Light at the end of the tunnel

Well its been a while since Ive been on and Ive had space from my Virgo which we needed to grow as individuals. It would seem that the distance and time apart were beneficial to both of us as over the past few days we have decided to rekindle our relationship.

He has come to me and told me that he's ready to go through his wardrobe and remove his wife's belongings and that he's even prepared to go as far as seeing a clairvoyant (I think his friends have encouraged him to give it a go) and hopefully seek closure and see that she is in a good place. Im not sure as to whether seeing a clairvoyant will give him that closure but the fact that a man who doesnt believe in all these things is taking that chance is a HUGE step. I was very surprised that he was prepared to take these steps forward and although I never said anything and had no right to do so I think it will do him the world of good. Im sure it will be an emotional time for him but I think he'll do ok.

We are going to take it slow and he's well aware that I want a proper relationship and it would seem he's been thinking about it himself. He's not after one night stands nor casual sex of any sort and our relationship was not based on intimacy but its a damned good part of it LOL. He's told me that im the only one he wants to be with, that he does love me and wants to rebuild what we had and make it more permanent and one with a future.

Things have died down at work and we gave eachother enough time to do our soul searching and thinking and all else that one goes through and at times it was gutwrenching but yeah, we'll see how we go from here. So yeah, when I thought all was lost there can sometimes be light at the end of the tunnel.

Id like to thank those who have been supportive throughout what was a pretty hard time for me and for also guiding me and taking the time to decipher certain things.....you have helped me so much and I hope some time down the track I can help others as I said, Ive grown a hell of a lot over the past month.

So Im kinda happy right now that things are looking brighter and Im over the moon that my best friend has come through and will remain in my life. We've been through quite a lot in a short amount of time and hopefully now we can really enjoy a proper relationship and go through any lumps and bumps together.

One thing i have learnt though and it was a really hard lesson for a Leo....NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

Heh I told you he really was into you. You just needed to roll with it and trust him. Freaking Leo's lol

In all seriousness, I am glad it worked out for you. V-men are frakkin' picky about who we give our heart to, myself absolutely included in this.

"He's told me that im the only one he wants to be with, that he does love me and wants to rebuild what we had and make it more permanent and one with a future."

That's pretty meaningful. Don't take it for granted or forget it, despite your Leo pride. 😛

Hehehe I wont....just going to relax and let it flow now 🙂

Like I said, the last month has given us both the opportunity to grow and to realise a lot

you know this is a cycle right?

Well for those who are so negative you can think what you like.

What will be will be - Im not fighting nor pushing right now. Just enjoying the ride at the moment...if it doesnt work out I have other things in my life to keep me occupied.

It has hurt over the past month but once again, Ive taken time out to heal and to process and to do a whole lot of other things. Ive filled my life with other distractions and interests and will continue to do so.

My rose coloured glasses are off. Nobody said it would be a carriage ride into the sunset but if it is? wooooooohooooo

As I said, I have other distractions to keep me occupied. Im gonna date the guy, not expect to get married to him.....

😢



People are blind.



It's times like now that I think about Jesus's last words ... "they know now what they do" ... I don't think was referring to the Romans, exclusively for killing him, for didn't he know he was going to die? Wasn't this the plan already, and he knew it to be true and spoke of it before he was actually captured?

Of course ... so, why then would be say something like that at his death ... as if to make a plea for their ignorance? He had to die at that moment, in order to be the martyr he was...


He was speaking about ALL mankind ...... and that we are so ignorant, we don't even know what we are doing. We just stumble in life until we see something shiny and then run towards it ... and no matter how many times we fall during this running towards shiny, we forget to only do it again, and again, and again ............... and again.




Yes ....... there is indeed a pattern, a cycle, and I mentioned it a month ago.

Chatz, enjoy your bliss while you can .... you are going to need it to reflect on soon .. that is, if you are aware enough to know the experience is there for this very reflection.

People are blind.
He was speaking about ALL mankind ...... and that we are so ignorant, we don't even know what we are doing. We just stumble in life until we see something shiny and then run towards it ... and no matter how many times we fall during this running towards shiny, we forget to only do it again, and again, and again ............... and again.

this is sooooooooo right.
and this sooooo the reason that we should do what we do...you never know...

ooooh I like shiny things LMAO

chatz, seriously...you do this EVERY time. not just with him...but with the last guy.

you are far too accomodating. it is like...let a few weeks past and let all of it go...pretend it never happened.

when exactly are you planning on valueing yourself?

LeoKitten I am not doing anything of the sort. I am keeping my heart and mind open but I am also dating other men.

I refuse to go down that path again of waiting and hoping for just one person. He isnt ready, He hasnt declared his undying love for me nor has he removed other things from his life yet. If he does come through Im there, if he doesnt I have those other distractions.

Im not a bitch for dating other men but Im done being a doormat for anybody. Whilst I have other distractions (and this does NOT mean I am intimate with any of them) I will be just fine.

As I said, my heart and mind are open and I will continue on with my life. Ive done a lot of healing and soul searching over the past month or so. Its been very helpful and I think Im doing extremely well.

Finally I understand you cannot just date one man LOL. If he comes through? awesome, if not? it wont be the end of the world.

Time will tell I guess but Im not sitting home day in day out, night in night out waiting for him to call or to make up his mind because Im busy now.

i suppose one of the healthy parts of dating around is learning when it is time to chuck one back into the sea. like now.

he is NOT ever going to be healthy. clairvoyant? what?

come on. stop seeing him. concentrate on all these other guys you are dating then.

I don't see it the same way .. to me, he seems real, honest and a keeper .. while she looks like the one that should be tossed to the curb.


In the op, she says that she has made him aware that she wants a proper relationship and is endeared by the fact that he is trying to get past the obstacles in his life (wife), and in the OP, she presents herself as being this wonderful woman, who wants the same as him, and in her decency and dignity, she will only allow a proper relationship, in which he has made claim that he wants this also ... all is bliss, a true and honest rekindling has commenced.

That ^^^^^ is the tone she attempts to set in the OP .. then when her someone says something against this union and asks what the fuck is going on .. she responds with such messages as ..


He's not ready and I'm not waiting around .. I'm seeing other men, and if he chooses to step up to the plate, then maybe I'll give him a chance.

"I refuse to go down that path again of waiting and hoping for just one person."

That ^^^^^ pretty much says it all to me. She would want his utter and complete loyalty, and even go so far as to make a dramatic display of this if he even gives a person a ride in his car because he should be loyal to her, he should tell her everything, he should put her above and beyond all else in his life ..... then, she'll turn around and write such a statement ..


"I refuse to go down that path again of waiting and hoping for just one person."


In other words .... she reserves the right for herself to not have to hold herself to this same loyalty she demands of him.


::::: shakes head :::::

nah P...i think the guy is still all messed in the head from his dead wife. best left alone to deal with his own messy head.

the point is...when something doesnot work for you...does not fit what you want...YOU WALK AWAY. you do not settle for crumbs thrown at you or half ass attempts at dating/fwb/relationship.

you walk away and say NO.

LMFAO@P....you're hilarious!!!

I am allowed to date as many men as I like, just as he can date anybody he likes...just because he told me he loves me, it does NOT change that he isnt ready - Id love for him to be and again, my heart and head are open to what he might be able to bring.

Ive not said a word about him taking anybody in his car and if he's still doing that? thats fine with me. WE are NOT in a relationship, we are NOT bound to one another. I am fully aware that his actions have and were innocent with that situation. I dont care if he flies her to the moon right now.

I would change any dating pattern Ive had to make over the last month and would give him my complete and utter loyalty and exclusivity if he were to give me the same.

He's not ready for that, what he is ready for is to dip his toes in and see how he goes....if he needs a clairvoyant and he needs time to remove belongings (not that I Ever freaking well asked him to) then that is his to take. I am not pressuring him, I am taking things as they come but I refuse to have my heart trodden on again.

He has my damned loyalty - there will be NO intimacy with any of the other dates I choose to go out with but I am NOT going to sit at home waiting and pining over him....that will do him nor I any good, in fact it will only jeapordise what we do now have.

I really dont care what you think P....I have asked for NOTHING from him but he knows what I do want and if he isnt prepared to give that then I must keep going. WTF would you suggest? Sit there doing my knitting while he dates around or spends the next 2 years deciding if he wants to be with me or not?

Its clear he wants to be with me but he isnt sure to what extent and it is NOT fair to have to sit there and put my life on hold while he makes that decision. Again, he is ALLOWED to date whoever he wishes and I am also....I am not asking him for any more than what I would give myself. Im a Leo damnit and Im damned loyal.

If/When he does decide if he wants an exclusive relationship? I would drop everything else and Im sure he is well aware of that.

Trust me, dating more than one man? Ive never done it in my life...it does NOT come easily to me but it is a necessity....it does not mean my loyalties arent towards him and he's not the first person I think of when I wake and the last when I go to sleep - not by a long shot.

Just because I have a lunch or dinner or coffee date with other men does not mean I dont want that exclusive relationship with him but I am also well aware that Mr Virgo has his life and although he WANTS to change things he will need time to do that. A month apart isnt going to have miraculously changed him...its opened his eyes, he's had time to miss what we had but it does NOT mean he's going to drop everything to be with me.

He can say he'll remove his wife's stuff and he'll go to a clairvoyant but that does not mean he will actually remove them.....when he does, that will be a HUGE step for him and one I will be proud of but once again, I have NEVER EVER asked him to do any of that....it was NEVER an issue between us although yes, its not something I'd love to have around forever but it is up to HIM to choose when he does that...when HE's ready.

You've got me sitting there waiting for him for eternity.....nah, I need to live and that doesnt mean im not being loyal to him - you wouldnt have any idea.

🙂

🙂

And what Tiki write is how I lived my life previously....waited, hoped, pushed. I have learnt a tremendous amount over the last month and I do know that when a man says he loves somebody it does NOT mean he is "in love" with her or him LOL.

I am in love with the man but he is NOT showing me he is in love with me (not yet, maybe in time, maybe not). I cant live my life waiting like I used to. Yes I did this with the last guy (Libra - what a drama that was) and I even waited for Virgo until recently, until I finally learnt it was not healthy for me to wait on one person.

I dont owe anybody any explanation but in true form P-Angel wants to turn everything around. Im over it and know what I want and need in my life. This story hasnt finished, perhaps it has just begun, perhaps it'll fizzle out....one doesnt know but I do know that Ive only been in his life as a "partner" for a few months....I didnt allow it to grow as I should have, I was too eager but I am going to put patience and being busy with my life into full force.

Nobody can possibly complain about that, in fact reading the multiple posts on all the boards, including this one and including my own original posts, everybody would agree that what Im doing is in fact best for all concerned....I can live in hope, I can keep my heart open but I cannot sit around waiting for a man who isnt ready at this point in time.

I will enjoy every moment I do get to spend with him...I never lost him in the first place, that is what I didnt understand - I thought the worst, I became a person I didnt want to be but time has healed that and it will continue to heal that person Id become.

When and if he comes through with actions as he has spoken words then I will indeed make all the time in the world for him but until then I am free to do as I please 🙂

I've not turned anything around, Chatz .... I'm merely pointing out your hypocrisy.


If you are unaware of yourself .... then any relationship you attempt to have is doomed.

"Ive only been in his life as a "partner" for a few months"




A "partner" doesn't multi-date ... which means one of two things ... either you two aren't partners, while you think you are .. or, you are and you're a cheater, if you're dating other people.


again ..... until you become aware of yourself .. how do you honestly expect a man to get you?

"He's told me that im the only one he wants to be with, that he does love me and wants to rebuild what we had and make it more permanent and one with a future."


That is what you wrote ^^^^^^^ ... and it is saying that he does indeed want to move forward in a serious relationship with you.


There seems to be a pattern here ... when you are uncertain whether you have him, you throw a hissy fit, all dramatic and shit .... when you do feel secure in having him, you then act like he isn't ready for you, so you think you'll pull away and be indifferent to him.

I AM being loyal to Virgo but as he continues to go to lunch with and take home and pick up in the mornings miss 20yo then I am free to have coffee dates...it doesnt mean Im sleeping with anybody.

Granted he has reduced the time spent with miss 20yo DRAMATICALLY over the last week but it wont stop altogether and Im ok with that - I never flipped out, yes I did get jealous, yes the gossip got to both of us - we've discussed this and he's doing the best he can as am I BUT

Until his actions match his words of our "partnership" or "relationship" Im unable to sit around. Im going out with my girlfriends, sometimes other men but again this does not mean I am intimate or romantically involved with any of them...and dont particularly wish to be.

Life has to go on until such time as he IS ready. I still dont think he is. Time will tell but I will not sit at home like P-Angel on these boards all day..I have a life to live and its all too short anyway.

Im not pushing him, Im not bugging him, Im simply giving him what he needs....time to think, time to himself, time to realise what he really wants...if he wants to hang out he knows how to ask and he knows Im open to it....we chat at work, we catch up from time to time at work and its all good - there is nothing nasty or sinister about this.

And again, Im too loyal for my own good so dont anybody tell me that Im being disloyal 🙂

see here is the thing...you are not actually dating other guys. why do i say this? because you cannot be dating other men, giving them a chance, exploring other options, if what you are really doing is waiting for virgo to come to his senses...at which point "you will drop everything to be with him and he knows it." see, that right there means you are the weak one. you are merely trying to make him jealous.

in the meantime, he gets his 20 yr old ego boost and his secret office crush girl.

so where inhere do you get anything for you?

you don't get sex...from anyone.

you don't get a real relationship.

you get to wait around (while pretending to date other men, already discussed...cannot actually date other men when you are hung up on this one..)

so look at you...no one in love with you...no chance with another man because youa re not really open to it...and a guy who plays you like a fiddle...while you buy every line..continually wait around and exhibit "patience" that he will come around someday and love you.

didn't you already do this with someone else?

drop this dude. HE IS NOT THE PERSON FOR YOU. so go date other men...but give them a real shot...you know, one of them might actually be the person for you. someone who will love you, be in lvoe with you and respect you.

LOL Im not waiting FOR him but Im not going to go and sleep with all and sundry.

Im happy to date, happy to have coffee, dinner, lunches, hang out and watch a movie but I dont want to sleep with anybody right now and that INCLUDES Virgo.

He KNOWS what I want, Ive made my intentions perfectly clear. I'll be glad to see him but we're not doing what we were doing before as it'll screw with both of our heads.

Im not waiting for anybody as such...I am keeping my options open, just not sleeping around - I dont and have never encouraged that nor done it myself.

We shall see - I can assure you Leokitten I dont have a problem with Miss 20yo being around Virgo. There never was nor will be anything between them. He has stated that he wants to be with me, nobody else but before he puts his words into actions what do you all want me to do?? twiddle my thumbs?.....miss 20yo is back with her ex boyfriend and has been for some time apparently.

Sheesh you all read so much into things....

Its all good, nobody is hurting anybody and I know he's loyal and I know Im loyal. Is there really a problem?

Is it really that bad that we start dating one another slowly and properly this time? Is it that wrong that I have a life outside of him? too bad if you all think that coz thats how its going to be

No wonder people get frustrated on here - no wonder there are so many arguments.....blah