Hallmark Cards

Things you won't see on Hallmark cards...

1. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind.


2. I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you.


3. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the f# $ k was I thinking?


4. If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister.


5. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.


6. For every year that goes by, Mother, I just think of that inheritance getting closer and closer....


7. Sex with you is like using drugs: lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it.


8. They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.


9. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.


10. The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating ass.


11. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?


12. I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.