Wait it out or let go?

I’m a taurus girl and this virgo guy I’ve known for 10 years but started seeing for 3 months is being more and more distant. Now I know most people have short attention span so I’m not sure how to tell the story short but I’ll do my best.

I could post the more detailed one since I really want to know what you virgos think and I feel like you need to know the whole story so you can give me the best answer lol so just let me know. It’s a novel hahaha!

I’ve known him for 10 years or so. We had a thing (unrequited love? Hmm) before, back in 2010, so we remained special to each other even now. He had a girlfriend of 5-6 yrs but broke up last year, September. I’ve been single for 8 years thanks to my Scorpio ex. But also I guess I was just really picky like my friends tell me 😒

We started “seeing” each other this May although we’re both not big on labels. We both like the friends first route.

May-June things were great. Constant communication, very funny, flirty, learning a lot about each other. We met up 4 times, once was initiated by him. Had a bit of a rough patch which made me spill out that I do like him. He took it well. He didn’t outright say he liked me back. He indirectly said it when I asked him if he flirts with sexual innuendos with just anyone. Said he didn’t; only to those he likes. This was back in 1st week of May. Then from hints based off of the other virgo forums here. But still, I don’t assume that he does like me the same way or same amount that I like him. I guess I need to hear it from him to actually believe it.

July, he started becoming a bit distant, late replies although understandable since he’s busy working. Push/pull, hot/cold.

We met up again. Had our first kiss. He became distant but I made contact. Back to normal.

Then I made the mistake of frustrating him. Make out session gone wrong. I tend to overthink so when we started making out, my anxiety also started acting up. I kept thinking how he was just playing me and would leave me right after he got what he wanted. We’d kiss and when my mind starts to act up, I’d abruptly stop. Then he’d pull me in again and I’d give in but then stop again. This went on for a few more times until he got frustrated. He must be really annoyed if he, himself, said he’s frustrated.

I was also annoyed with myself so I decided to sleep it off before I message him but in actuality, I did not get any sleep from overthinking about what happened. When morning came, I messaged him explaining why I kept pulling back. I said I was sorry but I also got hurt and offended when he said he’d never see me again after that night. (There was a time when he said I should make the most out of him that night since I won’t be seeing him again after. In my mind I was like, wth? but also didn’t say anything about it. Idiot)

It took him a day or two to message back. He said he was sorry I got hurt with what he said. He admitted to being frustrated because he said I was showing hints that I wanted to kiss him but then I’d pull away. Again, I explained that I get anxious when I feel like people are just trying to use me and that I didn’t do that to make fun of him or play hard to get. I told him how my ex (he knows him personally too) used to do that. We’d kiss and all but then he’d disappear only to find out he’s cheating on me with someone else.

His reply made me sad. He said he knows now what he’ll do. He’ll do nothing. I asked him what he meant by that, he said he’s not going to make the same mistake. In my mind, I thought he meant he understood now that I need stability before we get too heavy. But after overthinking it, maybe he meant he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?

He said we shouldn’t see each other or be left alone together for now. I asked him if he never wanted to see me again and if he thought that that was the best solution. Cause I was hoping we’d just rather set clearer boundaries. Meaning we still could hangout but with boundaries. He said that was his point. Again in my mind, they’re not exactly the same and convey different meaning. So I was just “—” but I let him know that I wanted to take things slow. He didn’t respond after that.

We were supposed to attend a concert together a week after that kiss but he cancelled cause he said he was too embarassed about what happened. He really wanted to go according to him, so I insisted that he do and if he was worried it will be awkward, I assured him I was fine and that I won’t even bring up the subject at least until after the concert since I really wanted to talk to him as well. To explain my side better. But he declined. Said we’ll talk some other time. That gave me hope. Maybe he wasn’t done with me yet unlike what the other forums I’ve read here says. Honestly, I was annoyed that he didn’t come. So annoyed that I never wanted to speak to him ever again. But I also know that was just my emotions talking. So I didn’t reply until the next day, after I’ve calmed down. I couldn’t really blame him anyway since it was also my fault.

He was also invited to a birthday party with me and other friends but he said he had a change of plans. It was a holiday but he still went to work. He rarely posts in instagram but he did that time (maybe as proof that he wasn‘t lying? Lol)

This was 2 weeks after the concert. So I assumed he still wasn’t ready to see me yet. Again, he messaged me at the end of the day asking about the party. This was in 2nd week of August.

So here’s the thing: we still communicate up to this day although it’s become way less than how we started. He’s always checking my stories, sometimes he’d reply to one and I’ll answer back but sometimes we really don’t get far before it hits the dead end. Sometimes when I go out, he’d check the instagram stories of my friends of which he doesn’t normally view. I don’t want to assume but I’m secretly hoping he’s doing that to check up on me. He’s checking who I’m with?

- he always initiate contact first. Then I reply. I’m kind of like mirroring him like from what I’ve read in other forums. I’m not sure though how long I need to do this?

- Sometimes I joke about being jealous. He obviously know it’s a joke as well and he enjoys it. He’d laugh then tell me to relax or chill.

- I’m just being really patient. I asked him if he still plans to show his face to me because I miss him, he said “aww? Hehehe. There’s still chance” so I said, when? What’s taking it so long? I said it in a joke-y way. He said when there’s time. He’s just really busy this time. And that our friends are not planning anything yet anyway. I basically gave him an opening to ask me to hangout but he didn’t lol. At this point, I’m scared to ask him out unlike before...

- I think he’s hanging out with someone else. A work mate but one of his close friends there. I’m still keeping an eye out.



I left out a lot things so if you have questions just ask away.

But what do you think I should do? Should I let this go (again) or be more patient? I’m CONSTANTLY torn between the two. I find myself wanting to let this go cause I do have a hunch he’s seeing someone else but then I’d contradict myself again after a short while and think that maybe they’re just really good friends, or that maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship yet (he knows I’m looking for this only) and so he’s enjoying his single life for now... things like that.



What I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.



Is this right? I swear I’m an overthinker so I no longer know what the heck is happening hahahaha. If you guys could give me an insight as well, about what I wrote, anything, please feel free to do so.

Also, I’m 26, he’s 29 turning 30 in a few days.

So sorry it’s still this long. I tried to give you the shortest possible version.

Huh-

Posted by stubbyWhat I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.

That sounds like a good idea.

You are adorable in your persistence and so upfront! You know what you want, and are putting yourself out there to get it! This is an admirable trait to have…it just doesn’t help built a romantic relationship, if the other person is not into you as much as you are into them!

You are being honest with him and with yourself. Ready to accept boundaries, but giving plenty of hints that it’s just a question of time till you expect them to fall. Your ardour is flattering, but obviously puts pressure on him. I think he likes you a lot, but doesn’t necessarily want to date you.

What can you do? First of all, don’t blame yourself. You may be fundamentally lacking something he wants, and yet be perfect for someone else. Chemistry between two people is a complicated thing. Did you feel any chemistry, btw? You stopped him repeatedly when he was kissing you! And he gave up… not only that, but he announced that he will never try again! Something is telling me that you’ll do much better as platonic friends.

You two tried your best, over several months, and it didn’t work well. Now give someone else a chance, and don’t be possessive and jealous if the Virgo finds someone for him too. Caring about someone should make you happy if they are happy!

Posted by Sunsetvirgo

Huh-

Hahaha were you able to keep up? Truly sorry that it became like a novel lol. I’ve read previous posts that somehow relate to me and/or my situation and you were one of the virgos that gave really great answers so I hope you can also help me out on this one. 🙂

Posted by Undine

You are adorable in your persistence and so upfront! You know want you want, and are putting yourself out there to get it! This is an admirable trait to have…it just doesn’t help built a romantic relationship, if the other person is not into you as much as you are into them!

You are being honest with him and with yourself. Ready to accept boundaries, but giving plenty of hints that it’s just a question of time till you expect them to fall. Your ardour is flattering, but obviously puts pressure on him. I think he likes you a lot, but doesn’t necessarily want to date you.

What can you do? First of all, don’t blame yourself. You may be fundamentally lacking something he wants, and yet be perfect for someone else. Chemistry between two people is a complicated thing. Did you feel any chemistry, btw? You stopped him repeatedly when he was kissing you! And he gave up… not only that, but he announced that he will never try again! Something is telling me that you’ll do much better as platonic friends.

You two tried your best, over several months, and it didn’t work well. Now give someone else a chance, and don’t be possessive and jealous if the Virgo finds someone for him too. Caring about someone should make you happy if they are happy!

Chemistry was off the hook, if I may say so myself. I’ve felt it since the beginning... meaning since we were in our younger years. So I’ve always blamed it to timing. I thought we didn’t get a chance before cause I was moving on from someone and I wasn’t ready to try again and now we’re not going to get that chance again cause he’s the one who’s moving on from someone. But maybe it really is just not for us. :/

I don’t mean to, but I realized that it does put pressure on him when I tell him that I value or that I like him so now, I’m backing off. I just thought that I needed to be clear and that might lead him to do something but so far, he’s done nothing. In fact, he became distant lol. So I’m also leaning more towards the platonic friends scenario which sucks, but understandable. Of course, I’d be happy for him if he found someone else that would take care of him. I’m just sad for me cause I wanted that to be me hahaha!

Does it mean anything though, if he comes back and contact me again?

Posted by Weeds

Posted by stubbyWhat I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.

That sounds like a good idea.

click to expand

Thank you.

But what if he contacts me again? Should I just go with the flow (I’ll try my best not to get my hopes up that he wants more hahaha) or maybe I should just cut contact for now until we’re both ready to be just friends again?

I think you need to work on yourself. You still have a lot of past relationship baggage that is obviously effecting current relationships. You need to get grounded and figure out what you want. You are insecure right now, which isn't a horrible thing, it happens, but unfortunately it makes you less attractive to potential good men and leaves you open to abusive men. Something I've recently discovered myself and I'm working on it too. It's not easy. It's fucking hard. But I feel once you get through it you will be happier and that will attract someone who is right for you. If this guy really really wanted to be with you then he would make sure it happens. But you can't sit around and wait on him forever. It's unfair to you and your own happiness. A lesson I wish I had learned years ago.

Posted by SeaLion

I think you need to work on yourself. You still have a lot of past relationship baggage that is obviously effecting current relationships. You need to get grounded and figure out what you want. You are insecure right now, which isn't a horrible thing, it happens, but unfortunately it makes you less attractive to potential good men and leaves you open to abusive men. Something I've recently discovered myself and I'm working on it too. It's not easy. It's fucking hard. But I feel once you get through it you will be happier and that will attract someone who is right for you. If this guy really really wanted to be with you then he would make sure it happens. But you can't sit around and wait on him forever. It's unfair to you and your own happiness. A lesson I wish I had learned years ago.

Thank you for responding!

I guess I do. After reading lots and lots of forums here, I realized that I do still have that past relationship baggage. But how do I completely let go of that when it’s something I never want to happen again? I tried to justify it in my head as a lesson that I needed to learn before so I’m kind of looking out for signs now that might put me in that situation again. 🤔

I do want to let it go though, cause I know it’s going to affect my future relationship(s) if I keep letting it consume my head.

I’m now shifting my focus to other things besides work: new hobbies, new friends... honestly, right now, I do it just so I don’t get to think about him. I’m trying hard not to think and worry about him; but I know that if I keep doing those things, I’d go back to my old boring but carefree self and everything will be like how it was before...

Anyhoo, thank you again. Also, good luck in your journey to a happier you! ❤️

Posted by stubby

Posted by Weeds

Posted by stubbyWhat I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.

That sounds like a good idea.

Thank you.

But what if he contacts me again? Should I just go with the flow (I’ll try my best not to get my hopes up that he wants more hahaha) or maybe I should just cut contact for now until we’re both ready to be just friends again?

click to expand

I think the cutting contact is going make the situation much more confusing.

It's easier to keep it casual. Going with the flow is a mutAble moto so you're on the right track

I read your post. This guy isn't worth your effort or time let alone your heart or vagina.

My take on it, beating in mind you've been friends for ten years, is that he did not want to date you. He just wanted to have sex with you. I say this because you only met four tines in as many months plus, and this is the important bit, he asked you out only once during that time. You did the pursuing for the other three. It should be the other way around because then you know whether the guy is genuinely interested in you (by consistently asking you out) or just going along because he has nothing better to do (you asking him out each time). By pursuing him, you lost the best way to know if he was genuinely interested in wanting to be with you. That led to you being where you are now. Confused. Unsure. Insecure. Not knowing if he wanted to be with you.

I don't think he handled the sex situation well at all. Any self respecting, decent man would have stopped immediately when you pulled away and either called it a day with no guilt factor or at least asked what was wrong without blaming you for his frustration (he's capable of giving himself a wank).

He's nearly 30. Had he been ten years younger then it would be easy to put that down to maturity levels or something.

Even had he not dealt well with it there and then. The least he could do, for someone he supposedly cares out, is to have a conversation afterwards or to respond differently or more respectfully. Yet, he didn't. He just played around with you and dangled a carrot of hope. He cancelled your arrangements because it suited him not to go.

I really don't think there's any route to anywhere but more misery and uncertainly with this guy. If there is, you tell me what it is? Someone said to sit and wait it out as he's mutable but I disagree with this. As a Taurus, you're a fixed sign, you like certainty (unless you have heavy mutable placements such as Gemini) and he will never be that kind of guy. Regardless of your perceived chemistry being high, your actual combatibility seems low and this isn't going to sustain a long term relationship at all.

I suggest you take time out for yourself to heal. It sounds like your breakup from Scorpio was not that long ago. I'd recommend blocking Virgo, even if for the short term, otherwise you'll still be waiting for him to contact you this delaying your recovery.

Posted by AgentP911

I read your post. This guy isn't worth your effort or time let alone your heart or vagina.

My take on it, beating in mind you've been friends for ten years, is that he did not want to date you. He just wanted to have sex with you. I say this because you only met four tines in as many months plus, and this is the important bit, he asked you out only once during that time. You did the pursuing for the other three. It should be the other way around because then you know whether the guy is genuinely interested in you (by consistently asking you out) or just going along because he has nothing better to do (you asking him out each time). By pursuing him, you lost the best way to know if he was genuinely interested in wanting to be with you. That led to you being where you are now. Confused. Unsure. Insecure. Not knowing if he wanted to be with you.

I don't think he handled the sex situation well at all. Any self respecting, decent man would have stopped immediately when you pulled away and either called it a day with no guilt factor or at least asked what was wrong without blaming you for his frustration (he's capable of giving himself a wank).

He's nearly 30. Had he been ten years younger then it would be easy to put that down to maturity levels or something.

Even had he not dealt well with it there and then. The least he could do, for someone he supposedly cares out, is to have a conversation afterwards or to respond differently or more respectfully. Yet, he didn't. He just played around with you and dangled a carrot of hope. He cancelled your arrangements because it suited him not to go.

I really don't think there's any route to anywhere but more misery and uncertainly with this guy. If there is, you tell me what it is? Someone said to sit and wait it out as he's mutable but I disagree with this. As a Taurus, you're a fixed sign, you like certainty (unless you have heavy mutable placements such as Gemini) and he will never be that kind of guy. Regardless of your perceived chemistry being high, your actual combatibility seems low and this isn't going to sustain a long term relationship at all.

I suggest you take time out for yourself to heal. It sounds like your breakup from Scorpio was not that long ago. I'd recommend blocking Virgo, even if for the short term, otherwise you'll still be waiting for him to contact you this delaying your recovery.

Thank you for answering!

I guess I have nothing more to say since they will all just sound like excuses now haha. That sucks cause now I genuinely like and care for him. But that’s life. I can’t force him to see my worth if he really doesn’t.

I’m trying to move on now but I can’t bring myself to block him just yet. I’ll get there — slowly, but for now, I’m kind of ignoring his facebook/instagram stories which I normally view right away once it’s up, his facebook likes, yada yada... although I do respond when he messages me, but after a few minutes. I’m not trying to play games but I don’t want to be rude either, or too obvious that I’m ignoring him.

What’s more sad is that my breakup with Scorpio was 8 yrs ago hahaha but it really was traumatizing. How do I let go of that fear though? I have a hard time trusting fully now. I’m always skeptical lol. Anyway, I know now. Best way is to just let this Virguy go and move on. Try to COMPLETELY let go of past pain so I don’t project it to the next guy and focus on me. When I’m ready, we can go back to how it used to be. Just friends. Do I need to tell him this? Cause I’m scared hahahaha

Again, thank you!

Posted by greylatern

Posted by stubby

So sorry it’s still this long. I tried to give you the shortest possible version.

Your a Taurus sun? You sound and write like a virgo.

*You have JUST known each other for 10 years or have actually been friends the whole time?

*The belief that he would hit it and quite it. Is this from your ex or actual vibes from him?

* Can you describe your chemistry with each other in person. What does it feel like?

*Why do you want him specifically vs. well... anyone else?

click to expand

Your a Taurus sun? You sound and write like a virgo.

- really? Yes, I’m a taurus. Must be an earth sign thing? Hehe. I prefer to go straight to the point.

*You have JUST known each other for 10 years or have actually been friends the whole time?

- friends. But more of like, distant friends? We only communicate through social media every once in a while to catch up because he was in a relationship for 5 yrs (ended just last year). he tried to pursue me 8 yrs ago but I wasn’t ready but we remained friends.

*The belief that he would hit it and quite it. Is this from your ex or actual vibes from him?

- I think both? But more from my experience with the ex. He did say I should make the most out of him that night since I wouldn’t see him again after. Here’s a new info though: I asked him recently, early September, if he still has plans to show his face to me, he said none of our friends are making plans. In my mind, I thought “okay he’s really done with me” but then he said if he’s in the mood to go out, there’s no problem with that as well. What do I make of that?

* Can you describe your chemistry with each other in person. What does it feel like?

- before this all went south, we were close. when we’re out with our friends, he’d walk and stay close to me and he’d touch me lightly on my shoulders or arm, sometimes leg, and we’d sit next to each other. Which I highly appreciate cause I’m not into big PDAs although I don’t think he meant it as that? Maybe that’s just me but I still appreciate it lol. We’d laugh and talk about a lot of things. It was just easy with him. Sigh.

*Why do you want him specifically vs. well... anyone else?

- well, like I said. It was just easy with him. Or so I thought? hahaha. He’s funny and I love laughing and just have fun. We both have the same views on life and love. I thought, finally, someone who’s done with games and wants to settle down. He was saying how he really wants to have a kid now. Maybe that’s just talk. Meh. It’s confusing.

I don’t want to ask him where I stand in his life cause A.) it’s only been 4 months and B.) if I had to ask him that then isn’t that an answer already? Or is that my pride talking?

😛

Posted by stubby

I’m a taurus girl and this virgo guy I’ve known for 10 years but started seeing for 3 months is being more and more distant. Now I know most people have short attention span so I’m not sure how to tell the story short but I’ll do my best.

I could post the more detailed one since I really want to know what you virgos think and I feel like you need to know the whole story so you can give me the best answer lol so just let me know. It’s a novel hahaha!

I’ve known him for 10 years or so. We had a thing (unrequited love? Hmm) before, back in 2010, so we remained special to each other even now. He had a girlfriend of 5-6 yrs but broke up last year, September. I’ve been single for 8 years thanks to my Scorpio ex. But also I guess I was just really picky like my friends tell me 😒

We started “seeing” each other this May although we’re both not big on labels. We both like the friends first route.

May-June things were great. Constant communication, very funny, flirty, learning a lot about each other. We met up 4 times, once was initiated by him. Had a bit of a rough patch which made me spill out that I do like him. He took it well. He didn’t outright say he liked me back. He indirectly said it when I asked him if he flirts with sexual innuendos with just anyone. Said he didn’t; only to those he likes. This was back in 1st week of May. Then from hints based off of the other virgo forums here. But still, I don’t assume that he does like me the same way or same amount that I like him. I guess I need to hear it from him to actually believe it.

July, he started becoming a bit distant, late replies although understandable since he’s busy working. Push/pull, hot/cold.

We met up again. Had our first kiss. He became distant but I made contact. Back to normal.

Then I made the mistake of frustrating him. Make out session gone wrong. I tend to overthink so when we started making out, my anxiety also started acting up. I kept thinking how he was just playing me and would leave me right after he got what he wanted. We’d kiss and when my mind starts to act up, I’d abruptly stop. Then he’d pull me in again and I’d give in but then stop again. This went on for a few more times until he got frustrated. He must be really annoyed if he, himself, said he’s frustrated.

I was also annoyed with myself so I decided to sleep it off before I message him but in actuality, I did not get any sleep from overthinking about what happened. When morning came, I messaged him explaining why I kept pulling back. I said I was sorry but I also got hurt and offended when he said he’d never see me again after that night. (There was a time when he said I should make the most out of him that night since I won’t be seeing him again after. In my mind I was like, wth? but also didn’t say anything about it. Idiot)

It took him a day or two to message back. He said he was sorry I got hurt with what he said. He admitted to being frustrated because he said I was showing hints that I wanted to kiss him but then I’d pull away. Again, I explained that I get anxious when I feel like people are just trying to use me and that I didn’t do that to make fun of him or play hard to get. I told him how my ex (he knows him personally too) used to do that. We’d kiss and all but then he’d disappear only to find out he’s cheating on me with someone else.

His reply made me sad. He said he knows now what he’ll do. He’ll do nothing. I asked him what he meant by that, he said he’s not going to make the same mistake. In my mind, I thought he meant he understood now that I need stability before we get too heavy. But after overthinking it, maybe he meant he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?

He said we shouldn’t see each other or be left alone together for now. I asked him if he never wanted to see me again and if he thought that that was the best solution. Cause I was hoping we’d just rather set clearer boundaries. Meaning we still could hangout but with boundaries. He said that was his point. Again in my mind, they’re not exactly the same and convey different meaning. So I was just “—” but I let him know that I wanted to take things slow. He didn’t respond after that.

We were supposed to attend a concert together a week after that kiss but he cancelled cause he said he was too embarassed about what happened. He really wanted to go according to him, so I insisted that he do and if he was worried it will be awkward, I assured him I was fine and that I won’t even bring up the subject at least until after the concert since I really wanted to talk to him as well. To explain my side better. But he declined. Said we’ll talk some other time. That gave me hope. Maybe he wasn’t done with me yet unlike what the other forums I’ve read here says. Honestly, I was annoyed that he didn’t come. So annoyed that I never wanted to speak to him ever again. But I also know that was just my emotions talking. So I didn’t reply until the next day, after I’ve calmed down. I couldn’t really blame him anyway since it was also my fault.

He was also invited to a birthday party with me and other friends but he said he had a change of plans. It was a holiday but he still went to work. He rarely posts in instagram but he did that time (maybe as proof that he wasn‘t lying? Lol)

This was 2 weeks after the concert. So I assumed he still wasn’t ready to see me yet. Again, he messaged me at the end of the day asking about the party. This was in 2nd week of August.

So here’s the thing: we still communicate up to this day although it’s become way less than how we started. He’s always checking my stories, sometimes he’d reply to one and I’ll answer back but sometimes we really don’t get far before it hits the dead end. Sometimes when I go out, he’d check the instagram stories of my friends of which he doesn’t normally view. I don’t want to assume but I’m secretly hoping he’s doing that to check up on me. He’s checking who I’m with?

- he always initiate contact first. Then I reply. I’m kind of like mirroring him like from what I’ve read in other forums. I’m not sure though how long I need to do this?

- Sometimes I joke about being jealous. He obviously know it’s a joke as well and he enjoys it. He’d laugh then tell me to relax or chill.

- I’m just being really patient. I asked him if he still plans to show his face to me because I miss him, he said “aww? Hehehe. There’s still chance” so I said, when? What’s taking it so long? I said it in a joke-y way. He said when there’s time. He’s just really busy this time. And that our friends are not planning anything yet anyway. I basically gave him an opening to ask me to hangout but he didn’t lol. At this point, I’m scared to ask him out unlike before...

- I think he’s hanging out with someone else. A work mate but one of his close friends there. I’m still keeping an eye out.



I left out a lot things so if you have questions just ask away.

But what do you think I should do? Should I let this go (again) or be more patient? I’m CONSTANTLY torn between the two. I find myself wanting to let this go cause I do have a hunch he’s seeing someone else but then I’d contradict myself again after a short while and think that maybe they’re just really good friends, or that maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship yet (he knows I’m looking for this only) and so he’s enjoying his single life for now... things like that.



What I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.



Is this right? I swear I’m an overthinker so I no longer know what the heck is happening hahahaha. If you guys could give me an insight as well, about what I wrote, anything, please feel free to do so.

Also, I’m 26, he’s 29 turning 30 in a few days.

He wants to fuck you.

You want a relationship.

You refuse to see that he only has sex in mind.

He refuses to see that you want a relationship.

You're persistent with wanting a relationship.

He's just as persistent to have sex.

Your interactions are sexual so, you are in the most denial. He gives no indication of a future, love, or romance.

He pretends to think that you know it's only sex.

You pretend to think that he knows it's about a relationship.

Posted by VenusAquarius

He wants to fuck you.

You want a relationship.

You refuse to see that he only has sex in mind.

He refuses to see that you want a relationship.

You're persistent with wanting a relationship.

He's just as persistent to have sex.

Your interactions are sexual so, you are in the most denial. He gives no indication of a future, love, or romance.

He pretends to think that you know it's only sex.

You pretend to think that he knows it's about a relationship.

click to expand

Okay, question: after what happened, he’s still keeping contact but conversations are no longer sexual. There were a few rare times he’d make a funny remark with sexual innuendo but he’s not going to dig more into it. Did that make sense? Now we talk about random things.

Oh well. As long as he’s not actively asking me out, I’d take it as he’s not interested in a relationship with me. Right? The only effort I see is him initiating conversations with me especially when I’m silent on all social media for days. But he’s probably doing that with all of his friends anyway lol.

Posted by stubby

Posted by VenusAquarius

He wants to fuck you.

You want a relationship.

You refuse to see that he only has sex in mind.

He refuses to see that you want a relationship.

You're persistent with wanting a relationship.

He's just as persistent to have sex.

Your interactions are sexual so, you are in the most denial. He gives no indication of a future, love, or romance.

He pretends to think that you know it's only sex.

You pretend to think that he knows it's about a relationship.

Okay, question: after what happened, he’s still keeping contact but conversations are no longer sexual. There were a few rare times he’d make a funny remark with sexual innuendo but he’s not going to dig more into it. Did that make sense? Now we talk about random things.

Oh well. As long as he’s not actively asking me out, I’d take it as he’s not interested in a relationship with me. Right? The only effort I see is him initiating conversations with me especially when I’m silent on all social media for days. But he’s probably doing that with all of his friends anyway lol.

click to expand

Nothing you mention indicates a desire to be committed, a partnership, falling in love...

It's simple general interest that only flares up with physical contact and the potential of sex.

Posted by stubby

I’m a taurus girl and this virgo guy I’ve known for 10 years but started seeing for 3 months is being more and more distant. Now I know most people have short attention span so I’m not sure how to tell the story short but I’ll do my best.

I could post the more detailed one since I really want to know what you virgos think and I feel like you need to know the whole story so you can give me the best answer lol so just let me know. It’s a novel hahaha!

I’ve known him for 10 years or so. We had a thing (unrequited love? Hmm) before, back in 2010, so we remained special to each other even now. He had a girlfriend of 5-6 yrs but broke up last year, September. I’ve been single for 8 years thanks to my Scorpio ex. But also I guess I was just really picky like my friends tell me 😒

We started “seeing” each other this May although we’re both not big on labels. We both like the friends first route.

May-June things were great. Constant communication, very funny, flirty, learning a lot about each other. We met up 4 times, once was initiated by him. Had a bit of a rough patch which made me spill out that I do like him. He took it well. He didn’t outright say he liked me back. He indirectly said it when I asked him if he flirts with sexual innuendos with just anyone. Said he didn’t; only to those he likes. This was back in 1st week of May. Then from hints based off of the other virgo forums here. But still, I don’t assume that he does like me the same way or same amount that I like him. I guess I need to hear it from him to actually believe it.

July, he started becoming a bit distant, late replies although understandable since he’s busy working. Push/pull, hot/cold.

We met up again. Had our first kiss. He became distant but I made contact. Back to normal.

Then I made the mistake of frustrating him. Make out session gone wrong. I tend to overthink so when we started making out, my anxiety also started acting up. I kept thinking how he was just playing me and would leave me right after he got what he wanted. We’d kiss and when my mind starts to act up, I’d abruptly stop. Then he’d pull me in again and I’d give in but then stop again. This went on for a few more times until he got frustrated. He must be really annoyed if he, himself, said he’s frustrated.

I was also annoyed with myself so I decided to sleep it off before I message him but in actuality, I did not get any sleep from overthinking about what happened. When morning came, I messaged him explaining why I kept pulling back. I said I was sorry but I also got hurt and offended when he said he’d never see me again after that night. (There was a time when he said I should make the most out of him that night since I won’t be seeing him again after. In my mind I was like, wth? but also didn’t say anything about it. Idiot)

It took him a day or two to message back. He said he was sorry I got hurt with what he said. He admitted to being frustrated because he said I was showing hints that I wanted to kiss him but then I’d pull away. Again, I explained that I get anxious when I feel like people are just trying to use me and that I didn’t do that to make fun of him or play hard to get. I told him how my ex (he knows him personally too) used to do that. We’d kiss and all but then he’d disappear only to find out he’s cheating on me with someone else.

His reply made me sad. He said he knows now what he’ll do. He’ll do nothing. I asked him what he meant by that, he said he’s not going to make the same mistake. In my mind, I thought he meant he understood now that I need stability before we get too heavy. But after overthinking it, maybe he meant he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?

He said we shouldn’t see each other or be left alone together for now. I asked him if he never wanted to see me again and if he thought that that was the best solution. Cause I was hoping we’d just rather set clearer boundaries. Meaning we still could hangout but with boundaries. He said that was his point. Again in my mind, they’re not exactly the same and convey different meaning. So I was just “—” but I let him know that I wanted to take things slow. He didn’t respond after that.

We were supposed to attend a concert together a week after that kiss but he cancelled cause he said he was too embarassed about what happened. He really wanted to go according to him, so I insisted that he do and if he was worried it will be awkward, I assured him I was fine and that I won’t even bring up the subject at least until after the concert since I really wanted to talk to him as well. To explain my side better. But he declined. Said we’ll talk some other time. That gave me hope. Maybe he wasn’t done with me yet unlike what the other forums I’ve read here says. Honestly, I was annoyed that he didn’t come. So annoyed that I never wanted to speak to him ever again. But I also know that was just my emotions talking. So I didn’t reply until the next day, after I’ve calmed down. I couldn’t really blame him anyway since it was also my fault.

He was also invited to a birthday party with me and other friends but he said he had a change of plans. It was a holiday but he still went to work. He rarely posts in instagram but he did that time (maybe as proof that he wasn‘t lying? Lol)

This was 2 weeks after the concert. So I assumed he still wasn’t ready to see me yet. Again, he messaged me at the end of the day asking about the party. This was in 2nd week of August.

So here’s the thing: we still communicate up to this day although it’s become way less than how we started. He’s always checking my stories, sometimes he’d reply to one and I’ll answer back but sometimes we really don’t get far before it hits the dead end. Sometimes when I go out, he’d check the instagram stories of my friends of which he doesn’t normally view. I don’t want to assume but I’m secretly hoping he’s doing that to check up on me. He’s checking who I’m with?

- he always initiate contact first. Then I reply. I’m kind of like mirroring him like from what I’ve read in other forums. I’m not sure though how long I need to do this?

- Sometimes I joke about being jealous. He obviously know it’s a joke as well and he enjoys it. He’d laugh then tell me to relax or chill.

- I’m just being really patient. I asked him if he still plans to show his face to me because I miss him, he said “aww? Hehehe. There’s still chance” so I said, when? What’s taking it so long? I said it in a joke-y way. He said when there’s time. He’s just really busy this time. And that our friends are not planning anything yet anyway. I basically gave him an opening to ask me to hangout but he didn’t lol. At this point, I’m scared to ask him out unlike before...

- I think he’s hanging out with someone else. A work mate but one of his close friends there. I’m still keeping an eye out.



I left out a lot things so if you have questions just ask away.

But what do you think I should do? Should I let this go (again) or be more patient? I’m CONSTANTLY torn between the two. I find myself wanting to let this go cause I do have a hunch he’s seeing someone else but then I’d contradict myself again after a short while and think that maybe they’re just really good friends, or that maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship yet (he knows I’m looking for this only) and so he’s enjoying his single life for now... things like that.



What I think I need to do is focus on myself, my plans, befriend new guys, but also not completely shutting the door on him in case he finally realizes he wants to be with me.



Is this right? I swear I’m an overthinker so I no longer know what the heck is happening hahahaha. If you guys could give me an insight as well, about what I wrote, anything, please feel free to do so.

Also, I’m 26, he’s 29 turning 30 in a few days.

Virgos will come to you if they want you. You shouldnt have to ask him if hes gonna take you out. He will decide if and when he wants to. Until then do you and live your life. Virgo men are extremely selfish and in their own worlds, so they will not give you time of day if they have another focus or project. You mirror that and focus on yourself.

If there is anything good, it would happened 10 years ago, you know what I mean right?

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by stubby

Posted by VenusAquarius

He wants to fuck you.

You want a relationship.

You refuse to see that he only has sex in mind.

He refuses to see that you want a relationship.

You're persistent with wanting a relationship.

He's just as persistent to have sex.

Your interactions are sexual so, you are in the most denial. He gives no indication of a future, love, or romance.

He pretends to think that you know it's only sex.

You pretend to think that he knows it's about a relationship.

Okay, question: after what happened, he’s still keeping contact but conversations are no longer sexual. There were a few rare times he’d make a funny remark with sexual innuendo but he’s not going to dig more into it. Did that make sense? Now we talk about random things.

Oh well. As long as he’s not actively asking me out, I’d take it as he’s not interested in a relationship with me. Right? The only effort I see is him initiating conversations with me especially when I’m silent on all social media for days. But he’s probably doing that with all of his friends anyway lol.

Nothing you mention indicates a desire to be committed, a partnership, falling in love...

It's simple general interest that only flares up with physical contact and the potential of sex.

click to expand

Understood. Thank you!

Posted by aquatar1

Virgos will come to you if they want you. You shouldnt have to ask him if hes gonna take you out. He will decide if and when he wants to. Until then do you and live your life. Virgo men are extremely selfish and in their own worlds, so they will not give you time of day if they have another focus or project. You mirror that and focus on yourself.

Noted. I’m getting back to my normal routine again anyway. I just had a bit of a rough time for a few weeks cause he became a part of it, you know? Kinda like withdrawal, I guess? but now I’m better. Anyway, thank you! ☺️

Posted by Haruuka

If there is anything good, it would happened 10 years ago, you know what I mean right?

I think so, yeah. But then again, 10 yrs have passed so maybe something’s changed? Haha. I’m not holding my breath anyway. I just need to get him out of my system completely. Thank you for taking the time to read my long azz post! 😉

Posted by stubby

Posted by aquatar1

Virgos will come to you if they want you. You shouldnt have to ask him if hes gonna take you out. He will decide if and when he wants to. Until then do you and live your life. Virgo men are extremely selfish and in their own worlds, so they will not give you time of day if they have another focus or project. You mirror that and focus on yourself.

Noted. I’m getting back to my normal routine again anyway. I just had a bit of a rough time for a few weeks cause he became a part of it, you know? Kinda like withdrawal, I guess? but now I’m better. Anyway, thank you! ☺️

click to expand

I feel that. I just want you to be happy. I let a virgo dude suck the life and confidence out of me with his selfishness and I dont want that to happen to you. Value yourself bb ❤️

Posted by aquatar1

Posted by stubby

Posted by aquatar1

Virgos will come to you if they want you. You shouldnt have to ask him if hes gonna take you out. He will decide if and when he wants to. Until then do you and live your life. Virgo men are extremely selfish and in their own worlds, so they will not give you time of day if they have another focus or project. You mirror that and focus on yourself.

Noted. I’m getting back to my normal routine again anyway. I just had a bit of a rough time for a few weeks cause he became a part of it, you know? Kinda like withdrawal, I guess? but now I’m better. Anyway, thank you! ☺️

I feel that. I just want you to be happy. I let a virgo dude suck the life and confidence out of me with his selfishness and I dont want that to happen to you. Value yourself bb ❤️

click to expand

Aww, thank you! ❤️

I’m glad you got out of that toxic... environment. Sigh, virgo men. Tsk tsk.

Stay safe bb!