How to not care.

This is something I've tried to figure out for months now, so please if you're just going to make some sarcastic quip leave me alone, after all I truly need an answer. I am in a couple circles of friends that know each other. One of which there was a huge falling out between me and two other people, over a really unfortunate set of circumstances that ended with my dog biting a small child. I don't blame the dog... she was brought inside (against my wishes) by the parents and then the child fell on her. I don't blame the kid. I don't even blame the parents because they only brought her in because the weather was bad and they felt sorry for her. Nobody is really to blame but the long story short is two of these people hate me now. Theres also a third one who just plain doesnt like me on principle (no clue why) and a fourth who is jealous of me and WAS my friend until she stabbed me in the back over the dog thing. Lots of freaking drama. I have done everything I can think of to make it up to the first two, and the third and fourth I dont' really care except that they like to trash my reputation. The first two were my friends and I wish there was something I could do to at least make them stop hating me.. even if they have no desire to be my friend again. I never meant for any of this to happen.

But as I said, I've tried. I've apologized till I was blue in the face. I've done everything *I* can think of to make it up to them, and it doesn't matter. I can't go near one of them, the other one is an official in my religious group and tolerates my presence from a professional standpoint but is short and nasty to me every time I see her. I think the only way forward is to stop caring that they hate me. I don't know how to do that. It breaks my heart that they would make this a friendship-breaking issue, when the dog isn't even around any of their children (or any children for that matter) anymore.

The long version of what happened with the dog is: I moved to a tiny town in CO, spent $ 3000 I didn't have, and got fired after 6 days without an explanation. My friend (the one with the kid) took me in. I payed her rent but she really helped me out a lot. Obviously my dog was there too. I found a job. Started going to work. Left my dog in the backyard while I was at work and specifically told her and her husband "I do NOT trust her around small children. She's never been around them and she is reactive and skittish. Please don't bring her inside when I'm at work"

My (now ex) friend is... one of those people with such a big heart you forgive her lack of sense. She brought Banshee inside when I wasn't home. Then the kid jumped on her and she snapped. Banshee was already afraid of the kid because when I WAS there, he would throw legos at her and train tracks (the wood ones) and scream at her when she was lying down peacefully by my side (asleep). I told her again not to bring her in when I wasn't home and I'm sorry this happened. She did it again, kid fell on her, Banshee bit him again. I moved. Apologized profusely for the biting. Things were okay. Then Banshee got banned from my "church" based on the biting. Which I felt was really unfair... because she'd only ever bite if a) I wasnt there, and b) the kid fell/jumped on her. I got really upset and made a scene. (yeah wish I could undo that). So now the leader of the group is pissed at me too. Couple weeks went by. Tried to apologize and explain why I got upset, that I didn't care anymore but I thought it was unfair and that was my reasoning. Didn't tell the first friend about this, and so the third one (the one I said betrayed me) went and told her. We WERE on okay terms. At that point the first friend tells me to never come near her again.

I shouldn't have gotten upset about the situation and made a scene. Other than that I don't feel I did anything wrong, or could have prevented the events from happening in any way. I have tried to make amends. They aren't letting me. Now I just really don't know what to do any more. I go to "church" because half the people there are still my friends.. and the ones who hate me are nasty and short and rude and ruin the whole thing. I go out with the other group (that know them) and I hear that my reputation is being trashed.

I wish I knew what to do. Or how to not care. But I don't. I get upset about this daily. This all happened in January. Does anyone have any advice?

Oh, friends signs: first one with the kid is a Sagg. The leader of "church" is an Aries. The one that betrayed me is a Cancer. (I am also seeing the guy she likes.. that doesn't help anything). And the random one who hates me for no reason is a Gemini.

I think you've done everything and then some. This is not your fault, and honestly now the child and people will have to face that they put themselves into a situation with an ANIMAL in the ANIMAL'S territory. We're human and can make logical and emotional choices, as well as remove or put ourselves into a situation. Animals have logic, instinct, and yes some emotion - but they cannot remove or put themselves into situations with as much ease as we can. As domesticated as an animal is, if it is feeling THREATENED then it will react, which has been made obvious to your old friends. Unfortunately they do not grasp that.

Now you. You focus on God. Pray for those people who are not seeing clearly. Work on your relationship with God, those wonderful supporters you have, your loved ones, and your dog. Cultivate and foster that energy into reaching every aspect of your life. You are absolutely not what others think of you. You were made as one of God's children, and you are beautiful inside and out. And you know what?! Your dog is one of God's children, too. He made your companion in the image of perfection.

From inner light, you will shine on the outside. Things will change as you know it. Stay strong!

Thanks for the advice guys. Especially what SC said: "You are absolutely not what others think of you. You were made as one of God's children, and you are beautiful inside and out. And your dog is too". I'm of a different persuasion religiously, but that really made me realize how petty THEY are being. I can be a bigger person than them. I told the guy I'm seeing this same story, and he said "I'm embarrassed for them, supposedly "all welcoming" and they treat you like some kind of high school outcast". Now I see what he meant. 🙂

omg...the exact same thing happened to me!! i had a huge mountain dog...a spanish mastin...called yogi. i had to go and work in the uk over summer and left him in the car of my ex husband who, because of yogi's size, thought that he needed to be a dominant male and was a crap trainer bascially. when i got back after 3 months, yogi growled at me for the first time ever. before i went, my daughter, who was 5 at the time used to stick yogi's jowells to the ground and when he finally lifted his head, the suction would make a popping sound, lol. you could do anything with that dog and the kids in the area loved him.

anyhow, he growled at me when i told him to move out of the way....i just leaned down to give him a pat on the butt to shift him and he growled 😢 i had lost my lovely teddy bear dog who was scared of the rain and had his own blankee n stuff. very sad indeed.

consequently, i made sure all kids didn't get in his face as they had done before.

one day shortly after i got back, i had gone to town shopping and i got a call from my ex saying that he was walking yogi and the neighbour's daughter had been petting him as usual and he lashed out and caught her face with his teeth. the cut was tiny but obviously, really distressing for the girl.

i had been friends with the girl's mother who was in a different circle of friends to my 'regular' circle but we were friends nevertheless. she never spoke to me again after that despite the fact that her other gf had called the police and reported yogi and they forced me to have him destroyed. it was the saddest day for my kids and it broke my heart to see them crying and screaming after him as he was taken away.

but STILL....this woman never forgave me and all her friends turned on me too....like i had personally ordered yogi to attack and i wasn't even there when it happened!!

it was a hateful, horrible incident. had yogi seriously wanted to attack that girl, she would've lost her face in a second cos he was the size of a bear (hence the name) but it was more of a nip and she had a tiny weeny scar which has probably faded now.

i was heartbroken and so were my kids although i totally blamed my ex for ruining such a lovely natured dog.

so, my advice to you is to say 'fuck them'. by and large, people are small-minded, ignorant and judgemental...who actually gives a fuck what they think? imagine how empty their lives must be.

grrrrrrr....your story took me right back there. i'll

omg...i didn't live yogi in my ex's CAR....i meant CARE!! LOL

hoy, no puedo escribir en ingles

It does have paragraph breaks... I just write long paragraphs 😛

I don't want to care about people who will not let go of something.. and hate me for it. I can't really get away from them.

sky: it's hard when you have to live amongst people who don't like you for absolutely no reason. i'm still living in a place just like that and sometimes, i don't want to go out in case i bump into someone i don't want to which is wrong so i force a smile on my face and appear oblivious to everyone but to be honest, i'm not thinking of moving out of the area completely as it's hard to live somewhere where you have absolutely no support. i had a puncture on my car the other day and cos i was near my apartment, i had absolutely no-one i could call to help me out which was kinda depressing really.

so i'm planning to move where old friends live....people who get me and give me a break...cos it's too soul-sapping to live in negativity, specially when it's directed at you.

the alternative is to grind them down by being consistently charming to them. they want to get to you and they want to see it's working cos people like this take pleasure from others' unhappiness. you can only fight that negative energy with positivity but it can be a hard and lonely battle.

Posted by Skykomish

I don't want to care about people who will not let go of something.. and hate me for it. I can't really get away from them.

You mean like that guy you can't let go of who hurt you (that you made a different thread about) .. and you went on about taking vengence against him for it, which happened months ago.

Groups of people aren't like the picture you painted here. Perhaps one or two, but not whole groups. Most people are forgiving and understanding people. For the fact that it's a large amount of people who are all treating you like shit for this is a clear indication that you have a huge amount of responsibility in this - which of course, you are choosing to ignore so you can continue to go .... wah wah wah

And last = you talk about the Cancer betraying you, while the other side of your tongue talks about taking the man she fancies.


You are a low person with little, if any, integrity ... and every post you make shows it.

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/scorpio/never-treetrunk-with-a-scorpio-3192536/?p=7

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/scorpio/got-my-dream-job-and-lost-it-in-6-days-2922039/?p=2