Does Age Matter?

Ok this question is posed in the context of the familiar relationship advice theme.

I went on a second date with a guy I met a few weekends ago. He texted me after the first time we met and I kinda tried to avoid meeting up with him again
but he invited me to a concert which was on last night and I thought I should go
along as it doesn't necessarily have to lead anywhere from that.

The main reason why I was avoiding him is because he is 42 and I am 30 (and a
half!) so I automatically consider him to be too old for me. When I first asked him his age he had said 35 but then came clean when I spoke with him on a later occasion over the phone.

Anyway last night we got on very well and I found myself quite attracted to him. I asked him why he had lied initially about his age and he said it was because he thought I wouldn't have believed him which I thought was a strange reason but didn't want to challenge him about it because I thought it might be insulting to him if I said that I actually would have believed him!

So I'm wondering do most people find age an important factor when they are dating or meet someone they like? I usually don't find that people's personal cicumstances such as their job or religion or political views alter my view of the person but with the age thing I feel that he is too old for me if I were to consider having a serious relationship with him.

Am I being a bit fussy about this? Or would you guys date a man or woman who is 11 years your senior but otherwise you think they're pretty hot!?

I would be wondering what else he's lied to you about rather than if he's too old for you. If he's OK with lying about his age to you, then sounds like he has no problem lying about other things.

Lying about your age is something you might resort to if you feel embarassed. It doesn't mean you are a liar about everything and have no scruples.

That's not what I'm intersted in anyway. I wanna know if age is important in a relationship and if so how much it is. This applies to lesbian relationships also of course 😉

Was the guy a libra by any chance MD.

At this point in my life I would, im actually talking to a guy 10 yrs older. BUT at 30 (and a half!) id have to think about it. But im guessing age was an issue with him or why else would he lie about it.

No he's a 24th June Cancer (that was one of the first questions I asked him either right before or after his name!!). Yeah I guess it was an issue for him the same as it is for me because he thought maybe I wouldn't wanna be with him if I knew he was 42 which is exactly what I am wondering now!

Yes he probably was worried about the age difference. My libra guy did the same to me (thats why I asked if he was libra, they tend to lie about these things). But they say en get better with age, so go for it.

"But they say en get better with age, so go for it."

Ok so that's one thumbs up anyway. Looking good so far 🙂

Age is just a number. My mother is almost 20 years younger than my father. My father is 5 years younger than my maternal grandmother. But my parents have been happily married for over 30 years now and they seem happier now that all of us brats are out of the house.

Then my Nana, my father's mother, when she was 20 something was involved with a 16 year old sailer and had to wait until he turned 18 to get married. (Two years later the Japanese destroyed the ship and he died... World War II)

So I grew up being told that age seriously doesn't matter. As for me personally, I haven't broken any laws, but I tend to date men my own age or within the age limit for now. Actually the men I date tend to be 2-3 years younger than me for some unknown reason, but I've dated men as low as 7 years younger and 10 years older. If there is attraction, there is attraction, y'know.

So judge people on how they make you feel and how you are with them, but that's just me.

I really dont like people who are younger than me, its like an instan turn off. But I do like older guys.

"best of luck MD"

Thanks PM!

"judge people on how they make you feel and how you are with them"

Ladyvie that's a really good point. He's making me feel pretty nice so far!

No Problem. I've never dated anyone 20 years older than me (yet) but I wouldn't be here if my mother or father thought too much about their age difference. If people say something to you, let it go because they don't know what's best for you. You know what's best for you.

some ppl can handle it....
the more than 20 yrs age gap....maybe im wrong to cringe....cos i havent experienced it....

ya some people can handle it...i agree wid ladyvie, age is jus a number, i once had a MAD crush on a 58 year man.. he was like 35 years older then me but he was sooo darn hot and had a boombastic personality...i wud have gone out wid him and even dated him coz at the end of the day if ur wid a man who loves ya and appreciates ya then thats wats important....to hell wid wat people think.. they wanna see ya miserable anyways and will advise u to not date people younger or waay older than ya....

MD,

a 12 year agre gap aint much.....i always had a thing 4 older men...my aries is in his mid 30s and im 23... hes amazing and i neva wanna trade him 4 a younger guy... old is Gold 😛.... older men make better BFs and husbands IMO 🙂

With that said...Hi Eliza

I dont think guys should get married until after 30...IMO.

With that said...Hi Eliza

I dont think guys should get married until after 30...IMO.

Hi, Pretty lady, hows life— hope all is well wid ya 🙂 and ya i totally agree 30 and ova is the best age for men to get married.. they are mature and wiser ( well some atleats 😛 )

are you kinda saying we aren't responsible for *ANY* of our actions until that time —

well antibling, i have seen sum young men who're way mature for their age but still u shudnt consider getting into a serious relationship..especially marriage and having kids coz ur a kid urself... men neva grow up but their toys sure do get expensive 😛

No your still accountable Bling, I just think your more likely to be ready and steady at that age. Your playing days should be coming to an end by mid 30's, if not earlier. But yes their are mature younger ,men, but I still stand by my comment.

Hi Eliza...everything is okay I guess. Schools kinda tough this semester, but im working on it. Im sure everyhting is just great with you and Mr. Aries.

I love reading comments like "men should never marry till until after 30" from girls. More 20something men for me if women think like that (course I'm in my 20s as well). But the guys who get serious with me are always thinking wife, children, house, meet the parents dinners and like I said I like being a year or two older than my man because he just might have energy to keep up with me. In fact my current man already freaks himself out thinking about these longterm relationship plans and I'm saying 'day by day.'

Sigh at the end of the day though men fascinate me.

My point exactly Bling, your still worried about your freedom...by that age you should be less worried about that. I didnt mean you in particular were a player.

Men fascinate me too...there just so darn simple though...No offense.

Naw they are deceptively simple and deprived in a way. We definately get to be more wild than men at least emotionally. However sometimes a man's thinking about a situation is very refreshing.

As an aqua, I practically think the same way as men. I have no problem seeing both points of view...which can be confusing and contradicting on my part.

facilitator huh...thats aa nice way to put it...

LOL @ Bling

Big Dawg

MD, I dated someone 11 years older than me and we got along great. We are both Tauruses and we knew how each other "clicked".

Age is a number, true, but I think you also need to make sure you have enough in common with this man before pursuing something with him because when you're his age of 42, he'll be 56. The age gap is not that huge. My sister married someone 10 years older than her and they've been married for 15 years now.

I prefer older men, but currently I'm in a "love triangle" with someone 2 years younger than me and the other is 7 years older than me. LOL...oh the dilemma.

Good luck, MD. I didn't mean to shoot it down in the beginning; the reason he gave you for lying about his age doesn't make sense.

When i was 25, my bf (now ex) was 14 yrs older - with the SAME b-day. It totally worked - for awhile. Age made no diff.

From my experience age usually isn't an issue until theres a fight. And I'm always the younger one and then I'm reacting the way I am because I'm so young and immature. It's lame. :-/

or when you get the "When you get to be my age, you'll understand what I'm talking about"....blah blah blah blah

grrr, I hate it when they say that. Then I say Im not changing anytime soon and im serious!

Thanks guys for sharing your views. I guess the consensus is that age is defeiniely an important factor but it boils down to the individual persons involved. He doesn't look his age anyway 😉

"I don't get you" territory.

i feel that with guys my age 😛...

Vanessa:

"MD, if I were you, I'd be concerned with the fact that he's a cancer (and a June one)"

How do you mean exactly? Give us your low down on June Cancers please!

Vanessa126 yeah I see where you're coming from. I think that's pretty much a June-Cancer trait as July ones tend to be much softer; they're the ones quick to take offense at even a funny look than they are to give offence.

Actually it's funny cos around the same time as I've been seeing and thinking about this guy, I met by chance a July Cancer guy I'd met a few months previously and then he sent me a text to which I forgot to reply because I was heading out when my phone beeped and then he sent me another text the next day asking me why I hadn't returned his text and did he say something rude? And I thought that this is the very reason why I don't go for these kinda guys!!!

vanessa...when your cancer would tell you about other girls, it wasn't necessarily to make you jealous or get you angry with him...i think it is more of an insecurity thing with cancers. they say stuff like that to feel better about themselves, to look good. so, it was probably more of a personal issue with himself...

Ok so my Cancer guy asked me could we be boyfriend-girlfriend and I said yes why not (in my typical Aquarian offhand kinda way). I'm still a teeny weeny bit unsure about the age gap. He is married too but is in the process of getting divorced at the moment. He also has a four and a half year old daughter. That doesn't bother me at all. But he told another fib because I found out that he had a month long fling with a woman during the summer and he had told me last week that he hadn't been with anyone since he came to Ireland last year. Ok so this "untruth" is no biggie but I don't know why he didn't just tell me this was the case when I had asked him initially. I got kinda pissed at him and said that I'd prefer for him to say nothing at all instead of being nice to me and then saying things that aren't true. I don't think he liked my outburst but apologised anyway. But then again what's the point in me pretending I'm mellow (!) about things like this when I'm not. And also I'm sure I tell fibs that I'm not even aware of but I just don't want him saying things I wanna hear regardless of whether they're total fabrications.

Ok it's like this to me: if I'm twenty and someone is 32, I find that a problem. But if I'm 30 and someone is 42, then it really isn't a problem. i guess what I'm trying say is that what matters is where you are at in life and life experiences that matters. A 20 year old is still experimenting and finding out what they want as opposed to someone in their 30s where there is virtually little difference between a thirty year old and someone in their early forties.
But as HP says, I would be concerned that he found it necessary to lie. If nothing else, it shows a level of immaturity that would turn me off.

"But he told another fib because I found out that he had a month long fling with a woman during the summer and he had told me last week that he hadn't been with anyone since he came to Ireland last year. Ok so this "untruth" is no biggie but I don't know why he didn't just tell me this was the case when I had asked him initially."


ok, now i think that you're dealing with a liar! maybe that's why he's going through a divorce. I'd run away if I were you.

MD, run, don't walk! This guy is bad news. First he lies about his age because he thought you wouldn't believe him if he told the truth...now he pulls out another "Oh by the way, here's another lie..."

sheesh...Plus...girl, he's STILL MARRIED. Have you asked him why his divorce? Have you asked him why he has left Ireland before the divorce is finalized? These are things that bother me about him.

I think i posted that if he was OK with lying about his age, he'd be OK with lying about other things, well, there's lie #2. MD, he has other lies tucked away waiting for the best time to come clean.