Troubled Mind

I'm new to this board and I guess you can tell I need help.

I'm a ScorpioGal and I'm falling really hard for an older, married VirGuy.
We're intimate. Really intimate. Regularly intimate. I know he's neatly compartmentalized me: I'm no threat to his home life.

Is he falling for me? I can't tell and I wouldn't know how to tell. I'm not going to ask him anything because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Sometimes I'm confused by the gifts he gives (I ALWAYS have something expensive presented to me whenever we see each other) and can't tell whether he's just being polite.

I'm falling for a guy who's not mine to fall for. I'm getting wrapped-up in someone who doesn't belong to me (yet, I feel like the most beautiful woman, the only woman in the world when he's with me).

And I'm confused...and rambling.

*heavy sigh*

i'm sorry but i have to be blunt. but i don't think what you feel is the right kind of love because real love doesn't let you do something that will harm or destroy you. you know yourself that what you're doing is wrong but still you follow what your heart says. i don't wanna preach you but love is a wonderful feeling and if the guy really loves you he won't put you in that kind of situation. also he can be innocent with this and it's just you who have the problem.

feelings can fool you. so ask for the grace of wisdom. genuine love encourage the person to do what is right, for it takes no pleasure in other people's sin but delights in truth. that lies the test of love.

i'm sorry if you find this harsh. save yourself before it's too late.

You're a human being for cryin' in the mudd!! lol 😉 You've got feelings, so I won't sit here and bash you for feeling the way you do; it's your take on life, and your way, I ACCEPT IT. I'd tell you to throw caution to the wind, and drill him like a damn new york street curb, but he's not exactly yours yet; as far as the 'gift giving' it's a little ambiguous on a Virguys part; gift giving for us can mean just that; giving a gift to either a friend, or loved one; you'll have to go in deeper to find that answer my scorpgal friend....you ready for the dive? I'm behind ya; regardless of uncomfortability, you obviously need the answers, and for that, you must go to the source; if any muckiness happens as a result of your intrest in the truth, than perhaps it's not meant to be, or maybe you should appologize; go with your heart, AND head on this one; one can't win out on this alone ya know...good luck...and smilez eh? 😉

spicy, when I'm falling for someone I do just that! I fall for them; my logic becomes vague, and twisted, I can't stop thinking about them, I try to do things so as our paths may cross more frequently or I'll just stare deeply at you; you know that stare you get when you feel something's 'burining' in your skin? that feeling you get when you wanna hold your heart becase you felt for an instant, someone GRABED IT? I can also sing, so I'd sing to my object of affection.... That's my way of letting you know.....just look for that in him, or simply ask him....but do it at your own discretion; I'm just offering a (hopefully) peice of advice. 😉

notso you've a point as well; but some people are easy virtued....this could end in trouble dammit...😢 I don't know, if this guy is just being plain 'friendly' or if he's really into spicy....This is gonna sound dumb, but I hope you guys come to resolution, and no one gets hurt in the process; perhaps it's best for you to move on spicy? Damn it....😢

I can't speak on what someone may or may not do or tell them what to do; people do crazzzzy things sometimez....so I can't just say to spicy that her chances with him are nil, but at the same time she should stop to think if she is breaking up a happy home/family.....I'm looking at this realistically depending on either avenue she/he may take...

Well,

I don't need a self-esteem check. I'm pretty good with how I feel about myself.
Do I need love? Nope.
Did I come here for comfort? No. Just to vent or to think aloud because I can't discuss this with anyone.

But what I'm experiencing is happiness; however, it's muddled with a whole bunch of "what people think". Do I love him? No. Am I capable of loving him? Not in his current situation. He's NOT leaving his wife...and I'm okay with that too. I don't want him to leave his wife for me because the honeymoon phase will end and I'll begin to see his faults (I'd prefer leave that to his wife). I prefer seeing him, counting my orgasms on 2 hands and sending him home.

I'm no fool about dealing with a married man, but I want to know if what I'm feeling is odd...this whole "falling" thing.

Sb,

I love you too...*s*

I'm just gonna shrink off into nothingness.....😢

*VE walks out as the crowd offers a 'awwww' through the door of the 'troubled minds' t.v. set.....lol

I am sorry for your ambivalence spicy, and am appauding your judgement; IF your self-esteem weren't in check, I suppose you couldn't have come to such a hefty descision; you realize there are factors involved in this relationship beyond just 'you, and he'...good, that is really admirable.....since you don't love him, and there is no REAL FEELINGS involved, then you should just blow onward and upward; you realized he isn't of importance to you to come in between their relationship; playing with the heart is a huge responsibility to assume if two people are in the midst of it....(sorry if I got TOO idealistic/ethical) good luck though, and I believe you are as sound in self-esteem as anyone else.....you're coming to terms with this, and dealing, that means your self-esteem MUST be intact, and your ego isn't the only one's you're trying to pet....good, I admire you 😉

lol @ spicy....wanna be partnerz in crime?! lol 😉

Sb,

If you were in the same room with me, I'd laugh in your face for trying to be hurtful. HA!

VE:

Thank you for the advice. As far as the "happy home" deal: well, he pursued me. So, I can't be ruining something that's already broken in some sense.

Notso:

Falling, IMO, is part of the fun but I can't say that I love him. I care greatly for him and his well-being. I value his opinion, I allow him space, and I make him laugh. He does the same for me. In the back of my mind, I don't want the good, blissful feelings to end. I know that they will (and probably very cleanly) and I'd be stupid to not know.

As far as disrespecting his wife goes, I did not pursue this man. In terms of disrepsecting myself, I see no disrespect. I am confidant and concubine to this man and I can be a woman with him: not a mother, a sister, a boss, a teacher, a leader or follower. A woman. I only wear ONE hat with him and it's the hat that's so many times unappreciated, overlooked and abused. And with me, he's a man.

At the end of our time together, it all makes sense.

Archer,

Yes, actually, I do feel better.
I can speak freely and openly (and anonymously) about something supposedly taboo that I've been carrying around.

Sb,

Okay...I'll laugh then.

Archer:

"is that all you want to trade your self for..."

I'm where I want to be in my life, my career, with my family and my friends. I don't have time to deal with another person's quirks and problems, issues and drama so I have this man who brings all of the perks without the headache. I'm not trading myself for anything. I'm SPARING myself some grief.

Relationships are taxing. Even this relationship I have with my VirGuy is slightly perplexing...but it NEVER keeps me up at night like my last relationships have.

I guess what happened to spurn Archer's comment was the passing of judgement on me as a person and NOT the discussion of a situation I described.

Ask yourself this question spicynacho - Do you want to be second best to someone? Because this guy is having his cake and eating it. Why should he be allowed to do so. You are worth more than that. Go find yourself a man who respects you for you, not just a piece of meat. If he's cheating on his wife then he's likely to be a cheat fullstop.

MissMorals:

I have no problem playing Second-Fiddle to his wife. He DOES respect me for who I am and for how I feel, so I am not just a piece of tail *lol*. Why SHOULDN'T he be allowed to be happy? I'm having a blast!

There is something going on in a 32-year marriage when a man pursues another woman. Perhaps at this point in their marriage, they are Life-Companions. No more romance, no more passion, no more sex. Just work and consistently building on what they have (he's a Virgo: He's GOING to build).

I'm not worried about him cheating me (and, trust me, as a Scorp that took a lot of work!) simply because I know he's not mine to possess (more work on my part).

Why am I continuing this thread?
1) I'm Self-Soothing (gotta love "Meet the Fockers") since I've not been able to talk about this to anyone.
2) I'm agonizing (because I don't know where his head is)
3) I'm wondering if it's normal for VirGuys to act in this fashion. I know a bit about the younger VirGuy but not about the Older, more seasoned one.

SN

Cap:

All very valid statements from you. Granted. However, I can't say I have contradicting feelings. Conflicting ones (against the norm and NOT within myself), maybe. I see polyandery as a valuable life style .

I mean, really--to step outside of monogamy (a life practice that's become the norm)--is it such a bad thing?

I've no problems with his being married because I'm not locked-in the monogamous mindset. It IS possible to be into more than one person.

Will he leave me? Yes. Do I want him to be completely mine? No.

Further, I think his wife knows. How can you be so dense as to NOT know your hubby of 30+ years has a Mistress?

How do you know you already haven't?
If you're single, you might meet someone who thinks like I do. In that case, stand up for what you believe. No "Others."

But, if you're in a relationship, you'd better be on-top-of your game because people like me might've eloved from people who think like you.

Ask yourself this question spicynacho - Do you want to be second best to someone? Because this guy is having his cake and eating it. Why should he be allowed to do so. You are worth more than that. Go find yourself a man who respects you for you, not just a piece of meat. If he's cheating on his wife then he's likely to be a cheat fullstop.

Yep, you could've said it better Missmorals, I'm with you 100% ! I applaud the fact that SpiceNacho is at least attempting to get some advice -- whether she admits it or not.


Actually, many people get involved in toxic relationships like this one. Why? Because involvements such as these are ?easier" to come by?.. if you know what I mean.

For some odd reason, people like the fact that they have ?no-strings-attached? ? as a result, it most relationships such as these more attractive to those who are look at everything with a ?business? mentality. This is the way Spicynaco and the married Virgo man (that SOB) chose to conduct their lives apparently.

Hope that made sense ??

Now, I am compelled to answer:

Aprilbaby, I'd prefer you not insult me or attack my character. You may not share in my beliefs but it doesn't give you the right to be mean...but I expect that from you Aries-born people who lack the tact, vocab and timing to be remotely diplomatic.

My ex-hubby is an Aries. "Ex" being the keyword.

Have a great day!!!

Sorry, don't have paitience or tolerance for issues like this.

Offline, I don't either Aprilbaby 🙂 But, I'm really trying to change that ... hey, if it's not me, I try not to get too personal. But I still give my opinion 😄

People are into sooooooo many games right now, it's so pathetic. All cheaters (everyone involved) relates life to a game.

I just think the sense of morals and ethics there is really lacking. I guess I shouldn't take it so personally though as you said. It isn't me thank goodness, but I know if I were the wife or girlfriend in that situation, she'd get a good @ $ $ whoopin b/c she knowingly involved herself with a man who was already in a relationship and so would he before I kicked him out on his sorry @ $ $ .

I agree! I would get rid of him in a heartbeat!!!!!!!

I think the sense of actually morals in lacking with many people period. It's sad but true 😢

SN - there sure are some hot headed comments on this post.

A guy who is carrying on an qffair is only doing so to get what he might be missing from his marriage. I won't go into the morqlity of this thing.

Just know that if you fall for him, he will likely not return those feelings. You will get hurt.

He didn't leave his wife for you. He is seeing you for sexual gratification. All the true intimate moments of care, love, and thoughts of future is with his wife. If he loves you; he zould hqve left her for you already.

Even if his wife already knozs, you should still consider ending it. If he loves you like you hope, he will leave her for you. If not, you have your answer. In addition, you will create less harm to all involved, including yourself. If you don't feel hurt yet, just give it a little more time. I've never known women who emerge unscathed from an affqir.

Good luck.

Excuse my misspelling...I am in France this week and the French keyboard is really messing up my typing.

Whoa Whoa Whoa!!!

Id hate to be that guys wife...just remember karmas a bitch.
Will he ever leave his wife (this should answer your does he love you question)....?
Just remember who he is married to...not you.


Poor girl...I knew you'd be attacked already so I wont judge...too much.

Oh By the way...


WELCOME TO DXP...DONT BE AFRAID TO COME AGAIN. 🙂

Question:

Why do you care if he loves you or not...since you say your okay with the situation...He's with YOU, when he IS with you, that should be enough for your wonderful arrangement.

Another episode of Jerry Springer....

LMAO....Sheesh..seriously!...