Should i be suspicious ?

Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
So there is this guy Im talking to, I really like him. We only hung out twice and have been talking for a week, he seems like someone I would really maybe want a relationship with. He told me he was recently single and that his gf of 2 years they decided to call it quits cause she was lazy and not a good gf really, so the other night I went over his house and I ended up spending the night just cuddling and talking, but her stuff was everywhere around the house, he said that she moved out and is in the process of still getting her stuff. They were even going to married this year, so I guess the wedding was called off. I really want to believe him but Idk If I can. I mean he could still be engaged to her, or even dating her. I don't know if I should continue talking to him and trust he is telling the truth, or if I should just back off for awhile till I know he is 100% done with her. I dont want to end up really falling for him and hes playing me and her, he doesn't seem like that and he seems honest, but I just don't know. Plus I don't want to accuse him of anything cause I have no poof,and it does look like she is in the process of moving out, from what I saw most of her stuff is gone but it's still a good bit there. Hes seems real and honest and I don't want to hold it against him that he and his ex are no longer together.
Profile picture of VulcanLass
VulcanLass
@VulcanLass
14 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 540 · Topics: 11
Not that you should be "suspicious",but you should be wary.I think that you are going to get caught in some unfinished drama.You mentioned it,but it is very odd that all her stuff isn't gone.He didn't bag it up and set it by the door.And she hasn't picked it up either.She still has her territory marked.If a guy is really ready to move on,he's apartment would be "play friendly",not looking like her closet on a cleaning day.Also with all her crap scattered around,and he's touched none of it,it's a sign of depression,not caring about your surroundings.

He probably thinks it's over.She probably thinks she shocking him into missing her.Nah.Whatever is going on,it's not done.Sometimes couples have that pre-wedding jitters thing,when one of them is trying to teach the other some kind of lesson.He may be ready to get some tail,but he's not ready to date.You have a chance of being rebound(transition into him dating others) girl.

Maybe cool your heels until the actual wedding date has past.I don't get warm and fuzzies.There is one more chapter to this.If you are alright with "playing",then playing you shall get,but anything more ,may not come for awhile(6 months).You've lost all that summertime .And if,he says they were suppose to get married and he's wicked casual about the break up,then he might be wicked casual about your potential relationship as well.
Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
Posted by radar10

I dont want to end up really falling for him and hes playing me and her, he doesn't seem like that and he seems honest ...






Use some common sense.


First, you can't fall for a person without your consent.

Second, if he told you about her, which he did, then that isn't playing .. playing would be if he's leading both of you on.


Seriously here .... you meet a guy who you know is in the midst of seperating himself from another woman, he tells you all about it, you like him, he likes you, so what is there to be confused about?


You act like there is some other force outside of your own self control that you have to battle with here, or feel helpless to ... the only thing you need is to use your brain.


Just because you might like this guy doesn't mean your fucking brain stops working ... for christs sake.


And btw .. so what if you sleep with him? If you fuck him, does this mean your brain will stop working even further and make you believe that he isn't on the rebound? Suddenly, you will jsut forget this, you will fall completely helpless to yourself and not be able to acknowledge anything except for what the messages he gives you, and then you have to pray to god that he's not tricking you?



::::: shakes head :::::
Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
The title asks if you should be suspicious ... you've only known him a week and are just getting to know each other.


wtf is the matter with people, is my question .. it's like their brain becomes retarded once they think they might like someone.




What is it you have yourself thinking you might have to be suspicious of?

That he had a life before you, and might have history ...


Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
Now I don't know what to think but I know for sure now I'm not a rebound girl. He really likes me a lot, so much that he wants me to spend the nite at his house two days in a row and meet his family on easter. We only hung out twice but he really likes me so much he tells me. I wasn't expecting that, I mean I like him but meeting his family for easter like that's a lot I don't even know what to think of that, I wanna date first for awhile, it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet lol. I mean idk if its normal for a guy to like someone that much. He's older then me, 29 and I'm 21, he wants to have kids and get married soon he says, idk what to even think at this point lol
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
I seen your photos. You are very cute and have an awesome, young body. He is a grown, horny man that is just feeding you bulls# $ t! And no offense, but you LOOK like the type of girl that probably already slept with him.

You also seem to be answering a lot of your own questions of doubt. Do you really need us to tell you what you should do? It doesn't seem like it. That isn't suspicion. It's your inner voice telling you to run.
Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
But its hard for be to believe I could be a rebound girl when your wanting me to meet ur entire family. Asked him why and he said to me that I was special and the fact that I didn't sleep with him made him have so much more respect for me and that I wasn't like other girls. So in my heart I feel like he truly does like me, and idc if takes me to meet his family or not I'm NOT sleeping with him because I don't just sleep around with guys, cause sex changes things and I like where at with him now. I just think its a little weird n rushed that he wants me to meet his family. If this is being a rebound I never experinced anything like this before, hell it took me a year to finally meet my ex boysfriends parents, if a guy is just trying to sleep with u and be his rebound n nothing more why on earth would he want u meet his entire family and want to spend time with u all the time. If that's the case then wouldn't he just wanna wait n see if I was going to fuck him and if not just move on to the next girl that will. I'm just trying to understand why he wants me to meet the family, and why so soon, its kinda scaring me cause I never had a guy want me like this before and not alone meet his family so fast
Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
Posted by radar10
But its hard for be to believe I could be a rebound girl when your wanting me to meet ur entire family. Asked him why and he said to me that I was special and the fact that I didn't sleep with him made him have so much more respect for me and that I wasn't like other girls. So in my heart I feel like he truly does like me, and idc if takes me to meet his family or not I'm NOT sleeping with him because I don't just sleep around with guys, cause sex changes things and I like where at with him now. I just think its a little weird n rushed that he wants me to meet his family. If this is being a rebound I never experinced anything like this before, hell it took me a year to finally meet my ex boysfriends parents, if a guy is just trying to sleep with u and be his rebound n nothing more why on earth would he want u meet his entire family and want to spend time with u all the time. If that's the case then wouldn't he just wanna wait n see if I was going to fuck him and if not just move on to the next girl that will. I'm just trying to understand why he wants me to meet the family, and why so soon, its kinda scaring me cause I never had a guy want me like this before and not alone meet his family so fast





He likely is just in the rush of a new relationship ... surely you must know how that goes. Once the rush stops and he gains his head again, he will realize that he jumped the gun quite a bit.


In your place, I would decline the meeting of his family. Tell him it's too fast, and that you want for the two of you to get to know each other slower ... and that should work at nudging him a little in the direction of reality.


Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
What PlanetMercurygirl really meant to say was that she's jealous of your body/looks, in case that wasnt clear.




Smart people like you are exactly what we need in this world. Thank you for letting me know that I am jealous. Thanks again. Yes, she is a cute girl with an AWESOME body. Wait...........I already said that, didn't I? Hmmmmmm......You just like to hear yourself talk, don't you? It's okay, we see you.
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
He most probably wants to bed you as soon as possible first, then really consider being serious about you or not, second. I dont blame him.



I mean, he's a lad.. a hot chick is interested in him, do you really think he at this point is interested in knowing your second degree cousin's favourite breakfast? Get out.
click to expand




What BoomShakalakaBoom is saying that you're too hot to take serious and he is jealous that you aren't spending the night at his place.
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Posted by P-Angel
A comment was made that she looks like the type to fuck, and it was co-signed ... I want to know what this look is.


because she's black?

because she's got a nice rack?

because she posed kissy face with a girl in a pic?




What fuckheads man, to insinuate someone is slutty based on what they look like



She isn't black. And what would it matter if she was? How racist to say something like that anyway. Are black people slutty in your opinion?

What a f*#khead comment that was.

Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
Posted by everevolvingepithet

Maybe they meant dress slutty ?






Maybe



Latino, sorry .... I wasn't trying to imply you were black, I was trying to imply the shallow prejudice based off of a visual quality.

The female embeciles that are on this site who are so jealous and threatened over beautiful women in here amaze me .... that what it all boils down to.


She is jealous of how pretty you, so had to throw in a dig to make it sound like you are slutty. You will get used to the Virgos being assholes like that ... they do it all the time.
Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by everevolvingepithet

Maybe they meant dress slutty ?






Maybe



Latino, sorry .... I wasn't trying to imply you were black, I was trying to imply the shallow prejudice based off of a visual quality.

The female embeciles that are on this site who are so jealous and threatened over beautiful women in here amaze me .... that what it all boils down to.


She is jealous of how pretty you, so had to throw in a dig to make it sound like you are slutty. You will get used to the Virgos being assholes like that ... they do it all the time.
click to expand




No I mean its okay, I do have darker skin so I guess I can understand why you might have thought I was black. N yeah what is it with virgo women lol ?
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Honey I am not going to sit here and say that I didn't give you a compliment because I did. I do apologize for saying that you look like the type of girl that probably gave it up to him already. What I should have said is that generally people judge off of what they see, especially men. Can you dress sexy yet be respectful? Yes. When a sexy women in a sexy dress walks by, do you think that a man is thinking about how smart she is? Sometimes men will say anything to get under a woman's skirt, especially a young women as yourself. It's not right and it's not okay but it's true. You are the one that is dealing with this man that you are speaking of. If you say that he respects you and if what he is saying to you is true then fine. Good for you. What we are all saying is to be careful in your decision. Don't let him feel that you are naive enough to put up with bulls*% t.

And you know what? This topic wasn't anywhere near about what your race is. P-Angel shouldn't have even mentioned that. If she wasn't trying to imply that you were black, then why did she think the reasoning of being slutty is because she thought that you were black? I could clearly look at you and can see that you are not black. That isn't the issue here, anyway. She basically said that she thinks black women are sluts. Are you new on here? If you read up on many threads on dxp, you will see how much of an a $ $ hole P-Angel is. Dxp is her dildo. She just doesn't like virgos so she is going to try to butter you up just because I said something.

Anyway, I said it before and I will say it for the last time, I think that you are cute and you have an awesome body. Does that sound jealous to you? These people read and highlight what they choose to.

(sigh) I am so tired of this racist world and people who say that they don't mean to "imply" anything.
Profile picture of VirgoVixxxen
VirgoVixxxen
@VirgoVixxxen
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4949 · Topics: 70
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
Honey I am not going to sit here and say that I didn't give you a compliment because I did. I do apologize for saying that you look like the type of girl that probably gave it up to him already. What I should have said is that generally people judge off of what they see, especially men. Can you dress sexy yet be respectful? Yes. When a sexy women in a sexy dress walks by, do you think that a man is thinking about how smart she is? Sometimes men will say anything to get under a woman's skirt, especially a young women as yourself. It's not right and it's not okay but it's true. You are the one that is dealing with this man that you are speaking of. If you say that he respects you and if what he is saying to you is true then fine. Good for you. What we are all saying is to be careful in your decision. Don't let him feel that you are naive enough to put up with bulls*% t.

And you know what? This topic wasn't anywhere near about what your race is. P-Angel shouldn't have even mentioned that. If she wasn't trying to imply that you were black, then why did she think the reasoning of being slutty is because she thought that you were black? I could clearly look at you and can see that you are not black. That isn't the issue here, anyway. She basically said that she thinks black women are sluts. Are you new on here? If you read up on many threads on dxp, you will see how much of an a $ $ hole P-Angel is. Dxp is her dildo. She just doesn't like virgos so she is going to try to butter you up just because I said something.

Anyway, I said it before and I will say it for the last time, I think that you are cute and you have an awesome body. Does that sound jealous to you? These people read and highlight what they choose to.

(sigh) I am so tired of this racist world and people who say that they don't mean to "imply" anything.



Very well said and personally, I've noticed quite a bit of racism on this board.
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^You know, she always has to say "something" off. There isn't any justification for what she said.



There are more. Just letting you know.
click to expand




You know, I "thought" that I saw something else with her name attatched to it. I wasn't really sure if I did, but this confirms that I remembered correctly.
Profile picture of VirgoVixxxen
VirgoVixxxen
@VirgoVixxxen
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4949 · Topics: 70
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^You know, she always has to say "something" off. There isn't any justification for what she said.



There are more. Just letting you know.



You know, I "thought" that I saw something else with her name attatched to it. I wasn't really sure if I did, but this confirms that I remembered correctly.
click to expand




I knew what she was doing right away.

Then she turns around quickly and tries to apologize, only to throw the blame back on Virgos. LOL.

Great afternoon laugh.
Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
Honey I am not going to sit here and say that I didn't give you a compliment because I did. I do apologize for saying that you look like the type of girl that probably gave it up to him already. What I should have said is that generally people judge off of what they see, especially men. Can you dress sexy yet be respectful? Yes. When a sexy women in a sexy dress walks by, do you think that a man is thinking about how smart she is? Sometimes men will say anything to get under a woman's skirt, especially a young women as yourself. It's not right and it's not okay but it's true. You are the one that is dealing with this man that you are speaking of. If you say that he respects you and if what he is saying to you is true then fine. Good for you. What we are all saying is to be careful in your decision. Don't let him feel that you are naive enough to put up with bulls*% t.

And you know what? This topic wasn't anywhere near about what your race is. P-Angel shouldn't have even mentioned that. If she wasn't trying to imply that you were black, then why did she think the reasoning of being slutty is because she thought that you were black? I could clearly look at you and can see that you are not black. That isn't the issue here, anyway. She basically said that she thinks black women are sluts. Are you new on here? If you read up on many threads on dxp, you will see how much of an a $ $ hole P-Angel is. Dxp is her dildo. She just doesn't like virgos so she is going to try to butter you up just because I said something.

Anyway, I said it before and I will say it for the last time, I think that you are cute and you have an awesome body. Does that sound jealous to you? These people read and highlight what they choose to.

(sigh) I am so tired of this racist world and people who say that they don't mean to "imply" anything.



Wow thank you very much ! I have expeirenced alot of rude people on his board and its nice not to know that people acutally aren't rude and will give you advice when you need it. Sometimes I just cant talk to my friends in real life and the advice most of you gave me on here I would have never gotten with any of my so called real friends. And I thank each and every one of you to who the time out to read my story and not to bash me or make judgements. And yes I'm new so I don't know how people really are on here t
Profile picture of VulcanLass
VulcanLass
@VulcanLass
14 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 540 · Topics: 11
@Radar10-back to your question about why he would want you to meet his family so quickly;

1) He doesn't want to spend the holiday alone.

2) Someone there might be friends with the ex and they can report back to her,that she is now replaced.

3) He's skipping over the part where he deals with his feelings/emotions by diving into something new.

4) To get you off the defensive about why he is moving so quickly.When anyone moves too quickly in a relationship,they want to get you hooked in before they show their true colors.It took my ex 7 months before ,I met the "real him".Why speed through all stages of a relationship.This is moving too fast to be natural.

5) Going to family dinner is a really intimate thing,doesn't he think you have somewhere else you'd like to be?This is a test right here,if you say yes then you're showing him not that you think that he is more important than your loved ones,but that you are vulnerable enough that you let someone new dictate or overrule your previous plans.That you're gonna jump because he says so.There right there is the difference between age 21 and 29.LOL.

6) If he says that he wants a family and marriage,then what was so difficult that he couldn't face/deal with/work out with the woman he had?Was she close to his age?I am not implying that you are immature in the least.(Infact the opposite,what's he got to offer you!).Aren't you curious to find out what went wrong?See his attitude about her,is it rage?Talking down about her?What?And don't take the standard explanation either."She' didn't understand me","she's not like you,I couldn't talk to her","she didn't support me".

8)There is always going to be that 10 year age gap,you're going to want to go out and he'll be all settled in,-"Let's stay in tonght ".Tonight turns into a couple,then suddenly,you look up and it's been three months,you've gained 15 pounds and your friends will have thought you moved away.

7)You can pm anyone here,if you don't want to keep posting out loud.Please read through other posts, many others have had relationship questions,you'll find good answers.
Profile picture of PlanetMercuryGirl
Planet Mercury Girl
@PlanetMercuryGirl
14 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1142 · Topics: 24
Posted by caribbeangold
Posted by radar10
Yeah well I'm not black, I'm latina n I don't know why it would matter if I was black anyways.



there are blacks who are latinos, indigenous who are latinos, whites who are latinos
so your statement doesnt make sense
maybe you mean, mestiza? latina of euro descent?

because latina is not a race

you write as if latina is separate from black and that is not the case...

click to expand





You're right but (and don't take this personally because all of what I have to say is not to say that you, per se, are ignorant of the content) her statement does make sense to HER. This is what happens when we are not educated in this. Race is fluid and thus difficult to pinpoint scientifically. Race is a concept of human minds, not of nature. Skin color is the trait that we use to categorize people. That fact is faulty. Where does one race begin or end? We are all mixed up.

When any one person looks at another person that is different from themselves, they naively catergorize. They don't know any better. But, since we must put everyone on this planet in cute little groups, let's satisfy their curiosity, shall we? Those born in different countries are considered to be the nationality of that country, island, etc. The descent/race comes from their genetic makeup. So there are white and asian jamaicans. There are mexican Italians. There are humans that are martians, etc.

Radar doesn't look to be of euro descent.
Profile picture of GemsRaGalsBestPal
GemsRaGalsBestPal
@GemsRaGalsBestPal
15 Years1,000+ PostsGemini

Comments: 0 · Posts: 2595 · Topics: 52
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^You know, she always has to say "something" off. There isn't any justification for what she said.



There are more. Just letting you know.



You know, I "thought" that I saw something else with her name attatched to it. I wasn't really sure if I did, but this confirms that I remembered correctly.



I knew what she was doing right away.

Then she turns around quickly and tries to apologize, only to throw the blame back on Virgos. LOL.

Great afternoon laugh.
click to expand




OMG, does anyone else remember the thread about the workplace that turned into a nasty rascist bloody sideshow? I'm too lazy to pull it up now, but that, that was like a train wreck.
Profile picture of radar10
radar10
@radar10
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 221 · Topics: 32
Posted by VulcanLass
@ VulcanLass



Well the thing is, I told him my family wasn't really doing anything for easter, so he asked me if I wanted to come to dinner with his family then. I thought it about it long and hard and today I decided to go. I ended up meeting his family and he introduced me and we all sat down, talked and had a good time. I felt like there was no pressure and his family didn't go into playing the questions game. They made me feel like family and right at home, it was nothing like how I thought it would be. After dinner with his family me and him went back to his house, and we watched movies and talked. He seriously can't keep his hands off me, hes always wanting to touch my hand and he looks me in my eyes, its something no guy has ever done to me before, its almost like hes in a daze with me. We started talking bout relationships, and he said the only time he was single was like 2 months tops, his first relationship was a 1 year long, the second 4 years, and the 3rd who he most recently broke up with 2 years long. He was engaged to his second and 3rd most recent girlfriend. He said he doesn't like being alone, but he doesn't get in a relationship with a girl whos he not serious about. It's only been 2 weeks me and him have been talking but because I already met some of his family, I feel like we been talking for months. He wanted meet my mom tonight but im honestly not ready yet for that. I don't bring men back n forth. Also his ex girlfriend was 24, Im 22, so shes not much older then me. He said that his recent ex, who he broke things off with, was lazy, didnt do anything to help save for their wedding while he was working 3 jobs, she would get jealous easy and they would fight all the time, so he said after 2 years enough was enough. Im just saying right now because I already met his family I feel much closer to him but I still haven't gotten to the point where I like him so much that he meets my family. I still have to keep my guard up because even tho him and his ex are done her stuff is still at his, some but not all, so im sure he will see again so she can pick up the rest of her stuff. I just dont want to actually really fall for him n he gets back with his ex gf. And I dont want to be the girl that hes using to GET OVER her.
Profile picture of VulcanLass
VulcanLass
@VulcanLass
14 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 540 · Topics: 11
Radar10,I'm glad you had a good time with his family.I am relieved that he opened up to you about the past relationships,but,yes,but,did he talk to you about their feelings towards one another?Think about that.That's great that he's not lazy to go out and get 3 jobs to help for the wedding,But on the other end ,is that that he didn't have a moment with the ex,to be building the relationship along with the bank account.Unless it was a situation where they agreed that they both go to work until the wedding.There has to be balance.It's like when someone works out of their home,they just have to shut that office door and be present in their household.

I have an idea why he wants you to meet his mother,so that he can rush this relationship on to the next level.He wants to you to feel comfortable so he can rush you into his bed.Never mind his hands and staring,(maybe he needs a pet so that he can keep touching/petting it,instead of you)what about what he talks about?His goals beside marriage and family?Those are general goals.Does he want to travel?Learn a new hobby? Yes, he's showing you that he is into by touching,BUT,he's also seeing how much touching he can get away with.He's trying to find your personal boundaries and move them to his advantage.
When will you say stop?What do you have in common other than you are both alone?Make him work for it,dear.You have the power over him,you've got something he wants.Really you do.Believe that you do.I don't mean play him,get to know him.

Interesting pattern of relationship that he has;committed,not wed.That's seems kinda if-fy*tilts palm side to side*Because if someone was 1000% percent serious about someone,they would be actually married already.Did he have an actual wedding date with them or was it just an engagement so,the girl wouldn't dating others or just a promise of a wedding?

The only reason that I keep asking you these questions is that rush = his insecurity + sex.Has he taken you out places ? Instead of ending up at his apartment??You need to be on neutral territory (instead of his house),so you're in control ,instead of that "one last kiss'baby" or "stay a little bit longer" crap.He is trying.If you are not comfortable with him meeting your family,at least have him meet a friend whom you truth that is in a relationship,so you know they aren't shopping for themselves and see what they think of him.What's his hurry——