Caught offguard.Feeling Vulnerable.Please Help.

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Offlate I had mentioned that my aqua was growing emotionally close but physically distant.I wanted to be intimate last time though but he wasn't ready which kinda upset me a little.He tried to convince me but I didn't listen,however, towards the end I said I was sorry.After that I had a feeling that something was off.I called him up yesterday, normal talks.Somewhere in between,he mentioned that we shouldn't get intimate anymore,that there was no use in a casual relationship when we can't take it forward.I asked if he was seeing someone else,he said no.He said whatever he wants next,he wants it to be permanent.I said I thought it was perfectly okay if we were casual,considering we both were having a nice time.He was so confused, at times saying it's okay if we continue, at other times saying no.We spoke for 5 hours that day.When hanging up,I asked if he could say goodnight to me the way he said last time,all cute and all.He didn't.He said he hoped I understood.I said I did.We hung up.
Can someone please tell me what happened and what to expect next.
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SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts

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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Offlate I had mentioned that my aqua was growing emotionally close but physically distant.I wanted to be intimate last time though but he wasn't ready which kinda upset me a little.He tried to convince me but I didn't listen,however, towards the end I said I was sorry.After that I had a feeling that something was off.I called him up yesterday, normal talks.Somewhere in between,he mentioned that we shouldn't get intimate anymore,that there was no use in a casual relationship when we can't take it forward.I asked if he was seeing someone else,he said no.He said whatever he wants next,he wants it to be permanent.I said I thought it was perfectly okay if we were casual,considering we both were having a nice time.He was so confused, at times saying it's okay if we continue, at other times saying no.We spoke for 5 hours that day.When hanging up,I asked if he could say goodnight to me the way he said last time,all cute and all.He didn't.He said he hoped I understood.I said I did.We hung up.
Can someone please tell me what happened and what to expect next.
He told you. See bolded part. He wants something more, perhaps not speficially with you, but he needs more than just a casual thing.

Some people are not built for casual. I myself am not, i tried it, it was far from ideal and was not satisfiying.

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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
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I think OP is confusing him with talk of casual when what she wants is more.

I understand at the beginning that Aquas feel more comfortable with a romantic interest that's aloof, but there comes a time when they are ready for a more emotionally connected relationship.

OP, he's ready now but you can't go in with guns blazing. Give him some time and then talk about what you both want, and be honest. Timing is critical though. Too much now will freak him out; too little will confirm that you don't want anything more.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
Wow. He's confused. Maybe you guys moved too fast in the beginning? Give him some time, spend time having fun with friends or by yourself. Check in with him but no mre than once a week. If he reaches out to you more often that's a good sign.

It sounds like he's really trying to figure his own stuff out right now.

What are his other placements?
No we didn't. He always distanced himself whenever we got close.So no,we didn't move too fast.Whenever he came back,yes, he came stronger than before.Once when he asked me if I was getting serious and I confessed,he said we should discontinue because he thought it was casual.We parted as friends and he asked for a month's break..However, he came back 10 days later and we got back together again.Now after he returned from his hometown,he was all the more affectionate, less physical (you remember that post,right?)and then poof! All of a sudden,THIS!
He's Aqua sun,moon,Venus,mars and Pisces mercury.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by justagirl
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Offlate I had mentioned that my aqua was growing emotionally close but physically distant.I wanted to be intimate last time though but he wasn't ready which kinda upset me a little.He tried to convince me but I didn't listen,however, towards the end I said I was sorry.After that I had a feeling that something was off.I called him up yesterday, normal talks.Somewhere in between,he mentioned that we shouldn't get intimate anymore,that there was no use in a casual relationship when we can't take it forward.I asked if he was seeing someone else,he said no.He said whatever he wants next,he wants it to be permanent.I said I thought it was perfectly okay if we were casual,considering we both were having a nice time.He was so confused, at times saying it's okay if we continue, at other times saying no.We spoke for 5 hours that day.When hanging up,I asked if he could say goodnight to me the way he said last time,all cute and all.He didn't.He said he hoped I understood.I said I did.We hung up.
Can someone please tell me what happened and what to expect next.
He told you. See bolded part. He wants something more, perhaps not speficially with you, but he needs more than just a casual thing.

Some people are not built for casual. I myself am not, i tried it, it was far from ideal and was not satisfiying.

click to expand

Yeah,he said he can't do casual.Maybe he doesn't want it anymore because he believes he can't get serious with me,given that he knows I'll get serious if he does.But we already knew this won't go anywhere since he had family issues, we were clear with it way back.He said he doesn't want to think too much for a relationship that might not last.I told him when it's casual,you don't think about it.He said he can't help but think.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
I think OP is confusing him with talk of casual when what she wants is more.

I understand at the beginning that Aquas feel more comfortable with a romantic interest that's aloof, but there comes a time when they are ready for a more emotionally connected relationship.

OP, he's ready now but you can't go in with guns blazing. Give him some time and then talk about what you both want, and be honest. Timing is critical though. Too much now will freak him out; too little will confirm that you don't want anything more.
I don't actually initiate the calls.I know if he'll want to,he will.I asked him the reason for ending.I asked was I being a burden,clingy,too much work?he said I wasn't. Because honestly, everytime we get close,he runs for the woods and It's only been 3 months dating and most of the time,he'll be out distancing and thinking,and when he's done,he'll come back to being affectionate and stuff so hardly can this relationship be a burden.Which leaves me thinking if he's ending because we don't have a future together and he's getting serious or because we don't have a future and he's not interested.
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by sultrykitty
Wow. He's confused. Maybe you guys moved too fast in the beginning? Give him some time, spend time having fun with friends or by yourself. Check in with him but no mre than once a week. If he reaches out to you more often that's a good sign.

It sounds like he's really trying to figure his own stuff out right now.

What are his other placements?
No we didn't. He always distanced himself whenever we got close.So no,we didn't move too fast.Whenever he came back,yes, he came stronger than before.Once when he asked me if I was getting serious and I confessed,he said we should discontinue because he thought it was casual.We parted as friends and he asked for a month's break..However, he came back 10 days later and we got back together again.Now after he returned from his hometown,he was all the more affectionate, less physical (you remember that post,right?)and then poof! All of a sudden,THIS!
He's Aqua sun,moon,Venus,mars and Pisces mercury.
click to expand

It sounds a lot like what me and my Aqua went through at the beginning. We DID move fast though.

All I can say from my experience is that it was a really bad relationship for a very long time. We were both just too stubborn to walk away from each other. It really was a helllish off-on, confusing, and drama-filled time. Because of that, I have no real advice to offer because what I did was the wrong way to go about things. It worked out in the end but honestly, I should have walked away when he gave me plenty of opportunities to do so.

My suggestion to give him space and do your own thing still stands though. Any more pushing for answers will probably just backfire. I do think that if you are able to connect on a deeper level after giving him space to figure it out, you will eventually get the answers you seek from him.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
There was always some "reason" to see each other again. I would have something at his place, or I would have something of his. That was always the premise for seeing each other and then sleeping together and starting all over again. Eventually I grew tired of it and walked away after 10 years of wondering what the hell we were.
Yeah,that used to be case with me and him too.However, this time around,we don't have anything with each other.I don't know,I just feel if he will want to contact,he'll cook up a reason.But being uncertain sucks- you don't know when he'll come back, you don't know IF he'll come back.How long did the separation phase last for you two?
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by sultrykitty
There was always some "reason" to see each other again. I would have something at his place, or I would have something of his. That was always the premise for seeing each other and then sleeping together and starting all over again. Eventually I grew tired of it and walked away after 10 years of wondering what the hell we were.
Yeah,that used to be case with me and him too.However, this time around,we don't have anything with each other.I don't know,I just feel if he will want to contact,he'll cook up a reason.But being uncertain sucks- you don't know when he'll come back, you don't know IF he'll come back.How long did the separation phase last for you two?
click to expand

It's a hard road to travel and I don't think many do. Or should, honestly.

The longest we were apart with no contact was 3 months. That was when I felt that there was nothing left to hold onto. I still loved him but couldn't see continuing the way we were. We were 30 and he was acting like a teenager with respect to our relationship. I broke it off with no intention of getting back together. He contacted me after 3 months and things were different with him, I could just tell.

Since then here has been none of the back and forth and no drama. Except what's in every other relationship that has our history, there's no uncertainty or wondering how he feels about us.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by aquasnoz
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Update: He called me up today.Talked normally for around 45 mins.How did he become so normal all of a sudden after the break up?
Tell him he's shit?

Maybe he likes the friendship and doesn't want the physical intimacy?

Fuck I don't know but you should probably make up your own mind.
click to expand

I don't know,when we had this 45min convo,he said he called because he was sorry for saying something he had said.which makes me feel it was his guilt which made him call me? also,he called me only after I texted him luck for a very important exam of his.Had he been so guilty, he could've called me by himself and not after I dropped a text.Also,he said he tried calling me yesterday,but I know he's lying because I get notifications for any calls I miss.He also said he wasn't able to sleep the night when he backed out on me.
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by sultrykitty
He's telling you one thing and acting another way. Maybe you don't see it but it feels very familiar to me. Almost manipulative. Like he's trying to see if he can control your emotions, including confusion.

I can't speculate as to why.
Manipulation?uh,that's sad!
click to expand

I think it's more like testing to see how far you can go without him affecting you. Mine did that a lot, but it's subconscious. He probably likes you more than he wants to, and is waiting for you to do something that he'll hate so he can "blame" you for ruining whatever it is that you had.

If you don't do anything like that then he'll manufacture something to keep you at a distance. Meanwhile you'll make yourself crazy trying to figure out what he's doing.

Just be yourself and don't try to figure him out. Take what he gives you and if it's not enough for then move on or become strictly platonic. And hold your boundaries.

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by sultrykitty
He's telling you one thing and acting another way. Maybe you don't see it but it feels very familiar to me. Almost manipulative. Like he's trying to see if he can control your emotions, including confusion.

I can't speculate as to why.
Manipulation?uh,that's sad!
I think it's more like testing to see how far you can go without him affecting you. Mine did that a lot, but it's subconscious. He probably likes you more than he wants to, and is waiting for you to do something that he'll hate so he can "blame" you for ruining whatever it is that you had.

If you don't do anything like that then he'll manufacture something to keep you at a distance. Meanwhile you'll make yourself crazy trying to figure out what he's doing.

Just be yourself and don't try to figure him out. Take what he gives you and if it's not enough for then move on or become strictly platonic. And hold your boundaries.

click to expand

Yeah,maybe I can relate now.Last time when he pulled away and I didn't react,and said it was okay and I understand,he was going berserk saying why don't you just say nasty things to me,it will be better.Also,last time when he ended,he said I hope you understand and I said I do,later,he said, why do you understand,please don't,just say bad stuff to me.
And maybe that's what he's trying to do now,he wants me to react so that he can validate his decision perhaps?
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Taura
@Taura
10 Years

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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Offlate I had mentioned that my aqua was growing emotionally close but physically distant.I wanted to be intimate last time though but he wasn't ready which kinda upset me a little.He tried to convince me but I didn't listen,however, towards the end I said I was sorry.After that I had a feeling that something was off.I called him up yesterday, normal talks.Somewhere in between,he mentioned that we shouldn't get intimate anymore,that there was no use in a casual relationship when we can't take it forward.I asked if he was seeing someone else,he said no.He said whatever he wants next,he wants it to be permanent.I said I thought it was perfectly okay if we were casual,considering we both were having a nice time.He was so confused, at times saying it's okay if we continue, at other times saying no.We spoke for 5 hours that day.When hanging up,I asked if he could say goodnight to me the way he said last time,all cute and all.He didn't.He said he hoped I understood.I said I did.We hung up.
Can someone please tell me what happened and what to expect next.
I think he is in bad mood. He Still remembers the misunderstanding bevause of the way he hung up the call. It happens when the guy is upset or after a fight. It is not a good time for them to be back on track like it was before

Basically, (based on my man) it will take 2-3 days for them to be sweet again. Just learnt from the mistakes, avoid pushing him- let the man do what he wills. It will come out naturally
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Taura
@Taura
10 Years

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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by aquasnoz
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Update: He called me up today.Talked normally for around 45 mins.How did he become so normal all of a sudden after the break up?
Tell him he's shit?

Maybe he likes the friendship and doesn't want the physical intimacy?

Fuck I don't know but you should probably make up your own mind.
I don't know,when we had this 45min convo,he said he called because he was sorry for saying something he had said.which makes me feel it was his guilt which made him call me? also,he called me only after I texted him luck for a very important exam of his.Had he been so guilty, he could've called me by himself and not after I dropped a text.Also,he said he tried calling me yesterday,but I know he's lying because I get notifications for any calls I miss.He also said he wasn't able to sleep the night when he backed out on me.
click to expand

Lying is a bad sign. Aqua in love is never dishonest

Just don't fall for him deeply because he is not serious
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
11 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by Taura
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by aquasnoz
Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Update: He called me up today.Talked normally for around 45 mins.How did he become so normal all of a sudden after the break up?
Tell him he's shit?

Maybe he likes the friendship and doesn't want the physical intimacy?

Fuck I don't know but you should probably make up your own mind.
I don't know,when we had this 45min convo,he said he called because he was sorry for saying something he had said.which makes me feel it was his guilt which made him call me? also,he called me only after I texted him luck for a very important exam of his.Had he been so guilty, he could've called me by himself and not after I dropped a text.Also,he said he tried calling me yesterday,but I know he's lying because I get notifications for any calls I miss.He also said he wasn't able to sleep the night when he backed out on me.
Lying is a bad sign. Aqua in love is never dishonest

Just don't fall for him deeply because he is not serious
click to expand

I don't know,all this is very depressing.I have my exams coming up in 10 days and here I am with my brain screwed over.And it all happened when I wasn't expecting which is why I'm overthinking all the more.Had I been prepared,I wouldn't have been so uneasy.What are your placements and his?
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Taura
@Taura
10 Years

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Posted by Taura
Hmmm. I know how u feel its hard. I'm a Taurus too and we give a lot when we love. We fall deeply.

Being with aquas kinda stressful because of their mind games but once u proved yourself worth they will stay

My relationship with my aqua is bumpy in our early months. Like your man, when got upset- they will give a distance

A good sign is when after the silence, they will come back. Mine used to say that he feels I am the girl for him

We Taurus have an advantage to understand and to change. All we need to do, if they manipulate us, just understand, be kind and change(not to do what they are upset of)

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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One thing that I'll like to add here is,the reason for which he said he was sorry.When I called him on Friday,it was because that was the day when we confessed our feelings.I told him the same and he laughed it off a little rudely.I said I didn't like it,he said he didn't mean to be rude.I said it was okay.So when he called yesterday, He said he was sorry about that,I said it was okay,and that I let it go at that time itself.He apologised again,towards the end of the convo,I said it was okay and that,it didn't matter now whatever he would call that day.He said something like that was the day when the mess up happened.So he said yeah,maybe he ruined it by doing what he said(He meant He said mess up and he created a mess) and he laughed I said yeah and I laughed too.
Can this be a reason why he's behaving like this now?I mean,he was normal when he called yesterday and today, he's not normal at all.
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Taura
@Taura
10 Years

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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
One thing that I'll like to add here is,the reason for which he said he was sorry.When I called him on Friday,it was because that was the day when we confessed our feelings.I told him the same and he laughed it off a little rudely.I said I didn't like it,he said he didn't mean to be rude.I said it was okay.So when he called yesterday, He said he was sorry about that,I said it was okay,and that I let it go at that time itself.He apologised again,towards the end of the convo,I said it was okay and that,it didn't matter now whatever he would call that day.He said something like that was the day when the mess up happened.So he said yeah,maybe he ruined it by doing what he said(He meant He said mess up and he created a mess) and he laughed I said yeah and I laughed too.
Can this be a reason why he's behaving like this now?I mean,he was normal when he called yesterday and today, he's not normal at all.
Anyways, in your case, both of you I think are still young. Both discovering love. You need to impress your aqua with your talent and how you answer his questions. Aqua used to throw a lot of questions to judge you or test. Once u past that casual relationship may turn deeper

That is how I started with my aqua. He don't fall deep yet n early stage of the relationship. But as soon he likes your answers, attitude, etc. You will notice good changes

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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Update: He called me up to ask for a teacher's contact number(He knows I don't have,I never have).I said I'll let him know if anyone has.(he's not on WhatsApp)He spoke about somethings here and there,I told him I'll give him the number when I'll get it.He said thankyou gazillion times? I texted him the number and got a thankyou again and I replied with a smiley.
I don't get whatever he's doing.Why's he reaching out to me every now and then after the breakup that too with silly reasons.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
Do you want this guy or not? Because if you don't, just keep doing what you're doing. He'll eventually realize you don't want him and will leave you alone. If you do want him, ask him what's going on.
Am I appearing very aloof? Because yes I want this guy and the reason I'm behaving very normally is because I'm not able to comprehend what he wants-he's calling and all,right after telling me we should just stay friends and behaving as if nothing ever happened(I wouldn't say normal because normally he wouldn't call me as much).So I'm left thinking if he wants me as a friend or is it something else? And now you saying that I should continue behaving the way I am if I don't want him makes me confused all the more-is he expecting me to show more interest in him so that we can get back together? I'm really confused.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Posted by sultrykitty
Yes, I think it would be best for you to be very direct with him and tell him that you're confused by his behavior. Have an honest discussion about what he really wants, forget about what you want right now.

I think both of you are looking for the other to lead and it's creating confusion on both sides.
I just saw you mentioned in this thread somewhere that it was good if he reached out more.Has it got something to do with that?Was this the scenario with your aqua too?
And honestly,I'm not asking him upfront because I have my exams coming up next week and I'm scared I might screw them up if his answer is not favourable . :/
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
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Posted by Ilovemyaqua
Posted by sultrykitty
Yes, I think it would be best for you to be very direct with him and tell him that you're confused by his behavior. Have an honest discussion about what he really wants, forget about what you want right now.

I think both of you are looking for the other to lead and it's creating confusion on both sides.
I just saw you mentioned in this thread somewhere that it was good if he reached out more.Has it got something to do with that?Was this the scenario with your aqua too?
And honestly,I'm not asking him upfront because I have my exams coming up next week and I'm scared I might screw them up if his answer is not favourable . :/
click to expand

He likes you. Maybe more than he is comfortable with. But maybe not more than a friend, anf it's hard to know which it is without asking HIM. I understand your reasons for holding back though.

Keep doing what you're doing until after exams. Then you really need to talk this one out. He may need a nudge from you to get closer but if that's not how it works out, at the very least you'll have a lifelong friend after you are both clear on what your intensions are.
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Ilovemyaqua
@Ilovemyaqua
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Update: He hasn't called me from past 5 days.I had to get some notes from him.He was so cold and distant.when he gave me the notes on my way,he said no hi,no hello.Just gave me the notes and went.When I had to return them to him,he was over the phone, didn't say a word and went.So cold.I don't know,he's been oscillating to and fro to the extremes! All of a sudden, he was calling and all and now,so distant and cold.