help me talk to my taurus

im in a fight with my Taurus

and if i have learned anything is that everytime i have a problem which is choices regarding to me and our relationship he gets super defensive and stubborn.

he bailed on me. he knew i wanted him to be my date to my friends holiday party and the day of he was unreachable until 2pm when he finally answered and told me he was sleeping. i made the obvious comment "you are aware its 2 in the afternoon, right" he clearly didn't like my truth bomb. but he then says that "he got home late and doesn't want to go out tonight' he knew i was upset about what he was telling me and he says i feel guilty. and i tell him well "i cant say im not disappointed" and he made some asshole comment like hes not surprised.

honestly. i feel like he bails on me everytime i expect him to be there for me with my life and things. i feel like he isn't contributing to what make me happy. i don't think i honest ask for that much. but who ever does. yes i love his affection and yes i think he loves me a lot. but then shit like this happens and i wonder if he really does. and i wonder if he actually cares about anyone except himself. and i feel like he is going to get all butt hurt and defensive when i tell him that i think its bullshit that he can go out all night wake up at 2 and then blow me off. but he can still go out that same night and do his own thing.

i protect myself in situations like this by putting space between us. we have had this issue a hand ful of times in the past and i have expressed that its not cool and he claimed to understand and be sorry but it keep happening. and its something i need. dependability. someone who will step out of there comfort zone from time to time to satisfy the needed of there partner. his ability to bail on me and make excuses and then to completely treat it as no big deal isn't cool to me. its hurtful and i just don't want to keep going around in this circle.

i don't want to break up but at the same time i think that he is too immature to give me what i need.

how do i do this?

I think you are going to continue to have these types of problems until he matures. Right now you're dealing with a stroppy teenager while expecting him to be a man.

Posted by Ikyfl
How is he in social situations in general? Is he an introvert?

I would say yes he's shy. but at the same time he make a friend or at least engages.

the last time he was around all my friend we had a great time, started drinking and played a bunch of games together.

he even had a conversation with someone there that I didn't know. and it all seemed fine.

Posted by jeane
I think you are going to continue to have these types of problems until he matures. Right now you're dealing with a stroppy teenager while expecting him to be a man.

I think your right.

its just crazy immature.

its so tricky for me because he seems so mature until he's just not.

I just am really sick of feeling let down by him. and I just want to push myself away because I don't see it changing, and I don't want him or I to drag this one if it doesn't end up working out. I don't want to go through heartache any more then I already am feeling. I don't deal with negative emotion very well I usually always try and find an out. change does not scare me.

when I talk to him today. how do I tell him I think he is immature and I don't feel like me and what I want is a priority. I don't know what to do about it but I don't want to act like everything is ok, because its not.

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by jeane
I think you are going to continue to have these types of problems until he matures. Right now you're dealing with a stroppy teenager while expecting him to be a man.

I think your right.

its just crazy immature.

its so tricky for me because he seems so mature until he's just not.

I just am really sick of feeling let down by him. and I just want to push myself away because I don't see it changing, and I don't want him or I to drag this one if it doesn't end up working out. I don't want to go through heartache any more then I already am feeling. I don't deal with negative emotion very well I usually always try and find an out. change does not scare me.

when I talk to him today. how do I tell him I think he is immature and I don't feel like me and what I want is a priority. I don't know what to do about it but I don't want to act like everything is ok, because its not.

click to expand

I think you're right to feel that this is not ok.

If this was a one off yeah, I might say, have a chat but look over your threads from the last 6 months. (I know that we only hear of the difficulties and not all the good stuff) there is a pattern of him not being the person you need him to be.

You're not wrong to have that need. One of the fundamental requirements of a relationship is that your partner is reliable.

What do you say? What you just said "I'm tired of feeling let down." you've given him multiple chances to rise to the challenge and he hasn't. You're a mother, you've had to grow up and be responsible. He's 26 (27?) and not ready. He likely wants to be but the reality is, for him, life is still late nights, drinking with friends and video games.

You deserve better than this sort of behaviour.

Posted by jeane

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by jeane
I think you are going to continue to have these types of problems until he matures. Right now you're dealing with a stroppy teenager while expecting him to be a man.

I think your right.

its just crazy immature.

its so tricky for me because he seems so mature until he's just not.

I just am really sick of feeling let down by him. and I just want to push myself away because I don't see it changing, and I don't want him or I to drag this one if it doesn't end up working out. I don't want to go through heartache any more then I already am feeling. I don't deal with negative emotion very well I usually always try and find an out. change does not scare me.

when I talk to him today. how do I tell him I think he is immature and I don't feel like me and what I want is a priority. I don't know what to do about it but I don't want to act like everything is ok, because its not.

I think you're right to feel that this is not ok.

If this was a one off yeah, I might say, have a chat but look over your threads from the last 6 months. (I know that we only hear of the difficulties and not all the good stuff) there is a pattern of him not being the person you need him to be.

You're not wrong to have that need. One of the fundamental requirements of a relationship is that your partner is reliable.

What do you say? What you just said "I'm tired of feeling let down." you've given him multiple chances to rise to the challenge and he hasn't. You're a mother, you've had to grow up and be responsible. He's 26 (27?) and not ready. He likely wants to be but the reality is, for him, life is still late nights, drinking with friends and video games.

You deserve better than this sort of behaviour.

click to expand

how does this sound?

I’m tired of feeling let down.

One of the fundamental requirements of a relationship is that your partner is reliable. This argument isn’t new. I have given you multiple chances to rise to the challenge and you are intentionally choosing not to. I’m an adult and I contribute exactly what I expect back in my relationship. Your actions are immature and played out in my eyes. I deserve better than this type of behavior.

So if you don’t care, how can I.

I don’t want to continue in a relationship that I’m constantly feeling intentionally let down in. It’s hurtful and upsetting to me to be in love with someone who can’t even show up for me when I plan and prep for them to be present. So at this point it only seems right to say that this isn’t something I want to deal with any more. I need someone more mature that I can count on to suck it up for the sake of my happiness.

Im sorry. I really wanted it to work but I cant force this kind of thing.

dammnnn girl, sounds just like my ex when he would flake and I'd get upset, I'd create space between us and calmly tell him Im pissed off lol he knew, he always knew.

Taurus men... they are selfish and they cover their needs FIRST. They also do not, I repeat, do not, like drama or altercations so unfortunately, when I'd get upset they'd coward away leaving me feeling unheard and neglected.

I wish I knew what advice to give you but like I said they are gotdamn selfish, also dont mess with their sleep, literally he sleeps like a bear!!!!!. The best thing thats worked for me is to be patient and clear with my expectations in a nice way, when im angry or annoyed he avoids it for as long as possible which pisses me off even more. So being gentle and patient helps

but theyre still selfish af. Men, in general LOL

Ugh those immature Taurus men are the worst.

Yup, sounds like he’s not ready for what you want in a relationship.

I like what you wrote above.

He isn't contributing to my happiness.

Stop right there.

Think long and hard about that statement.

Cause he good with himself.

You're the one frustrated.

This is all on you.

Fix the situation.

Return all gifts

Go on your on vacation.

Add to your own happiness

sagittariusxo!!! Is it too late?? Did you already have the talk with your Taurus guy??

Posted by Davida
sagittariusxo!!! Is it too late?? Did you already have the talk with your Taurus guy??

I had the conversation.

what happen was this.

my friends who I don't get to see often. invited us to a holiday party.

he knew he was invited. he knew I wanted him to be there. he knew I was excited.

well come Saturday I don't hear from him until I call him at 2pm and he answers and says he was sleeping. I say "your aware its 2 in the after noon right?" that's me, im blunt, unfiltered. it was true and if he is secure with his choice it shouldn't be a thing. but that ticked him off. I then say are you coming with me to the holiday party because its at 5? and he proceeds to say "he's not going, he got home really late the night before and he doesn't really want to go out tonight" Im not happy, but I didn't know what to say I was sad, and shocked and was expecting him to not be serious. oh but he was. I tell him I was disappointed, he says he feels guilty but still no effort. we disconnect.

I an hour later message him and tell him that "im mad at you" and he says same. hes made because I "yelled" at him about sleeping in (I didn't raise my voice at all) I get mad and I call him, and he claims to be busy and cant talk to me. he then says that he has other things to do so he cant go. and then he says sometimes I need my space. im mad. im so hurt. I feel very unvalued. and I tell him that "you don't care I cant either so enjoy you f-ing space)

so what I know though is that night he did go out, he went to a show (we go to shows a lot, pretty much every weekend) after claiming he didn't want to go out.

now this is just a recent example but he has done thing to me a hand full of time.

he has bailed on me after I have planned and anticipated something. sometimes its completely last minute. sometime he just shuts the invites down completely and ones or twice he has "over slept because of going out late the night before"

its so immature! in our relationship I understand the following. I understand that yes, he is a little immature. im 31 he's 26 ok whatever I still love him for many other reasons. also I understand he is stubborn and very routine as most bulls are. but I don't ask him to break out of routine very often and when I do its only because its important to me that he is present for something that matters to me regarding experience and who I share it with. although I feel like I should know better by all the occurrences it still completely catches me off guard when he fulls this stuff.

I feel like bases off of what most recently happen its a SURE sign of my level of importance to him.



so he came over, he has not spoken since the "Enjoy your fucking space" - and all day, although I was extremely conflicted with if I wanted to break up or not. I knew that I needed to break up with him. the relationship is too immature for me, we are clearly at different stages in our life. i feel undervalued and not only that the fact that he went out after telling me he didn't want to go out and blowing me off what just straight disrespectful. i told him that i don't think he knows what he wants and that im not an accessory to his life. i have no problem molding myself to meet his needs but he needs to make an effort to be in my world too because that's what i expect from my partner. so at the end of the conversation we just got down to one thing, and it was repeated over and over again. i don't think you know what you, and i want to avoid at all cost feeling the way that i feel again. i told him if he thinks that i deserve to be treated the way he treated me and he doesn't think that im worth the effort to contribute his time to my world them the relationship is ending if not over.

he was upset. he said he didn't realize how his actions effected me. he says he love me with his whole heart and he is disappointed in his choices. that he doesn't know why he did that, because he knew that i wanted him there and he wants to make me happy. he said that he didn't plan on going out like he said but because of the argument he just decided last minute. he says he just wants to be with me and that he doesn't really want the "night life".

honestly i told him im really mad at him and that i have a really big chip on my shoulder. that i don't want to keep having the same argument. i told him im having a hard time taking the relationship seriously right now and that maybe we would just go back to seeing each other less like at the beginning (we used to spend tue wed and Fridays together)

i can honestly say i kinds want that. im not ready to lose him because point blank i love him. he is a wonderful person but his edges and stubbornness and lake of consideration is an issue, enough to ruin it all. so i figure we slow things down, give each other personal space, like i said i don't know but i have an intuition that he doesn't know what he wants and he avoids figuring it out, so maybe he needs more freedom to figure it out. he said no that's not what he wants. and he didn't want to leave on Monday night so he ended up staying over. but ill be honest i was still upset and i didn't really want him there. but at the same time i know i love him and usually always want him there. and then he came over again last night for tacos, he helped my son with his homework which isn't really something he has every put much effort into doing when he is around (which is fine) he also suggested is all watching a funny movie after dinner and then we hung out and had some wine. he has been emailing me and texting me a lot more then usual since the talk.

so im just really confused. i feel like im still pretty hurt. but at the same time i trust his word. and his actions are obviously what i like to see but is this just the make up game plan and this happens again? did he really understand where i was coming from or will he do anything just to make the argument be over. does he know what he wants or is he keeping me on a string until he finally wants to figure it out.

i guess im just letting some time heal?

but i generally still feel hurt and a little resentful.

should i tell him that? or should i just give it more time?

im just very unsure.



**im a really bad speller on top of rushing this post. sorry if im speaking typo**

sagittariusxo...I am a saggy as well and my man is a taurus. I KNOW EXACTLY what you are going through. I will say this from what I have learned. We have been dating for a little over a year. I'm telling you right now hon, you are too much for him. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Its in our natural nature to give off feisty, fiery vibes lol, that's just us! BUT for the taurus man it is overwhelming. Have you ever been in an overwhelming situation before? I have been completely tired and then been in a crowded area that I had to climb up a ton of stairs. Take that scenario and THAT'S exactly how you make your beloved taurus feel at times. You and I don't do it on purpose, I get it. I'm just explaining from their perspective. one thing that I've learned about a taurus man is that they 99.9% of the time are really genuinely doing their best (or the most they can give, this is that overwhelming stuff we talked about) so imagine you are doing your best and then the very person you are attracted to says something. They take it as they are not enough and if they are not enough then why put anymore effort in. As for the "yelling" I hear you! They take it more as being scolded and remember if someone is already doing their best then getting scolded not only doesn't make sense to them but it actually makes them feel more overwhelmed and makes them emotionally freeze up. If you want your taurus to come around and open up try telling him "My desire is to learn you". But then you HAVE to be patient and you have to tone down your fire. I know its hard, trust me, but if you love him then the sacrifice is worth it!!