How do you build Scorpio's Trust?

Ok, obviously a spin off of my last thread.....

Since trust is a MAJOR issue with Scorpio(and rightfully so), how does one begin to establish and build that trust? Or is it a matter of Scorpio coming to this conclusion on his/her own without any action from the other person?

Well, it depends on the kind of trust you're talking about. You can trust people to be polite and considerate, but not trust trust them with your secrets, because they have poor self-control, you may trust people to be there for you when you are physically threatened, but not for emotional support, etc.

I disagree. I think you should know when to lie about certain things to us. Honesty is important but it is not dishonest to tell us something that wont hurt.

Scorpios never fully trust anyone. There are shades of trust.

As with anybody, you build deeper trust through action, time, honesty, or integrity.

It's not like it's a probationary period you get over and then you get the prize.

"Well, it depends on the kind of trust you're talking about. You can trust people to be polite and considerate, but not trust trust them with your secrets, because they have poor self-control, you may trust people to be there for you when you are physically threatened, but not for emotional support, etc."

Well, in my particular situation,I am refering to whatever type of trust needs to be there for Scorpio to establish a romantic relationship. I'm getting mixed responses from the boards on Scorpio's. Some are saying that if Scorpio wants you, then you'll know it for sure and he will stop at nothing to get you. Other's say that Scorpio may want you for a long time but will continue to try and test you and that other person will never know Scorpio's true intentions.

So here it is: I want this man to trust me with his emotions, his heart, with EVERYTHING. Virgo's protect other people's heart as if it were their own. I do not have ill intentions towards this guy at all. I swear....the second I take one step foward, it's like he takes two steps back and mixes things up. If I spend time with somebody, there is a purpose behind it. This has been going on for a year now and if it ever comes to the point to where it's clear that he simply doesnt have ANY intentions, I'm going to be devastated and very hurt. Because if I would have known that from the start, then I would have cut him off.

He always makes future related comments like: "I'll to take you here or there one day"..... "Maybe I'll visit your church sometime"....."you should pay attention to this stuff because you'll be helping me with my business one day"....."I'm a good guy with good intentions"....."you should stop by and meet my mom while she's in town"....."the reason I pulled back with you because I was really starting to like you and I could tell that you liked me too"......"it's very important that you are a woman of your word and keep your word"......BUT he has YET TO FOLLOW THROUGH on ANY OF THESE STATEMENTS FOR A YEAR NOW.

Somebody tell me where the barrier is with this Scorpio guy and most improtantly, how do I cross it? I don't want to let my guard down just to find out that he never had any intentions to start with.

Here's my two cents: I pretty much rely on my instincts about someone. Sometimes I meet people and something about them immediately turns me off and sometimes I will meet someone and feel immediately comfortable with them. The same as anyone else. When I meet someone who is in that "gray" area I just continue to get to know them. Eventually they will reveal their true selves. Sometimes that happens by being there for me when I didn't expect that level of support. That's when the comfort level begins and once it's there then if everything progress nicely then that person becomes someone we can depend upon and then trust develops. However, the most important factor in all of this would be sincerity. I am very much into "keeping it real" and I have no time for game players or people who seem to have ulterior motives. Constantly telling me I can trust you will only make me not trust you. If it's been a year and he still isn't moving forward then obviously something is off. It could be absolutely anything from still having feeling for an ex to his not being able to fully trust your intentions. Personally, I would back off, it's possible he senses some desperation in you (not saying you are but he could perceive that which would be a turn off because typically we love confidence). If you back off he will either come after you or not. Either way, you'll have your answer and save yourself from any further heartbreak.

"Southern...I hate to be the bearer of bad news but....that's not going to happen. You don't trust him with yours...so what makes you think he's going to trust you with his? He's a water sign...and in particular...he's a scorpio. He's intuitive. He's not sure how you feel. He feels you holding back and so he's not willing to give.

You have to be willing to give first. Rule #1 - Scorpio man needs to be in control. You need to learn how to give him enough of that control to make him feel secure or he will NOT come forward. One thing you need to remember is that scorpio is a fixed sign."

"He's capable of waiting for years. Are you? With mutable Virgo?"

Yes I am capable of waiting if I know that there is an ultimate purpose.

Until you relax and stop analysing him things will stay the way they are and drive you insane."

So, how do I do this? How do I "give" first? Tell him how I feel or what? This is were my lack of experience in dating comes into play. 1) I dont know how to do this. 2) I'm scarred to death that If I'm the first one to give first, then I'm leaving myself wide open for rejection from him.

Hmmm.... I didn't know you were a church girl. Is that why you aren't giving up the draws? 😛

I want to give a try to answering your questions:

Southern T: "So, how do I do this? How do I "give" first? Tell him how I feel or what? This is were my lack of experience in dating comes into play. 1) I dont know how to do this. 2) I'm scarred to death that If I'm the first one to give first, then I'm leaving myself wide open for rejection from him."

You relax and stop analyzing him by putting yourself out there wide open for rejection OR NOT!!!You're welcome. 😉

You've heard "Practice makes perfect" or "Once you start you don't know how to stop"? You have got to take the first step. It's been a year and nothing has changed. If you want things to change, if you want to know how worthy an investment your mind-time is then you have to put more than a toe in the water. JUMP IN ALREADY GIRL!!!!!

I know I am 4yrs older and also I have grown up way faster than you have, but I would have thought that you would have that Virgo confidence by now. It's not the Masked Confident face that some other signs put on. It's the "Ok, I got this in the bag" confidence that a Virgo gets ever so often when we figure or are about to figure something out.

At any one of those points where he gave you something to work with had you PUT yourself out there and taken the risk right then and there you would be further than you are and you would have more of a clue about what he's up to as far as you two as well as if it's worth your time.

The bottom line, and ALL of the Scorpios (resident experts) have told you the same thing. As a Virgo dating a Scorpio man I am telling you.... Make the next move and make it a good one.

Be confident.

Be obvious.

Be open.

Just be...

🙂

"don't you think it is best to be able to be yourself with someone without having to filter or censor information according to how they are likely to react?"

If that's how you truely feel then go right ahead. But I know for a fact you've censored things about the Aries man. You've cencored things with me even when I've asked. I'm sure he doesn't know about your other relationships during your marriage. Did you censor that part because it never came up or because you considered his hurt? His hurt would've lead to an act of violence and that's why you kept it from him, according to what you've posted here.

I'll give you another example: I know you don't believe that the past is as important as the present. You've told me this on here, in emails, and the phone many times. Has it ever dawned on you that maybe one act doesn't define yourself? I consider you a loyal, loving, very adorable person. But if I went by your actions with the Aries then one could say you are just a small-time cheater.

So what does that mean? It means that being yourself and hurting another's feelings are completely different. Infact, I would not mind at all if you lied to me about something you knew would upset me because if I don't know it and can never possibly find out then why would you even bother? I would want you to either live with the guilt, or be content with the happiness we have as is. There is no need for you to bring up something that is hurtful or harmful and will, most deffinately, cause some outrage when it isn't needed.

Between you and I, I actually expect you to lie to me in certain situations. The most classic example would be somewhere along the lines of you asking me if your dress made you look fat (let's say you were pregnant). I wouldn't say something like, "It's not the dress that makes you fat, you just are." Am I being clear? Don't take offense to this because I mean it sincerely and in a nice way, Roxi.

"don't you think it is best to be able to be yourself with someone without having to filter or censor information according to how they are likely to react?"

And secondly, without going into detail, you and I both know that we share this perfectly. I don't think there are many people who had the same kind of life style s that we had. Yours was in a political level where mine was undergound. But we don't have to hide that from eachother, do we.

Infact, I remember that is how we first got to know eachother.

One more thing, Roxanne... These are quotes directly from you from one of your threads on the Aries board.

"it was a big problem throughout our marriage. i wouldnt tell him things cos i didnt want him to go ballistic and then when he found stuff out he would go ballistic anyway."

"anyway - aries returned about 2 hours later - still pissed but holding it in - i went out cos i didnt want to spark anything else."

"im not a bad person...i dont lie but i dont always tell the full truth to avoid problems"

Can you see where I'm getting at? I'm not trying to make you feel bad! I am just trying to explain myself to you because you asked. But what I can see in you is that you don't like conflict because you've had to endure so much and I understand!!!! Reading your past about him is absolutely heartbreaking and, quite fankly, I don't want to hear it anymore! I want you and I to be happy together and live that life we both want without the conflict we don't need. This is what I mean by telling a white lie here and there and I'm sure everyone would, for once, agree with what I'm saying this time.

I hate reading those posts about how horrible that marriage was. It kills me to know you've been through that, Roxi and I'm trying my hardest to hold back a tear now but, fuck's sake, I'm not going to hold.

*Kisses Roxi's forehead*

You always have a pieceful home in New York, my love.

"omg scorpius.......isnt this a tad embarrassing? LOL!!!"

I am not ashamed. This is simply how I feel about you and if I was afraid to show it or embarrassed to love you then I'd only be half a person.

I'm actually only ashamed of you not being able to admit to me in public.

"If you back off he will either come after you or not. Either way, you'll have your answer and save yourself from any further heartbreak."

Tried that already. Been doing that for a year now. Everytime we hang out, I call or text to follow up afterwards. And then we wont respond, then I stop completley and he'll come back around about 3 weeks later.....

CORRECTION: meant to say "he" wont respond....

Then can I just say (and I'm not trying to be mean here) but maybe it's just not there for him. Unfortunately, sometimes we can be a little manipulative. My last bf was a scorpio and he was in love with me. I was with him for 7 years because he was sooo sweet, loving and there for me during some of the most traumatic experiences in my life. I wanted to love him but it just wasn't there and I ended up wasting 7 years of both our lives. I did love him but I was never in love with him.

I tell you that to give an example of 2 sides of scorpio. From his standpoint: I was the one, and he did anything and everything to make sure that I knew he was interested. From mine: I cared for him but I knew all along I wasn't in love but at the same time he filled a void that I needed at the time and however unintentionally I used him.

Long boring story I know, but my point is this. It's been a year and you are still getting mixed signals. If you were dealing with a cancer I would understand that better but it usually doesn't take Scorps that long. When you say that you would get together and then after you try to follow up and he doesn't respond, that just sounds like booty call behaviour to me. Obviously, no one can tell you what's going on in his head but it doesn't sound promising. I still say, protect yourself and walk away, if this scorpio likes you (for the intention of having a relationship with you) he will let you know. But if you keep letting him get away with this current behaviour you could be in this cycle for years or until he finds someone else. I apologize if this is a little blunt for you but it's the scorpio board, what did you expect 🙂 Again it's just my opinion.

"It's been a year and you are still getting mixed signals."

ok but others are saying that there's no way that he would hang around that long if he didnt want something more. What's his point in continuing this with me if he doesnt have good intentions. If he didnt like me then why wouldnt he just simply stop. I dont go chase him when I dont hear from him. So he has had PLENTY of oppurtunities to stop this whole thing. To me, if you dont like somebody then, you simply stop, not continue to come back around, because that makes the other person think that you actually like them. That is the MOST SELFISH behavior I've heard of in all my life. That's not cool at all.

Southern,

I agree, but to his defense he may not see it that way. He probably has no idea how conflicted you are. He may be thinking you feel the same way he does and are happy with the way things are. My point is a year is a long time to be in limbo and it's time to start thinking about self preservation here. To be honest, I agree with brahn. It's time for him to sh*t or get off the pot. I agree with the advice you were given if this was at the beginning of the relationship but you're past that.

I'm in a similar position you're in with a cancer man. I've been dating him for 3 months and I'm just about done. I just started seeing someone else and it's been great dating a man who knows how fabulous I am and is not afraid to let me know. You obviously have feelings for this man and you won't let go you're ready and I get that. But how much more time are you willing to invest in this? If you asked him and he said that he does want a relationship with you then you need to revisit that conversation. Let him know how unhappy you are. If you haven't had it than you need to, I would just hate for you to waste any more time in relationship limbo hell. We both deserve better.