Problems in the bedroom...

I don't know how to approach this with my Virgo. It's a LDR, we visit when we can. We've grown very close talking/texting pretty much all day, every day. A year ago I was very sick-surgeries, lots of meds etc. I gained weight. Before that I was very small. I've lost most of it & I'm proud of myself. I lost it fast, when I stopped the meds. Gaining & losing that fast doesn't exactly keep you toned but I'm working on it. I was open about it before we met the first time. He told me after, "I was surprised, I thought you'd be 10-12 lbs lighter, but I know you were sick and are working on it. I looked past it." Reading how critical Virgos can be helped me not flip out. I saw him last weekend. We had sex for the first time. As a Pisces, I'm pretty sexual. Foreplay was minimal, with me doing most of the work. The sex was amazing, for about 2 minutes. Let's just say I was "left hanging." This happened more over 3 days. Kissing was rare, not really making out. Yet, when we were out in public he held my hand, hugged me etc. He said he's never been so turned on or finished so fast, especially after multiple times. At 1 point he said, "Damn sorry, feel free to 'do your thing' if you need." as he moved to the other side of the bed. WTF. We were having a great weekend, other than this. I didn't want, or know how, to bring it up. He's had a few 1 night stands, not many serious relationships so I'm not sure if that was part of it. When he got home, I asked if he finds me attractive. I wanted to know if that was the issue. He said he's never felt so emotionally/mentally attracted to someone & he's attracted to my looks & sure I'll be "as hot as I was in my old pics soon." So, 1. How do I explain our time in the bedroom was lacking for me without making him too insecure to ever do it again, 2. His criticism of my body hurts, especially after what I've been through. Do I accept the honesty or bring it up? I know the connection is something he's never had and in a way he's complementing me. I've always been told I'm pretty & never had a lack of guys interested, definitely never felt like someone was "settling." He's made it clear he's serious and doesn't want to see anyone else. He's mentioned he's intimidated by me sexually because when we discuss it I'm comfortable and know what I want and he was nervous. I know he'd feel bad if he knew I was hurt by his words, anytime I get upset he talks about how bad he is at expressing what he's thinking/feeling. ARGH

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
Well..looks like someone had a good old night full of heavy sex after all, courtesy of a Virgo 🙂 who else? 😉

And people think Scorpios alone are ruled by the genitals lol

Is this the part where I come in and say I don't see any problems? *drum riff*

Posted by LovelyScorp
you did read the title, right? 😉

She probably can't keep up. I've had the same problem.

If I knew what the problem was I could formulate a response. All I can do is speculate as to what the issue is.

Hehehehe Caj.

Posted by venusianbull
Hehehehe Caj.

😄

Visible again.

Damn, he couldn\'t give you foreplay, and he let you do all the work. Tsk tsk tsk. 😢

I really don\'t see much of a problem, he tells you that he wants to be with you...Don\'t be the typical fish and demand him to surrender every thought he has and make it completely positive. You should know better, he\'s being honest not an asshole.

I thought sex for the pisces doesn\'t really matter...I thought they think that its \"icky\". I may be wrong, but P is always bantering how gross sex can be.

Whooooo. Okay lady. First off, tell him that even though his comments are well meant ( and they are, believe it or not ) to please stop. It hurts your feelings. Honesty I cannot stress enough. There's no need for you to go about feeling wounded and confused over them. That's for YOU. Secondly, if he's not got experience. Set him DOWN or better yet show him. Put yourself in teachers position. If you do this...take his hand and show him your body, let him learn it. Use your intuition. Tell him what pleases you, tell him what doesn't. Virgo is a pleaser, so SHOW HIM. Erase all doubt, tell him you want him too, only him. And urge him to drop the armor, let go and be with you, utterly.

^ this can work too.

And well damned DONE on the weight loss, feels good, doesn't it? 🙂

Thanks bro. 🙂

Posted by venusianbull
Whooooo. Okay lady. First off, tell him that even though his comments are well meant ( and they are, believe it or not ) to please stop. It hurts your feelings. Honesty I cannot stress enough. There's no need for you to go about feeling wounded and confused over them. That's for YOU. Secondly, if he's not got experience. Set him DOWN or better yet show him. Put yourself in teachers position. If you do this...take his hand and show him your body, let him learn it. Use your intuition. Tell him what pleases you, tell him what doesn't. Virgo is a pleaser, so SHOW HIM. Erase all doubt, tell him you want him too, only him. And urge him to drop the armor, let go and be with you, utterly.

I love sex. I love giving and satisfying my man, so me doing most of the work wasn't the issue as much as just wanting him to be more involved and maybe last a few more minutes. You're right about your previous post too. I have to stop asking if I can't handle the answer.

Oops meant to quote Sorti, replying by phone sucks.

" I wanted to know if that was the issue. He said he's never felt so emotionally/mentally attracted to someone & he's attracted to my looks & sure I'll be "as hot as I was in my old pics soon." "

This guy sounds like an insensitive douchebag...Good for you for losing the weight but wouldn't you want someone that is eager and able to please you no matter what size you are, he seemed disappointed and not really honest about his feelings, one minute he says I'm attracted to you the other is I'm sure you will be hot soon...He's a bit of a liar isn't he, he gets off in the bedroom, leaves you hanging and says hey feel free to take care of you if you need to, I MEAN WHO DOES THAT LOL, a man that is attracted to a woman wants to please her b/c what he doesn't do and lacks in the bedroom is a reflection of himself (his virility) I dunno, good luck with this one, I don't think I could move forward with the insensitive assclown or any man that made me feel uncomfortable and inserted doubts in my mind about how desirable I am (if it were me), I just can't get close to a man that put salt on my self esteem...It's much easier to be with a man that is more positive.

He's a bit insulting IMO but maybe you feel he's worth keeping...I think you can do better

mentally emotionally attracted but not physically attracted and b/c he's not physically attracted he's chosen to be selfish in the bedroom, be brutal with his opinions about your looks, doesn't see the urgency or need to make sure you get your needs met in the bedroom, the most important thing it seems is him getting off, using your body to get off....hmm that's interesting. He sounds dreamy, what every girl wants...

I agree LS yet how he treated her IMO was not acceptable and there are ways to be honest about issues that sensitive, If her lover cares about her he should have taken into account her feelings, it's not like he had a problem getting it up, he just chose not to please her until she climaxed, used her body and say hey take care of that if you need to (wow) if he wasn't physically attracted to her in that case why sleep with her at all, very insensitive and selfish IMO. I don't know how any woman could feel good about herself after that scene but it's just my opinion, one of many.

To use her body and make her feel bad about her body wow, just wow....I would have put him in his place, he can take his non-sense out on someone else. I would have got up out of that bed and told him to kiss my ass and walked out the door.

When he finished the first time i was really close, like seconds from getting off. When we talked last night I asked why he suggested I "do my thing" when he could easily have helped and he said he already screwed it up once and didn't want to ruin it for me again. I know he was disappointed in himself but this whole blunt truth thing can be taken the wrong way when it's said right after one person gets off and one is left out.

If you believe that crap...He just didn't want to so he didn't do it LOL, this guy is funny, most guys if know he can't please a woman the first time he's either going to challenge himself to get it right or he won't even attempt to try again at risk of damaging his ego...he got off twice and didn't even consider helping you get off, there is oral sex, there are so many other ways he could have helped just by slowing down and not popping off so fast...Have you considered dating someone locally? Someone that is interested in you, pleasing you, someone that loves not only seeing you happy but adding to your happiness...Just curious

he's guilty of being selfish, not sharing the love...doesn't seem like something your willing to dump him over, now that you have called him out on his selfishness maybe he will try harder next time.

LovelyScorp - I wanted to give the entire back story mainly because I was really happy about where I was after all I had been through and to explain why his words hurt so much. Yes, I am a little down on myself because I am not totally over all the things I dealt with. However, I'm not with him because I think I deserve to be treated that way. We have a lot of fun together and we talk for hours, about everything. This is why I want to try to fix the issues. I don't want to be bored during sex and I want to better myself for me, that's why I was working on getting back in shape even before knowing him. The stupid thing is I'm not huge-- I wore a size 6 dress to dinner with him last weekend, but I was a 4 before.

tiki33 - I just moved to a new state and started a new job. I haven't really met many people yet. I'm insanely busy, which is why a LDR actually seems like the best thing right now.

I talked to him today and told him I felt like he was saying he could do better when he talked about my looks and that I think if we stay together and I am finally "hot enough" I will be resentful and also worried about what will happen if I get sick again. He said that was completely wrong and that he was upset it came across that way. He said he's had a hard time finding someone he cares about because he needs someone he can connect with intellectually and that he was trying to tell me he found it with me and puts that above looks. I asked about him telling me he was surprised because he thought I'd be smaller and he said it was just how he pictured me to look and not necessarily a bad thing. I think I'm going to take some time to myself and just think it all through and see how I feel. 😢

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
"He said he's never been so turned on or finished so fast, especially after multiple times. At 1 point he said, "Damn sorry, feel free to 'do your thing' if you need." as he moved to the other side of the bed. WTF. "

😕 omg girl! you can do waaaaaaay better than that! kick his ass to the curb!
don't EVER settle for that shit.that and the saying he knows you'll look like your old pictures soon....#^ $ @^ that.
yes,you will....but I hope you don't let him have it then.
you're too good.

See bella we do agree on some things (:

I also have to agree with LS's last post, work on getting yourself emotionally and physically healthy and happy so when men like him show up it won't much matter what he thinks about you especially if you have done the necessary emotional work to love yourself and be your best....I just can't get that moved to the other side of the bed part out of my head, what a total asshole....He basically used your body multiple times mind you got off and then proceeded to diss your looks SMDH...boils me to the bone

I hope you take some time to focus on not only yourself but also explore the new town your in, join like minded groups, work on getting to know locals and of course once people see your single will attempt to fix you up or at the most suggest places other singles hang out socially....

It's hard for me not to say it but drop the assclown already....YES I SAID IT LOL this guy is no good for your self esteem right now, look how much you focus on your looks and I bet you are drop dead gorgeous, usually the really beautiful women have a hard time accepting that she's going to change due to issues out of her control, even if you have damaged self esteem due to a slight weight gain the last thing you need is to be with an insensitive guy that isn't saying anything remotely kind to help you feel a bit better about yourself.

He's attempting to backpeddle but I bet you he never figured you would call him out on it...good for you for not being a total doormat for this man, a size 6 is beautiful just as a size 16...

You are beautiful no matter what people say...don't let words bring you down

Posted by Thatgirl

Foreplay was minimal, with me doing most of the work. The sex was amazing, for about 2 minutes. Let's just say I was "left hanging." This happened more over 3 days. Kissing was rare, not really making out. Yet, when we were out in public he held my hand, hugged me etc. He said he's never been so turned on or finished so fast, especially after multiple times. At 1 point he said, "Damn sorry, feel free to 'do your thing' if you need." as he moved to the other side of the bed.

Did Virgo men seriously come in here after reading this to pride themselves on their sexual prowess?


Listen to me Thatgirl ... you go according to his actions NOT his words. He """""tells""""" you he's into you, he """"tells"""" you he wants you and are it ..... his ACTIONS are saying ..


Go somewhere else if you want to be held, you got my dick for a minute, what else do you want from me? Maybe when you lose some wieght, I might be consider to your needs. Until then, I ain't giving you shit.

That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what his actions are saying. Don't you listen to his words, his tongue is lying.

Posted by Thatgirl

How do I explain our time in the bedroom was lacking for me ...

Here you are trying to figure out how to tell him that his performance in the bedroom is lacking ... when the fact of the matter is .. he already knows he didn't gratify you. You need to come down from the clouds here, and look at this ... you have yourself thinking that he is needy, that he might feel bad if you tell him the wrong way. And the thing is .. he already knows he didn't do it for you ....

Posted by Thatgirl

feel free to 'do your thing' if you need." as he moved to the other side of the bed

click to expand

... that's WHY he told you that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ .. he left it up to you to finish yourself off and he did this BECAUSE HE ALREADY KNOWS he didn't do you.

He fucked you and rolled over, and then tells you later that he wants you .... yes, he does want you for something .. he wants you to keep believing his bullshit so you will keep your legs open for him.


Here's the reality you need to face ..... when a man loves his woman, he makes love to his woman .. when a man doesn't love his woman, he merely fucks his woman and rolls over.

Virgo men are strange creatures and I say that with no judgment whatsoever. They're set in they're ways, generally predictable, yes, will be honestly blunt about what they think and it's up to you (the recipient) to sugarcoat the comment they didn't bother to baste with tact.

At this point, I think it would serve you well to think about what YOU want, what you're willing to take, what you want out of a relationship and go from there. Remember, if you want to go the distance with this guy, you won't be taking just the bits and pieces that you like about him. You ought to be considering the whole package really.

Do you really want a selfish lover? If you plan to be sexually monogamous with him and not get your rocks off elsewhere, this is certainly a consideration.

Does it help your confidence level and self esteem at this point to have someone uber critical of your body after having gone through all that you've been through?

If you keep making this about him and hoping he will change, you'll be in for some major disappointment. He is who he is. What will serve you better is figuring out what it is YOU WANT and going from there. If you can't stand it or if you feel it's too much work compromising with his ways and standards, then WALK AWAY and concentrate on making yourself happy.

Somewhere in this forum I read that virgo males mirror their partners. Others have mentioned it in this thread too that if you feel good about yourself, he will feel good about you. So figure out how to go about doing that (feeling good about yourself) given what you've got if you want it to work out. Otherwise, you might be better off with someone who can better take care of your needs the way you want them to.

well, tbh, a lot of guys are done when they're done. like pass out done. it's biological.

try to get more foreplay. get him to get you off before you even start having sex. if he won't do that, then you can call him a jerk. but the fact that he doesn't want to finish you once he's cum, that's normal. oh well.

Posted by seavixen2


WRONG. That's a myth a horrible myth.
we RELISH everything about sex.

Ah, alright. P-angel is just full of shit then, haha.

So how you doing, seavixen. 😉

Posted by P-Angel

Did Virgo men seriously come in here after reading this to pride themselves on their sexual prowess?



Most men do, don't an idiot. Virgo or not, many men are always proud of their sexuality, but let the woman he lays tell the truth then his goes silent...

Thank you, seavixen. You can keep them if you want. 😉

I can\'t wait until you post new pictures yourself...i mean. 😄

^^^ That can work too >=D

Besides, she and B. (KKscorp) have been wanting some specific pictures of me. 😉

Posted by Joanie675
Virgo men are strange creatures and I say that with no judgment whatsoever. They're set in they're ways, generally predictable, yes, will be honestly blunt about what they think and it's up to you (the recipient) to sugarcoat the comment they didn't bother to baste with tact.

At this point, I think it would serve you well to think about what YOU want, what you're willing to take, what you want out of a relationship and go from there. Remember, if you want to go the distance with this guy, you won't be taking just the bits and pieces that you like about him. You ought to be considering the whole package really.

Do you really want a selfish lover? If you plan to be sexually monogamous with him and not get your rocks off elsewhere, this is certainly a consideration.

Does it help your confidence level and self esteem at this point to have someone uber critical of your body after having gone through all that you've been through?

If you keep making this about him and hoping he will change, you'll be in for some major disappointment. He is who he is. What will serve you better is figuring out what it is YOU WANT and going from there. If you can't stand it or if you feel it's too much work compromising with his ways and standards, then WALK AWAY and concentrate on making yourself happy.

Somewhere in this forum I read that virgo males mirror their partners. Others have mentioned it in this thread too that if you feel good about yourself, he will feel good about you. So figure out how to go about doing that (feeling good about yourself) given what you've got if you want it to work out. Otherwise, you might be better off with someone who can better take care of your needs the way you want them to.

Very well said...Really good advice in this post