The Virgo Friend Zone

Hi, I am posting again. My virgo ex has been asking me to be his friend. It seemed harmless at first, but now Im totally confused. Ive been working on moving on, working on myself, all of that stuff Im suppose to do. However his behavior drives me nuts.

He says Im his family, we are best friends and he trusts me more than anyone he knows. He likes to get close to me, hugs me, is sensitive to my feelings, wants me to hang out with him a lot. Im comforted, but totally irritated by it at the same time. I am still in love with him, but I know its not possible to have any form of relationship at this time. He is dating some one else on top of that, but he heavily flirts and jokes with me.

Please be nice to me. I want to know what is he thinking and why does he want to be friends with me? What is he looking to get out of this? Why would he act so friendly towards me?

I am keeping a distance approach for the moment, but why would he do this?

I think it's wonderful that he thinks your family and trusts you. But getting close to you, hugging you is NOT being sensitive to your feelings. It's clear you are still in love with him and you recognize that it's not possible to have any form of relationship given the current situation. Go with your gut!

Boys will be boys as they say and he is going to flirt, joke and ONLY get away with what YOU allow him to. He established a boundary. "I do not want you to be my girlfriend." "Let's be friends." To put this in the most sensitive, kindest terms girl...he wants his cake and eat it too.

It is obvious that he is just starting off with this other person and is probably insecure and uncertain in getting to know her or date her. You are his rock, his friend, his confidant and confidence. My advice to you is this... let him be. Do not let him have two girlfriends. Let him have what he chose and make yourself scarce and allow yourself to only have enough contact to be friendly as any caring person would or if it's too much, no contact at all. Let him figure out what he lost. He can't have it both ways.

It seems to me every Virgo man or any man for that matter that I've ever let go of, dumped or shown I'm good with or without him... always came running back when the standards of quality fell short of the quality of relationship I provided. This is not to say that he is ready for that. But when they are, they remember if it parted amicably. If not, you've already moved on and you're better off.

That is what I am figuring too. I am not one for being the rock in anyone's life if they don't want to directly be in mine. It just drives me totally nuts. I am a pisces and when people screw with my emotions like that, I get very tempermental to say the least. I know I have a rough time denying my feelings or making practical decisions that I KNOW what is best for me. I don't think he is doing this intentionally, but I understand that this is not what I want out of our friendship or relationship. When he is not present, I can think clearly. When he is in my presence, I tend to think irrationally. Its flustering.

I guess the best thing to do in this situation is exercise control and limitation for the situation?

Im not sure what to do about it accept just try to go against myself and do the exact opposite of what I want to do. I think pisces tend to hate to disappoint other people, so they make bad decisions for themselves. 😢

I can feel myself thinking "Get away from me!!!" But then hear myself saying, "Its ok, I understand."

DOH! Stupid emotions...

Thats true. I know you are right, real friends wouldnt just drop you if you started thinking more about yourself.

That is what I might have thought too. I would need to think it over a bit before I make the best decision for myself. Im kind of in a tight situation where certain things probably prevent me from making certain decisions. So I just need to be smart about how I deal with this.

Is it possible that he really just wants to stay your friend?

I always counted as defeats those exes I could not keep as friends. I understood though, if their feelings were too raw or so completely gone that even friendship was out of the question, but I always would feel bad about it, and have felt so glad when some of those have come back to be friends eventually. I have to happily say that there are only a couple anymore who might not want to know me or speak to me or wish me well. That doesn't mean they're all "friends" like hanging out. Well, probably none of them actually, since I don't really hang out. The only friend I hang out with is not an "ex," he's "present" - although our love I guess doesn't look like love to most of the rest of the world. Anyway, he and I are very happy to call each other friend. Bottom line, for me, friendship and connection are just too rare and precious to throw away just because a romance didn't work out. Maybe your friend feels the same way. So he is asking you. If you don't want to, all you have to say is No.

Or it could be some kind of testing, running behavior like everyone else seems to think. What do I know. But you did ask why is he doing it, so I thought I would offer that perspective.

Athena

Thanks for the input Athena. I wouldn't mind being his friend, but I don't want the lines to be blurred. He has asked me strangely the other night to please don't leave him as a friend and he really wants to be there for me.

I am just not use to this. My last ex totally burned the bridge to the ground when we tried to be friends. So Im very wary of friendships after love. I am kind of putting it as a "well, we will see how it goes" basis.

My advice is to forget him.
You are a Pisces and he is a Virgo.
Pisces woman with Virgo man is a bad match.

Ah, well you hate pisces women any way. 😛

Starfish, I understand your point. At this point, Im pulling away from him mentally and I personally think its driving him nuts. I can see hes trying to keep a hold of me, but he needs to just let go damn it. Either you want me or you want her. BUT YOU CANT HAVE BOTH!

You are right...for some reason now..hes fricken magnetized to me. Ey yi yi....He sees a "difference" in me since I gained my own sense of confidence and self. e_e

You want them, they disappear, you dont want them, they wont leave you alone.

Seriously...its actually starting to become funny.

It could be the oppositional vibe that repels but also attracts.

Very complicated these virgos....its like playing a chess game with them all the time. What is their next move? Who the heck knows?!

It just seems like a delicate dance of emotions and mind boggling wits. If you don't have your game face on, they will very well bolt right past you with a doozy. I just consider myself floating in the ocean at this point...he can drive himself nuts all by himself. 🙂 Crazy virgo men. So cute, yet so frustrating all at the same time.

I noticed that myself, likeBrad. He has a particular issue with control and trusting people. He trusts me the most out of anyone, including his family. But he just cant let go of that need to control situations. Hes not so controlling that he is over bearing, but you can tell when he is trying. When things are not going his way, he gets incredibly frustrated and seeks to need some control and stability. I told him he just needs to relax. This is the guy that is saying "Im going with the flow" but then wants to force things into a certain way. He says hes "laid back" but then will freak out over silly things. I think he needs yoga. lol. I think he likes being around me because I tend to be more mellow and forgiving. I tell him a lot to just relax and things will fall into place. He is a lot less rigid than when I first met him. Its a bit too bad, I always thought we filled each other's weaknesses in a very positive way. But things happen for a reason.

theskys, I can see where you might see the cleverness. I like his personality, but Im not sure if he is being clever or not. He seems genuinely honest, but at this point, I only see actions as evidence. Not words.

hi lovely_pisces 🙂

i'm starting to see very contrasting points between you two, you say that he finds it hard to relax and at the same time you

can't think rationally when you are around him. Funny thing is that his tension is what attracted you to him in the first

place, tense people are sharp and awake both physically and intellectually and that's very appealing to the feminine in

general, have you ever watched a tyson fight and felt funny between the legs? it's because on some level you both are two

chimps in the wilderness, he saw you, a very suitable mate, he wants you and the defences which you built just fall because

those defenses are your threshold, your barometer and if he passes that then they simly fall, of course if he doesn't then

chances a pisces will give in but only as means of self protection rather than reproduction.

also when people are relaxed around you it means they aren't physically or intellecually excited by you and i don't think thats

something you necessarelly want in your man

on the other hand if you were to think rationally in his presence chances it won't be appealling to him because part of his

attraction to you is that you are dreamy and that's just exciting to him because virgo's are usually the first sign to disown

the dreamy child within them while pisces are usually the last so you can see that he sees in you the child he once was and i

bet when he stares at you he stares like a one-eyed pirate at a treasure he spent a lifetime chasing. i will add that your

feminine ways trigger something in him that makes him want to hold you, kiss you and ravish you.

so to sum up you are the reason he isn't relaxed around you and he is the reason you are shattered all over the place around

him ... ironic heh?

not that I gave you the hard facts which were probably scary let me tell you about this guy:

on the negative side ( he is the badie ) : he might be seducing you to see how much he can get away with. basically he is boosting his ego by enforcing his preception of himself as a player, a seducer, a modern day don juan which means he is completely obliviant to the effect his little excercise will have on you and chances he will either get bored of this excercise or accomplish his task and disappear.

on the positive side ( he is the goodie ): he might be really loving you, realising how good you were to him, rekindling that old magic, enjoying comforting you and taking care of you, in which case

no advice from me lovely_pisces this time .. your gut should tell you which one it is, if not then sharpen it but jumping in and seeing what happens

and by the way ... don't worry lovely you won't die, you will still be breathing after everything is over, good or bad

sorry about the couple of entries in that thread, I was rambling about my new intellectual discoveries and didn't give any advice, applogies ...

lovely_pisces I wll give you an insight into the virgo man, he tends to keep his options open all of the time because simply he is never a 100% certain of anything (thats not a negative description but rather a realistic one)

because he is so picky and if he has some libra in him he will have no problem combining in order to get his "perfection".

chances are that when he makes a move on you he thinks you're ok with it because you hide your emotions well, he doesn't know what he is doing is hurting you so I suggest you let him know that you aren't ok with this situation and that it's either her or you.

when you put him on the spot like that he might be upset and you might feel guilty but he will definitely make a decision ( after some time of course ) and it will be benificial for all especially if he has that libra element in him


StringsAttached .. so when are you marrying one of us lovelies 🙂

Interesting opinions from everyone. I dont think he is boasting his ego for sure. He really sounds like he genuinally cares about me. Unfortunately I still have to protect myself first and I see the situation as confusing and annoying. I can see the keeping the options open thing and as a pisces, I hate two main things. I dont like being duped and I hate wasting my time. But I also realize PATIENCE is a huge virtue you must have with a virgo. Im a bit afraid to tell him "dump her for me" deal, I am thinking that will back fire. But in actuality, I really want to say that. Then again..I also think it would be stupid to go back without solving the issues of the break up in the first place. I dont believe in coming back without change in hand.

I can see the whole tension attraction thing. The irony is strange.

I looked up his signs...his moon is actually in leo. He is a very nice person, which confuses my senses. I could tell if he was bull shitting me or not. It doesnt seem so in this case. His actions are consistent with his words but I find his thought process still eludes me.