does it, but he does. He has so many fears of being hurt that he creates it, if that makes sense. I am not sure why he is so insecure, but he is. He also gets very jealous, but he has gotten better about that. He is also increeeeeedibly emotional. He even said to me one day that he is pretty sure he has more estrogen in him than he is supposed to because of how emotional he is. I'm a female cancer and I thought *I* was emotional, but he has me beat by a long shot. I've never met anyone so sensitive in my entire life. What one person would barely bat an eye at, he gets his feelings hurt, and holds onto it for a long time. He has also been working on getting better at letting things go. He also operates in extremes. He is EXTREMELY loving and so wonderful, but if he gets hurt? Exact opposite. He ended things with me last night over an argument that went from 0 to 100 real quick. He brought over all my stuff from his place. He has been so cold towards me. He texted me twice that he would not communicate with me unless I told him he forgot some of my things at his place, and he would give them to me. Just VERY cold. Since being back together, he has never said he is done.

Of course, I'm heartbroken, and I don't know how to handle him. I've been very loving in my texts to him, but it hasn't helped. I last texted him last night and I guess I need to give him time away as he asked. It's very hard for me to do. All I want to do is talk it out and have us both start healing. He never wants to talk. What's the best thing I can do to calm him down or help the situation?

PS-The fight started because we were at a bar and he was rubbing my back and said I hadn't touched. I feel I am very affectionate--moreso than the average person, for sure. But, he has a big issue with the way I show love, because he says I'm not as affectionate as he. I disagree, but I definitely respect that he really feels that way, and I've tried to ease his mind and be more affectionate. He had been drinking, so I'm sure that played a role in everything, but it just went too far. He got so angry and hurt. I'm not sure how I can convince him that I love him and that he isn't alone in how deeply he loves.

I need help with--How do I handle this situation and help him to come around and bring back the loving man I know? How do I make him feel secure in our relationship?

I really appreciate any input!

Posted by scorpx3
You can't do anything about it. He has to make himself become secured, feel confident and love his self before he can do that with anyone else. You've done enough.

Even though I asked that, I agree with you completely. If he ever does come around, I'm going to ask that he go talk to a counselor of some sort. He has mentioned that he needs to before, anyway. He has deep-rooted emotional problems. I mean, the level to which he gets hurt is NOT normal. The way he reacts to being hurt is extreme. It is hard loving someone like him. 😢 I'm not sure how to get him to calm down and come back around, though. :/

You said he's working on all these things. Is that on his own or is he going to therapy? Because honestly if he's not in therapy he probably should be. He likely only has enough knowledge to hold him back from behaving a certain way but not enough to actually change his thinking and move past his issues. Meaning, inevitably, he will repeat the behavior that he is 'working on'.

There's also nothing you can do, imo. When I tried to change my behavior to smooth out the relationship with my now ex Scorpio, my efforts weren't even noticed. It's because he had his own deluded perception of our behavior and My behavior wasn't the issue to begin with. He needs to get help. That's all there is to it. He's insecure af. Not to mention, his excessive worrying could one day tear him and you apart and could even lead to him becoming unhealthily possessive. Your future could be filled with 'let me see your phone', 'who were you out with?', 'you're not allowed to hang out with them', 'choose one, me or them'. Etc.

Lol but then again my ex said he was seeing a psychologist for his emotional issues and that didn't help. You just need to start by understanding that it's not your behavior that's the issue and there's nothing you can change about yourself that would help. It's all up to him. You could stay and spend years working through his issues with a therapist or leave now.

Personally I think people like this are hard to change even with therapy. I wouldn't hold out hope that anything will change.

But yes, if you're looking for a short term fix, giving him space and not indulging him in arguments and drama would be best. He'll come around when he gets needy for attention. Or he'll go sneak around with someone else. But, hopefully if that happens your decision should come very easy.

I'm speaking from a relationship with my ex scorp who has tremendous self loathing issues and general sensativity. I did everything right and he still went off the rails. I pleaded with my ex to seek out a therapist and he did. He uncovered quite a bit of parental issues that led to his emotional baggage and hatred of himself. We haven't spoken in 10 weeks after being together for 2 years. Take it from me hon, there isn't anything you can do. Step back and let him breath, reassess and hopefully he will be able to figure out where these feelings are coming from. It's hard to watch someone spin out like this especially when you truly love them.

@Scenic, he is just working on them on his own. If he does come around, I'm going to ask that he start seeing a counselor. He has even said himself that he needs to. You're right about what you said. He'll do well for a while, and then he will revert back to his old way of dealing with things, and it just kills me. 😢

@Scorpioluver, it's very hard. I love him so much, and I don't like for either of us to be hurt.

I sent some very loving texts this morning and apologized for my part in things. He never responded. I haven't contacted him since. Does sending loving texts make it worse? For me, if I were mad at someone, if they apologized for their part and were sincerely loving, I would forgive them. However, he seems to hold onto anger and grudges for so long.

I know Scorps say they want space because it gives them time to think, but it seems foreign to me to not want to just work through the issue together so you stop hurting. Aside from sorting out your head, is there another reason male Scorps ask for space?

Male Scorpios, if you are feeling really hurt by your girlfriend, what is the best thing she could do to help make you feel better?

I always feel like the longer we go without talking through things, the worse things get. 😢 This hurts more than I anticipated. 😢

Thing is, he's trying to hurt you and get the reaction he wants out of you. He wants you to feel sorry and treat him like the whiny princess he is. That means you have to ignore that behavior. It's just how you would treat a child. A child learns to behave a certain way based off what gets attention. If their bad behavior makes you give them more attention - guess what they're going to do? Don't apologize if you did nothing wrong. Don't plead with him. Don't try to contact him multiple times. Wait until he comes to you and wants to apologize on his own. Tell him that if he wants to talk about things that you'll be there to listen and leave it at that. That could end up making him start detaching from the relationship, but honestly the only other immediate alternative is to keep these cycles of arguments going until he sees a therapist. I'm sure some would disagree with me on this, so I hope you get some more responses.

'Space' to SOME male scorps seems to mean 'I'm going to be stubborn and won't come around until my partner pleads enough with me'. That could be a way to feel control, power, or some unhealthy game to see how much your partner cares.

Sorry, I'm not a scorpio though. I should really dip and leave it to them.

(Also, if you really want to indulge him, maybe try making some food for him. Who doesn't like to be surprised with their favorite home cooked meal? Effort + delicious)

Sorry you're going through this ...... what people need to understand about some scorpios who may have issues (note we all do) they are strong enough to help themselves ... especially the men ..... you can't can't help a scorpio man see the light .... he already knows...... what I have learned being with my scorpio and from myself ... we both had issues that needed to be resolved .... some women get into this whoa my scorpio is so emotional dealing with issues deep down.. insecure etc ... aren't we all in some way..... try looking at it from their perspective .... which can be extremely hard for most....... a scorpio man does not need a woman telling him that he is the one constantly with the issues .you trying to fix something .. .. if it's true ... I'm sure he already knows .. he fully aware of his actions .... probably more than you ....... that would make them ...... well not good ... I can relate to my scorpio, because my Mars is in scorpio ... so I get my bew ..... one can say he had emotional issues as well ... but I look at it this way ... who doesn't? The key is not to judge..... and nag... it's annoying and I guarantee will make any scorpio man close up ..... also when he needs space give him just that ... it's that simple .... women (I myself included) make it difficult for ourselves.

Narcissistic

Posted by Sssupes
Narcissistic

Who?

Thank you for the replies, everyone.

I'm torn with what to do. I texted him yesterday morning and never heard back. I haven't contacted him since. I'm torn with going to his place and seeing if he will talk. If not, I may leave a nice, short letter under his door. Or is it best to not contact him at all?

I fear that if I don't contact him at all, it will be easier for him to just stay away. He is doing this because he is scared of getting hurt. He thinks if we break up, he at least won't be hurt anymore. He has said he keeps telling me he needs more affection and he says that's one reason we broke up the first time. I know he is ultra sensitive with me because of his feelings for me. He has told me more than once I'm the love of his life. However, the next woman he falls hard for, I doubt she will be as affectionate as he needs either. I think I'm pretty affectionate. I'm willing to try to be more so, but I don't feel this is an issue to end things over. Geez. Your Scorps are wonderful when you're loving, but you can be so extreme, too.

Every time he and I talk through things, things get better. He realizes there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. He always admits he was glad we talked, yet he pulls this disappearing act and won't talk whenever he gets really hurt. It seems counterproductive. 😢

Scorpios--if someone is trying to show you they are there for you, and truly love you after you say you won't communicate with them anymore, does that help or hurt the situation?

Sorry to be a broken record. I just think this is a silly thing to end things over, and I miss him. I don't know what is best to do.

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice

Posted by Sssupes
Narcissistic

Who?

Thank you for the replies, everyone.

I'm torn with what to do. I texted him yesterday morning and never heard back. I haven't contacted him since. I'm torn with going to his place and seeing if he will talk. If not, I may leave a nice, short letter under his door. Or is it best to not contact him at all?

I fear that if I don't contact him at all, it will be easier for him to just stay away. He is doing this because he is scared of getting hurt. He thinks if we break up, he at least won't be hurt anymore. He has said he keeps telling me he needs more affection and he says that's one reason we broke up the first time. I know he is ultra sensitive with me because of his feelings for me. He has told me more than once I'm the love of his life. However, the next woman he falls hard for, I doubt she will be as affectionate as he needs either. I think I'm pretty affectionate. I'm willing to try to be more so, but I don't feel this is an issue to end things over. Geez. Your Scorps are wonderful when you're loving, but you can be so extreme, too.

Every time he and I talk through things, things get better. He realizes there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. He always admits he was glad we talked, yet he pulls this disappearing act and won't talk whenever he gets really hurt. It seems counterproductive. 😢

Scorpios--if someone is trying to show you they are there for you, and truly love you after you say you won't communicate with them anymore, does that help or hurt the situation?

Sorry to be a broken record. I just think this is a silly thing to end things over, and I miss him. I don't know what is best to do.

click to expand

If we break up and you start sliding notes under my door I'm just gonna assume you're a psycho and I'll be looking for a boiling rabbit in a pot when I get home.

Then what do I do?

PS-He and I have been round and round for 3 years now, and I still don't know what works. Sometimes being very loving works, sometimes acting like I'm tired of his sh*t works.

Posted by Sssupes

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice

Posted by Sssupes
Narcissistic

Who?

Thank you for the replies, everyone.

I'm torn with what to do. I texted him yesterday morning and never heard back. I haven't contacted him since. I'm torn with going to his place and seeing if he will talk. If not, I may leave a nice, short letter under his door. Or is it best to not contact him at all?

I fear that if I don't contact him at all, it will be easier for him to just stay away. He is doing this because he is scared of getting hurt. He thinks if we break up, he at least won't be hurt anymore. He has said he keeps telling me he needs more affection and he says that's one reason we broke up the first time. I know he is ultra sensitive with me because of his feelings for me. He has told me more than once I'm the love of his life. However, the next woman he falls hard for, I doubt she will be as affectionate as he needs either. I think I'm pretty affectionate. I'm willing to try to be more so, but I don't feel this is an issue to end things over. Geez. Your Scorps are wonderful when you're loving, but you can be so extreme, too.

Every time he and I talk through things, things get better. He realizes there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. He always admits he was glad we talked, yet he pulls this disappearing act and won't talk whenever he gets really hurt. It seems counterproductive. 😢

Scorpios--if someone is trying to show you they are there for you, and truly love you after you say you won't communicate with them anymore, does that help or hurt the situation?

Sorry to be a broken record. I just think this is a silly thing to end things over, and I miss him. I don't know what is best to do.

If we break up and you start sliding notes under my door I'm just gonna assume you're a psycho and I'll be looking for a boiling rabbit in a pot when I get home.

click to expand

Omg Leo's are so dramatic

Posted by BadGrlCapi

Posted by Sssupes

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice

Posted by Sssupes
Narcissistic

Who?

Thank you for the replies, everyone.

I'm torn with what to do. I texted him yesterday morning and never heard back. I haven't contacted him since. I'm torn with going to his place and seeing if he will talk. If not, I may leave a nice, short letter under his door. Or is it best to not contact him at all?

I fear that if I don't contact him at all, it will be easier for him to just stay away. He is doing this because he is scared of getting hurt. He thinks if we break up, he at least won't be hurt anymore. He has said he keeps telling me he needs more affection and he says that's one reason we broke up the first time. I know he is ultra sensitive with me because of his feelings for me. He has told me more than once I'm the love of his life. However, the next woman he falls hard for, I doubt she will be as affectionate as he needs either. I think I'm pretty affectionate. I'm willing to try to be more so, but I don't feel this is an issue to end things over. Geez. Your Scorps are wonderful when you're loving, but you can be so extreme, too.

Every time he and I talk through things, things get better. He realizes there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. He always admits he was glad we talked, yet he pulls this disappearing act and won't talk whenever he gets really hurt. It seems counterproductive. 😢

Scorpios--if someone is trying to show you they are there for you, and truly love you after you say you won't communicate with them anymore, does that help or hurt the situation?

Sorry to be a broken record. I just think this is a silly thing to end things over, and I miss him. I don't know what is best to do.

If we break up and you start sliding notes under my door I'm just gonna assume you're a psycho and I'll be looking for a boiling rabbit in a pot when I get home.

Omg Leo's are so dramatic

click to expand

Haha I thought that was more dramatic than giving someone a loving note, too, but everyone is different.

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice

Posted by BadGrlCapi

Posted by Sssupes

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice

Posted by Sssupes
Narcissistic

Who?

Thank you for the replies, everyone.

I'm torn with what to do. I texted him yesterday morning and never heard back. I haven't contacted him since. I'm torn with going to his place and seeing if he will talk. If not, I may leave a nice, short letter under his door. Or is it best to not contact him at all?

I fear that if I don't contact him at all, it will be easier for him to just stay away. He is doing this because he is scared of getting hurt. He thinks if we break up, he at least won't be hurt anymore. He has said he keeps telling me he needs more affection and he says that's one reason we broke up the first time. I know he is ultra sensitive with me because of his feelings for me. He has told me more than once I'm the love of his life. However, the next woman he falls hard for, I doubt she will be as affectionate as he needs either. I think I'm pretty affectionate. I'm willing to try to be more so, but I don't feel this is an issue to end things over. Geez. Your Scorps are wonderful when you're loving, but you can be so extreme, too.

Every time he and I talk through things, things get better. He realizes there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. He always admits he was glad we talked, yet he pulls this disappearing act and won't talk whenever he gets really hurt. It seems counterproductive. 😢

Scorpios--if someone is trying to show you they are there for you, and truly love you after you say you won't communicate with them anymore, does that help or hurt the situation?

Sorry to be a broken record. I just think this is a silly thing to end things over, and I miss him. I don't know what is best to do.

If we break up and you start sliding notes under my door I'm just gonna assume you're a psycho and I'll be looking for a boiling rabbit in a pot when I get home.

Omg Leo's are so dramatic

Haha I thought that was more dramatic than giving someone a loving note, too, but everyone is different.

click to expand

Lol. Until the next post reads....

Why won't my Scorp reply to my letters of love? We broke up 10 months ago and he's icing me out! HELP!

So, what do you suggest, @Sssupes?

Scorpios communicate thru actions, so how about you write a heart felt letter. Don't just tell him you love him, SHOW HIM

Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
So, what do you suggest, @Sssupes?

Just leave the dude alone

Posted by brandyp
Wow, this guy sounds annoyingly sensitive. THe more you insulate him in a bubble of love and warmth the more dependant he will become on you treating him with kid gloves. I think you need to sit down and have a stern talking to with him. Tell him you cant baby him anymore, and suggest counseling. I know you love him, but this is just ridiculous...

He is, and I've tried that approach before. It just causes him to be even more defensive and put a wall up. Right now, I'm trying to get his wall down. He doesn't look at things logically at all when he has a wall up, and that wall is up VERY high right now. I just went over and knocked. He didn't answer, but he was home. So, I texted him that it was clear he didn't want to talk or see me, and I thought giving him space yesterday would help him sort out his thoughts, but I misjudged. I told him I was putting a short note in his door and to please get it when I leave because it won't really fit.

Of course, no response to anything.

I really don't get some Scorps who are more "un-evolved." Why throw away the love of your life, the woman you were just excited about moving in together with, the woman you just took to meet your family, the woman you keep saying you won't lose again, the woman you want to spend forever with...because you're scared of getting hurt?? This seems ridiculous to me. Just work through the issue. If what you tried before didn't work, try a different approach. Why just give up and completely ice me out?

Not that anyone probably cares, but when I went to try to talk to him, I noticed his car hadn't moved spots all weekend, which means he hasn't left his place all weekend. In a way, that made me feel a little better because I know he must be hurting, too. He always goes out on the weekends. I don't want him to hurt, but when someone refuses to acknowledge you, it doesn't make you *feel* like they care, even if you know they do.

Also, I finally unpacked my things he brought me from his place and I noticed he sprayed my pajama pants with his cologne. I mean, it's obvious because the rest of my stuff smells like his place, and the pants smell strongly of his cologne. Hmmm.

Posted by brandyp
God he sounds immature, im throwing up in my mouth at him spraying your pjs. If you guys are "broken up" right now, maybe you should just leave it that way.

Easier said than done when you love someone. :/

When (male) scorpios retreat, do they do so to not lash out, to gather their thoughts, or to hurt you? It is very hurtful feeling ignored and I've told him that hurts me, and he says-I'm not ignoring you. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not brewing in my mind. He says he just needs time alone. However, he said all that when he would do this when we were together. Once, he asked me for space, and I actually totally gave him space. By late afternoon, he sent me a couple of texts. Then he sent me a long text saying how thankful he was for me giving him space, and he came back super affectionate and loving. That was totally against my nature, but it worked. However, this is different because he said he was "done." And, he's never iced me out for four days since being back together.

I wish there was some magic answer to getting him to see things logically and talk to me. I know things would be better if he'd just talk and we could see what the other is thinking. I'm pretty sure he is thinking things won't change, he'll keep getting hurt, so he's staying away. He did tell me once he stays away from me because he has feelings.

This looks pretty bad :/