How to beat a Virgo at their own game.

I get so annoyed with my virgo often playing the victim when they've made a mistake. I've noticed they honesty hate apologizing but will show you in other ways that they care (material things) I respect he isn't great at verbally expressing himself which is fine he tends to handle his emotions is business type of way. But the push and pull is getting tiring. I know sometimes he just needs a moment to regroup, I love him but does it ever end? lol At time when he does it I just laugh and say go ahead and disappear because you can't take what you dish out and also why is that? He makes it appear he's so happy but he's very hard on himself and critical of everyone else. He has a complaint about everything food, weight, hand writing, every little thing.. He's always over thinking and making himself upset off scenarios that he's made up in his head. He's quick to tell me that " You want me to dress more professional and you're not happy with my appearance." When I've never have said anything of the sort like ever. I shower him with compliments because I honestly find him hot and well dressed like I actually tell him often. So when he does this, it creeps me out and I'm like what's wrong with you and then he'll calmed down and play victim. I know I'm not nuts lol. I wish he wasn't so hard on himself to intern blame everyone else over things that did not happen.. How do I help him get out of these patterns. How do I beat that Virgo game?

Hon, he's got self-esteem issues and I think you're being a bit hard on him. We expect men to be strong and they are but they also have insecurities. We have a much harder time accepting their insecurities than vise versa.

No man likes to admit he's wrong and women never are so we have nothing to apologize for.

Maybe he's pulling away from you because you're not giving him the support he needs.

If you love a man, be very careful not to hear them when they're letting you know they don't feel supported. If a man thinks you're not on his side, he'll leave. It's just a matter of time. You might think you compliment him all the time but it sounds like he's not getting the support he needs from you. Maybe that's the conversation you should be having rather than playing the blame game, which will get you nowhere. Don't play games. Communicate and get to the bottom of your problems or walk away and look for a man who will meet your requirements.

Good luck.

PS: Him bitching about this that & the other is really him getting his fears and frustrations off his chest and men find it hard to do that. It's a sign that he trusts you & is looking for support. Don't reward him by complaining and don't complain when he pulls away because you didn't support him when he opened up to you.

Posted by Este8

.... wrong and women never are so we have nothing to apologize for.

huh?


wtf is that?


You're seriously that deluded? And here I thought you had more than one brain cell.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Este8

.... wrong and women never are so we have nothing to apologize for.

huh?


wtf is that?


You're seriously that deluded? And here I thought you had more than one brain cell.

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You're missing the irony.

Since my humor isn't coming thru let me be clear-women can most definitely be wrong. Thing is we don't like admitting it to ourselves let alone our man. So how are we going to apologize for something we don't even admit to ourselves. I thought that sentence was pretty self-explanatory given the absurdity of the allegation but evidently not. Guess I shouldn't quit my day job.

Posted by Este8
PS: Him bitching about this that & the other is really him getting his fears and frustrations off his chest and men find it hard to do that. It's a sign that he trusts you & is looking for support. Don't reward him by complaining and don't complain when he pulls away because you didn't support him when he opened up to you.

I think I should consider moving on it's old and even what you're stating sounds like an excuse to continue to cater to this behavior. I've been with him almost 2 years and never complained ever. I've been his rock but it's draining that he can't use another way to deal with his anger or insecurities. You can't complain or make helpful suggestions for other ppl all the time but can not follow your own advice.. I'm starting to believe he pretended to be a happy person in general and when we got together it changed.. Like soon after we were "officially together" I fell for him pretty strong so I was all for the cause because sometimes you just find someone that helps you unpack your baggage. But I honestly don't think he's trying. You have to be happy alone before you can be happy with another person. Don't complain when he pulls away. How do you expect someone to stay with you with childish ass behavior because you can't stop finding flaw in everything.Who actually enjoys living that way to find something wrong with everything.. I'm an Aries we will try to help you for so long but you have to help yourself as well.

Posted by ariesheat

Posted by Este8
PS: Him bitching about this that & the other is really him getting his fears and frustrations off his chest and men find it hard to do that. It's a sign that he trusts you & is looking for support. Don't reward him by complaining and don't complain when he pulls away because you didn't support him when he opened up to you.

I think I should consider moving on it's old and even what you're stating sounds like an excuse to continue to cater to this behavior. I've been with him almost 2 years and never complained ever. I've been his rock but it's draining that he can't use another way to deal with his anger or insecurities. You can't complain or make helpful suggestions for other ppl all the time but can not follow your own advice.. I'm starting to believe he pretended to be a happy person in general and when we got together it changed.. Like soon after we were "officially together" I fell for him pretty strong so I was all for the cause because sometimes you just find someone that helps you unpack your baggage. But I honestly don't think he's trying. You have to be happy alone before you can be happy with another person. Don't complain when he pulls away. How do you expect someone to stay with you with childish ass behavior because you can't stop finding flaw in everything.Who actually enjoys living that way to find something wrong with everything.. I'm an Aries we will try to help you for so long but you have to help yourself as well.

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Fine. Then leave him. Problem solved but you and you alone are responsible for your bitterness. He's not responsible for not living up to YOUR expectation of him. Good luck finding a man who will.

Posted by magma
I hope not but if you continue to pass his issues off as a game you may be in for a surprise.

How am I passing off his issues as a game? I feel if you're an adult you're aware of yourself and your behavior period.. If you keep acting the same way expecting something different it's insanity right? So it's a choice to be happy or not it really is. It's draining when you make everyone else the source of your problems other than yourself. IE* his job, his family, his ex's, the reasons he won't finish his degree. It sounds like you want to to continue to baby him instead of just bluntly telling him to man the fcuk up. It gets old listening to the same record play when the person does nothing to change the outcome to make yourself happy.I'm about action not an excuse that last over 8 + months. My mom is a libra and has taught me that it is not your job to make another person happy or feel complete with them be content and happy alone, love yourself 1st flaws and all. My job is to add value or be compliment to the person that you're with. I add to your happiness not be the sole provider of your happiness.

Posted by magma

Posted by ariesheat

Posted by magma
I hope not but if you continue to pass his issues off as a game you may be in for a surprise.

How am I passing off his issues as a game? I feel if you're an adult you're aware of yourself and your behavior period.. If you keep acting the same way expecting something different it's insanity right? So it's a choice to be happy or not it really is. It's draining when you make everyone else the source of your problems other than yourself. IE* his job, his family, his ex's, the reasons he won't finish his degree. It sounds like you want to to continue to baby him instead of just bluntly telling him to man the fcuk up. It gets old listening to the same record play when the person does nothing to change the outcome to make yourself happy.I'm about action not an excuse that last over 8 + months. My mom is a libra and has taught me that it is not your job to make another person happy or feel complete with them be content and happy alone, love yourself 1st flaws and all. My job is to add value or be compliment to the person that you're with. I add to your happiness not be the sole provider of your happiness.

You called it a game, not me.

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Yeah, real mature isn't it. 😉

Posted by Este8

Posted by ariesheat

Posted by Este8
PS: Him bitching about this that & the other is really him getting his fears and frustrations off his chest and men find it hard to do that. It's a sign that he trusts you & is looking for support. Don't reward him by complaining and don't complain when he pulls away because you didn't support him when he opened up to you.

I think I should consider moving on it's old and even what you're stating sounds like an excuse to continue to cater to this behavior. I've been with him almost 2 years and never complained ever. I've been his rock but it's draining that he can't use another way to deal with his anger or insecurities. You can't complain or make helpful suggestions for other ppl all the time but can not follow your own advice.. I'm starting to believe he pretended to be a happy person in general and when we got together it changed.. Like soon after we were "officially together" I fell for him pretty strong so I was all for the cause because sometimes you just find someone that helps you unpack your baggage. But I honestly don't think he's trying. You have to be happy alone before you can be happy with another person. Don't complain when he pulls away. How do you expect someone to stay with you with childish ass behavior because you can't stop finding flaw in everything.Who actually enjoys living that way to find something wrong with everything.. I'm an Aries we will try to help you for so long but you have to help yourself as well.

Fine. Then leave him. Problem solved but you and you alone are responsible for your bitterness. He's not responsible for not living up to YOUR expectation of him. Good luck finding a man who will.

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I think you missed the point..... LOL you're basically saying you'll stay with a person that isn't happy with themselves and it's healthy that they depend on you to make them happy.. What a guppy... EVERY HUMAN deserves to be happy with another person that is happy already. Because if there's a split you'll still be okay because it didn't work out sad but at the end of the day you're still happy with yourself. In no way does that make me bitter, I'm just having my fill with the blame game he's doi

* he's doing it either you make a change to areas in your life that cause you such pain or you STFU seriously

"My mom is a libra and has taught me that it is not your job to make another person happy or feel complete with them be content and happy alone, love yourself 1st flaws and all. "

Oh so it's fine to love YOURSELF flaws and all but that doesn't apply to your mate? Interesting what your mother taught you.

Posted by magma

Posted by ariesheat

Posted by magma
I hope not but if you continue to pass his issues off as a game you may be in for a surprise.

How am I passing off his issues as a game? I feel if you're an adult you're aware of yourself and your behavior period.. If you keep acting the same way expecting something different it's insanity right? So it's a choice to be happy or not it really is. It's draining when you make everyone else the source of your problems other than yourself. IE* his job, his family, his ex's, the reasons he won't finish his degree. It sounds like you want to to continue to baby him instead of just bluntly telling him to man the fcuk up. It gets old listening to the same record play when the person does nothing to change the outcome to make yourself happy.I'm about action not an excuse that last over 8 + months. My mom is a libra and has taught me that it is not your job to make another person happy or feel complete with them be content and happy alone, love yourself 1st flaws and all. My job is to add value or be compliment to the person that you're with. I add to your happiness not be the sole provider of your happiness.

You called it a game, not me.

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You took it out of context where I was not being literal by the statement of beat them at their own game. I get them to just them to stop nit picking, change what you don't like, and move on.. It seems Virgos hold on to things that make sad or depressed because it's something that they can control.

Posted by ariesheat


I think you missed the point..... LOL you're basically saying you'll stay with a person that isn't happy with themselves and it's healthy that they depend on you to make them happy.. What a guppy... EVERY HUMAN deserves to be happy with another person that is happy already. Because if there's a split you'll still be okay because it didn't work out sad but at the end of the day you're still happy with yourself. In no way does that make me bitter, I'm just having my fill with the blame game he's doi

I get that you're disappointed in him but that doesn't make you a victim. Your bitterness is more powerful than your ability to love. You make it sound like you did everything right, like you're a martry when you're really just a GIRL with unrealistic expectations. It's not all about you.

Posted by Este8

Posted by ariesheat


I think you missed the point..... LOL you're basically saying you'll stay with a person that isn't happy with themselves and it's healthy that they depend on you to make them happy.. What a guppy... EVERY HUMAN deserves to be happy with another person that is happy already. Because if there's a split you'll still be okay because it didn't work out sad but at the end of the day you're still happy with yourself. In no way does that make me bitter, I'm just having my fill with the blame game he's doi

I get that you're disappointed in him but that doesn't make you a victim. Your bitterness is more powerful than your ability to love. You make it sound like you did everything right, like you're a martry when you're really just a GIRL with unrealistic expectations. It's not all about you.

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I'm not disappointed in him at I'm just tired of hearing the same sob story. I never stated I'm without flaw. I'm just like can't you find happiness in something about yourself because you weren't this person before. How does one pretend for over 6months that you're happy in life and then when you get in a relationship it's like a flip of a coin that the person is not really that person. It's not about me at I never said that.. Because he does this shhhhhh-t to everyone and they all baby him.. When I actually realized I was doing it too it started making me upset and that's okay for me to feel that way.

If you can't love yourself how can you love? How he comes off is that he hates everything about himself and if front of others he's so confident, charming, caring, loving etc. but when he's at home HE IS NOT THAT PERSON.

Few people really are as confident as they front. And men indeed will front like they're all that because that's what they think is expected of them. And of course they aren't like that behind closed doors. Ariesgirl, few people are what you think they are. Few people are as they front. To some degree we all put on act. Some call it being professional. Others call it fronting. And of course there are outright con artists but generally speaking we all put on a face to the world. It actually keeps us sane not to say every crazy thought, every misgiving we might have. I understand you're disappointed in him and that he's not who you want him to be. But that's not really his fault. He is who he is. Maybe he is too negative for you but that doesn't mean you can't have compassion for him. Be careful of letting romantic disappointments make you bitter because that will end up messing with future relationships.

Posted by ariesheat
How does one pretend for over 6months that you're happy in life and then when you get in a relationship it's like a flip of a coin that the person is not really that person.

Maybe it took him 6 months to realize you are not the one for him? You sound really miserable being with him, so why not take a walk on the wild side and find someone who is up to your standards?

One thing about Virgo, yea they can get in their mood every once in a while. You leave them be, let them deal with it, and they come right back. This guy sounds like he's stuck in a rut and it might just be your relationship that's doing it to him. They know when their partner isn't happy. If you are complaining to us about him like this, your probably doing the same subconsciously to him bringing him further down. If a Virgo is made to feel like he's not up to standard, they'll act the part until you walk. Usually though, its a confident Virgo that will say up yours and walk. Maybe this guy just doesn't give a shit any more. Is it worth sticking around someone like that?

Posted by ariesheat
If you can't love yourself how can you love? How he comes off is that he hates everything about himself and if front of others he's so confident, charming, caring, loving etc. but when he's at home HE IS NOT THAT PERSON.

Yea...he's done. Give yourself a break. Move on.