Did I Spook This Bull? Foot In My Mouth :/

So I was on a date with a guy who has been pursuing me for months. Luckily this wasn’t our first date. I told him that I had intimacy issues and sometimes I push people away. Throughout the night he when he would get close he would make a joke and ask if that was too intimate. Even when he walked me to my car he kissed me and then went in for a hug and said, “oh another intimate moment”. This was way too soon to mention and just the way I mentioned was very tactless. Clearly I put my foot in my mouth. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him to get close to me because I do.

Think I spooked him?

Posted by BullShit
What makes you think you spooked him? To me it looks like he's playfully respecting your intimacy issues by making lighthearted jokes. Usually when a bull teases you it means he likes you.

Well because he brought it up more than once. Plus he's made a passive joke before.

Just a few days ago I was out at brunch and he asked if I could see him after, and I said yes. Unfortunately I had one too many mimosas and couldn't drive. He asked if I was still coming and I told him no because he wasn't a good idea. When I sobered up I realized I didn't tell him why I couldn't come. I told him sorry about earlier and that I couldn't drive to which he replied, "oh yea because you know those Uber rates are so expensive". I realized he was making a passive joke (I never mentioned taking an Uber) and he was bothered about me not showing up earlier.

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
What makes you think you spooked him? To me it looks like he's playfully respecting your intimacy issues by making lighthearted jokes. Usually when a bull teases you it means he likes you.

Well because he brought it up more than once. Plus he's made a passive joke before.

Just a few days ago I was out at brunch and he asked if I could see him after, and I said yes. Unfortunately I had one too many mimosas and couldn't drive. He asked if I was still coming and I told him no because he wasn't a good idea. When I sobered up I realized I didn't tell him why I couldn't come. I told him sorry about earlier and that I couldn't drive to which he replied, "oh yea because you know those Uber rates are so expensive". I realized he was making a passive joke (I never mentioned taking an Uber) and he was bothered about me not showing up earlier.

Ooo i see it clearer now. I don't like the uber joke. I think you two should go on another date soon, see how he shows up. If he's making these jokes and you don't like them as much. Bring it up, nothing better then to be straight forward. Because at the end of the day, he's gotta wholeheartedly understand opening up isn't easy for everyone, and intimacy issues is actually a real problem.

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It not show much as the jokes bother me because I get people use sarcasm in awkward situations. I've flaked on him before and as I've said he's been pursuing me for months so I guess he just got annoyed and made that passive joke. I just figured with my flaking in the past and then letting my intimacy issues talk all this may have spooked him.

I don't know if it was too soon to mention the issues. Probably as you're only saying but with the right person it shouldn't matter so much. Hard to tell with what's been said but I wasn't a fan of the Uber joke. It was amusing but it made me think 'what's wrong with his legs/car—!!!' Why couldn't he come to you... I think you need to be clearer in your communication and more open/honest. It would have been easy to say 'I can't come because I e been drinking' or 'it would be great to see you too, I'm just with friends having a few drinks so why don't you come to me after' or something like that. Why so flaky?

Posted by AgentP911
I don't know if it was too soon to mention the issues. Probably as you're only saying but with the right person it shouldn't matter so much. Hard to tell with what's been said but I wasn't a fan of the Uber joke. It was amusing but it made me think 'what's wrong with his legs/car—!!!' Why couldn't he come to you... I think you need to be clearer in your communication and more open/honest. It would have been easy to say 'I can't come because I e been drinking' or 'it would be great to see you too, I'm just with friends having a few drinks so why don't you come to me after' or something like that. Why so flaky?

Well his little sister (10)came from his home town and was staying with him this weekend but at the time she was napping and he didn't want to leave her. Yea, clearly my communication sucks lol. I didn't think to offer an alternative time just a flat out out no can't.

As far as me flaky it wasn't intentional but so many things came up on my end and I had to keep declining and I know he probably thought I was bs'ing some of those times.

A major red flag talking about intimacy issues to someone hardly knowing them after a gap in hiatus.

A horrible major red flag when your flaky even I have alot of air placements and still not flaky but if the behavior is sketchy I won't be around or take you too seriously though.

You have to handle your liquor in front of a Bull.. so good thing you cancelled on him. Because if your the type who can't be calm and quiet on a luncheon or dinner and you would be overly loud or embrassing then I would second guess you too.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
You have to handle your liquor in front of a Bull.. so good thing you cancelled on him. Because if your the type who can't be calm and quiet on a luncheon or dinner and you would be overly loud or embrassing then I would second guess you too.

Oh I can handle my liquor lol. I was just buzzed and didn't want to risk driving.

But you didn't give him a proper excuse and just be straightforward instead said no can't.

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
What makes you think you spooked him? To me it looks like he's playfully respecting your intimacy issues by making lighthearted jokes. Usually when a bull teases you it means he likes you.

Well because he brought it up more than once. Plus he's made a passive joke before.

Just a few days ago I was out at brunch and he asked if I could see him after, and I said yes. Unfortunately I had one too many mimosas and couldn't drive. He asked if I was still coming and I told him no because he wasn't a good idea. When I sobered up I realized I didn't tell him why I couldn't come. I told him sorry about earlier and that I couldn't drive to which he replied, "oh yea because you know those Uber rates are so expensive". I realized he was making a passive joke (I never mentioned taking an Uber) and he was bothered about me not showing up earlier.

Ooo i see it clearer now. I don't like the uber joke. I think you two should go on another date soon, see how he shows up. If he's making these jokes and you don't like them as much. Bring it up, nothing better then to be straight forward. Because at the end of the day, he's gotta wholeheartedly understand opening up isn't easy for everyone, and intimacy issues is actually a real problem.

It not show much as the jokes bother me because I get people use sarcasm in awkward situations. I've flaked on him before and as I've said he's been pursuing me for months so I guess he just got annoyed and made that passive joke. I just figured with my flaking in the past and then letting my intimacy issues talk all this may have spooked him.

I don't think that has spooked him. If anything you two should sit down and clear the air if you feel there is a misconception or if you feel like you really did spook him. Never hurts to be up front.

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I might have to becsuse I'm really starting to think that I did. It’s been days since I’ve heard from him. So now I’m not sure if my foot in the mouth did mess things up or not or if he just lost total interest and it had nothing to do with what I said. Before we saw each other he asked to see me 3 days in a row and now nothing.

Posted by BullShit
@missmissy it's always good to clear the air. If anything shoot him a text asking how he's doing. Then take it from there.

Yea that's what it seems like I'm going to have to do. I just hope he hasn't lost interest.

Posted by Koniucha
A joke here and there is ok, but too many is a turn off.

Yea it is. Luckily he only did it twice.

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
@missmissy it's always good to clear the air. If anything shoot him a text asking how he's doing. Then take it from there.

Yea that's what it seems like I'm going to have to do. I just hope he hasn't lost interest.

If he lost interest because you were trying to open up because it's hard for you to, was he worth it in the first place then? I know if I'm interested in someone and they have intimacy/opening up issues I'll go at their speed and understand. It's a two way street.

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Oh if that's the case then good riddance . He's gone silent for a reason. Either he lost interest or I spooked him. I don't think what I did was enough for me to turn him away for good especially if I clarify and have a talk. It's just that I don't know which it is lol.

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
@missmissy it's always good to clear the air. If anything shoot him a text asking how he's doing. Then take it from there.

Yea that's what it seems like I'm going to have to do. I just hope he hasn't lost interest.

If he lost interest because you were trying to open up because it's hard for you to, was he worth it in the first place then? I know if I'm interested in someone and they have intimacy/opening up issues I'll go at their speed and understand. It's a two way street.

Oh if that's the case then good riddance . He's gone silent for a reason. Either he lost interest or I spooked him. I don't think what I did was enough for me to turn him away for good especially if I clarify and have a talk. It's just that I don't know which it is lol.

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or it could be something unrelated to you entirely.

reach out to him, if he doesn't respond then just leave it. if he wants to get in touch, he will.

Posted by jeane

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
@missmissy it's always good to clear the air. If anything shoot him a text asking how he's doing. Then take it from there.

Yea that's what it seems like I'm going to have to do. I just hope he hasn't lost interest.

If he lost interest because you were trying to open up because it's hard for you to, was he worth it in the first place then? I know if I'm interested in someone and they have intimacy/opening up issues I'll go at their speed and understand. It's a two way street.

Oh if that's the case then good riddance . He's gone silent for a reason. Either he lost interest or I spooked him. I don't think what I did was enough for me to turn him away for good especially if I clarify and have a talk. It's just that I don't know which it is lol.

or it could be something unrelated to you entirely.

reach out to him, if he doesn't respond then just leave it. if he wants to get in touch, he will.

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Maybe so. He had just asked to see me 3 days in a row before I saw him and said this that's why I'm thinking it may be me. Either way I think reaching out is best.

Posted by BullShit

Posted by missmissy

Posted by

Posted by missmissy

Posted by BullShit
@missmissy it's always good to clear the air. If anything shoot him a text asking how he's doing. Then take it from there.

Yea that's what it seems like I'm going to have to do. I just hope he hasn't lost interest.

If he lost interest because you were trying to open up because it's hard for you to, was he worth it in the first place then? I know if I'm interested in someone and they have intimacy/opening up issues I'll go at their speed and understand. It's a two way street.

Oh if that's the case then good riddance . He's gone silent for a reason. Either he lost interest or I spooked him. I don't think what I did was enough for me to turn him away for good especially if I clarify and have a talk. It's just that I don't know which it is lol.

Either way his loss

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Well I finally reached out. I'm a nurse and had crazy hours this past week and wanted to call but I had to shoot him a text. I mentioned an inside joke then mentioned my foot in the mouth moment. He laughed at the joke and commented on it but completely disregarded me trying to clear the air. Not sure why he did that and I'm still confused.