peo
@peo
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 196 · Topics: 6
need advice regarding a virgo woman
If she's walling herself in let her. She asked for space..you should give that to her.
You are the m̶a̶l̶e̶ version of the Coffee Caramelized.
She wants you to fight for her.
If you give her space alone, that solidifies her decision and helps her detach more. On the other hand if you are pestering, that will also annoy her.
Virgos trust patterns over sole incidents which is why consistency where you reinforce what she needs to feel loved is the key here.
She said verbal love so don't start conversations or pleas to get her back. What you need to do is drive the point at the forefront of her mind without being intrusive.
I'd send her a message every day with "Good morning. I thought I'd let you know that you are X and I love you". Where X is some quality of hers. Send her a picture or a song that relates to you both (Cancers have good memory, this should help you here) and also state how you find her X.
If she tries to start a conversation back or comes at you with "I thought I told you to leave me alone", just say "I know, not trying to push you in any direction, just wanted to share that.". Don't go into conversations, don't mention getting back together, warm her back up because she's disillusioned. Showcase consistency. Keep it at it for a month. She'll slowly reciprocate if she feels you are sincere.
If after a month this still yields no results, then you did all you could.
^Only do this if you actually see yourself as the type of person who can show verbal love the way she wants and can do it in the long run, not just to get her back. If you can't, then you are mismatched and it's time to let this partnership go. But if you think you can then saying "I feel helpless" is defeatist and bullshit with someone who told you straight up what they needed. Think if you can actually provide that or not. If you can, showcase it. If not, drop it. Whatever you do, don't push/come across demanding. Cardinal energy is very bossy where you can always tell the goal they have in their mind. The message you are trying to send is "Whatever happens, I just want you to know how much you meant to me" not "Ok, I'll do this for a bit to get you back, then revert back to giving you what I want and not what you want"
If you give her space alone, that solidifies her decision and helps her detach more. On the other hand if you are pestering, that will also annoy her.
Virgos trust patterns over sole incidents which is why consistency where you reinforce what she needs to feel loved is the key here.
She said verbal love so don't start conversations or pleas to get her back. What you need to do is drive the point at the forefront of her mind without being intrusive.
I'd send her a message every day with "Good morning. I thought I'd let you know that you are X and I love you". Where X is some quality of hers. Send her a picture or a song that relates to you both (Cancers have good memory, this should help you here) and also state how you find her X.
If she tries to start a conversation back or comes at you with "I thought I told you to leave me alone", just say "I know, not trying to push you in any direction, just wanted to share that.". Don't go into conversations, don't mention getting back together, warm her back up because she's disillusioned. Showcase consistency. Keep it at it for a month. She'll slowly reciprocate if she feels you are sincere.
If after a month this still yields no results, then you did all you could.
^Only do this if you actually see yourself as the type of person who can show verbal love the way she wants and can do it in the long run, not just to get her back. If you can't, then you are mismatched and it's time to let this partnership go. But if you think you can then saying "I feel helpless" is defeatist and bullshit with someone who told you straight up what they needed. Think if you can actually provide that or not. If you can, showcase it. If not, drop it. Whatever you do, don't push/come across demanding. Cardinal energy is very bossy where you can always tell the goal they have in their mind. The message you are trying to send is "Whatever happens, I just want you to know how much you meant to me" not "Ok, I'll do this for a bit to get you back, then revert back to giving you what I want and not what you want"
@caramelized coffee Wow, what a coincidence. The only person close to my combination is a family member (sun Virgo and cancer rising).
Thank you Damnata, Bloodsugar and StMtIcM for your advice.
I gave her time and space and she reached out a week ago and wants to give it another chance, but things are still raw for both of us and we're working on navigating through it. One thing that came up is that we're in a way both "shell" animals and both withdrew within ourselves instead of sharing our vulnerability. She says she still has some worries and reservations. I'm trying to create a space for her to open up more without overwhelming her or creating the impression that I'm trying to force things. But it is a balancing act, since that's where my emotional cancer side comes in.
I think we both recognized how we contributed to the situation and are taking stock of ourselves. I know she had issues with opening up and asserting her needs/voice, so I'm trying to figure out how I can best support her and overcome my defensiveness.
Thank you Damnata, Bloodsugar and StMtIcM for your advice.
I gave her time and space and she reached out a week ago and wants to give it another chance, but things are still raw for both of us and we're working on navigating through it. One thing that came up is that we're in a way both "shell" animals and both withdrew within ourselves instead of sharing our vulnerability. She says she still has some worries and reservations. I'm trying to create a space for her to open up more without overwhelming her or creating the impression that I'm trying to force things. But it is a balancing act, since that's where my emotional cancer side comes in.
I think we both recognized how we contributed to the situation and are taking stock of ourselves. I know she had issues with opening up and asserting her needs/voice, so I'm trying to figure out how I can best support her and overcome my defensiveness.
The update is that she is more willing to give it a chance because she feels bad. She's torn between thinking that she may not have tried hard enough and between having done enough and feeling exhausted. She said talking to a friend about what we were going through and seeing his response made her feel like an asshole.
I understand that it took her a lot of thinking to arrive at this point where she felt hopeless in our relationship and that we're incompatible, so it would take more than a few days for her to arrive at a more optimistic place that's not just fueled by a sense of guilt.
She says that she feels like the weight of the success of our relationship is again on her because of her needing to be open. I'm trying to figure out how I can alleviate that.
I understand that it took her a lot of thinking to arrive at this point where she felt hopeless in our relationship and that we're incompatible, so it would take more than a few days for her to arrive at a more optimistic place that's not just fueled by a sense of guilt.
She says that she feels like the weight of the success of our relationship is again on her because of her needing to be open. I'm trying to figure out how I can alleviate that.
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
Posted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
Posted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsScorpio, which I don't have a lot of experience withPosted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
click to expand
Posted by rektThanks rektPosted by peoLOL good luck with scorpio mars bro.Posted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsScorpio, which I don't have a lot of experience withPosted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
do what @Damnata suggested
then be prepared for back and forth on her feelings and having to reassure her way through it.
i'll tell you right now as long as you're giving her good stuff she'll stick around. but if you get annoyed with things or shut her out at all be prepared she'll cut you off for good.
scorpio placements need to be handled delicately.
actually spend an hour or so reading all you can about scorpio mars on the internet. and realize that with as extreme as it says we are. we're like 100xs more obnoxious to deal with.click to expand
I found this earlier: http://jotracey.com.au/total-control-mars-in-scorpio/
It seems frustratingly accurate regarding the paradoxes and her expectations.
My mars is in Leo, so it seems like fire meets fire in this aspect.
Posted by peoPosted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsScorpio, which I don't have a lot of experience withPosted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
click to expand
Would you mind posting her chart ? If you have the tob. Curious.
Posted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsSurePosted by peoPosted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsScorpio, which I don't have a lot of experience withPosted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
Would you mind posting her chart ? If you have the tob. Curious.
click to expand
Sun - Virgo
Moon - Libra
Mercury - Libra (R)
Venus - Virgo
Mars - Scorpio
Jupiter - Scorpio
Saturn - Libra
Uranus - Sagittarius
Neptune - Sagittarius
Pluto - Libra
Lilith - Capricorn
Ascendant - Aries
Asc node - Cancer
II - Taurus
III - Gemini
IV - Cancer
V - Cancer
VI - Leo
VII - Libra
VIII - Scorpio
IX - Sagittarius
Mid heaven - Capricorn
XI - Capricorn
XII - Aquarius
Posted by rektSomehow I keep triggering her without wanting to. I tried to explain how I feel she's pushing away rather than trying, so she got offended because she said just the fact that we're still talking means that we're trying. So I explained that every time we're talking I get this: "while I know you want me to be open to trying again, I have all of those experiences and feelings still very raw in me. And while I try to be open and consider it I'm also feeling like I can't force what isn't there for me. And I feel like if it didn't come out the past 1.5 years that's a red flag. And I'm also at the point where I feel like this isn't what I want. Or wanted and it's not a matter of looking for the perfect relationship not at all. But something that shouldn't be forced."Posted by peounderstand though when she's in it she's in it a thousand percent and you won't have a more loyal lover. the thing is though once we start to doubt it must be handle VERY carefully. you need to show her you're completely devoted to her and that you're not going anywhere. and even if she tries to push you away that you'll be there for her. some scorpio mars test loyalty that way. and if you waver at that point all is lost. you need to show her that even if she's not all in that you're all in. which seems unfair. but it is what it is. she needs to feel that you're there for her even if she's not totally there for you. that doesn't mean it'll stay that way. it won't. she's just dealing with insecurities and needs to see your all. a lot of it i'm sure seems weird and annoying. and i've dated a scorpio mars myself. so i know what they're like even along with being with one. we're not the easiest people to date. but if you really love her then do what you can right now and it should be fine in the end.Posted by rektThanks rektPosted by peoLOL good luck with scorpio mars bro.Posted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsScorpio, which I don't have a lot of experience withPosted by peoWhat's her mars in?
P.S. her Details:
Virgo sun, Libra moon, Aries rising, Virgo Venus and Libra in Mercury
do what @Damnata suggested
then be prepared for back and forth on her feelings and having to reassure her way through it.
i'll tell you right now as long as you're giving her good stuff she'll stick around. but if you get annoyed with things or shut her out at all be prepared she'll cut you off for good.
scorpio placements need to be handled delicately.
actually spend an hour or so reading all you can about scorpio mars on the internet. and realize that with as extreme as it says we are. we're like 100xs more obnoxious to deal with.
I found this earlier: http://jotracey.com.au/total-control-mars-in-scorpio/
It seems frustratingly accurate regarding the paradoxes and her expectations.
My mars is in Leo, so it seems like fire meets fire in this aspect.click to expand
So I tried to explain that this to me creates the impression of her pushing away, rather than trying. I'm not crazy right?
I'm a Virgo female and dating the Cancer male can be challenging because Virgos overthink everything.
Give her space but don't push her.
Virgo's and cancers in my opinion go well together.
You have the ability to help us Virgos open up and let go and have fun but we do need verbal confirmation otherwise we don't know for sure how you're feeling about us.
Its not an excuse for her to be so analytical but we do have a lot of passion when we feel safe with cancers. It can be exhausting trying to reassure someone all the time but be patient.
I think Cancers are great (aside from the shell hiding you do at times) but I also understand the shell hiding and I've learnt that just giving you time to hide is healthy because you come out more loving and clear minded.
Some Virgos will have that patience and others fall into uncertainty because of it.
Don't be afraid to tell her that you want her in your life for the long haul but don't give that to her until she comes back willingly. Actions do speak louder than words but you also have your dignity to preserve if she is not reciprocating.
You can drop subtle hints until she comes closer.
She does want someone who will fight for her, she probably isn't sure you want her enough to fight for her.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
This is a great match though, if your not to clingy and if she can just see your actions as your way of communication.
Give her space but don't push her.
Virgo's and cancers in my opinion go well together.
You have the ability to help us Virgos open up and let go and have fun but we do need verbal confirmation otherwise we don't know for sure how you're feeling about us.
Its not an excuse for her to be so analytical but we do have a lot of passion when we feel safe with cancers. It can be exhausting trying to reassure someone all the time but be patient.
I think Cancers are great (aside from the shell hiding you do at times) but I also understand the shell hiding and I've learnt that just giving you time to hide is healthy because you come out more loving and clear minded.
Some Virgos will have that patience and others fall into uncertainty because of it.
Don't be afraid to tell her that you want her in your life for the long haul but don't give that to her until she comes back willingly. Actions do speak louder than words but you also have your dignity to preserve if she is not reciprocating.
You can drop subtle hints until she comes closer.
She does want someone who will fight for her, she probably isn't sure you want her enough to fight for her.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
This is a great match though, if your not to clingy and if she can just see your actions as your way of communication.
Posted by virgo29I messed it all up because I was pushing and expressed that I feel like she keeps pushing away instead of trying, so she got upset for me not seeing that she was. She says we just don't have chemistry and that this can't be forced.
I'm a Virgo female and dating the Cancer male can be challenging because Virgos overthink everything.
Give her space but don't push her.
Virgo's and cancers in my opinion go well together.
You have the ability to help us Virgos open up and let go and have fun but we do need verbal confirmation otherwise we don't know for sure how you're feeling about us.
Its not an excuse for her to be so analytical but we do have a lot of passion when we feel safe with cancers. It can be exhausting trying to reassure someone all the time but be patient.
I think Cancers are great (aside from the shell hiding you do at times) but I also understand the shell hiding and I've learnt that just giving you time to hide is healthy because you come out more loving and clear minded.
Some Virgos will have that patience and others fall into uncertainty because of it.
Don't be afraid to tell her that you want her in your life for the long haul but don't give that to her until she comes back willingly. Actions do speak louder than words but you also have your dignity to preserve if she is not reciprocating.
You can drop subtle hints until she comes closer.
She does want someone who will fight for her, she probably isn't sure you want her enough to fight for her.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
This is a great match though, if your not to clingy and if she can just see your actions as your way of communication.
Occupy your time now, gym, friends, family, even alone time.
She's in her own bubble of feelings at the moment.
If she wants space then give her space. If she's ending it then okay, tell her you love her and always will and only want her to be happy no matter what that is and that you want to also be happy with someone as well.
Cutt the contact but if she reaches out don't jump to answer her call/text. Let hours go before texting her back and don't call her back either, just text back hours/even a day later if she calls.
If she ever asks you how come you take so long to get back to her or what you've been up to, just say you've been busy with friends.
Occupy your time now, gym, friends, family, even alone time.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there, genuinely for your self and without expectations that she will return. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
She's in her own bubble of feelings at the moment.
If she wants space then give her space. If she's ending it then okay, tell her you love her and always will and only want her to be happy no matter what that is and that you want to also be happy with someone as well.
Cutt the contact but if she reaches out don't jump to answer her call/text. Let hours go before texting her back and don't call her back either, just text back hours/even a day later if she calls.
If she ever asks you how come you take so long to get back to her or what you've been up to, just say you've been busy with friends.
Occupy your time now, gym, friends, family, even alone time.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there, genuinely for your self and without expectations that she will return. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
Posted by virgo29Thank you, your advise truly goes a long way!
Occupy your time now, gym, friends, family, even alone time.
She's in her own bubble of feelings at the moment.
If she wants space then give her space. If she's ending it then okay, tell her you love her and always will and only want her to be happy no matter what that is and that you want to also be happy with someone as well.
Cutt the contact but if she reaches out don't jump to answer her call/text. Let hours go before texting her back and don't call her back either, just text back hours/even a day later if she calls.
If she ever asks you how come you take so long to get back to her or what you've been up to, just say you've been busy with friends.
Occupy your time now, gym, friends, family, even alone time.
If she doesn't come around, start dating and get out there, genuinely for your self and without expectations that she will return. I know for me if I've been in something for 2 years and I see someone else around "my guy" or even think it I start to think about the good things and what I might be risking to lose for good.
She said that she wants to maintain friendship at some point. She said she understands that I'm hurting and that she is hurting too, but has asked me to leave her be.
This whole thing sounds so one-sided ...... it's her way or the highway.
What really stands out is that she waited 2 years, which means she was pretending the whole time to value you, and how you express yourself to her.
You're better off without an entitled Princess.
In your situation, I'd toss her aside to go look for someone sincere and genuine.
when she coms around telling you she wants to be friends, just tell her your seeing someone and could never disrespect your current girl with staying in touch with an EX.
I agree with P-Angel, sounds very one-sided.
best of luck
I agree with P-Angel, sounds very one-sided.
best of luck
Thank you @virgo29 and @P-Angel
By now I have completely messed up any chance of reconciliation I had. I should have just listened to her, acknowledged her feelings and let her cope with her pain. Instead I was desperately looking for solutions and kept explaining myself. I said that I felt that she was taking jabs at me and our relationship so she got angry and told me to never contact her again. That she will arrange for our things you've exchanged.
By now I have completely messed up any chance of reconciliation I had. I should have just listened to her, acknowledged her feelings and let her cope with her pain. Instead I was desperately looking for solutions and kept explaining myself. I said that I felt that she was taking jabs at me and our relationship so she got angry and told me to never contact her again. That she will arrange for our things you've exchanged.
Posted by peoYou didn't mess up. You're just as entitled to voice your feelings about the situation. If she can't acknowledge your feelings and try to understand you then she's not someone you need to waste anymore time on.
Thank you @virgo29 and @P-Angel
By now I have completely messed up any chance of reconciliation I had. I should have just listened to her, acknowledged her feelings and let her cope with her pain. Instead I was desperately looking for solutions and kept explaining myself. I said that I felt that she was taking jabs at me and our relationship so she got angry and told me to never contact her again. That she will arrange for our things you've exchanged.
Posted by Shooting_the_Moon_that_I_call_MarsThank you! I think the suddenness and brutality of all of it has me kind of blindsided. I never saw this coming, she's always spoken so highly of our relationship and me. All of a sudden there are all these jabs and stings towards me. My friends think she's making excuses for herself because she feels bad. Which isn't much of a comfort since she really seems to have herself convinced of all this. But maybe I shouldn't be that surprised.Posted by peoYou didn't mess up. You're just as entitled to voice your feelings about the situation. If she can't acknowledge your feelings and try to understand you then she's not someone you need to waste anymore time on.
Thank you @virgo29 and @P-Angel
By now I have completely messed up any chance of reconciliation I had. I should have just listened to her, acknowledged her feelings and let her cope with her pain. Instead I was desperately looking for solutions and kept explaining myself. I said that I felt that she was taking jabs at me and our relationship so she got angry and told me to never contact her again. That she will arrange for our things you've exchanged.
click to expand
Virgo and cancer work but.....
....
....
It requires patience , a lot of patience , a lot a lot of patience. But how much patience can one person have without hurting themselves in the process ?
Almost always in this combination. One like the other more before the other person.
Can you accept that you're with someone who aren't sure about being with you? And that they might never want to be with you ?
If you can accept that ... the answer is patience
Most people have a hard time excepting this, it's hard waiting for someone if you feel they are only with you just because they think it's the right thing to do because you're a good guy, resentment will build .
If she instead said she likes you too but just scared , that makes it easier for one side to wait because the feeling is there . You just have to work on the other problem but then again, you shouldn't have to wait when someone else is out there.
All I'm saying is , if you want to work things out , do it at your own risk. I don't know about you but the way she talked sounds like how I'd talk to a guy when it's all logic and no feeling . And then I'd come back because I feel like I "should" be with a guy who loves me ..... a lot of times "should" is not enough. You have to want to be with someone . Communication and trust can be worked on. Feeling has a possibility of building but it also has a high risk that it might never form.
....
....
It requires patience , a lot of patience , a lot a lot of patience. But how much patience can one person have without hurting themselves in the process ?
Almost always in this combination. One like the other more before the other person.
Can you accept that you're with someone who aren't sure about being with you? And that they might never want to be with you ?
If you can accept that ... the answer is patience
Most people have a hard time excepting this, it's hard waiting for someone if you feel they are only with you just because they think it's the right thing to do because you're a good guy, resentment will build .
If she instead said she likes you too but just scared , that makes it easier for one side to wait because the feeling is there . You just have to work on the other problem but then again, you shouldn't have to wait when someone else is out there.
All I'm saying is , if you want to work things out , do it at your own risk. I don't know about you but the way she talked sounds like how I'd talk to a guy when it's all logic and no feeling . And then I'd come back because I feel like I "should" be with a guy who loves me ..... a lot of times "should" is not enough. You have to want to be with someone . Communication and trust can be worked on. Feeling has a possibility of building but it also has a high risk that it might never form.
Posted by coldwateryvirgoThank you for your honest words. I think you're very right.
Virgo and cancer work but.....
....
....
It requires patience , a lot of patience , a lot a lot of patience. But how much patience can one person have without hurting themselves in the process ?
Almost always in this combination. One like the other more before the other person.
Can you accept that you're with someone who aren't sure about being with you? And that they might never want to be with you ?
If you can accept that ... the answer is patience
Most people have a hard time excepting this, it's hard waiting for someone if you feel they are only with you just because they think it's the right thing to do because you're a good guy, resentment will build .
If she instead said she likes you too but just scared , that makes it easier for one side to wait because the feeling is there . You just have to work on the other problem but then again, you shouldn't have to wait when someone else is out there.
All I'm saying is , if you want to work things out , do it at your own risk. I don't know about you but the way she talked sounds like how I'd talk to a guy when it's all logic and no feeling . And then I'd come back because I feel like I "should" be with a guy who loves me ..... a lot of times "should" is not enough. You have to want to be with someone . Communication and trust can be worked on. Feeling has a possibility of building but it also has a high risk that it might never form.
I don't get her definition of love. For me I either love or I don't, there's no in between. Different intensities yes, but I know if I love someone or just like and care about them. It's not that long ago that she's still tell me she loved me and I hate that right now I'm essentially doubting our entire relationship. This nagging voice in my head tells me that she was leading me on, while trying to develop love for me. But for almost 2 years? I don't want to believe that someone would actually risk hurting someone else by doing that. Especially not her. She's always made a point about honesty and how she's not going to repeat her experience with her ex, whom she hurt immensely.
The funny thing is that my Sag bestie had broken up with her girlfriend after a year, which only happened a few weeks before my Virgo broke up with me. The difference is that they never told each other that they loved them and their lives were never all that connected.
I still share a phone contract with my Virgo, among other things and since I'm not allowed to contact her, there's still this thing up in the air and the proverbial sword over my head.
Posted by coldwateryvirgoI'm probably overthinking, but I have the suspicion that there might be someone else. It isn't really grounded in something more substantial than something she liked, but it's been something I've been subconsciously worried about. That this very dramatic breakup was a front.
Virgo and cancer work but.....
....
....
It requires patience , a lot of patience , a lot a lot of patience. But how much patience can one person have without hurting themselves in the process ?
Almost always in this combination. One like the other more before the other person.
Can you accept that you're with someone who aren't sure about being with you? And that they might never want to be with you ?
If you can accept that ... the answer is patience
Most people have a hard time excepting this, it's hard waiting for someone if you feel they are only with you just because they think it's the right thing to do because you're a good guy, resentment will build .
If she instead said she likes you too but just scared , that makes it easier for one side to wait because the feeling is there . You just have to work on the other problem but then again, you shouldn't have to wait when someone else is out there.
All I'm saying is , if you want to work things out , do it at your own risk. I don't know about you but the way she talked sounds like how I'd talk to a guy when it's all logic and no feeling . And then I'd come back because I feel like I "should" be with a guy who loves me ..... a lot of times "should" is not enough. You have to want to be with someone . Communication and trust can be worked on. Feeling has a possibility of building but it also has a high risk that it might never form.
I'm a Virgo with moon in Libra. I'm not sure about her, but I always find myself in a constant cycle of being logical and emotional. So it really will be a balancing act between giving her enough space to consider the relationship and showering her with love.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
Posted by adikted0916Thank you for your insight.
I'm a Virgo with moon in Libra. I'm not sure about her, but I always find myself in a constant cycle of being logical and emotional. So it really will be a balancing act between giving her enough space to consider the relationship and showering her with love.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
She reached out today after one of her friends included me in an event planning thread, so I guess she simply hasn't told everyone yet and maybe felt bad that her friends still include me in these things.
She didn't say anything regarding it. Just kept asking me about my week etc. I have to admit that I was hit my this wave of resent and "pulled a cancer" on her by generically answering her questions without allowing for a dialogue. I realized this afterwards and have now stepped back and didn't answer her last text at all, so my head and heart can cool down first.
I think what added to this is that I had a dream this past night about our breakup. It was a very weird dream and it was really weird to have this dream right before she reached out.
Going to mediate on it and try to figure out how to best respond to her. I want to know what she wants, but I know that if I'd ask her I'll sound impatient or snappy right now.
I am not doing great job at this entire friendship thing! I don't just let things brush past me, instead I point them out. Like her using my first name a lot lately. I think she sees that as criticism even though it was just an observation.
Posted by peoWhat do you mean when you say that you "pulled a cancer" on her? Sorry, I just my interest in astrology so I still have much to learn.Posted by adikted0916Thank you for your insight.
I'm a Virgo with moon in Libra. I'm not sure about her, but I always find myself in a constant cycle of being logical and emotional. So it really will be a balancing act between giving her enough space to consider the relationship and showering her with love.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
She reached out today after one of her friends included me in an event planning thread, so I guess she simply hasn't told everyone yet and maybe felt bad that her friends still include me in these things.
She didn't say anything regarding it. Just kept asking me about my week etc. I have to admit that I was hit my this wave of resent and "pulled a cancer" on her by generically answering her questions without allowing for a dialogue. I realized this afterwards and have now stepped back and didn't answer her last text at all, so my head and heart can cool down first.
I think what added to this is that I had a dream this past night about our breakup. It was a very weird dream and it was really weird to have this dream right before she reached out.
Going to mediate on it and try to figure out how to best respond to her. I want to know what she wants, but I know that if I'd ask her I'll sound impatient or snappy right now.
One thing I can tell you though, as long as you haven't reached her limit and she still has feelings for you, she'll always be able to forgive you. With her Libra moon, she yearns for a harmonious relationship. And the thing with us Virgo sun and Libra moon, we can move on but never really move on. Do you get what I mean? It's like it takes suuuuuch a long time for us to be able to say and feel we no longer love someone UNLESS someone new comes a long, or somehow have an epiphany that we just want to move forward. But rest assured, we tend to dwell on "what could have been" for a long time (even if we're already with someone else).
If I were you, I'd probably think about what broke the relationship apart and work on yourself to improve. Then just enjoy your life. Virgo sun together with Libra moon will most probably find a way to get back in your life anyways so unless someone new comes a long, you're probably still will be able to win her back. However, it is important to let old wounds heal first.
Posted by peoI think the first name thing is just her way to get used to it. You're lucky she even address you on a first name basis, my ex I'm trying to win back doesn't call me out even with just my name. Lol!
I am not doing great job at this entire friendship thing! I don't just let things brush past me, instead I point them out. Like her using my first name a lot lately. I think she sees that as criticism even though it was just an observation.click to expand
If she's assuming that as a criticism, I think she still has her guard around you.
Try winning back an aries sun, gemini moon ex gf. You take 1 step forward 2 steps back. Feels like she's playing mind games with me and making me compete with another guy. Meh!
Posted by Damnata
She wants you to fight for her.
If you give her space alone, that solidifies her decision and helps her detach more. On the other hand if you are pestering, that will also annoy her.
Virgos trust patterns over sole incidents which is why consistency where you reinforce what she needs to feel loved is the key here.
She said verbal love so don't start conversations or pleas to get her back. What you need to do is drive the point at the forefront of her mind without being intrusive.
I'd send her a message every day with "Good morning. I thought I'd let you know that you are X and I love you". Where X is some quality of hers. Send her a picture or a song that relates to you both (Cancers have good memory, this should help you here) and also state how you find her X.
If she tries to start a conversation back or comes at you with "I thought I told you to leave me alone", just say "I know, not trying to push you in any direction, just wanted to share that.". Don't go into conversations, don't mention getting back together, warm her back up because she's disillusioned. Showcase consistency. Keep it at it for a month. She'll slowly reciprocate if she feels you are sincere.
If after a month this still yields no results, then you did all you could.
^Only do this if you actually see yourself as the type of person who can show verbal love the way she wants and can do it in the long run, not just to get her back. If you can't, then you are mismatched and it's time to let this partnership go. But if you think you can then saying "I feel helpless" is defeatist and bullshit with someone who told you straight up what they needed. Think if you can actually provide that or not. If you can, showcase it. If not, drop it. Whatever you do, don't push/come across demanding. Cardinal energy is very bossy where you can always tell the goal they have in their mind. The message you are trying to send is "Whatever happens, I just want you to know how much you meant to me" not "Ok, I'll do this for a bit to get you back, then revert back to giving you what I want and not what you want"
Hi dear
Could you please help me with this
Virgo man is killing me
Please help me with this guy he is working with me and I like him alot sometimes I can see from his actions that he likes me too even he asked me for my number and he was calling me everyday scary hour and asking about he told me I don't like to talk on phone alot but when I met you it's different with you he was telling me I miss you when i traveled at first he just told me that he want be friends only and I accepted although I wanted to be more but his actions is like he is my lover even when he traveled he gave me his watch and asked me to keep with me and look at it whenever I miss him I know it seems normal to you guys but am really attracted to him and I know Virgo man is hard when it comes to emotions, yesterday he told me that I care alot for him and that this not friendship and that am crossing my limits and I should less care for him and he was but rude and I told home I care about you because you do the same and my voice change because I was going to cry then he said if you don't love me and am your friend why your voice is changed I couldn't hold my self he told me we are crossing the limit and it's more than friendship now I just want from you to less care , I started not to go to places in the work just to avoid him telling me that I just came to see him he used to see my everyday but yesterday when he didn't see me he came to the other building were I work and he called me he said that he brought something for me and even again the next day he came sending me snaps that he is in my building I did my self busy and got in to my care before he comes to my office if he is telling to maintain gap why does come and make excuses to see why does testing me or maybe analysing me what shall I do now 2 days he didn't call me just texting asking about me sometimes he keeps calm and I call him and he knows that I worry alot so how can treat this guy and what does he want does like me and what should I do should I stop caring please HELP
Posted by adikted0916Virgo man is killing me how can I deal with him
I'm a Virgo with moon in Libra. I'm not sure about her, but I always find myself in a constant cycle of being logical and emotional. So it really will be a balancing act between giving her enough space to consider the relationship and showering her with love.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
Please help me with this guy he is working with me and I like him alot sometimes I can see from his actions that he likes me too even he asked me for my number and he was calling me everyday scary hour and asking about he told me I don't like to talk on phone alot but when I met you it's different with you he was telling me I miss you when i traveled at first he just told me that he want be friends only and I accepted although I wanted to be more but his actions is like he is my lover even when he traveled he gave me his watch and asked me to keep with me and look at it whenever I miss him I know it seems normal to you guys but am really attracted to him and I know Virgo man is hard when it comes to emotions, yesterday he told me that I care alot for him and that this not friendship and that am crossing my limits and I should less care for him and he was but rude and I told home I care about you because you do the same and my voice change because I was going to cry then he said if you don't love me and am your friend why your voice is changed I couldn't hold my self he told me we are crossing the limit and it's more than friendship now I just want from you to less care , I started not to go to places in the work just to avoid him telling me that I just came to see him he used to see my everyday but yesterday when he didn't see me he came to the other building were I work and he called me he said that he brought something for me and even again the next day he came sending me snaps that he is in my building I did my self busy and got in to my care before he comes to my office if he is telling to maintain gap why does come and make excuses to see why does testing me or maybe analysing me what shall I do now 2 days he didn't call me just texting asking about me sometimes he keeps calm and I call him and he knows that I worry alot so how can treat this guy and what does he want does like me and what should I do should I stop caring please HELP
Posted by peo
I am not doing great job at this entire friendship thing! I don't just let things brush past me, instead I point them out. Like her using my first name a lot lately. I think she sees that as criticism even though it was just an observation.
It's hard to be friendly towards someone who screwed you over.
Posted by Sara-rojerI can't speak for all everyone who has a Virgo sun. We normally don't chase after someone we're not interested in AND who doesn't show interest in us. So maybe he is indeed testing and analyzing you what are his chances of winning you. I think you should just make him feel interested, and just be fun.Posted by adikted0916Virgo man is killing me how can I deal with him
I'm a Virgo with moon in Libra. I'm not sure about her, but I always find myself in a constant cycle of being logical and emotional. So it really will be a balancing act between giving her enough space to consider the relationship and showering her with love.
Basing on personal experience, initially I'd find myself to really work hard to keep the relationship working. But whenever I get tired of putting in the effort, I'll just withdraw. But that doesn't mean that that's the end of everything. So I think it's really up to you what you want to do or you might end up in a constant push and pull situation for her. But know that if you really want to work it out with her, you'll need a lot of patience and determination. You'll have to both appeal with her emotional and rational side as well.
Please help me with this guy he is working with me and I like him alot sometimes I can see from his actions that he likes me too even he asked me for my number and he was calling me everyday scary hour and asking about he told me I don't like to talk on phone alot but when I met you it's different with you he was telling me I miss you when i traveled at first he just told me that he want be friends only and I accepted although I wanted to be more but his actions is like he is my lover even when he traveled he gave me his watch and asked me to keep with me and look at it whenever I miss him I know it seems normal to you guys but am really attracted to him and I know Virgo man is hard when it comes to emotions, yesterday he told me that I care alot for him and that this not friendship and that am crossing my limits and I should less care for him and he was but rude and I told home I care about you because you do the same and my voice change because I was going to cry then he said if you don't love me and am your friend why your voice is changed I couldn't hold my self he told me we are crossing the limit and it's more than friendship now I just want from you to less care , I started not to go to places in the work just to avoid him telling me that I just came to see him he used to see my everyday but yesterday when he didn't see me he came to the other building were I work and he called me he said that he brought something for me and even again the next day he came sending me snaps that he is in my building I did my self busy and got in to my care before he comes to my office if he is telling to maintain gap why does come and make excuses to see why does testing me or maybe analysing me what shall I do now 2 days he didn't call me just texting asking about me sometimes he keeps calm and I call him and he knows that I worry alot so how can treat this guy and what does he want does like me and what should I do should I stop caring please HELP
click to expand
Posted by MagicMonaLol! I'm also going thru the same thing with my Aries sun, Gemini moon ex partner. haha
too much work. sounds like kissing ass. if the bish cant tell that you're there for her in how you show her and being there for her, then fuck her. no one should have to go through so much shit just to be with someone. sounds like she wasn't communicating. kisses one minute, cold shoulder the next. drop her and find someone who shows they appreciate you like you do them. virgo venus is very fickle.
@adikted0916 @Bricks195 @MagicMona
Thanks for your answers. I spent a long weekend with my Sag bestie in the city and I think some things in my perspective have shifted during our conversations. I was sold friendship for love this entire time, judging by her "breakup talk". While I definitely do have communication issues, there was absolutely no reason for her to ever doubt the nature and depth of MY love for her. So her analogy that she was fighting for our love while I was just "cruising" through our relationship is complete bs. If she was fighting anything, it was herself and her lack of being in love with me. And that's not fighting for a relationship. that's not wanting to admit the truth to a partner.
When she saw that I was out and about with my bestie for days she "subtly"shared quotes about people "switching on you" in a heartbeat and about being an emotional/sensitive person.
She later messaged me to ask if I was still planning to move to a different apartment this summer or if I had heard back from them, so I simply replied that I'm going to stay at my place. (No further explanation.) She then responded by asking how my time NYC is. I was busy, so I didn't reply right away.
Not sure if she thinks that there's more going on between my bestie and I or not. But even if it were, who is she to be upset? I'm so tired of all the blame she's trying to load onto me just so she can feel good about the heartbreak pain she causes.
End rant.
Thanks for your answers. I spent a long weekend with my Sag bestie in the city and I think some things in my perspective have shifted during our conversations. I was sold friendship for love this entire time, judging by her "breakup talk". While I definitely do have communication issues, there was absolutely no reason for her to ever doubt the nature and depth of MY love for her. So her analogy that she was fighting for our love while I was just "cruising" through our relationship is complete bs. If she was fighting anything, it was herself and her lack of being in love with me. And that's not fighting for a relationship. that's not wanting to admit the truth to a partner.
When she saw that I was out and about with my bestie for days she "subtly"shared quotes about people "switching on you" in a heartbeat and about being an emotional/sensitive person.
She later messaged me to ask if I was still planning to move to a different apartment this summer or if I had heard back from them, so I simply replied that I'm going to stay at my place. (No further explanation.) She then responded by asking how my time NYC is. I was busy, so I didn't reply right away.
Not sure if she thinks that there's more going on between my bestie and I or not. But even if it were, who is she to be upset? I'm so tired of all the blame she's trying to load onto me just so she can feel good about the heartbreak pain she causes.
End rant.
Sorry for keeping this still alive, but I'm at a loss.
Of course I expressed my thoughts about her always having had one foot out of our relationship to her and she got upset and said it's not fair that I say this to her just because I'm in pain and that she's hurting too. So I asked her if I she can tell me how she's hurting, since she hasn't expressed it to me. This is what I got:
"My hurt is that I wanted things to work. My hurt is fearing I won't be loved in ways I seek and I keep changing what I'm seeking and I feel like I can't get it right. I hurt because I do miss you. I hurt because I hate hurting others. I hurt because I'm tired of fighting to be heard and I'm tired of being seen like I have it all together. Because I don't. I just handle things differently and I hurt because I feel like that assumption leads to people never really seeing me."
So of course I got hope again and tried to advocate for us and then got this:
"I can't process your feelings with you. We both expressed time after time how we felt. We have dug deep into what worked and what didn't work. I'm at a different place than you. Please don't make this harder by trying to convince me otherwise. You have gotten through to me but it's not the response you seek and I need you to stop making it seem like I'm being so difficult. I don't want us to end on bad terms so I'm putting up a boundary and can't process this anymore with you. I hope you can understand that."
Of course I expressed my thoughts about her always having had one foot out of our relationship to her and she got upset and said it's not fair that I say this to her just because I'm in pain and that she's hurting too. So I asked her if I she can tell me how she's hurting, since she hasn't expressed it to me. This is what I got:
"My hurt is that I wanted things to work. My hurt is fearing I won't be loved in ways I seek and I keep changing what I'm seeking and I feel like I can't get it right. I hurt because I do miss you. I hurt because I hate hurting others. I hurt because I'm tired of fighting to be heard and I'm tired of being seen like I have it all together. Because I don't. I just handle things differently and I hurt because I feel like that assumption leads to people never really seeing me."
So of course I got hope again and tried to advocate for us and then got this:
"I can't process your feelings with you. We both expressed time after time how we felt. We have dug deep into what worked and what didn't work. I'm at a different place than you. Please don't make this harder by trying to convince me otherwise. You have gotten through to me but it's not the response you seek and I need you to stop making it seem like I'm being so difficult. I don't want us to end on bad terms so I'm putting up a boundary and can't process this anymore with you. I hope you can understand that."
Meh. Honestly, I understand how she feels because right now it seems like I'm also going thru the same emotional circumstances with her. So I'll just ask you, what do you want to do now with her? Are you still willing to get her back or just move on?
I suggest that you just cut all contacts with her, or at the very least limit it your communication with her for more or less 2 weeks. Just don't initiate contacts with her. During this time, just think about yourself. Think it really through if you really want her back or you just want to go on with your own life without her. I think the more you try to convince her with what you want, the more she'll just drift away.
If you do want her back, then you'll need this time to be able to get a hold of yourself because you definitely can't rush things. Think about the reasons she fell in love with you in the first place, because you'd want her to remember that. You'd want to make her feel that she might never find someone like you again in the future. You can't rush things because you both need the time to heal the hurt the break because of the break-up. So just take things easy.
But if after 2 weeks you realize that you just don't want to deal with this, then just continue the no contact. Then moving on will be a lot easier for you.
Lol! Why am I so good in giving this kind of advice, but can't seem to follow it for myself.
I suggest that you just cut all contacts with her, or at the very least limit it your communication with her for more or less 2 weeks. Just don't initiate contacts with her. During this time, just think about yourself. Think it really through if you really want her back or you just want to go on with your own life without her. I think the more you try to convince her with what you want, the more she'll just drift away.
If you do want her back, then you'll need this time to be able to get a hold of yourself because you definitely can't rush things. Think about the reasons she fell in love with you in the first place, because you'd want her to remember that. You'd want to make her feel that she might never find someone like you again in the future. You can't rush things because you both need the time to heal the hurt the break because of the break-up. So just take things easy.
But if after 2 weeks you realize that you just don't want to deal with this, then just continue the no contact. Then moving on will be a lot easier for you.
Lol! Why am I so good in giving this kind of advice, but can't seem to follow it for myself.
Posted by adikted0916You're trying to win your ex back, right? How are you feeling about that currently?
Meh. Honestly, I understand how she feels because right now it seems like I'm also going thru the same emotional circumstances with her. So I'll just ask you, what do you want to do now with her? Are you still willing to get her back or just move on?
I suggest that you just cut all contacts with her, or at the very least limit it your communication with her for more or less 2 weeks. Just don't initiate contacts with her. During this time, just think about yourself. Think it really through if you really want her back or you just want to go on with your own life without her. I think the more you try to convince her with what you want, the more she'll just drift away.
If you do want her back, then you'll need this time to be able to get a hold of yourself because you definitely can't rush things. Think about the reasons she fell in love with you in the first place, because you'd want her to remember that. You'd want to make her feel that she might never find someone like you again in the future. You can't rush things because you both need the time to heal the hurt the break because of the break-up. So just take things easy.
But if after 2 weeks you realize that you just don't want to deal with this, then just continue the no contact. Then moving on will be a lot easier for you.
Lol! Why am I so good in giving this kind of advice, but can't seem to follow it for myself.
I think it's definitely complicated, my emotional state that is. I do want her back and I'd take her back in a heartbeat. But I also want to be wanted of course. I get upset when she likes these quotes like "Emotions are supposed to be raw and brutal... you want love to be a burning flame, not a candle." And at the same time she diminishes my feelings. Telling me I just make things hard on myself instead of acknowledging and seeing that she had someone who loved her that passionately all along. That definitely builds pain and resentment and paradoxically hope.
When I told her I missed her and spending time with her she said that she's open to hanging out. She knows where I'm standing emotionally, that I love her and that I still wish we would be together.
I had expressed jealousy two weeks ago over her hanging out with a friend and me not recognizing the name thinking she went in a date. So her biggest worry regarding us hanging out was me hurting and expressing jealousy over random people. (Which I have never done until this one time after the breakup.) I explained where I was coming from in terms of my situation in this breakup and she said that she's not looking to date anyone, since she's not in a place to be in a relationship with anyone and that there are a lot of things she needs to revisit and work on before that could ever happen again.
I've been honest with her. I miss her, want to spend time with her. But I am aware that it will be painful for me and I'm being transparent about that.
I guess I'm also hoping that spending time with me might remind her of the good things, as long as I don't let my hurt show or make it about me. But I don't know how to best go about it.
I had expressed jealousy two weeks ago over her hanging out with a friend and me not recognizing the name thinking she went in a date. So her biggest worry regarding us hanging out was me hurting and expressing jealousy over random people. (Which I have never done until this one time after the breakup.) I explained where I was coming from in terms of my situation in this breakup and she said that she's not looking to date anyone, since she's not in a place to be in a relationship with anyone and that there are a lot of things she needs to revisit and work on before that could ever happen again.
I've been honest with her. I miss her, want to spend time with her. But I am aware that it will be painful for me and I'm being transparent about that.
I guess I'm also hoping that spending time with me might remind her of the good things, as long as I don't let my hurt show or make it about me. But I don't know how to best go about it.
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There is a virgo female who I'm extremely fond of at the moment. We've known each other for about 4 months, but have become friends for the last 2 months. I honestly didn't think a person like her exists. Everyday were getting closer and finding out more
So as all that have followed my case with this Virgo female it's been a twist more so like diarrhea.... she's not a goddamn capricorn moon. She's a Leo moon. She gave me the wrong date because she's so damn insecure, she said she was 49, she's actually 51
I'm a cancer (virgo rising, moon in leo) and in a same sex relationship for almost 2 years with a virgo woman I wholeheartedly love. Last Thursday she dropped the bomb that she didn't see us as compatible anymore. That she has been fighting for our love whenever we hit a roadblock only to feel like I wasn't showing up in the same way. That she feels like I always held back on my love to her and on opening up to her out of fear of rejection. I told her that I respect her view and that I understand how she got to this perception, but that it isn't true. That I showed up in way that I thought would be most beneficial to the relationship, more physically and symbolically than verbally. And she is missing that verbal part.
I have asked her for another chance and I have been trying to fight for us and pushed her a lot with trying to advocate for our relationship in the past 5 days, so I fueled her resentment as to why I show up not and not earlier. Why I am pushing now and advocating now, but failed to do so in the past. I tried to explain to her that I always have, but not in the ways that she needed me too. Instead of listening and verbally expressing compassion for her feelings I got her gifts, or helped her, or made her things, or held her. So I tried to explain that what she perceives to be lacking is actually there, I just didn't express it in the right way. She says she didn't forget the love and care I showed her, but that to her this love only went so deep. That she does not love in a way where I support her and say I love her, but then act differently and then she's in love with me. And that even now she'd love me enough to let me have space to think, unlike me pushing her.
Now she says that I have been pushing too much for her to be able to have enough space to heal. To think if it was worth another chance. She says I can't just show up now and expect her to be open to all I have to say, as if I was saying the solution was just behind this door.
She said that maybe in a month she'd be open to it, maybe not. That right now she's not and she feels bad at the idea of me waiting for her to come around. She said it took her a while to see that we are incompatible, so it would also take her a while to see that differently, if that's the case.
I feel helpless trying to fight for us. I'm afraid that she's protecting herself by walling herself in.