@Koniuchaa
what you just said is why I said what I said

well back to my old scorp. we ran into each other tonight and after a few drinks I just lit into her about her flirting with me and going cold every other week and that either we need to get something going on or I will stop talking to her. that was part alcohol and part sexual frustration.
she admits she still has feelings and feels like I am her best friend, she just won't break up with the guy she has been dating for 8 months now and we "just have to deal with being friends right now" and that I should just date around and have sex with other people. Then she suggested that we hang out during the day (she works part time and at night) and I can call and text her anytime during day, we can meet up for coffee and lunch, and we can stay in touch and I told her "F that butter".
it was good to finally hear her say it out loud and to my face. that's really all I ever wanted was some blunt truth after the history we have.
Then she felt pressured by the conversation and that I was making her feel bad, and asked that we talk about it in a more private setting. She didn't want her girlfriend in her business.
so she invited me to come to the beach with her tomorrow and we can talk with no one else around. I'll go and let her say what she has to say, but the fact that she can admit she realizes she still has feelings, she thought were gone, but still chooses him over me as they aren't having any issues and it's going well, tells me everything I need from my side. It was one thing when I just got back home... I've been home almost 3 months now and we've spent time together. I told her the truth of the matter is that if she felt in love with him she wouldn't waste her time on me.
I know internally if she even did drop him for me now, she would probably be looking on the other side at him, so even though I might get the extras I want. I would have to worry about her emotional state.
so F it after tomorrow.
The Sag is back