Boyfriend is giving me the cold shoulder

A couple days ago I saw him online, I called called him (back) and the first thing he says is that i'm a "real piece of work" because I missed his first call. I told him I was getting my headphones and I didn't think it would take so long. Then he tells me he's a little cranky and is probably going to go to sleep in the next 15 minutes. I'm sitting over here like....dude, what's your problem...

He sighs LOUDLY and asks me "so how are you?" and I say fine, and then silence. He says he's going to sleep and then we bicker for a minute and I tell him this is all on him. He says "fine blame me". Fucking...yes, I am going to blame you because you're the one acting like a jerk! Any little thing I did annoyed him and he was making everything my fault. Afterwards I texted him twice, I wish I hadn't. I said I love you and that I hope he has a good night despite everything. And after no response, I texted a sad face. Ugh.

I texted him last night saying "can you come online soon?". No response. He never even come online. We talk every night, and I like it that way especially since this is an LDR. Today, I text him in the afternoon saying "what happened last night?" and an hour later he says "Nothing. I fell asleep around 11". Usually when he falls asleep early, he'll text me in the morning telling me so.

So, I just responded with "Okay. I'll get out of your hair now. Later." I'm so frustrated. I hate being ignored. What did I even do?! up until this we had good times and laughs all the days before. A part of me just wants to say forget you, and not come online tonight. I'll watch a movie and get to bed. But the other part is like...would you like to be treated this way?

HELP. Aqua bf...I'm a Scorpio.

its so one sided what did you do prior before that??

Posted by taxidermymermaid
A couple days ago I saw him online, I called called him (back) and the first thing he says is that i'm a "real piece of work" because I missed his first call. I told him I was getting my headphones and I didn't think it would take so long. Then he tells me he's a little cranky and is probably going to go to sleep in the next 15 minutes. I'm sitting over here like....dude, what's your problem...

He sighs LOUDLY and asks me "so how are you?" and I say fine, and then silence. He says he's going to sleep and then we bicker for a minute and I tell him this is all on him. He says "fine blame me". Fucking...yes, I am going to blame you because you're the one acting like a jerk! Any little thing I did annoyed him and he was making everything my fault. Afterwards I texted him twice, I wish I hadn't. I said I love you and that I hope he has a good night despite everything. And after no response, I texted a sad face. Ugh.

I texted him last night saying "can you come online soon?". No response. He never even come online. We talk every night, and I like it that way especially since this is an LDR. Today, I text him in the afternoon saying "what happened last night?" and an hour later he says "Nothing. I fell asleep around 11". Usually when he falls asleep early, he'll text me in the morning telling me so.

So, I just responded with "Okay. I'll get out of your hair now. Later." I'm so frustrated. I hate being ignored. What did I even do?! up until this we had good times and laughs all the days before. A part of me just wants to say forget you, and not come online tonight. I'll watch a movie and get to bed. But the other part is like...would you like to be treated this way?

HELP. Aqua bf...I'm a Scorpio.

man fuck him. i cant stand when i see couples like this, where the guy acts like a pissy bitch and is a douchebag toward his girl, that shit makes me wana snatch those girls em and show them what its really like to have a relationship. my honest opinion is that he doesnt REALLY care for you, and only you know if im wrong or right, but god damn..i dont even know you and i already know you dont deserve to deal with that bullshit no matter how small the cause is. and through all of that you even kept it nice..if he was a real man he would've apologized long ago. my advice to you is you need to rethink who your with.

I've got a very good friend and she's a Scorpio.. been in a relationship with a Libra for 2+ years, but they recently broke up. And she acts JUST like this. She over-analyzes and obsesses about every word and every nuance and if he goes a day without contacting her, she is pretty much distraught, totally at her wits end and swinging back and forth like she's bi-polar.. loves him, hates him.. done with him, not done.. wants to kill him, wants to kiss him... wants him out of her life for good, wants him to call her and say he loves her.

I FINALLY got her to back off sending him (non-answered) texts and calls for THREE days... and then HE contacted her, just like I said he would. (He'd just needed some space, she's rather emotional and clingy and negative, like Scorps often are) But though he asked to hang out with her for a little while one night, and they were having a great time just being together.. SHE started pushing to get back together officially.. he said he needed more time, and she went supernova.. like she does, every single time he doesn't give her what she wants exactly when she wants it. And when she's pissed, she goes apeshit.. calls him names and insults him every way she can think of... then when the storm passes, she wants to act like she didn't just go Pyscho Bitch on his ass, and he should be fine with it cuz she's fine NOW.

She's an AMAZING girl.. absolutely incredible.. but she's sooo intense and emotional and impatient and then the negativity kicks it... and the (admittedly a douche -- I'm not terribly fond of him, but hey, I don't love him. She does. So that's what I focus on helping her get through) Libra guy just can't take her emotional intensity, esp when it's usually so negative. She's close and clingy and smothering, and he just wants some breathing room... they play a game online and he called her a "cheater" (knowing the Libra sense of humor, it was probably teasing, but online doesn't show inflection).. but instead of taking it as a joke and throwing it back at him playfully, she flipped her cookies outright and they had another blow out of a fight. Over a word.

Honestly, this Airy Libra guy seems to bring out the worst in her... amplifies all of her negative traits and makes her act like a crazy woman. And she's sooo hung up on and obsessed with him, it's like she can't eat, sleep, or function without him.. Love-sick indeed.

I honestly think an intense, emotional Scorp girl (with a lot of Water and Fire in her chart) is waaaaay too much for a very Airy guy. Even if he's NOT a total douche, they're just so different in the way they do things.. he's logic, she's feelings... he's a flirt, she's jealousy personified... he doesn't dwell on things, she obsesses endlessly... and the things he says and does will just keep triggering her hurts, leaving her wounded and confused, and then the Scorp anger builds and needs an outlet, so she blows up.. over a word... and leaving him baffled about why she's always freaking out and can't let anything go. Why can't she? She's a Scorp, duh.


So I guess what I'm saying (as gently as possible).. is that you are clingy and smothering to him.. I know YOU don't see it that way.. a few texts and calls is no big deal, right? Well, to a (Air) Gemini who needs space, it is.. makes you come across like a clingy, desperate chick who can't go a day or two to let him have his space and cool down without losing her marbles, cuz you're used to talking to him all the time.. and not getting your nightly talk or your good morning text is freaking you out and you neeeeed those things to keep from thinking the worst and going insane.. but that's kinda selfish of you.. what about HIS needs? What about him needing some air to breathe, a break from all the emotional intensity of a Scorp gf? Do his needs and wants and feelings not count, because you're so emotionally dependent on this guy giving you constant attention and reassurance that you can't even keep your sanity unless he's up your ass every single day?

The thing Scorp girls (esp young ones) need to learn is that a man IS NOT responsible for your emotional well-being.. YOU are.. and if you can't keep yourself relatively sane and positive when a guy doesn't call for a day or two or ignores a text... then you're putting expectations for YOUR emotional well-being on HIM.. and that's not right. Not his job.

BTW.. another thing I noticed.. you keep stuffing down your feelings, trying to ACT like the "cool gf".. thing is, guys aren't dumb.. he can tell something's "off" with you.. when you put on a fake, cheery smile and send a text like, "Okay. I'll get out of your hair now. Later.".. you aren't speaking yourr Truth.. you're PRETENDING to be cool with something you're not actually cool with, and it's jacking your vibe and spilling over into everything you say or do.. and that's Gade-A Man Repellent.

Next time, don't say you're cool with something when you aren't, and don't say you'll get out of his hair if that's not really what you want him to do (cuz let's face it, Scorp.. what you REALLY wanted was for him to tell you NOT to go away, to keep talking to you).. so be HONEST and OWN YOUR OWN FEELINGS. Something like, "Hey, Gemini.. I really love that we have the kind of relationship where I feel confident I can say what I'm really thinking and feeling.. But these past few days I've felt really hurt and sad and ignored. I don't like feeling that way. It feels better to me to be in regular contact, so I don't feel left out or worried. What do you think?".. and, "It doesn't feel good to be ignored when I text or call. It hurts and I don't like it. I feel better getting a text back, even if it's to say you don't feel like talking right now or you're busy. Can you help me with this?"

Never fake anything.. it backfires badly. If you feel it, don't pretend you don't -- but don't blame HIM for YOUR feelings, or demand he change something to cater to your emotions.. that's the best way to make a guy FEEL like being around/with you is hard, exhausting, and a bunch of drama. State how you feel (calmly and honestly), state what you don't want (boundaries) while leaving it open for HIM to decide IF he can measure up to your expectations, and close by inviting his opinion with what do you think OR can you help me with this?

And FFS.. if he needs space, go find a hobby or activity and let the man have some space. It's NOT the end of the world.. unless you keep MAKING it the end of the world.

Leave him to miss you.

It's that simple.

Ugh...@Nefer. Just everything...pretty damn accurate. Thanks for all the lines... I'd tell them to him, but lately whenever I try to talk about our relationship "problems" he wants to go. He'll say it upsets him and he doesn't want to be upset. And last time he said "...too heavy...too heavy". So... I am basically everything you described to some degree. At least I don't 'blow up' over just about anything. I get mad, sure, but I'm not a yeller and I don't degrade people. I didn't mean for my text to sound like I was being "cool"...it was more like "Well I'll stop ANNOYING you now". I hope it came across that way, but who knows. Yeah... He has said that I make it sound like it's "the end of the world" before. Aw fuck.

@Annabella - Thanks...I probably am too fired up. Trying to let it go now.

@Candi - I probably did something annoying...who knows what it was!

@Westside - He's a good guy, and I know he cares...

@NZAqua - Does this mean...don't come online tonight? What if instead of missing me, he just forgets about me? I guess that would mean we're done here.

Alright, I'm going to try to RELAX...find shit to do...and give this kid some SPACE. And give him time to miss me.

Any more input is appreciated 😐

"Does this mean...don't come online tonight? What if instead of missing me, he just forgets about me? I guess that would mean we're done here."

OMG OMG OMG!! The Scorp girl said this almost verbatim! It's like you two convince yourselves that you MUST keep contacting him, so he doesn't "fade out" or "forget" you.. and OMG girl, I'm here to tell you, a girl who gives a guy SPACE is not forgotten! Now, if she's ignoring him and being a bitch and won't take his calls (aside from plenty of guys keep trying harder for awhile).. then he might move on or something, finally. But letting the guy BREATHE for a day or two isn't going to give him amnesia! What it WILL do is give him a chance to MISS you and to reach out to you.. every single time you send him a text cuz you feel he's ignoring you, you hit the Reset button.

Try it, try what I told the other Scorp.. Three days, just give it three days. Don't go online, don't IM, don't text, don't call, don't post FB Statuses for him to read.. every time you do, you let him know exactly what you're doing (nothing but sitting around waiting on him, like you have no life outside of him - eek!).. but DON'T sit around and obsess.. go do something FUN for YOU! Go out with the girls.. go window-shopping.. treat yourself to lunch.. go buy a cute pair of sandals.. go get your hair did.. take a long bubble bath.. go workout.. go visit a friend or family member you haven't seen in awhile.. go swimming or hiking or rock climbing.. read that book that's been sitting on your dresser for two months.. go to a movie or a play.. go sing karaoke or listen to a local band.. go grocery shopping and buy all you need to make yourself some fabulous gourmet recipe you saw.

See what I'm saying? Do ANYTHING that has NOTHING to do with HIM or the relationship. For three days, do whatever FEELS GOOD to YOU. If he doesn't call, after three days, text and say, "Hey, Gemini.. wow, I've been busy lately and it feels so good! How are you?" But.. I bet it won't take HIM three days to call you cuz he misses you.

And NO, DON'T try to have The Talk About The Relationship.. MOST guys hate that, but esp Airs. They TALK about problems/stuff that needs advice/fixed.. and if you two need fixed, that means it's broken, so why are you together? (Guy Mentality) So.. You talk about your FEELINGS ONLY, not about HIM or your relationship. That's not saying you guys are BROKEN.. just how you're feeling & what would make you feel good/better.

*looks up at the Aqua* Grrr.. I'm just too Aqua for a Pisces. LOL But it certainly gives me the ability to relate and deal with my kryptonite and downfall.. Libras haha

@Nefer - So, Saturday night until now, none of this counts? Damn. I was all concerned about whether I should go online tonight or not, and for what? He didn't even come online! Ha. I didn't sign on, I am Invisible...if he can't see me, who cares. At least I can still IM my other friends. If he doesn't call after 3 days...I don't think I'll send a text like that. That is extremely unlike me. I won't be a bitch and ignore him. I'm a real kind, levelheaded person, despite how crazy this thread is making me feel and sound.

@Annabelle - You're right -.- he didn't say that. But... he might as well have said it with the way he responds to me. Ugh, you're right, you're right. I am currently watching my favorite tv show to relax. You cracked me up with the "no fly zone" NOOO! How did I get here 😱

Really, I would chill out a bit if I knew this would turn out well. You guys keep saying, let him come to you, let him miss you, but I worry that it just isn't going to be the case. But all of this? It's helping me a ton.

And the fact that he even responded to my text today (fell asleep around 11), that is good, right?

*deep breath*

@Grinch - I talk to him anywhere from 2-5 hours a night. I expect that nightly conversation to happen, and if that's clingy...then I'm clingy, lol. I don't want him to be the air I breathe! I just want him to not do things like this and not get upset with me over trivial things. Lol, I have heard good things about pisces, but I want this Aqua! NOW! But I can't 😱


@Annabelle - It's been 20 hours since I had any contact, and at least 7 of those were spent sleeping. Now I only have to do this 2 more times according to the unwritten laws of relationships.

@Annabelle - I feel calmer, definitely. But I also feel unsure about what's going on. This isn't our first fight (no way! you're kidding, lol). Our last big fight was about 2 weeks ago, and between then and now, we've had several small arguments. This is the longest we've gone without speaking to each other, though.



All I can do is shrug!

@Annabella - Haha, thank you, I was calm all day. For some illogical reason, I had the hope that he would be online tonight. I knew it wasn't going to happen once he was no longer showing as "online" on one of his accounts. Once he goes off of that one, his computer is off for the night.

When I wake up in the morning It'll be about 48 hours of absolutely nothing. If you count in the other days where possibly 100 words were exchanged between us, then it's about 4 days. But? Apparently those don't count.

Anyone want to tell me what is probably going on in his mind?

the reason i asked IS to figure out what could be the reasons. perhpas it doesnt matter...maybe he just needs the time away to clear his head. to really understand what he is feeling and thinking. Stay strong...and remember...they're always gonna be more! i know it hurts...um

from what i think...and what i can say about a general statement...i feel that after a good amount of try's and validation of possibilities, workign things out, anaylzing things..i think because the neg. side of a aqua not all..but some is that they tend to come across like they don't care...they will rationalize that behavior and tell themselves "oh im over so and so" and they hurt and feel the pain but don't show it. they don't call. and after all this..they finally move on.

i'm probably wrong. but for some reason i feel he is either a) gone. b) waiting to see what you will do hoping you'll call c)needs just 2 days or 1 day to clear his head

@Candi - Well, he has found issue with my jealousy getting in the way, like, I get jealous of his friends even. I admittedly make it hard for him to hang up with me (ex. I ask for more time, more time, more time, I sound so dissatisfied when our conversation is up and that makes him feel bad). I of course DON'T do it on purpose. The distance gets to me, even now. We've been together since November. So these things annoy him. But honestly, I have been working on these things and doing very well.

😢 I know there are always going to be more...but I'll meet them when I meet them...right now I have and want my Aqua. He does come across like he doesn't care some of the time, especially in situations like this. I have talked to him about that and he's told me that he does care...and actually he was very candid and told me things like...when I'm not there one night he feels like a lost puppy...and if he gets into an argument he's always going to blame the other person if he can. He has his defense mechanisms, he told me.

Oh no. No, let's not even consider that he is a) gone 😢 . b) I don't see why I should be the one to make the next "move" like calling him... I tried texting him all of these days and he hardly responded...so...the ball's in his court, I guess. and c) I hope that's the one...

@Annabella - I hate thinking about relationships in that game mentality...even though it seems appropriate 😢 . But yes, I do want the upper hand. Honestly, if he doesn't contact me by Thursday...I don't know...I'll even say Friday...but after Friday, I have my doubts. 2 1/2 weeks...I couldn't do that. What kind of relationship would this be? I don't deserve that...

Your story is different because you two weren't in a relationship. But, I must say, you play it so cool, haha.

I feel ill...

@Annabella - Ooh, I see what you're getting at. I dunno, I'm really invested in this relationship, so I'm not letting go unless it's understood that we are over. Which, thankfully, hasn't happened. I like your description of "the one" 🙂 although, I think even he/she can be mean sometimes.

I am proud of myself 😄 I'm a champ, hahaha. Sucky thing to be a champ of, though. As of right now...we've got~...Nothing. The days are normal, but when that time where he and I usually meet up rolls around, it sucks. I miss him~. He better be missing me too, that brat.

I think one of the reasons I've been able to make it this long is because he hasn't actually...been...online. So I really have no choice in that. BUT I haven't texted, called, left a voice mail, left a message on Skype while he's offline.

This better end soon, I find this ridiculous. I want to know what's going on and I don't want to assume. if he would've told me he needed a break, I wouldn't have liked it, but at least I would know. Right now, I'm like up in the air. Kid doesn't say a peep.

Yeah, he's out of state. Several states between us.

@taxidermymermaid: hmmm then based on what you said...he just needs space. but then again...if your across all these states...the whole distance thing can take its toll eventually...and adding your jealously thing...i think not sure but hey im here to say it how it is right? or could be? ....i think the possibility now is:

a) 60% b)5% c) 35%

a) he already show signs of distancing himself...lack of communication, lack of care, lack of a lot of use-to-be's. Hey listen if a man really cared and loved their woman...and even through the hard times...they will make it work. no matter what. PERIOD. simple as that. I fight with my bf a lot. we do fight a lot ...he is a gem im the aqua. we just get into those moods. but as of now...he isn't giving up. still tries still communicates. I feel when a man starts seeing more cons and starts feeling like the woman in their life is no longer AS precious they book it. i know if we continue to fight every day every week, less fun, less sex, less anything...the relationship will end. BUT its up to BOTH of us. not just one of us. and it just seems like its one sided now. He isn't even giving you a explanation. Being a man means to accept their failures and try again. Having integrity and emotional maturity. Being responsible for others and their emotions. He isn't being fair. ONe thing i've learned through the years is this: men love by action women by sentiments. If he aint acting positively in the relationship...its sorta over already. I feel strongly for this choice because he is now thinking what he should do. Stay or leave. Reasons..? not my place to say i guess :/ ugggghhH!!! i'll be all over the place by now. haha happened before when i was young. not fun. not cool. my first love left me hanging for a year. and finally told me after a year the reason why he just left without a word. (email me if you want to know this story lol)

b) just cause...if he did want you to call he would at least go online or do something to get your attention...

c) If he discovers he has the capacity to offer you the love you need. then this choice is highly possible.

ahhh my brain hurts haha hur hur... fuck it i say. go out have fuN! everything will be fine 🙂 your life will go on. things keep going forward which is great. aren't you sick of thinking about him? go out with friends, pamper yourself, go dance, go mingle with some single hot guys, always nice to meet new people during this...makes you realize how your going to be o

We've been together for 8 months and have known each other for 10 months.

Aww, that sounds like the sweetest text right now. I think it might be too late to use it tonight, so I will tomorrow in the evening, if he still doesn't come around. I'm glad you said "from there be very sweet and treat him like gold". I want to, but I resent this a little bit. I think he should treat me that way though, for stomping off on me for 4 nights.

And YES, a thousand times yes, this fight is stupid. The only logical reason I can come up with for this is...it's the result of all the fights in the recent past. The last straw.

@Annabella - So, he was actually online tonight. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I IM him first? Should I wait? So, I decided to wait for him to IM me. That didn't happen, so 10 minutes after I logged in I IMed him, and, well...not what I was hoping for.

I'll PM you.

@Candi - Not sure how I missed your message?! Haha, I totally did not see it. But now, I have read it and...I don't know. You make valid points. I appreciate yours and everyone's input. I decided...
I'm just gonna go with it until I get some information. As much as I study and analyze everyone's opinions of the situation, I haven't heard his side yet...so...I will wait and see. But when he and I cross this bridge, I'll see who was right.

But, yeah, I actually AM all over the place right now 😱

🙂! yep just possibilities that need validation oh man keep us posted what happens haha im dying over here for you

I think (being an aqua guy) that he's prolly pissed off, becuase you didn't pick up the phone the first time, he sees the headphone thing as just an excuse. In this case I am pretty sure the best thing you can do is to give him some time and see to it that you receive his calls at the first try 🙂

He'll be back to you in no time.

Well, @Candi @Annabella @who ever is curious - (It's a long story which I will summarize as well as I can) He was mad at me, he didn't seem to think it was a big deal. But, I begged to differ. I spewed all of my feelings at him, about how hurt I was, etc. He is sorry, although very stubborn and he seems he thinks I made it more than it was (dramatic).

I know some people reading this might agree with him. It doesn't matter though; I got hurt, this was unnecessary, I tried to contact him several times. He was being selfish and that is no way a relationship should be, in my opinion. *big sigh* I'm just glad it's over 😱 my heartstrings can't take anymore silent treatment -.-

Oh yeah, and I caved- I texted him asking if we could talk. I wonder...if I never would've said anything, how long would he have ignored me for? Hmm...although he swears he wasn't avoiding me or ignoring me. *shakes head* So confusing.

@AquaScorp - Ha, well, you aren't far off. Turns out I was being "bratty" and "snarky" and didn't seem like I wanted to talk to him in the first place and didn't seem happy to see him. I can see where he might gather some of the former, but those latter two couldn't be further from the truth! Where were you before? *laughs* An Aqua guy's perspective would've been much appreciated! It still is, though.

@taxidermymermaid : Glad to hear I can be of help. I was in my rainbow all the time 🙂
I go nuts the same way if my GF doesn't picks up the phone or replies back in 30 mins. (Its mostly within 5 mins.).
We get accustomed to these time lines and limits, so if you ever happen to miss the call or reply late to a text, you can expect this kind of behavior and it will not come straight, it will be mixed up with some other problem that you caused him.
Have faith in him and take the first move to call and say that you really were telling the truth, it might need some convincing, but once he see's that you are there for him (try giving him some space too, no continuous calls), he will be back.