Virgo Guy - What should I do?

Hi everyone. I am new here. I've been reading the posts about virgo man and it has been very helpful.

So, here is my story: I have known this virguy for about a year. We're working together. Past summer I started getting interested in him and I could feel (yes, I am a crab! LOL!) that he was interested in me. I have received the famous virgo stare and since then I am hypnotized! Staring and chit-chat went for a long time (like two months) and then I started getting a little more proactive. There was this party where we spent hours and hours talking to each other. There was chemistry between us for sure. A few days later I invited him to watch a movie at my place, he agreed. That night we spent 9 hours talking! Then we fell asleep. There was physical intimacy but we did not go all the way. A couple of day later he asked to have coffee together and a small coffee break turned into hours of non-stop talking, having dinner at his place and again some intimacy. I stayed over at his place. Everything seemed to be going awesome and that is exactly when he started to pull himself away. I did not hear from him for 10 days and I was very hurt, so I sent him an email saying that I take his silence for him being not interested. He sent me a reply saying that he thought it was a rash email and then went on telling how busy he was.

All my friends at this point were telling me to forget about him but I decided to stick with my instincts and gave it another chance. I called him the next day and we talked on the phone for about half an hour, I did not bring up my disappointment, we just talked about daily stuff. So this was last friday. He did not call me during the weekend but we saw each other on Monday. He sat next to me at lunch but there were a lot of other people around so we never got to talk about anything really. Afterwards I told him to let me know if he wants to do something together and he said "Ok". I called him wednesday and asked him out to watch a movie but his team had a game (and he told me multiple times that he is a big fan of this team) so he couldn't go out. I told him to call me if he likes to see the movie later this week and he said "Will do" but I haven't heard from him yet.

Whenever he sees me he gives me this bright smile (not something he does to everyone) and seems interested. The two nights we spent together were amazing and I thought we had so much in common. We talked about a lot of things; politics, literature, dreams, our families, childhoods - there was a lot of connection. But when we are apart it is as if I don't exist. This hurts me so much. (Especially given I am a cancer full of emotions)

So, my question is: should I

a) call him later today and ask him out again
b) call him later today and ask him to meet with me so that I can tell him how sad I am because of the way he is acting
c) wait until I see him and talk to him about how I feel
d) do nothing until he calls me (whenever that might be)

Thanks so much in advance for your replies...

d) do nothing until he calls me (whenever that might be)

FallingForVirgo - you have asked him out, he knows your intentions. What might happen if you continue to pursue him is....he may back off. Let him come to you when and if he is ready. Find some fun things to do with your life, if it is meant to happen, it will.

Let go and have faith 😉

i vote for option D. i'm not a virgo or a guy, but from what i know of them...go with D. dont start building your life around this guy. it's cool that you like him so much and from your description i wouldn't doubt that he has some very good feelings for you too, but it's possibly more important than with any other sign, when involved with virgos in any way to have your own life, things to enjoy and emotional stability intact. otherwise you're in for a world of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. being a crab, trust your gut, which you said had been telling you that he likes you. give him time to fully realize that, get comfortable with the idea and then show you...and if he's too stupid to do that, then trust that it's because he's a dumbass, not because there's anything wrong with you. dont put you life on hold while he's mulling it over.

Freebird and RainbowChaser, thank you very much for your replies... It is sooo hard for me to sit still and do nothing. And, that's what I have been literally doing the last couple of weeks. I can't focus on anything, I am obsessed with this guy! I know, I should have my own life - which I had until he came into the picture! LOL! I guess one way or the other I will learn to be patient with this guy...

Another question: If he were not interested in me, would he have told me that? I mean I sent that email to him saying that I took his silence as a sign that he was not interested. If he were not interested, he wouldn't have replied saying that he thought it was a rash email. Am I wrong thinking that this means he IS interested?

You are welcome FFV (hope you don't mind the abrev.)

"If her were not interested in me, would he have told me that?" No, not necessarily - everyone is so different in how they choose to respond in a situation. Honestly, I would not think either way - be patient and observe his actions. You will eventually know in your heart where he is coming from and how he feels about you.

Good-luck!

Wait until he contacts you....If he takes awhile drop him an email or text to let him know you're still around and thinking of him...but don't expect an answer. Maybe a cute email or something not to serious. Trust me It's not you it's him trying to sort through his feelings for you. Virgos don't deal well with unexplained feelings or unplanned occurrences in their lives....i.e. romances. It may take awhile but once he comes back...and he will. It just takes time. Then you will be a very happy woman!

FFV,

I am also a crab going through the exact same with an awesome virguy! Welcome to the club! However much it hurts, everyone's post is exactly correct. Let him know you are still around, but don't force the issue (pursue). Most importantly take care of yourself and find something that makes you happy (and occupied) in the interim. If it is meant to be and he likes you the way you are, he will come back. When? I have no clue and that is what I am personally dealing with right now. On some level, I believe that the virguys see if we can (and how we) handle these periods when they are on "black out". Let's face it, they will go through these periods the rest of their lives. If you can't find that you can deal with it now, then good luck for the future. Patience, patience, patience and see if you can earn his trust.

But is this the case or just something we tell ourselves to justify the waiting around for someone who may never commit?
Do they test us like that? It's too weird. I can't believe someone would be that self aware.

Any Virgo male like to comment?

PD,

While we wait for virmales insight..Don't you think that virguys are, by now, weary of how women react to them? Don't most of us, even with insight to the virgo male, eventually throw up our hands and give up? Imagine how many, with no clue as to how they work, have set them back even further into their "black outs". Sometimes, I would like to shake them until their teeth rattle! And I am a crab! And we know how tenacious and patient Crabs are! I just think that a lot of these guys finally let down their guard and develop a relationship, just to have it all fall apart and badly when their partner can't handle their disappearing. What do you think?

hmmm, good point. Makes sense. I hadn't really considered it. I am quite cynical about men though and assume they are only after a casual thing and are just trying to keep things on their terms for as long as possible. Virgo's are especially hard to read coz they come across as such hard b**st**ds, but I guess they are protecting their soft centres. Whenever I get a glimpse of my Vguys soft centre - that's when he vanishes for weeks on end.

and also, we shouldn't take their dissapearing too personally. it's just their way. hard not to though, eh?

LOL when I hear about cynical and virgomen. Maybe I am just lucky but the two virguys (previous and my present one) were never out to just "use" me. Oh, they had no qualms about getting what they've needed when they needed it but not with me. My previous one and I would "succumb" to each other once in a blue moon. But we knew there would never be a future, though not for lack of wishing on my part. Big age disparity and I want kids (he'd been there, done that).

The new one and I are dancing around intimacy. But I do think Dyr and the other guys are right. If you have been categorized as worthy of being in a LTR, then they will treat you very differently and pull back to analyze you. I think it's hysterical when I find myself wanting to be like the "others". You know, the ones who get the random contact and sexual closeness without the walls or distance. But in the end, they aren't the ones who get to stick around in their universe, are they?

Shaka,

what are your venus and mars signs? My virguy has venus and mars in Cancer (yay for me) and he doesn't disappear and always answers my calls, but then I make sure not to call or see him everyday. Usually on average of once every week or so. But I can tell from our conversation yesterday that he needs sometime...

Rowing2theisland: "the ones who get the random contact and sexual closeness without the walls or distance. But in the end, they aren't the ones who get to stick around in their universe, are they?"

Who knows...
I get random contact, sexual closeness AND the walls and distance. WTF does that mean?!!

yikes! I meant to say, that they let down the walls and distance enough to have a physical relationship. As for emotional? I can not speak on that topic. I thought we had established that they have none? Or at least for the general populace?

I think that once they have established a person's worth in terms of "emotional" expenditure, that they are willing to show some emotion. But that person's "worth" must be on the scale of "parent", "sibling", "offspring", "very signicant other" or "spouse". "Best friends" might rank up there, but just below the others. But friends of years, if not decades.

How many virgos have shaped your view of them?

all the Virgos I have known have been very different actually! It's only on here that the stories match up weirdly.
I could be reading far too much into all this. In fact I know I am! but it gets me through the day...

LOL! What ever it takes to keep us busy and away from pursuing and throttling them! Hell, I'd have already screwed up the current "relationship" if it wasn't for this board!

So FFV, sorry for hijacking your thread, but the gist is: fasten your seat built, settle in for the ride, read all of the guy's advice and be patient. A relationship with a virgo male is much more a test of yourself than anything else. You will get to know yourself and what you are made of while trying to be with one. And if you can't handle the early stages of the "courtship" you need to get out now. I lost about ten years waiting for one, even though I knew better and he did what he could to disuade me. If you are young enough, go for it! But know thyself before you try to know them.

>the gist is: fasten your seat built, settle in for the ride, read all of the guy's advice and be patient. A relationship with a virgo male is much more a test of yourself than anything else. You will get to know yourself and what you are made of while trying to be with one. And if you can't handle the early stages of the "courtship" you need to get out now. I lost about ten years waiting for one, even though I knew better and he did what he could to disuade me. If you are young enough, go for it! But know thyself before you try to know them.


rowing2theisland, thanks for the insight. I guess I am young enough (I'm 26, so is he) but I don't know if I can take this for too long because it is taking too much of time and energy. Current phase of this relationship (hoping there is one, LOL!) is definitely not sustainable - at least for me.

You're right in saying that I will get to know myself better. I've already started understanding my weaknesses and strengths better, and started to realize what I really want in a relationship.

Hey FFv,

I am thinking back to his use of "rash". In my mind, if a virgo is using rash, he is thinking you are going too fast. LOL, if you are anything like me, you'd like to hit him over the head with a club and drag him back to your cave. Once I decide, that's it! Done deal! Not so for them, unfortunately.

You are soooo in the same place I am! I think that you did not go all the way is significant as well. Oh, he likes you if you got close, but he is not ready yet. Same story for me right now.

Best advice I can give (which I am trying to take myself) is: maintain yourself in his radar BUT find things that you need to work on for you. Lose weight, take that class, finish what you have been putting off, do something! Try to focus on anything but him! In the meantime, he can go do his virgo things. In the end, you will have accomplished something and if he is still in the picture, well then, maybe you will have impressed him with your accomplishments. You will have not lost, but you may have gained more for yourself and maybe an awesome guy too. Good luck and keep us posted.

virguys don't know what they want, and if they do they still think they don't and if they don't they still think they do. they don't like drama, etc etc cuz they just don't want it ask them this you won't get your answer don't ask him this they think you're not being honest 'coz they can't be honest with themselves and if they are they only think they're honest but they really aint. they just don't want you like they do. confused yet? pointless.

? are you saying that they want you but they resent feeling that way coz they can't control it?
that's what I reckon. Such a shame. cowards.

no you're wrong. they're just fickle minded.. yknow! 🙂 gosh

Here is an update on my situation: He did not call or made any plans with me. I saw him a few times at work the next week, every time he smiled (in a very charming way) and said hi, I acted friendly too. Then there was a series of seminars at the end of that week. I sat next to him and he was very attentive and nice but then he changed his seat right before the second talk claiming that he could not see anything from where he sat earlier (which is probably true, still the way he let me know of this made me angry). I started acting passive aggressive (which is quite common with cancers I guess) and avoided him for the rest of the day. He looked a little surprised.

Next day, there were again some seminars, this time I did not sit next to him. We did not talk much but I could feel and also see that he was watching me. Then in one of the breaks I sat next to him and asked him some questions about his work. After we chatted a little bit (and I was thinking that everything was going ok) he suddenly said that he needed to talk to someone and left. I was so puzzled, I literally couldn't move for some time. While he was talking to that other person he turned back to see what I was doing and I was very lucky actually because another colleague had approached me a few minutes ago, so I was engaged with another conversation. I am very happy that he didn't see me sitting there all by myself. After the seminar was over I decided to confront him and so I went to talk with him but he was talking with someone else. He was curious what I was up to; I told him that I would email him. That's the last conversation we had and it was last Saturday. I did not email him all week.

Yesterday there was this holiday party at the office. He was in one corner, I was in another and the room was packed with people. We both stayed there for a few hours but didn't say a word but we exchanged a couple of glances.

Last night I decided that I couldn't take this uncertainty anymore, so I sent him an email saying that I gave up on him. It was a friendly email written pretty calmly and maturely. I told him that this rollercoaster made me distressed and that I am looking for something more predictable. I haven't heard back yet. My guess is that he will ignore it altogether.

The good thing is that he will go on a trip next Friday and then I will be on vacation, so I won't see him until mid January. Hopefully by that time my feelings for him will fade away...

Roxi : i've never said anything along the lines of the rollercoaster business to my virgo....cos although i feel like i've been put through a mangle by him........i would imagine him to not have any idea what i'm talking about!!


I thought about this too. I bet he is trying to figure out what I mean by a rollercoaster because from his perspective everything might look pretty smooth!

Not knowing what he thinks/feels is killing me. I just want him to communicate with me. If he doesn't like me, he should be able to say that. If he is too shy and/or coward he can say that in an email rather than in person. But he is not doing that. On the other hand, except for the subtle hints he is not doing anything substantial to show me that he likes me.

As a cancer I crave security. From what I read on DXP, with virgos there is no way to feel secure at least at the beginning of a relationship...

Roxi: you obviously scare the crap out of him!!

Roxi, could you elaborate on this? Why do you think I scared him? You think he would find my email too emotional?

FFV,

Wish I could say something that would make you feel better. I was in the same situation with my first virguy. I couldn't deal, pushed him and I crashed and burned. 'Course I was a lot younger then (and more passive agressive ;0 ). I don't know, I think the best you can do now is just be his friend and be a steady constant in his life. Just try not to have him be the focus of yours. Maybe he'll come around and take it to another level, make sure he takes it to another level; you don't want him to come around with the same old, same old. You'll be on a hamster wheel for the rest of your life!

Just to give you an idea of time frames...My current Virguy and I are still learning and feeling each other out. We've been "seeing" each other for about four months now, but are still a ways away from being in a relationship.

I don't want to say hang in there...just find things that can make you happy!

R2TI

By the way, I find it very ironical that this weekend's horoscope for virgo is:

"Love takes a new look this weekend, so it would be a wonderful time to plan for some romantic outings. Although you may not believe you're ready for the action, the time has come to move ahead."

I read it this morning and I was thinking "maybe he will move ahead". I am not raising my hopes though...

OMG, its just the same thing... all over with Virgo men... they pursue, seem very interested, when you reciprocate, they back off.... what are they afraid of? why does it take them so long to come around... usually years.... it hurts, its painful, you do become obsessed, trying to figure things out, analyze and make things right.. all for naught! and then they act or say things like they don't care... then you tell them off, then they come back around.... eventually, may be months or years, but they do... its extremely frustrating, what's a woman to do? i am a scorpio...full of emotions, passions and wants -- to talk, to share, to love... only to hit a brick wall with virgo.

Sweet, I knew I was doing the right thing when I cut off contact with him.
I have the same problem with a virgo.

Hmm..Must be normal virgo thing. goody.

Wow!! You know sometimes I wonder if they are seeking other woman in other places on the net and etc.. I've been with my Virgo Guy for 5 mos now and We haven't talked in 7 days he had a party where he works and he have been actiing strange for the pass month.
he's 53 years old and live in Irving Texas, He told me that he needed to make sure the he's doing the right thing and ready for the right thing.. The last time I talked to him it was ove a week ago when he emailed me and stated that he's been sick and that he will call me when he's better. Well I guess he must be dead because it's been 7 days to day and not a word. So tell me are they seeing other woman , Could we be getting set up for a heart break with these men that goes off to their caves?
Don't say I love you and I care for you and there's no one else if deep down in your heart you know you're lying to that person that you said you want to spend your future with. Are thye seeing how many more woman out there is falling for their crap..
No matter what sign you are there's no reason to treat a person with little or no repsect at all.
soft

A Virguy is pretty picky in terms of... well everything!
I'm sorry that this guy has hurt you, he probably doesn't even know it.
To understand a male virgo, you must have a stimulatiing conversation with him, (like you apparently did) with any topic that involves a very complex outlook.

I think it is best to say that this virguy was scared off by your feelings of social comfort, I understand it sounds extremely kaotic, a male virgo needs to feel the drive to chase a woman. Females are an accomplishment to most us who work so hard for what we have, we try to succeed in mostly everything we do, we would also like to succeed in our women.

Quite frankly, we as "Virgos" like a bit of a chase, when we have something that comes too easy, it is not something we desire in feeling.

Do you understand what I mean sweetheart?

Your best bet was to ignore him in the first place, eventually, if hes anything like myself, he would come to wonder why such a woman would not give him any attention.
I know it sounds selfish and greedy, but it is in his/our nature to understand how he can accomplish a stimulating conversation with you(or any female), when you show him no mercey...If then he feels like you're right for him, we will capture you with success and treat you like the woman you are or should be.

If then he feels like you're right for him, we will capture you with success and treat you like the woman you are or should be.

Correction...

If then he feels like you are right for him, he will capture you with success of what his standards are and treat you like the woman you are or should be have always been treated.

Roxi: "i think you're giving him the heebeegeebees!!!"

🙂 Well, he's giving me heebeegeebees too! I can't eat when I sit next to him at lunch table. I lose my appetite, no matter how hungry I am and when I force myself to eat I spill everything!

If we hadn't gotten intimate and if I hadn't told him that I liked him very much, I would have been happy to hang in this subtle flirting phase...

I am sure it is not that he doesn't respect me but for sure he comes across as rude and inconsiderate. I wish I had the emotional strength to endure this rollercoaster but the way he acts throws me out of balance and I can't afford it right now..

That was for you Fallingforvirgo...

Virgo25-85: "That was for you Fallingforvirgo..."

Thank you Virgo25-85. I do understand your point. Perhaps I was too "easy" for him. I really don't like playing games. When I feel something, I show it!

I guess one difference between me and virgos is that I think first (and btw my moon is in virgo, so I am an analyzer too! 🙂) and then make up my mind and act accordingly. Once I make up my mind, I become more goal oriented. Virgos, on the other hand, seem to postpone the decision making as much as possible and hence come across as wishy-washy.

I called my virgo today just to see how he's doing he's always happy to hear from me after 7 days I guess he would be.. He said that he will call me when he gets off work at 6 or 7 or 9 which ever comes first. Our relationship was very good at first but then he started to miss me and wanted me up there with him alot I live in Abilene, and He lives in Irving I work for the airlines so I fly free I would fly up there on the weekends and spend time with him, and then he said he didn't know he could miss someone so much and we talked about living together, I was looking for jobs when I would go and visit him on the weekend.. I love him enough to give up a job that I have had for 10 years. I think when he seen that I was serious then he decide to email me and tell me that he's not ready for this right now and he needs time to figure out what his life is all about. Since then we haven't talked much or seen each other over a month. He's not sure that this is what he wants. So I'm not sure about what it is that he's seeking, but tonight I'm going to ask that question where are we going in this relationship if we can get it back on the track that it felled off of. I love you very much and I miss you isn't something you just keep saying without putting forth the effect to bring it forward.

Hello FFV,

Your story is similar to mine, and it was a good read for me too. As Roxi said, his behavior may not specifically tell anything, mine have treated me the same so far, but at unexpected times, he has shown his affection too, so do not take what happened by case, think everything as a whole and try to see a pattern (even though most likely what you'll find is "one step forward two steps back"). I feel almost ashamed to say here this but, I am keeping a journal for this for 9 months. I am scribbling everything he did: what he said, how he talked, what was his smile like, how he bended his body, etc. I keep track of his commucations with me: how often he used to write let's say 4 months ago, and how often he writes now? I am paying attention of the changes in any of this and trying to put the pieces together. If I sense anything might be wrong, I am trying to find out the reason first, I am talking to other people at the office, find out if there was anything bothering him lately, or keeping im busy. If they say something goes with that, than I am okay, I know that was not related to me. If not, I am giving him some time then I do something little to please him. Somehing like smiling at him on the hallway. I try not to rush him in anyway, and I never look upset or not interested. I try to look polite and detached, but also nice and open. I am trying to be a "no surprise or good surprise only" person. I am letting him to know me slowly. I enjoy it I might say...

love4ever,

I think it is a very good idea to keep a diary like that. Sometimes I realize that I forget some details, and those details turn out to be important usually.

Also, I'd like to say that I admire your patience. I don't know if I could wait for that long, I am way too impatient... I really hope that he will see your patience as well as your other qualities and make up his mind soon.

For me waiting for that long is almost impossible. I am very emotional and I get very distracted when I fall for someone. Last two months were so unproductive for me! I just couldn't keep my mind on work and I know this is not sustainable for me. I want to know where I stand and where I am leading to, otherwise the uncertainty just kills me.

Good luck with your Virguy!

My Virgo is a soft spoken guy he dont' get upset much at all. He keep saying it's not me nothing I have done I have been nothing but patient and kind and loving to him. Maybe all of this was to much for him someone that is real and he wants me there but then he realize that maybe it is to soon since it only been months since we met.
soft

yet another update on my story...

I sent him that email on Friday and he sent me back a reply on Wednesday. I knew he would be very busy till Tuesday, so I think that's why he took his time to reply.

So, in his email he says that he's been busy for the past few months. (He admits that this sounds clich?, but he claims that it is the truth) He also says that an email I sent him earlier actually made a bad impression on him. (I sent him an email approximately 10 days after we first got close. So, we had really good time and all of a sudden he stopped contact. He went on a weekend trip and didn't call me after he got back in town. I was so hurt (thinking that he wasn't interested in me although we got somewhat physically intimate) I sent him an email saying that I took his silence as a signal that he was not interested. He replied me the next day saying that he thought my email was rash and that he was busy) So, in this new email, he says that this email of mine gave him the impression that he would have to be dealing with drama and he did not like that. He also says in the email that he really enjoyed the times we spent together and that our conversations were nice.

I got this email and I felt really bad that he thought I was full of drama ? which I think is totally incorrect. So I sent him a reply saying exactly this and also that I wished he had been more open to communication because there was absolutely no way for me to know why he stopped contacting me. I also told him that I enjoyed our times together.

I saw him afterwards that day and he didn't talk to me but he was staring at me and he was listening to my conversations with other people.

Anyways, he didn't say anything, I didn't say anything that day and he didn't reply to me.

However, the next day (yesterday) he stopped by my desk making a funny comment. I was surprised but I replied in the same tone. We talked quite a bit (all about daily stuff ? nothing about the emails) and then he left. He went out of town for the weekend this morning, so I won't see him until Monday for sure.

I don't know what to think of this!

Do you think he is still interested? Or is it that he felt bad after my email and just wants to stay as friends, so he came to see me to show that he didn't have any hard feelings?

I think I should not make any moves at all from now on. What do you think?

Is there any way I can know where he stands without looking desperate/needy/clingy?

Thanks all!

F-F-V,

That's definitely a good sign! It means that he's back and he has thought about what happened between you and him. It's true that when they're occupied, they put everything else on pause. So when he says that he means it, do not get upset. Just wait. Or stay around and make light contact only, to let him know that you're there for him in case he needs.

FFV,

I had to go back to all the post you made about this guy. I thought it would only fair to share words with some people in this board since I bring up questions here and in others forums as well...and when people answered it is helpful...

I think this guy is confused FFV.

I think in one hand he feels very attracted to you, whereas it is physically or mentally or both...I don't know, but he can't make himself quit you completely.

I know this, because the times I've been torn about breaking it off with someone...if I still like the person or feel attracted to them...and they have done nothing to hurt me...it is REALLY hard to let go at once and quickly.

Unlike other signs, we aren't as impulsive, so when we do or feel in things we haven't calculated or planned...we may seem okay at the beginning, but in the slightest mistakes we see...we freak out...and then we get distant.

We may come back to talk or respon, because we don't like hurting people and because we may feel still very attracted to you....but if he is using an excuse such as "i'm very busy" or "your email was really harsh" (and for what i know you weren't hard on him on that email at all but just honest) then he is trying to find excuses to find space and a way out...

He may be struggling because he make think this relationship may not work because of current situations (work rules, other people, or how unpredictable things were) or he may have been a bit freaked out because he realized you may like him a lot too...so he doesn't want to hurt your feelings but letting you know just confused he is right now.

the more logical and less emotional you are when you talk with him from here on...the more likely he will listen to you and open up to let know what's going on in his mind...

meanwhile, keep on moving on with your life, don't wait for him. make him chase you and miss you too...and if you get a bit close again...give a little and take a little...don't open up completely right away.

VirgowithalittleLibra, I really appreciate your reply and that you read the whole story (which I know is pretty long).

I agree he is confused, well, so am I! 🙂

I am very happy that at the end of next week he will leave town for the holidays and after that I will be out of town and we won't see each other for 3 weeks. I think it will be a good time for both of us to think about everything...

Totally agree....
Think about what YOU need too and if he can provide that for you...if not, no matter how interesting the puzzle is...it won't make sense.

Distance will help you both see things a bit more clearly...

Best of luck! 🙂

I was talking to a friend of mine about my VirGuy and she thinks that this VirGuy might not have the best intentions. She thinks that VirGuy likes the fact that there is this woman (who happens to me! LOL!) who shows interest in him, boosting his self esteem and he doesn't really want to lose this "admirer". That's why he shows crumbles of interest just to keep me interested in him but he wouldn't do anything substantial to get into a real relationship with me.

How do I know what his intentions are? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? Or should I completely give up on him?

I am sooo confused... 😢

Thoughts on the virguy. This Virguy has been contacting me and speaking for almost a year through email & text. We meet once a week. He does the stare that has been mentioned. He talks about the swell of my lips. So first thing first. He made it clear that several of his relations have been ended because the gals wanted more than sex. He just keeps persuing, I have nothing for him. He is constantly complimenting me and such. In my experience, people will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. We talk about day to day things. He does the thing where I may not hear from him for a couple of days. It's okay. When we do see each other I'm nervous because the gut tells me he's working for something he's not going to get. He finally makes an intruding comment and then suggests that because I said no there's a reason. So I made it clear that i own what he sees & expected never to hear from him again. Hear from him the next day and really couldn't believe it. I don't want a relationship. But I'm not going into something knowing the outcome, that is boring. Just the fact that I'm talking about him says different though? Anyway my point being they will go for days without contacting & it's their mouth and body. People own themselves, someone else is not allowed to expect without a wedding band. So back off and grow up. Don't give the stuff up so quick, it's hard to respect anyone after that let alone yourself. Forgive me.

yourstrulyTaUrUs, I am not sure if I understood your comment correctly, so the following might sound unrelated. Anyways...

I don't think in my case he is after sex. We haven't had sex although we did get intimate and he never acts like he is after sex. It's more like he likes the attention. You know, when you know someone likes you and they look at you with adoring eyes, that's a boost for one's self esteem. The thing I suspect is this, not that he's there just to have sex with me.