Feeling the squeeeeze

Down to be last couple of grand that I saved up. Even though that doesn't sound much but come on we all know how quickly money can go. I don't spend excessively per se in fact I don't think I spend enough which is the reason I've been able to save up. People tend to ask if I have something planned to be saving so much truth is apart from essentials I think even being on an average wage by myself is more than enough.

Are you Aquas out there just as good with money as I am? 😛

That said things have been kinda tough. I thought I'd lay off work for a while to just enjoy things given all that money saved up but it's about to go nowhere. My mother is in need of surgery, my dad has been jobless for a few years so they're not that well off. I've already paid for in full my sister's funeral last year and it just seems like no matter what you do things never get any easier.

When faced with a decision seeing even if I wasn't saving up to do anything or go anywhere it was my contingency fund and I was actually going to use that to relocate back to Europe. I thought it was all still doable until my Sag friend started asking for part of the money we both gave to my parents years ago. She's in a bit of a situation herself shoulder surgery and physically won't be able to work and she's specifically said she needs her money back.

I just think isn't charity just that? But I guess not because right now from all sides there are people hounding me for money that I either need to give or owe. It just feels like you can never do enough. Bit of a rant I guess. Suffice to say my sag friend understands somewhat but she's more worried about herself like one would. She said to me "you can't help everyone, you've tried". Where do I draw the line?

Is help meant to be on the basis of them asking for it? Do people really not see it when it is given to them freely? It's even gotten to the point where my Pisces gal is upset over this. Fundamentally it's putting this pressure on me that I feel like my good intentions turn out to be nothing but negativity everywhere. And just because I don't outwardly show or acknowledge the gravity of the situation why do people feel like I don't care about it? Isn't the best choice to keep moving and find a solution?

So on that note the world sucks tonight.

Well she can, we have that in Australia too, it isn't much to go buy but plenty enough to take care of the essentials. I think it's more that her dreams were shot down given the shoulder injury. She's been told she can't work as a nurse in her field of expertise because of it. I know how she feels so I can't take that away from her.

I know boundaries are good, but it's harder when there's family members involved. I use to mull over the fact they didn't really support me that much, my own flesh and blood family (there's a huge story behind it). If I hadn't ran into the sag friend I mentioned I don't think I'd be as positive today because her family (which I consider my own) really helped me to believe in myself but now it's these people that I care about that are in trouble.

It's just that I know I rub off the wrong way. I came from absolutely nothing, everything I've ever wanted I worked hard for because no one else would do it for me. I had no plan, if there was a hurdle I jump over it, if there was an obstacle I find another way. Giving up is just too easy. I try to tell them that but I can't take away their own experiences. They've all had support from somewhere and as did I. It just hurts a great deal more when they turn around and say "but I'm not you".

If I had a magical wand to make things better and make them believe it can only get better things would be so much easier. And yeah sorry about the rant, I just think money is evil at the moment... albeit a necessary evil.

I am pretty good with money but my hubbykins takes care of all the IMPORTANT things. I'm mostly a housewife and mother, and the occasional gossiping with the neighbors kind of thing. Today is sunny and maybe later I'll go and plant some of those bulbs father in law gave us.

People in our family don't ask for handouts. They are TOO ashamed to do that for the most part. If they do, it's EMERGENCY and it's paid back within a year or so. (this is if they borrow for a house down payment or a car down payment, so naturally that's EXPENSIVE right?) No rush to pay back next month. If they pay back in a couple years that's good too, as long as their is a payment monthly or so.

Um not to be all suspicious....but if your Sag friend needs money for her hospital bills, what about HER family??
Why is she asking for money back when she gave it for CHARITY?

"Don't worry, here you go, money to help take care of your bills, don't worry about paying back. It's for you. Just this time k?"

(She feels all good about giving money)

Then later, she finds herself in a terrible bind. Her health is not good. She's too ashamed to ask her family (don't know the situation)
So she remembers the "charity" she gave out years ago....

Calls up her friend, "Hey I'm in a terrible bind, can you help me out?? Remember that money I gave your parents? I need it back."

Listen, lady, you said it was charity and then you have the nerve to come back around to ask it back?

That's why you don't take handouts from people. Because they will come back and make you feel all guilty. *shakes head*

She probably thinks you're a PUSHOVER so she's coming round to collect.

Nah it's good to know people can understand and have similar views. I make a habit of like ranting to see if people can connect just so I'm not so alone in my thoughts.

But I guess there never truly is a balance in cases like these. I don't think I'm sacrificing a lot in the long term to do this if anything it might just be my health for working crazy hours. I can easily think okay they need to toughen up and work this out themselves just being in the situation before but the other side kicks in and thinks, hang on I HAVE been here before and I almost gave up on life in general so I should do everything in my power to help them.

Definitely right though, it's a tough call but when no one else can see the path forward, I'll just have to drag them until they get through it.

lol i think our money planets are askew today cos I felt really shit today about money....I dont save I never have....I met my family in fiji for the first time last year and I met my sister and my neice for the first time and I love them...but she's always asking me to send her money, so i told her I dont want to send it by mail, I told her to get a westpac account and she finally did....so now I find it cost me $ 20 to send the fucking money and I haven't yet because I recently have had my hours cut after christmas and I need to be a tight ass and i'm not used to supporting others Im just so caught up in my own shit it makes me depressed because they told me not to forget about them....and I am.....today on my lunch break this african guy stopped me in the street and asked me if i would like to give money to the women in africa for for food rights...but they wanted my bank account details and they would not let me give them a cash donation....so I signed it but i didnt know my bank account details at the time and they wanted me to call the bank then and there to find out me details....but I told them im on my lunch break and to come to my shop later and ill give it to them...anyways long story short I remembered I had a family in fiji that i should be giving money to first and foremost and when he came in the shop I had to decline my donation....and it was sad for me because it was like I was giving someone hope then taking it away..and i hate putting myself in those positions where I feel weak....its kinda true about alyssa sharpe and aqua astrology I'm good at philanthropy but when it comes to my own family I drop the ball..
but my new money mantra is "not what it can get me. but where It can get me"....and once I get where I'm supposed to be then Ill be able to help others..
If there is one thing my mother taught me its never get into debt. still to this day I dont know why ppl have credit cards.....but my advice is...if you think that paying your sag friend back will make you free then by all means do it...but your already free to do whatever the fuck you want and it cant be bought...you friend is free too and she "chose" (which is a free persons prerogative) to give your parents the money...."I think i vaguely remember this conversation"....honestly you need to watch judge judy to put things in perspective for ya bud.....go fuck that stingy bitch and her money

my condolences to your sister....its hard for an aqua to lose a sibling

Posted by aquasnoz
Nah it's good to know people can understand and have similar views. I make a habit of like ranting to see if people can connect just so I'm not so alone in my thoughts.

But I guess there never truly is a balance in cases like these. I don't think I'm sacrificing a lot in the long term to do this if anything it might just be my health for working crazy hours. I can easily think okay they need to toughen up and work this out themselves just being in the situation before but the other side kicks in and thinks, hang on I HAVE been here before and I almost gave up on life in general so I should do everything in my power to help them.

Definitely right though, it's a tough call but when no one else can see the path forward, I'll just have to drag them until they get through it.

You and your family come first. She sounds "toxic." I can't believe she put that "guilt" on you like this.

At least when the Government gives out money to the disabled people, they're not saying to those disabled, "Hey pay back all the money we gave you since you born with turrets syndrome. You got broken legs and can't walk and have to use a wheelchair?? So what? pay it all back."

The government trying to take care of the disabled vets:



The government, despite the fact they are in a HUGE deposit, won't dare ask back money from the disabled. They are already trying to take money away from social security old folks.

it becomes immoral when the government "pretends" to be all good and benevolent and then tries to take everything back.

@11th totally! I still refuse to get a credit card haha! Debit card all the way and thanks 🙂

@lisabeth: Well I'd be lying if I said I never thought about all that. Hence the enormous fight we had! It seriously ended up with me saying "I'll get you your money just never say a word to me again". Honestly though that really was my anger speaking when she brought up the past.

I really hate people bringing the past and twisting it to their needs. But ah well, what can ya do. I consider her my family seeing we grew up together and she's the one person who knows me for who I am. I can't begin to describe this threshold of mine and it seems like it's constantly being pushed towards the 'dark' side. But eh.. I have faith we'll all pull through this. I'll admit to being the pushover and being weak but if that's the only viable option then I'll be weak for everyone.

When this all blows over, it's onwards to Germany and be with the one person I'm in love with right now! Motivation +100!

*HUGE deficit..... (It'd be nice if they had a huge deposit though)

Posted by aquasnoz
@11th totally! I still refuse to get a credit card haha! Debit card all the way and thanks 🙂

@lisabeth: Well I'd be lying if I said I never thought about all that. Hence the enormous fight we had! It seriously ended up with me saying "I'll get you your money just never say a word to me again". Honestly though that really was my anger speaking when she brought up the past.

I really hate people bringing the past and twisting it to their needs. But ah well, what can ya do. I consider her my family seeing we grew up together and she's the one person who knows me for who I am. I can't begin to describe this threshold of mine and it seems like it's constantly being pushed towards the 'dark' side. But eh.. I have faith we'll all pull through this. I'll admit to being the pushover and being weak but if that's the only viable option then I'll be weak for everyone.

When this all blows over, it's onwards to Germany and be with the one person I'm in love with right now! Motivation +100!

My hubbykins helps me with being strong though. I dont really care about what goes on politically or globally, and unless i actively look up the news, (which depresses the hell out of me).... (I don't like politics) but helps me see insight & perspectives on some things pertaining to society and government. You can also link that to how people act too.

Posted by aquasnoz
@11th totally! I still refuse to get a credit card haha! Debit card all the way and thanks 🙂

@lisabeth: Well I'd be lying if I said I never thought about all that. Hence the enormous fight we had! It seriously ended up with me saying "I'll get you your money just never say a word to me again". Honestly though that really was my anger speaking when she brought up the past.

I really hate people bringing the past and twisting it to their needs. But ah well, what can ya do. I consider her my family seeing we grew up together and she's the one person who knows me for who I am. I can't begin to describe this threshold of mine and it seems like it's constantly being pushed towards the 'dark' side. But eh.. I have faith we'll all pull through this. I'll admit to being the pushover and being weak but if that's the only viable option then I'll be weak for everyone.

When this all blows over, it's onwards to Germany and be with the one person I'm in love with right now! Motivation +100!

Hmmmm....I'd never be able to trust someone like that again. You're way too forgiving. People don't always change.

Ops, quoted the wrong one:

It seriously ended up with me saying "I'll get you your money just never say a word to me again". Honestly though that really was my anger speaking when she brought up the past.

You call it the dark side. Well, if you want to keep on getting stepped on, and being used, your Light side will continually be PUFFED out. "Snuffed out" and that's the IMBALANCE.

Don't worry 😉 I don't think anyone can snuff out the light side apart from myself though it does wane now and again like today.

Aquasnoz, for what it's worth, I really respect you.

Posted by aquasnoz
Don't worry 😉 I don't think anyone can snuff out the light side apart from myself though it does wane now and again like today.

Forgiveness is always good, but NEVER forget...and don't allow them to trample you again. People have different ways of looking at things.

It's the fact that she put you through this that you got ANGRY. Her actions did that.

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
...today on my lunch break this african guy stopped me in the street and asked me if i would like to give money to the women in africa for for food rights...but they wanted my bank account details and they would not let me give them a cash donation....so I signed it but i didnt know my bank account details at the time and they wanted me to call the bank then and there to find out me details....but I told them im on my lunch break and to come to my shop later and ill give it to them...anyways long story short I remembered I had a family in fiji that i should be giving money to first and foremost and when he came in the shop I had to decline my donation....and it was sad for me because it was like I was giving someone hope then taking it away.

...honestly you need to watch judge judy to put things in perspective for ya bud....

I'm not sure what country you live in but I have never heard of a charity stopping you on the street and asking for your bank information. I'm glad you changed your mind. Sounds fishy to me.

And I freakin love Judge Judy!

click to expand

Never never give out bank details credit card info and such. You will wake up the next morning with no money. 😢

yep.

lots of bad people out there in the world.

Also, was told of people stealing ORGANS from your body to make money. Be careful of those too. So many people taking advantage of others.

these victims wake up and they find themselves with one less kidney...

I am horrid with money. I give it out freely without a second thought. That is until I figure out I am broke. I had a friend that I loaned large amounts to multiple times under the agreement that she would pay it back. Of course that hasnt happened but she kept asking. It took me getting mad to get her to stop asking. It was my fault I knew in my heart I was never going to see the money back. I get hit up in the street alot i normally give out what I can. Sigh just a big sucker trying to help someone out.

Posted by lisabethur8
yep.

lots of bad people out there in the world.

Also, was told of people stealing ORGANS from your body to make money. Be careful of those too. So many people taking advantage of others.

these victims wake up and they find themselves with one less kidney...

OUCH! Does that really happen? I thought organ theft was an urban myth (or hoped).

Posted by lisabethur8
yep.

lots of bad people out there in the world.

Also, was told of people stealing ORGANS from your body to make money. Be careful of those too. So many people taking advantage of others.

these victims wake up and they find themselves with one less kidney...

had to see if it was really true. I'll have to ask hubby too.

but here's a link:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090819133608AAktaIy<BR>
the correct answer is this:

So stealing a random person's kidney without knowing their tissue type will be useless. It can't be transplanted into just anybody, and it can't be stored until a tissue-matched recipient is found.

In some countries like India, people willingly sell their kidneys on the black market though. This works because they are tissue-matched with potential recipients prior to the procedure. It's illegal in many countries (hence the term black market), but poor people take advantage of it, or are taken advantage of depending on one's opinion, to make money.

The myth may have started because of a misunderstanding of the nature of black market kidney donation, or somebody just concocted it as a scary story to spread around via email.


Smell the FEAR people.

Posted by EvilTurtle
I am horrid with money. I give it out freely without a second thought. That is until I figure out I am broke. I had a friend that I loaned large amounts to multiple times under the agreement that she would pay it back. Of course that hasnt happened but she kept asking. It took me getting mad to get her to stop asking. It was my fault I knew in my heart I was never going to see the money back. I get hit up in the street alot i normally give out what I can. Sigh just a big sucker trying to help someone out.

tsk tsk...

there's nothing left to give to your children. It's all to random strangers. Who probably dont give a fug two ways about you.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by EvilTurtle
I am horrid with money. I give it out freely without a second thought. That is until I figure out I am broke. I had a friend that I loaned large amounts to multiple times under the agreement that she would pay it back. Of course that hasnt happened but she kept asking. It took me getting mad to get her to stop asking. It was my fault I knew in my heart I was never going to see the money back. I get hit up in the street alot i normally give out what I can. Sigh just a big sucker trying to help someone out.

tsk tsk...

there's nothing left to give to your children. It's all to random strangers. Who probably dont give a fug two ways about you.

click to expand

lol my son gets more than he should at twenty. But if he thinks he will be rich when i pass he better hope i win the lottery.

Smeagol obeys masss-tah, Yehhs, my preciouss!

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Gandalf
Holy shit that advice was so sexy. i need to go find a mirror now 😛

LOLOL

click to expand

Lmao!

Posted by Gandalf
Holy shit that advice was so sexy. i need to go find a mirror now 😛

Gandalf I love your input haha it's usually pretty good. I have always felt the same way man too. You give people the skill/the whatever means it is they lack to make them self sufficient to not need you to provide for them and then you have truly helped them. If you think about it to not do this would almost make one wonder if you are trying to keep them in the dark so they will always NEED you.... as if them NEEDING you makes you feel better about yourself.

hmmm... I didn't mean that indirection to you Aquasnoz ....I don't think your doing that I was just I guess being hypothetical so to speak.

Posted by Theultra79
Aquanoz -

I kinda know how your girlfriend feels. My bf is in the same dilemma with his parents. They're always asking him for help, and he's struggling himself. He's torn because they are his family, but he knows well that they constantly make bad decisions and put themselves where they are. My thing is this: They are old, they've lived their lives. It's time for you to live yours. I'm absolutely certain that if he didn't help them, they'd find some other way to get by. As a matter of fact, they'd be better off figuring it out for themselves than panhandling off him. I know that sounds harsh.

They give no regard for his life and what responsibilities he has to take care of. They sometimes refuse when he asks for babysitting help and non-monetary things. And they didn't give him a healthy chilhood either. I understand why he feels obligated to help, but it sucks to see him be used in that way. It's especially frustrating to know that it only continues to happen because he allows it. But, I dont push him in one way or the other. It's not my place. I'm just a quiet bystander and a listening ear for now.

At the same time, I respect and admire his compassion and ability to forgive. Those are some of the things I like best about him. I'm sure your girl is upset about it, but in no way holds it against you. I hope you can find some peace with this situation 🙂

Thanks ultra 🙂 I do worry I'm trying to sort of cater to everyone at the moment but I think she'll understand her relationship to her folks are much like mine. On some level we kinda clicked in that sense because she understands well how fragile the circumstances are.

I told her if it does come down to that I'd rather forge a life with her because I've already done what I could do to the best of my ability for the past 28 years of my life. It's hard to give that up.

@Gandalf - Yeah I have massive pisces influence followed very closely by scorpio (gasp) lol. I have one placement one placement in aquarius 😛

It is sexy advice I just need some conviction I think. It's just there was a time where I had given up on life seemingly like there's no need to keep the drive or to live to dream. Pisces can go to the dark depths when that happens. I understand not all people are as weak as this but I can't help but think they might falter that I feel like I should help.

It's sad when those I care for can't find the drive to move forward and if anything I want to help them believe just baby steps at a time. I can't promise them things will be better but I do know content can be good enough.

Posted by aquasnoz
it's a tough call but when no one else can see the path forward, I'll just have to drag them until they get through it.

This is the sweetest thing I've read on this site. My brother is like this (he's a Taurus). He helps out his friends or family members who are weaker than him, but he never lets anyone take advantage of him. He just recognizes when someone is genuinely not strong enough to help themselves. I don't think that's being a pushover.

Posted by Gandalf

I know what you both are saying. But i have a question? he helps them because he loves them, correct? what does it say that even after all the sacrifice he has made that "loved ones" won't have the drive to move forward. he has stated that this is not comfortable for him to go on like this. If someone loved you back then they would find that drive if not for their sake atleast for his sake.

my point is that he can keep this up all he wants however the ball is in their court and if they are capable of helping themselves then they should. If they don't? Then i am sorry but i would say that is not reciprocal love.

I see your point. If someone truly cared about you, they wouldn't make you sacrifice everything to help them out with something that they could muster the will to do themselves. And I agree that sometimes you have to let people hit rock bottom so they learn how to get back up. But some people aren't strong enough and they just give up. If he doesn't help his parents or his friend and they end up worse off mentally or physically, he would probably feel horrible knowing he had the means to help them but didn't.

He seems optimistic that things will turn out okay if he helps them out, even though it won't be easy for him. I might be mistaken, but it doesn't seem like he's completely sacrificing everything to help them out; it just sounds like it will cause him a hardship that will suck for a while but that he feels he can turn things around eventually so that he'll be able to follow through with his plans to move to Europe.

It sounds like this is the first time his friend has had to lean on him financially, but if she keeps doing so and doesn't help him out when he needs help, then yeah, he should seriously reconsider helping her out in the future. But with his parents, it seems more complicated. With family, especially parents, there's a sense of obligation that's hard to just ignore. I think it's okay for him to continue to help them, as long as he doesn't sacrifice everything for them.