180 Degrees (Page 2)

just an observation.. the aqua girl mr. virgowithalittlelibra is in a relationship with is just as confused, flip/flopping, or messed up as he is.

reasons why? you know what is it? the people we have relationships with are oftentimes a reflection of just who we are. aren't you just confused and flip-flopping in the whole situation too? why so suspicious? having a hard time to trust? why are you so affected with such petty things? what more when you guys live in together? what more in years to come? do you realize that?

if you know what you want from a partner. your needs, desires, hopes to have in a relationship, then why waste time with these kind of women? i'm not saying be hungry for an alternative but you should also know what you really want.

loving someone is accepting the person for who the person is and live inside the relationship. may acceptance mean hurts, pain, and suffering. as good as it gets.

now if you have nothing to do but complain, keep records when your girl has been wronged, be suspicious in her words and ways, feel pity about your choice of loving someone like this girl. what's the point of staying in this "problem-relationship"?

hi friends,

thank you for ALL the comments...

leokitten, aquaqi, mystical, moonchild, starfish, reiniba, mr balloon, lady m...how awesome to hear all your opinions.

i have to repeat this here again. i do NOT plan to get back with this girl.

i think you all are very right...this cycle has to stop...

regardless of why she lied to me this past weekend and even before...a lie of that calibre..."im going to spend the weekend with my parents again" when you are not...is bad news and red flags, like leokitten said.

it may be, like aquaqi pointed, that she isn't sure about things anymore or is confused...but trust me she had PLENTY of time and TONS of opportunities to discuss things with me...and she chose not to...and instead lied to me.

before the weekend, i even told her, "you know you can tell me, if you want to hang out with your friends right?" and she said "yes, i know"...

so that's why i highly doubt that she was with her friends...

my first insticts and logical observation of her behavior (after knowing the little i know from her) is that she either hooked up w somebody that weekend and messed things up...and then tried to cover it up...or she has been seeing someone else..and she was trying to handle both worlds behind my back...

she had no need to lie to me if she was hanging out with her friends, so why lie?
the only explanation is because she knew it wasn't somebody else i woulnd't approve.

secondly, although i do know aquas can be very loyal...not only does she have a record of lying and covering up her lies with other bigger lies (she shared w me stories of situations when she had to do that to save her butt)...but she also cheated in some people she had dated in the past even after years...when either a) the relationship was causing her frustration or b) she wasn't ready to commit.

she excused those two times she cheated with "the guy and i were both openly dating"...to which it could have been anothe lie...since i never talked w the guy...and "we were just having a lot of problems"...the second time she did that with another guy she dated in the past.

in both occasions she did it with friends...or exes.

while i tried to understand this...i did get scared of that...but her reasons (she is VERY smart) seemed so valid at times...that i believed her stories and her desire to never let that happen again.

however...both times she met me and we got together to start our relationship...i was in a relationship and she was persuing me even after knowing that.

she also, before she and i dated, had an affair with a friend of hers, while he was in a relationship in the past...she told me it was a one-time thing...he said it went up for months...that's the first time i wondered really if every story she would share with me was true...

so not only does she have a past of cheating "with great excuses for it" but also...she helped other people to cheat...

...

saying all this...the reason why i believed her...is because i thought maybe she did these things because she didn't meet the right guy...and i wanted to be that for her.

also...she talks like she believes and wants the same things i want in a relationship...i.e. she hates it when her friends cheat.

so, i thought, based on her "smart speeches" that she believed what she said she believed in...and wanted from a relationship what she said she wanted...

she is VERY attractive and VERY smart...she was the best student in both of her degrees and the one who gave the speeches in every graduation. she was also the homecomingqueen in her highschool...and she is an only child....so you get the idea.

she seems perfect in every way....fun...friendly...smart...hot...and so interesting.

she can talk to you about ANYTHING...but herself.

when i use to ask her how "she felt" or "what she thought"...she always took many minutes...as if she was barely in touch with herself and who she was...

i am reseved too, as a virgo, but i love discussing about self-improvement and my goals...i wanted to help her out open up....but even after 2 years...i don't know much of who she is.

maybe i wasn't as thrilling and secretive always...but i was real with her...my intentions, my fears, my goals...that is just how i am...and she seemed to really love that about me at times.

(continued)

oh VLL. I am so sorry. You know, my step-sister was exactly the same way as you describe her. I wish you would have told me all that. She's exactly like my step-sister lie after lie, partner after partner. Did I mention that my step-sister has been sent to a psychward? Yeah, you met the wrong Aqua. This Aqua is probably the friends with benefit Aqua.

I remember having conversations with my step-sister. She would say "Yes, I have a boyfriend and I don't want him to think that I'm a slut." I say "That's good, you're not, it'll be okay." then she says in response "Well, while I'm down here I want to find a guy with benefits because my bf might do the same." I was young at the time and I say "Benefits? what do you mean?" she says "You know, friends with benefits. Friends that offer sex."

WHAT THE HELL? o_O she says this RIGHT AFTER saying she doesn't want to be considered a SLUT??

PUT HER BACK IN THE DAMN PSYCHWARD!

aquaqi...im sure i don't have all the picture clear....but i am sure she hasn't been completely honest with me for sure...and that she has a record of lying in the past...and cheating at least twice for sure...and helping others cheat as well.

she is not pure evil...but she is a powerful woman...and sadly she doesnt always uses it for good. she always thinks about herself...not much about how others will be affected.

i did love her deeply...or maybe i was deeply infatuated with her...i don't know.

as much of a virgo as i am...i have learned to be very open in many ways...so all i wanted from her was to be honest.

when we got back, she said she wanted for this to be the real thing too.

i won't point every finger at her...maybe i simply wasn't able to be all that she wanted me to be...

but that doesn't excuse anyone for cheating or lying with no shame...i think.

so...

the dinner is tonight, i told my friend i will go, because i had already made plans to be there....but i also told my friend that i have no desire to see ---- and she agreed t let me know when she had left the party....and she knows that if she would to come back...then i would have to leave.

also...i decided to not bring any dates...like ms. libra or ms. scorpio who would be very cool at going there with me...because i don't want to use anyone...and/or be under stress if i go on a date with any of them.

...

later on i'll go out clubbing with some of my buddies, even though i don't like the smoke...i like dancing here and there...if i bump into her, i will say hello but then avoid her at all costs...or if i have the chance i will just leave and come home to sleep.

i am not planning to play more games with her...i meant what i said...and yes, i may have been mr. nice with her even throughout the bad stuff she put me through...but it wasn't bc there isn't other way to talk to her...and bc i just can't be yelling or emotional about it...but i hope deep inside one day she realizes the dissapointment she cause in me.

a friend of mine told me that perhaps she represented something in my life i need to get rid of...and it is so true...there is a side in me that has changed since i met her...and want that back...i want to learn to trust and believe again.

i'll keep you all posted about the night...but trust me i get the feeling that everything will go right...my mind is into doing the right for me this time.

hope your night is just as great!

vll

Have fun tonight Fab-sizzle 😛

well ladies...

i skipped seeing her all weeekend. where she was i was not...and where i was...i made sure she was not anymore.

she ended up cancelling the dinner plans with her friends once she found out i wasn't going to go...but then she texted me twice during the night saying that she was mad bc i had told her friends that we had broken up...when in reality "she" was the one who should have told them...in reality, those guys are my friends too and they asked about it, so i could lie. i knew she was going to be mad about that...because she cares SO much about her rep w her friends...and always wants to make sure she looks like "she" is the one who let someone go.

but at that point i didn't care of her getting mad anymore. she can't have more control about my actions after all this.

i'm sure she is having a hard time explaining whatever happened...because the few friends that knew about us, knew how much i cared about her...knowing her and how she handle the last time we broke up though...i'm sure she made something up to make me look like the bad guy...she even told me that she will plan a dinner w the 3 friends that know about the break-up to make sure they know well...that they won't listen to anything i have to say.

ahh...i don't know what to think about her anymore.

i'm for sure moving on from that though.

i think the only reason she texted me, wanted to see me, and e-mailed me...is to make sure she and i at least talk...to calm her guilt.

and once i didn't respond...she gets mad for the silliest things...to get a reaction from me.

in her e-mail she was like "why did you say that?" "why....?"

but still never accepting her faults at all...rather blame-shifting as usual.

you ALL are right...she is too inmature and unsure about everything right now.

i really wish her well, but seriously, i'm lost in the wind when it comes to her right now and hopefully for a long while...because she isn't sure about who she is and what she wants...and she is so used having her way all the time...it will take a long while before she realizes the consequences of her selfish actions.

so this weekend...i had no responses for her...i'm moving on.

vll...if you feel you made the right move, than you did. you seem to be very comfortable with the way you handled everything, and that is good! i think you are doing the right thing by not giving into her...you must stay strong b/c she WILL keep coming around...you know that. she deserves the treatment that she is getting from you right now...let her see how it feels for once.

Vll, sorry to hear about your situation . you seemed so happy in the beggining, my x had away of sabotaging things before it got to serious and his friends told he had done that with a couple of his relationships. its her loss and believe she will be calling, its hard when you know what you want and the other person doesn't. you did the right thing. you do just get tired and you can't change them they have to see it on their own. you gave it your all and thats all you can do. my x never gave us his all and he always said that he wished that we would have had a clean start so the second time around I was thinking it was a clean start and it wasn't because of all his baggage. keep you head up and kept moving, i know that you love her but she seems immature and confused.

thank you guys...

you all are so supportive. i know is hard to know what to say...but i also think is best decision.

i don't care what she says right now...i do care for her but i needed to do this for my own sake and PEACE...which seemed to be unattainable for a while, but i know everything will be better over time.

i love her and wish her the best, but it is truly over with me.

dont leave us now...

i know you never really wanted my opinion mr.virgowithalittlelibra.

ever since you started sharing your story here on whom to choose among the girls you're dating. i just knew this thing will come up. up until now you still don't know what you want in a relationship.

you'll say you're inlove, that's why you're here yakking ang yakking about your girl. are you sure you love her or are you afraid of getting hurt?

you said she lied to you. do you think you're not a liar too? you cut off ties with the women you're dating when both of you got back together, that's what you told her, but people here on dxp know that you never really cut the ties with all these girls. you can even consider these girls right? the same way as your girl is doing to you. you are not getting real with her either because you don't want to work out this relationship, because you love yourself more than her.

love is never having to say "i'm sorry". you want her to open up but are you asking? you say you see the big picture. are you sure? if you can see the whole picture then why can't you see her point of lying to you? you have a big problem trusting, mister. you have to deal with yourself more than expect your partner to learn how to deal with you. you don't have an open relationship with open communication. you are keeping it to yourself because you are afraid of getting hurt. and that all that you will hear from her will all sound like a lie.

what will really give you peace is to talk through these things with her. and workout on that relationship because you obviously love her. if not, then what's the point of yakking and yakking and thinking about her and get so affected way too much?

you will never run out of reasons. you will never run out of bad things to think about your girl. you will never because you hate her and you want her out of your life.

the next relationship you'll have will just be the same thing as the ones you've had.

what you appreciate in others is something that you already have and what you hate in others is something you haven't learned about yourself.

oh my...

not surprised.

Have a relationship with an aqua first.

hmmm ok, if you say so. What do you mean by throw away, how long did it take you to come to the conclusion after "knowing" aqua girl?

For the record I dont think all virgo men are like you either.

I hope so.

immature and self-centered?

i don't see her as such, i rather see both of them as such.

the guy obviously needs attention. the guy obviously is immature either. both needs alot of growing up to do.

Treat em like a prostitue (do what? )

no wonder why these kind of men fall for messed up women 'coz they are messed up themselves.


poor thing.

dont mind our resident asexual virguy.

no i understand where these men are coming from. i really do.


i actually enjoy observing and get mocked i don't take it personally.

"you have a big problem trusting, mister."

-ok, i don't know if i agree with everything that vgurl is saying here, but i do believe that VLL does not trust, and never did trust his aqua...
until you trust an aqua completely, you will NEVER have a healthy relationship with one!!! they can sense the fact that you do not trust them...and then they will play on that by wandering off and looking for something else in the meantime.
i think the same situation took place with sweet-p...when her aqua started looking on the dating site...
if they feel you don't trust them, they will run away b/c what is the point of having a relationship with no trust...

and if you do not give an aqua the freedom that they need, they will start to think that you do not trust them enough to let them do their own thing...that is exactly what happened with VLL and his aqua.
he was too smothering...always wanting to know where she was, what she was doing...wanting her to call him at the end of every night to let him know what she did all day, etc. those are all signs that he does not trust her, and i think she saw that.

What did she really do while she was "at her parents"...did you ever find out vll?

ladym...see, that's the thing...he doesn't know exactly what she was doing. he is just assuming that she was doing something bad...but he doesn't know for sure.

maybe she wasn't doing anything, but decided to lie to him about it b/c she knows he doesn't trust her anyway...

Message posted by: moonchild8 on 2/6/2007 10:03:51 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.132
ladym...see, that's the thing...he doesn't know exactly what she was doing. he is just assuming that she was doing something bad...but he doesn't know for sure.

Thats what I thought too, but too many words in the post i thought i missed it or something.

But irregardless, this isnt the best relationship for VLL, so he must go....or rather she must go.

it's not a good relationship for him b/c he is not able to handle it...he needs a relationship that is more comforting for him.

well, actually ...i think he needs to be single for a while and start focusing on himself...he is still pretty young and he doesn't need to be tied down in a relationship right now. i don't think he should even go and date anyone for a while. i think he is trying too hard to find that ideal relationship and he needs to just go and live his own life and learn to grow into himself and one day it will come to him.

lady m - i would not leave the people who won my desires for friendship even in this 3d world...such as yourself. i met really awsm aqua people here...including you, mystical, reiniba, aquaqi, alana...and people from other signs who have dated or date aquas too like moonchild and starfish...so i'm not living this board yet my friend!

vgurl - yikes...where you having a bad day? lol you said "what you appreciate in others is something that you already have and what you hate in others is something you haven't learned about yourself" is that why you were acting a bit hateful towards me lately? 🙂
you are assuming again WAY too much about my life w/o remembering a lot of things i shared here. i'm not 'yacking' here, i'm looking for support, friendships, and insights...if you got it all figure out in your life, congrats! i'm able to recognize my faults and fears here...and there is nothing wrong with that...otherwise i would never transform and learn new things. so that is my response to you. i've never been disrespectful to you ever...so please be more careful in how you approach issues in my life. don't assume too much without knowing me at all.

branh - brother i appreciate the song...although the lyrics were a bit harsh i know you mean well. i just could never treat a girl like a p------ or even see one that way no matter what...i just think people have the ability to do very good or very bad things and it all comes down to choices...and then you can only wish the best and move on.
one thing for sure is that we go through these experiences to come out stronger.

to the rest of the questions...

yes, i did verify that she cheated on me this past weekend...and her only response was "i'm sorry"...maybe i didn't write that down clear enough but it isn't something i feel comfortable with even typing.

there have been times in my life, twice to be honest when i did dated two girls at the same time...but only dated them...no sex involved...we went out in dates and they both knew of the situation. so when we talk about cheating AND lying...that is huge for me...because it is disrepectful and it totally breaks the trust...especially coming from someone you have dated for years...so that is why im extremely upset at her right now.

hope this explains some more...and oh yeah i don't know who she did it with and how long this affair was. i couldn't talk much longer after that and regardless of the reasons 'why' she did that...it was wrong and unnecesary.

p.s. i decided that i need sometime to stay single...and refocus in other goals in my life such as renewing my relationship with God...and i'm excited about that. i think ms. libra, the aqua, and other people won't understand nor be thrilled...but i don't have much energy left nor emotions to go through a relationship again right now.

i got together with a buddy of mine last night who is in the same both...and we are going to help each other out.

"p.s. i decided that i need sometime to stay single...and refocus in other goals in my life such as renewing my relationship with God...and i'm excited about that."

VLL...i am very happy to hear that!!! i agree. i think you need time to focus on yourself...you seem like a good hearted, genuine person and i think good things will come to you in time...

Good for u mate.
Time and faith, thats all you need.
Everything is an experience. You live and u can always learn.
Peace

Wow, VLL. That is pretty amazing. I really admire what you're doing.
Talk to me anytime you like.

"leokitten, aquaqi, mystical, moonchild, starfish, reiniba, mr balloon, lady m...how awesome to hear all your opinions.thank you for ALL the comments..."

So, shall we settle on my payment then?!!

Am thinking 30quid (about 60dollars) is a fair price! lol

is that why you were acting a bit hateful towards me lately?

hateful? does truth hurts? if i'm one of your circle of friends i wouldn't be there to tell you that your girl was a fucking bitch and that you are a nice guy because i you're not. you know that and you are covering it up.. the things people read here are just your story .. what about the other person's story?

if you truly love someone and you know what you want in a relationship then what the point of feeling bad about this thing you have the whole time? you love her so fight for it. that's your choice. you made that problem learn to solve it by yourself.

seeking for advises.. not knowing what to do .. when everything really boils down to your choice

you're here to look for insights, opinions? do you realize that this is an insight, opinion, observation of an outsider you're dealing with?

got together with a buddy of mine last night who is in the same both...and we are going to help each other out

goodness, you don't even need a buddy to move on and realize what you should do with your life. i wouldn't be surprised if one day you'll come in here again yakkkking about the same stuff.. then dating too many women not knowing how to make a choice.. feeling lost and unsure .. afraid to trust ..

i wouldn't be surprised if one day your next relationship will be the same relationships you had.

your aqua deserves the best kind of love a man can ever give .. and that's something you just can't .. so stop trying to be the mr. nice guy and acting like a victim here .. 'coz you're not the only victim ..


quote me on that.

starfish, moonchild, reiniba, and my buddy mr. balloon! (of course lady m, bc i know you'll read this!)

thank you for being supportive during my 2nd girl trial...a listening ear. i won't be able to pay for the fees yet...but i'll defenitely be here to listen to your stories as well...no matter what they are about and for how long!

v-gurl,

you say i have issues with trust but you have problems with believing my story and my intentions? who has the trust issues here?

and you know, maybe i do have issues with trust and things to work on, so i can accept that...but honestly...you have things to work on too besides trust, such as being more compassionate and understanding with others' stories. the way you come acrosss to me isn't friendly but kinda judgemental and harsh...

"goodness, you don't even need a buddy to move on and realize what you should do with your life. i wouldn't be surprised if one day you'll come in here again yakkkking about the same stuff.."

"your aqua deserves the best kind of love a man can ever give .. and that's something you just can't .. so stop trying to be the mr. nice guy and acting like a victim here .. 'coz you're not the only victim ..
quote me on that"

woah, i got you quoted here, i hope you are proud of that...but if you read this again...tell me when in these sentence you come across as compassionate or as a good friend?

unlike that...i do wish you well in whatever relationship you currently have, i do not hope you go through what i've been through ever and i'd not considering you opening up to people about problems in your life as "yakking".

so there you go buddy, i never claimed to be mr. nice, but i think you can't say that about you either.

vll

vgurl does have somewhat of a point though...

on these messageboards, we only hear one side of the story...always!!! so, we really don't know the entire situation. though, i think a lot of us on here can relate to each other, b/c we either are aquas, or have had an experience with one...or more!
but, it is only right to consider that there is another side to the story...

you obviously don't need insights from people because you're smart enough to know what you should do and that you just don't want to do it or rather you just want a complicated and difficult life, right?

goodness, YOU REALLY ARE A VICTIM even in the next life.

on these messageboards, we only hear one side of the story...always!!!


it's a FRACTION of the story! you claim to be smart you claim you deserve respect you claim you deserve love. why don't you think you can't have these if you are smart? if you see the whole picture and not just the side of you? goodness. this conversation is pointless. no wonder.

"your aqua deserves the best kind of love a man can ever give .. and that's something you just can't .. so stop trying to be the mr. nice guy and acting like a victim here .. 'coz you're not the only victim ..
quote me on that"


quote me AGAIN on this until you quote me i will quote you AGAIN and AGAIN. your girl do have her reasons for lying for doing such things. AGAIN. she deserve the best kind of love a man can ever give .. and that's something you just can't.

learn to move on by yourself.

Moonchild,

I agree, we can only see one-side of the story here, but we can only asses things based on what we know. I can't go to ask your aqua guy about the stories you have shared here or your intentions?I can only talk to you because you are here seeking for help or advices, not him.

So maybe we don't see the whole picture for sure, but that doesn't mean that our stories here aren't valid or that don't deserve any respect because of that. Like in everything we have to take a step of trust in the way we perceive things?maybe we'll be right, maybe we'll be wrong, but that doesn't mean we got nothing good to say or to offer because of that.

If I were to question every word my friends say to me, because I haven't heard the other side, I would never have anything to say. The reality is, we have come here for a reason and they haven't, so it us being exposed and it is a risk, but we all are here for a reason and I trust that you and everyone here I met do love whoever they say they do?and if I'm wrong, well, there is nothing I can do, nor do I have the time to check in every house. All we can say is...based on what I know...this is what I think.

vll

it's time for you to stop talking about this girl and be more gentleman enough to admit that all these are not just her fault but it was also yours. you love and you can't do anything about it. you don't want to continue with the relationship right? so what's the point of dealing with this problem and struggling for answers why your girl lied to you why you were treated badly. if you don't have any business to deal with her at anymore.

you are the one who's crucifying yourself here. goodness.

vll...i understand your point...what i am saying is that everyone perceives things differently...if my aqua were to come on here and read some of my old postings about him, i am sure that he would be a little confused, b/c he might not have seen the situation in the same light as i did. as i am sure there are things that i have said/ done to him in the past that he didn't like or understand...

starfish, no i'm not reading the whole truth on this. we all know for sure that this is NOT the WHOLE story unless, i'll be able to witness or hear what this girl has to say.

ok, yes...there are two sides to the story...but, i think the real point here is that vll and ms. aqua are two different people in two different places in life right now...which makes it very difficult for it to work. he tried to make it work, but it didn't. and that is what it comes down to in the end.