My virgo mom won't stop judging me

She drives me nuts. She never listens to what I tell her. I am almost always completely honest with her, but she never thinks I am. What are some things I can say to get it through to her that I am being honest or to get her to realize she is judging a situation unfairly?

Stop telling her things, find another person to confide in ... and when she notices, then tell her that she isn't trustworthy to be your confidant.

That will get her attention .. just be sure you aren't yelling it to her, or being an ass about it .. just let her know in a calm and serious manner that you need to have a person in your life who cares enough to hear you.


Female Virgos think they are in control ... which it isn't a bad thing to be control. But, the problem with it is that Virgo women cannot handle control because then they become egotistical with this position and begin to only comprehend their own voice.

If you need a person to confide in, and guide you .. thenn you need to go to an older sibling, an Aunt, or any other adult female that isn't a Virgo.

Posted by P-Angel
Stop telling her things, find another person to confide in ... and when she notices, then tell her that she isn't trustworthy to be your confidant.

That will get her attention .. just be sure you aren't yelling it to her, or being an ass about it .. just let her know in a calm and serious manner that you need to have a person in your life who cares enough to hear you.

This is good advice. I had this problem with my mother for many years. She's not a virgo, but an aqua, so another intellectual who sometimes has a hard time comprehending things (more like emotions). If you have a very close friend, especially in age, who you know usually listens to you, that helps.

I agree with P-Angel also. But wanted to point out something equally important. No matter what her sign may be, you have a responsibility to be honest both with yourself and with your parents. They place trust in you and for you that is a huge responsibility not to break that. If she has trouble trusting you, then I gotta ask why? Have you been completely honest with her or have you ever given her reason to mistrust. I think the only Virgo trait that comes to the table here is when we trust (male or female) we trust. When that trust is broken it's hard to earn back. Just make sure you're not really asking yourself for "more chances" to play with her trust k?

Hi AriyBri,
Being a Virgo mom,like any normal mom,I absolutely want the best for my children.I celebrate their triumphs and I don't sugarcoat their wrongdoings.I guide them, praise them and shave the rough edges off them without trying to squelch their personalities.Looking at the big picture,as my children are out there in society they need to be responsible.Responsible for themselves,the way they treat others and for the lives they choose to lead.I want them to be able to step out and take their part in the world.I want them to productive citizens,in whatever way they choose to do.Later in their lives they will be taking care of me,I will be depending on them,that's cultural.If they aren't growing into fully functioning adults starting earlier in their lives,what hard life lessons await them ?What trials could they have avoided?

With that said,I can tell when my children aren't disclosing everything they know.Personally I don't want to be blindsided,if confronted with a situation that I have to defend my child in.I don't like being lied to,knowing that they are.MOMS KNOW,you share our DNA.

Meet your mother halfway.Pick a time that you both can relax,not be interupted and chat.Maybe go out to a coffee shop,somewhere neutral.If you keep the lines of communication flowing you won't have to blast them open when you want to interact.Set some ground rules that you both can agree on.However if you are trying to slide something past mum,catching her on the fly,sparks will shoot.If you are trying to hint at something happening/action you want her to know/and not know at the same time,if your "agreement" is in place this won't happen.Gaining your independence is tough.Each situation you encounter and make sound decisions on,earns you more trust and respect from your mother.This takes some(months?)time.

Posted by VulcanLass

Gaining your independence is tough.Each situation you encounter and make sound decisions on,earns you more trust and respect from your mother.This takes some(months?)time.

wow ... you have children?

What you wrote, especially the part quoted, is so ..... uncaring on the emtional level.

Why should it be tough to gain independence?

The way you worded that one sentence, you make it sound like if your child makes a wrong decision, then you won't respect them, or trust them.

AND it will take you sometimes months to get over your control/trust issues that is deflected back onto the child for disappointing your unreasonable expectations of a child.



wow .......

Thanks Prince Pisces for the support.LOL
****Stretch and BIG YAWN****Discourse without attack??I was waiting for this day,when P.A. would take a swing at a new Virgo,just to see what their reaction would be.Should I be flattered that is so soon??So here we are off topic once again,making this about her,instead of who asked for advice.Hmmm,I'm trying deciede whether this more of a control issue or what other issue(s)this could be about.Fascinating...not so much.This is still an open opinion board,yes?

Why,yes P-Angel,I do have children.Do you?

BTW- "emotional has an"o" in it.

If gaining independence was so easy,would there so many coming of age issues?Everyone would then just step up to their next level of maturity without a hiccup.

Hoping that we have given our children(of any age) all the lifetools that we can,then when they proceed in a direction that isn't totally benefical to them,this does pain us.However if a person keeps doing the same thing and getting the same results,then as a Virgo ,it's like,lie in the bed you've made.

Interestingly enough,I never mentioned anything about control.Trust means something different to everyone.I bet if AiryBri asked her mom the why/why not of it all,she probably has some valid concerns or herself has had a bad experience.

Okay I was just annoyed when I wrote the op now with a bit more time to think I've realized more of what the problem is. (btw, I'm a girl... background information).

Like the first respondent to this thread suggested, I stopped talking to my mom a few months ago. We used to have a pretty open relationship, so my mom noticed. But instead of asking me why, she did "it" again. She guessed I was up to no good, doing something irresponsible, and that's why I stopped talking to her. When it was only about her in the first place. Recently I tried to make it up with her and fix our relationship, before I graduate or move out... but now she has gotten worse.

See my mom does this thing... it's hard to explain. She exaggerates the negatives in situations. She always thinks that I am doing the most negative thing (drugs, sex, skipping school... when I haven't done anything but the latter, and that was years ago, back when I was a sophmore and now I'm a senior.) Which is okay, I guess, to expect the worst, hope for the best, as I am a teenager. But the problem is is she get's these ideas into her head that I am doing something really bad (over something really little) and instead of talking to me about it, keeps thinking the same thing for months, or even years, and gets extremely passive aggressive, and then finally explodes.

For example, when my brother started to drive (I was 14, he was 16) he told me insurance cost over a thousand dollars a year. I said I never wanted to spend that much money on car insurance. Two years later when I had gotten my permit late and failed to get drivers ed into my schedule, my mom explodes on me about how I was going to force her to drive me around until I graduate just so I could save money on insurance... all based on a comment I made YEARS ago, and an opinion, that after getting a job and a busier social life, I had changed.

It's what she does! She get's stuff stuck in her head, and every little meaningless thing I do, she turns into something else. I can't stand it! The worst is that she spreads it throughout the family, she tells them I'm a whore or a drug addict, when I'm a virgin and I've never even smoked or tried any type of alcohol! And she doesn't have any real evidence.

She looks for lies when I am telling the truth. But she is still a good mom, supportive, and willing to spend a lot of time and money on me... so I want to be able to talk to her. I just can't deal with this judgment anymore. 😢

I'm sure she does do all those things .. it's the whole control issue I was tellng you about. And I know full well how Virgos get their heads stuck on judgements they make in the past too ... I'm certain it's because they cannot believe anyone can grow, except themselves, of course.


I know everything you are saying here, and the thing is ... she will never change, you will always be a person for her to push around, even 20 years from now ... the only way to calm this down in them is by providing them with constant sex, and that would just be too wierd.


What about your father? Can you relate to him?

If you take some time and do some reading in here .. you will find that Virgos (mainly the women) go off the deep end and begin to badger people if they feel that they are out of control of a situation.

I just say for you to do this so you realize you aren't alone .. it's a Virgo trait to be so critical of their children ... they think that they are trying to help the child, when in reality, they are emotionally abusive and causing emotional damage.

Gemini parents seem to fuck up their children also ...... hhhmmmm

**looks at the common demoninator***

Posted by P-Angel
I'm sure she does do all those things .. it's the whole control issue I was tellng you about. And I know full well how Virgos get their heads stuck on judgements they make in the past too ... I'm certain it's because they cannot believe anyone can grow, except themselves, of course.


I know everything you are saying here, and the thing is ... she will never change, you will always be a person for her to push around, even 20 years from now ... the only way to calm this down in them is by providing them with constant sex, and that would just be too wierd.


What about your father? Can you relate to him?

My Dad's dead.

Interesting that you bring up Gemini's. My sister is a Gemini, and she always completely agrees with the horrible judgments my mom has made. We were close before my mom started doing all this judgement stuff like two years ago, and now were complete enemies that openly hate each other.

To AriyBri,

I'm sorry to hear about your father.Not that you can change the past,but something must have happened two years ago to change her outlook on things.You don't have to say anything about it or it might be something you don't even know about.
But it seems your mother sees you as forever 13,and not as the maturing person that you are becoming.

It shows a real sign of maturity when you reconize that you and your mother have this pattern and want to end it before you leave home.This is part of the "gaining independence" that is tough,seeing your mother as she is,accepting where she is at,dealing with her ways and getting on with your live without being bitter.The balance of detaching from her pain,without disconnecting the relationship is tricky.You'll probably have to re-connect to the relationship in a different way;deciding what your boundaries limits are (ie insults,accusations),then take mature action.

@P.A.
RE: post on 2/6/2011 at 9:50:32 am,second paragraph,second line.....

A teenager,a senior in high school,is having communication issues with her mother and you toss a statement like that in,no it is not hitting a nerve,it is however, way off topic and rather quite disturbing.Making assumptions about a parents' private life and discussing it with their own offspring,that's truly biazarre.

My mom dated for about two seconds and it only got worse because her partner agreed with her completely and set about making my life as regulated and strict as possible. My mom can't seem to keep that up on her own.

kstark, that is an almost perfect description of my mom. YES she talks to me like I'm 12. She attempted to "teach" me how to CHANGE A LIGHT BULB the other day.

But I'm trying, really trying, to not end our relationship. She's completely alone now -- and I'm the youngest, we had to move states away from our family because she lost her job. She really has been a good mom, just I dunno, not a very great person? I mean, I'm a joke as far as my entire family is concerned. Which really hurts because ... I dunno, I feel like I'm a good person., and their judging me based on things that happened when I was 14/15.

I mean, I am an aries, so I have a high-confidence level already, and I am so done needing to validate myself by confiding in others. I just want that relationship with my sister.. my brothers... but whenever I'm not in the room they are laughing about something important to me, and when I am in the room they are very cold and fake, ridiculing me for the way I treat mom or some bogus story she told them...

Argh here I go ranting again lol and I say I don't need validation. I just think my mom is aware that she is hyper hyper critical of me, and the way she has used some of the things I told her... well against me, and she is guilty about that. So she tries really hard in other aspects of our relationship -- going to my basketball games, or praising me to coworkers, or buying me expensive gifts... That makes me feel so bad about not wanting to deal with the negatives in our relationship.

And I can't keep cutting her out. I just can't. I don't think she could survive it emotionally.

That's not true CancerMoon, I never had those issues with my mother, nor did any of my friends. Never, at all any time did my mother believe that it was the growing child's responsbile to be the adult for her ... and that is what is being proposed here, like the quote below.

AiryBry, definitely do not listen to vulcanlass. Below she says ...

"This is part of the "gaining independence" that is tough,seeing your mother as she is,accepting where she is at,dealing with her ways and getting on with your live without being bitter.The balance of detaching from her pain,without disconnecting the relationship is tricky.You'll probably have to re-connect to the relationship in a different way;deciding what your boundaries limits are (ie insults,accusations),then take mature action.

... which implies that it's hard on mother having to be an aduult and a mother and you should understand her pain, and how tricky it is for her to balance herself with the fact that she has to detach from being the domineering bitch she is.


What a whack job you are vulcanlass, and I feel sorry for your children.



AiryBry ... I'm sorry about your father, and I know Gemini's are difficult at this time also. There are some really cool Aries people in here, why dont' you hang out on the Aries board, tell them your situation .. and I'll bet you'll find some people who will mentor you.

Posted by VulcanLass

This is part of the "gaining independence" that is tough,seeing your mother as she is,accepting where she is at,dealing with her ways and getting on with your live without being bitter.The balance of detaching from her pain,without disconnecting the relationship is tricky.You'll probably have to re-connect to the relationship in a different way;deciding what your boundaries limits are (ie insults,accusations),then take mature action.

I just can't believe you actually say something like this ... for quite some time, I've been telling people in here about how they have no understanding of emotions, they are cold. They argue with me .. and then you post evidence to support my claim.

Sentence 1 - expects the child to get over itself, because is where she's at and not budging, not compromising in any fashion .. so child better learn to deal with it.

Sentence 2 - the learning of adulthood is harder for mother than child .. so this means child is to cater to mother and her pains

Sentence 3 - it's now the child's responsibile to RE-connect, RE-build what the mother took down because of mother being so NOT understanding of the plight of a child/teen trying to understand life herself .. yes, mother had all that pain to go through and so severed the connection. Now child has to re-connect this, and the child should doso on a more mature level this time, and making sure this time what the child's boundaries are, such as accusations/insults because without the child making these boundaries, how is mother suppose to know that doing those accusations/insults are wrong?

@P.A.
Ahh P.A. re-read my posts again.***Shakes head***.Please read what is acutally written on the page.I am not implying anything that you suggest.It is as it is.What you see is what you get.It is transparent,there are no hidden meanings.There is no need to translate any new meaning to my words.

Everyone has issues,that's what makes us human.Agreed?Now I will reiterate;as with any relationship there has to be give and take.For better or worse,parents are in charge.As our offspring develope and mature,the relationship dynamic begins to change.Growth happens on both sides.The childs'idenity developes,the parent guides the growth of this emerging self.
If growth and adjustment doesn't happen on both sides,the the relationship doesn't change. Maturity is the ability to see this lack of growth and accept where the person at face value.A person can not change another.People have to accept where another is at.

I didn't imply that any ones' mother was a"domineering cookiemonster",you did that your self.
1)People change when they want to,2)I didn't use the word"cater" 3)If the offspring wants a relationship with said parent later down the road in life,the relationship will be on the initiators terms,(what they will or will not put up with).Sometimes people do take more crap from family than from strangers.

You seem to be awfully angry.You seem bent on learning us some emotions that are shaped to your ideas of how emotions should be expressed and lived like.Tsk Tsk ,now THAT sounds like a control issue to me.Let your inner Virgo out.

"I didn't imply that any ones' mother was a"domineering cookiemonster",you did that your self."



Actually, it's the subject of this thread in which you are trying to defend ... and failing miserably I might add, because every time you open your mouth to dispute it, you prove the point that as mothers ... Virgo women are domineering bitches to be true.

Even with this, you prove her right by not accepting .... you have nothing .. you are left with squabbling over my words and trying to argue that you didn't say them ... when anybody who can read, can clearly see what words are mine and which ones are yours.

But, I do understand that a Virgo has to be right, even when they are wrong, even when it brings them to where you find yourself at this moment = wanting to point out my words to say they aren't yours ... dah.


I would suggest you go hug your children .... I'm sure that would be a pleasant surprise for them.

Ohh P.A.,re-re-read my post again.I wasn't defending anyone's behavior,I was just trying to open up the floor to a perspective that wasn't yours.

"squabbling over your words"-you opened that gate first my dear.

"trying to argue that you didn't say them"- gosh,I have to look for that retraction....if you read closely I modified my response,when further information was presented.

Of course "my words to say aren't yours",that's what makes for good debate?

It's good thing everyone can tell our words apart,a different view is a good thing...



Don't be shy,there's a seat waiting for you between Leo and The Libra Scales.....

so there you have it, AiryBri .. a Virgo cannot be reasoned with, their control issues outwiegh any feelings others might have.



I'm sorry you have one as a mother .... you should seriously think about finding an Aunt or perhaps a neighbor mother. Are both of your grandmothers passed away?

So long as you are expecting your Virgo to settle for your feelings taking priority over theirs, it just isn't going to happen, no matter how badly you want it to be so. Hang in there, and go look for a person who won't disregard how you are feeling.

This girl has an issue with her mother, and you attempt to make it sound like this is normal behaviour because a lot of people had this issue .. which is your attempt at minimizing her problems.


Which it isn't true ... this isn't normal, and it shouldn't be swept under her carpet to accept because it isn't acceptable. And just because you experienced it doesn't make it acceptable .. and that was the point of your post .. to convey to her that a lot of people went through this and so she just has to deal with it.


Bullshit ... do you think that bullshitting the children because of your own goddam control issues is going to raise them into being solid adults?

Posted by CancerMoon

... confidence is important when you talk to your mother. Communication is the key. If she does not respond to your attempts then you should just pretend that you take her advice and just nod and smile to whatever she says and then MOVE OUT!

Well then, there it is ... you do think that bullshitting the children is the proper way to go.

First you say that communication is key .. then you say to just pretend.

So, you would counsel her in saying that she should be confident with talking to the parent? Why is that necessary, why is that important? Because the Virgo mother will strike out at her for being stupid if she doesn't?

It's not the child's responsibility to be the adult .. wtf is the matter with you people?

Three of you now come in here to tell this girl to comfort mother, make communication easier for her .. and for daughter to suck it up because it pains mother so.


Fuck all of you .. no wonder this world is so fucked up ... you are breeding.

Dang... what the fark with you people? this is not helpful... Pisces-Angel you are getting too emotional and sensitive... cool it down... this is an open discussion... there's no need to gets emotional okay?

hades

Just because you're an emotional robot doesn't mean other people cannot feel, when it's appropriate ... that is the topic, in case you can't feel it for yourself.

Posted by P-Angel
Just because you're an emotional robot doesn't mean other people cannot feel, when it's appropriate ... that is the topic, in case you can't feel it for yourself.

Hell yeah.... emotional robot sounds fucking logic... LOL and it's freaking appropriate for you to fark everyone who doesn't agree with you... duh

hades

This young lady is posting on the Virgo forum and asking for specific advice about dealing with the sign of Virgo. It's really not helping her to attack posters who either ARE Virgo moms or else HAVE a Virgo mom, since they're going to know the most about this particular subject. Helping her out should come first, and arguing about what sign has the most vibrant emotional life should come second. With that said, I'm not offering her advice, because no matter how opinionated I am I'm not a Virgo woman, don't have a Virgo mom, and don't even have children.

Since you aren't a Virgo mom, nor do you have any Virgo children, and since you aren't here to offer her any of the help you preach about .... did you just make the post here about not letting emotional grudges get in the way to infer with good senses because you are a Gemini and it was mentioned that Gemini woman are also not so good at parenting ... so, the actual reason you posted here was because you let your feelings get in the way?

because you didn't contribute, while preaching it should be done.

infer


** interfere

People of this site amaze the fuck out of me .. they are so fucking ignorant of themselves.


People would say, support her/agree with her ... and so I am ... her mother sucks at being one and she is a Virgo.


And it's true of people who have Virgos as mothers ..... if you have a Virgo mother and this isn't true, then speak.

But, the Virgo herself cannot answer this question .. because her self image doesn't see herself from the outside looking in.

Thus far, the women in here, besides me, has offered this type of advice = oh well, suck it up

hey lady.. i don't know if something just cross your mind and brought back bad memories to the surface... but if you're not helping out please don't pick a fight with anyone who tries to help... mind you "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"... please take it somewhere else (new thread perhaps)... Losing your stand and starting your manipulation scheme won't work on so called "emotional robots"....

hades

Posted by P-Angel
Since you aren't a Virgo mom, nor do you have any Virgo children, and since you aren't here to offer her any of the help you preach about .... did you just make the post here about not letting emotional grudges get in the way to infer with good senses because you are a Gemini and it was mentioned that Gemini woman are also not so good at parenting ... so, the actual reason you posted here was because you let your feelings get in the way?

because you didn't contribute, while preaching it should be done.

No. I just said I don't have children, so why would it bother me for you to say I'm a bad parent? Maybe I WILL suck as a parent one day, who knows? If a Piscean is allowed to roam the Virgo boards and preach, then so is a Gem, and here it is: There's a lot of arguing being done that has everything to do with personal ego and nothing to do with helping out a young woman who has asked for advice. That's a fact. I'm not giving advice because I don't have expertise in this area, and am not going to pretend I do just to get my opinion in the ring.

Posted by hades
hey lady.. i don't know if something just cross your mind and brought back bad memories to the surface... but if you're not helping out please don't pick a fight with anyone who tries to help... mind you "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"... please take it somewhere else (new thread perhaps)... Losing your stand and starting your manipulation scheme won't work on so called "emotional robots"....

hades

Are you talking to me?


Perhaps, you should realize that I've not only addressed her and her issue, she has also responded back.

In fact, I never even acknowledged you Hades, until you had something to say to me .. so perhaps, you were just looking for a fight?

Posted by Whimsy

No. I just said I don't have children, so why would it bother me for you to say I'm a bad parent? Maybe I WILL suck as a parent one day, who knows? If a Piscean is allowed to roam the Virgo boards and preach, then so is a Gem, and here it is: There's a lot of arguing being done that has everything to do with personal ego and nothing to do with helping out a young woman who has asked for advice. That's a fact. I'm not giving advice because I don't have expertise in this area, and am not going to pretend I do just to get my opinion in the ring.

Why would I care if you post here?

did you really miss what I said, or are you pretending not to? I will say it again, maybe a bit more clearly ... you claimed that people weren't helping her, rather, involved in their own emotional issues, yet, you were here yourself not helping her, so I asked a question about the nature of your real reason for being here and was it because you are a Gemini and Gemini's were brought into the equation?

I didn't say a word about who can or cannot post here .. I was asking you a direct question that didn't involve any other board on this site, though you use this thinking it's some form of justification.

I will tell you also ... I not only addressed this girl, she also responded back to me ... how have you helped?


I have a 29 year old son, and a Virgo to whom I've been married to for 28 years ... so, let me ask you, GEMINI, how many of those years do you think I was apart of?

If the point of the two of you addressing me is because you don't like the way I talked to Vulcan, then perhaps you two can PM and coddle her ... for it's quite obvious that being a mother and having to let her children live of their own accord, pains her .. so she could actually use some nurturing.


But, whatever you do .... don't address the OP

I told her the most important thing of all when I said that she needs to stop telling her mother things, and to find a person who cares enough to listen and help.


Vulcan tells her to ... "Meet your mother halfway ..... Each situation you encounter and make sound decisions on,earns you more trust and respect from your mother.This takes some(months?)time."


When your child is in emotional trouble and turmoil, and the obvious distress this girl is in ... YOU PARENT GO ALL THE WAY ... and fuck YOUR feelings because they do NOT supercede the dire straights of the child .... period.

And I will tell Vulcan this again if necessary, and I will tell any of you if necessary because it is wrong, and I won't overlook this simple because your feelings cannot handle the truth.

P-Angel, I have said what I have said. My words are very clear and do not hide an agenda. If I engage you any further, then I'll just be doing the very thing which I said should not be done, i.e. arguing for the satisfaction of my ego, and taking up space in which a Virgo could be answering.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by hades
hey lady.. i don't know if something just cross your mind and brought back bad memories to the surface... but if you're not helping out please don't pick a fight with anyone who tries to help... mind you "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"... please take it somewhere else (new thread perhaps)... Losing your stand and starting your manipulation scheme won't work on so called "emotional robots"....

hades

Are you talking to me?


Perhaps, you should realize that I've not only addressed her and her issue, she has also responded back.

In fact, I never even acknowledged you Hades, until you had something to say to me .. so perhaps, you were just looking for a fight?

click to expand

Look who's being ignorant now? Hypocrite... LOL. Either you don't get what i mean or just playing dumb...

Picking a fight with you? You're already your own worse enemy...

hades

P is right when it comes to putting a child's needs before your own. Every parent SHOULD get that. P obviously isn't on here to make friends and she may come across as downright mean but she does have an insight that I haven't seen from any other on here. P I just wish a few things out of you. I understand the need for people to hear things straight-forward and not buttered up, but then again, you are talking (typing) to actual people with actual feelings. Your method of offering advice should be taken with a grain of salt and most people can't look past that. You might find yourself spending less time defending yourself against other people that aren't the original posters of the topic if your message is received in a different light. I know I can't tell you what to do but like everyone on here should be doing, I'm just offering advice.

The original poster is in a pickle. Since we can't get messages to their mother, then the problem is how do we help her cope with or improve her situation? I originally liked P's idea of quieting down and stopping telling her mother things but then I realized communication is key in many of life's endeavors. A breakdown in communication is a breakdown in any control of a situation. Not talking about a problem won't make it go away. And finding an Aunt to talk to doesn't improve their relationship with the mother. The mother should be shown the error of her ways and communication should be restored. Anyone have any ideas how to go about accomplishing that?

Of course ...


So you see again, AiryBri .. a Virgo cannot be reasoned with.


You should go find someone else .. someone who cares enough about your feelings to put their own on the back burner. It is obvious just in here that though the Virgo is indeed a very critical person ... but, cannot handle the truth of it.

I went over to the Aries board, but, didn't see you there ... there are many adult female Rams over there that can help you.

OP3, I cannot help it if people cannot handle straight-shooting ... I learned how to communicate during my formative years.


I am not going to fluff things up for people ... that's life, people communicate in all kinds of different ways. Just because my voice isn't as pleasing as others doesn't mean my points are valid, and if people choose to think they aren't valid, based on my voice not being pleasing than that is their ignorance, not mine.

Do people actually think I'm going to change my life for people on dxp?

If you cannot handle it .. then leave.

The day that people learn that subjectivity is a choice is the day they will be able to free themselves from the disgruntlement they cause themselves.


However, when it comes to your children .. the parent is always the one to step aside, their feelings are to be put on hold .. the child is not the adult, the parent is.


Again, if vulcan or any other person comes in here to tell this teen that it's the teens responsibility to cater to the adults inability to handle their own feelings .. I will be right here, telling you .... others won't do that, they will go to other threads to talk about you .. oh yes, they have the balls to do that. But, not the courage to stand for their convictions once a gang begins to form.


I wont' back down and say vulcan is right .. because she isn't.

No I don't expect you to change. I'm just looking at cause & effect and especially your intentions on here. I see you sending these messages, then spending 4 or 5 pages staving off other people. I'm just saying a few things. If you are indeed on here with the intentions of helping by means of advice then don't you think it would be better received if you didn't use hurtful words? I understand tough love and giving it to them straight but to call people out and feel sorry for their kids someday and some of the other stuff I've heard you say. Not everybody will see past it and continue to love and accept a brother or sister like I will.

Posted by OP3CRIMSIN

A breakdown in communication is a breakdown in any control of a situation. Not talking about a problem won't make it go away. And finding an Aunt to talk to doesn't improve their relationship with the mother. The mother should be shown the error of her ways and communication should be restored. Anyone have any ideas how to go about accomplishing that?

I totally disagree with what you said here .. for never was it implied that to talk to another person meant to ignore the problem.

For you to even say that makes the implication that the parent, and the parent's inability to cope with talking about feelings, is the problem at hand .... the problem at hand is the child's need to have a person to talk to, a guide.

If the child found a person to talk to, it would force the mother to take a stand back and look at herself ... it would create a message within the psyche telling the mother that she has erred.

It gets proven over and again that a Virgo cannot be reasoned with if the situation is that the Virgo is wrong .... a Virgo won't tolerate this. Alls a person has to do is read just in dxp .. if the Virgo even remotely thinks they are wrong about something .. they strike in vengence.

You can say this because your feelings aren't involved, so naturally, you are going to be objective .. I'm telling you to LOOK at what is real here .. the Virgo will defy anything even resembling that they err, which btw is human.

Posted by OP3CRIMSIN

If you are indeed on here with the intentions of helping by means of advice then don't you think it would be better received if you didn't use hurtful words?

Nope

What if it all backfires? You said a Virgo can't be reasoned with. At that point what's to say the mother won't see the error of her ways? And even worse, what if she strikes in vengeance at the child? You'd risk all of this vs just keeping lines of sommunication open with the direct problem and just trying different angles and approaches?

Let me ask you some questions then ...


If you flunked a test and your teacher patted you on the head and said .. "It's ok tommy, you don't have to pass" ... would you go and study and retake the test for your own sense of accomplishment or would you blow off the fact that you failed because you had support?

If a person soothes you, when you are wrong .. your ego won't allow you to visit this error. Why the hell do you think all these people come in here with embellished stories? If we even a fraction of the real truth, we'd probaly shit ourselves. They do this because they want to have someone supporting their ignorance of the truth about themselves, because they simply cannot hanlde that they would fuck up in any form .. so, just like the god program has instilled within them ... they push all accountibility onto another to take care of their guilt for them.

Here's another thing you need to look at, if you are indeed interested in self awareness, or perhaps, you think you are going change me (lol) ... scroll through some threads in here, and not just Virgo board, also relationship boards .. and take a real look ... a real look ..



.... you will find people not even acknowledging the positive responders, except to say thanks, sometimes not even that ... yet, will barrel down hard on the negatives.

so, who do you think actually has their attention? Which one is actually getting through enough to make the person hear something other than being coddled? You are a fool indeed if you think that being hugged during a crises helps you have realization to the events that just took place.

the ones who came in to hug, and caress, do so for their own sense of feeling like they have done something to help, and nothing for the other persons plight .. and you'd be a fool if you thought otherwise.

Posted by P-Angel
OP3, I cannot help it if people cannot handle straight-shooting ... I learned how to communicate during my formative years.


I am not going to fluff things up for people ... that's life, people communicate in all kinds of different ways. Just because my voice isn't as pleasing as others doesn't mean my points are valid, and if people choose to think they aren't valid, based on my voice not being pleasing than that is their ignorance, not mine.

so you hypocrite can handle direct criticism? if yes, why claimed Virgo cannot be reasoned with? why gets so damn defensive huh?

i've nothing against your advice for AiryBri... unfortunately, you speak as if this thread is all about YOU YOU YOU... and you're making sure the spotlight is ON YOU and you start fucking people who steal the spotlight...

Posted by P-Angel
Do people actually think I'm going to change my life for people on dxp?

If you cannot handle it .. then leave.

click to expand

look at this shit.. nobody really cares... this thread is still about AiryBri and her problem.... all you just did is geting the idea across and still far from getting her problem solved... yet you speak of yourself so great..

i don't call you hypocrite for nothing... go reflect yourself... AiryBri problem still remains a problem..

hades

So, are you suggesting that the child should be thinking about staving off any inclinations the parent might have of being so begrudging that they would hurt their own child?


Just like vulcan ... your concern is with the uncontrolled emotions of the parent, and that it's the child who should protect itself.


In your theory ... the child who is being abused should stfu and let it happen because if the child tells anyone then they risk the parent losing even more of themselves and creating greater harm to the child.


Bullshit ... you can take your bullshit and shove it.

You, also, make the suggestion that it's the child's responsibility to cater to the parents inability to handle their own feelings.