krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
How it seems
Posted by krysrenee7
I'm not willing to give up or change the core of who I am just b/c some folks may not like it or have a hard time adapting to it.
I hate when people label us as "stuck in our ways." ....... who I am at the core will not change. Don't like it? Beat it!
Funny one sentence says "I'm not willing to change". The next says you hate it when people label you stuck in your ways. Later on you say "I will not change".
If you're not willing (and willing is the key word) to change, then you have no right to complain you are accused of being stuck in your ways.
Can't have it both ways, Kris.
*smh*
Posted by Impulsv
But even in the love language if I know ur partner needs more affection what is wrong with doing this if it makes him happy making that effort. I think the book explained u do it because it's important to ur partner n he's important to u. I don't think u have to chage to become 100 percent to the otherside but an effort is enough. N the partner should be aware enough of that effort n appreciate that.
Each should be willing to adapt to the other.
For instance, I don't like football, but I watch it because he likes it. He doesn't like socializing much but he does it because I like it.
That's not asking each other to change, but it is complying with the other's feelings.
Kris makes it sound like the partner is supposed to do all the adapting because she is who she is, by golly. Well, it takes two to tango and both must adapt to make a solid relationship. Relationships are work and they take effort on BOTH parties.
Posted by feby16aqua
a lot of aquas do share commonalities but we are all very different in our details. Me, I know I am affectionate like crazy. Sometimes though I get self conscious that it's too much or that I'm being too intense but I will ask if it's ok.
That's sweet!
But instead of shutting off, it is more effective to tell someone what they did or said that hurt you. Could be a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in a jiffy.
I used to shut down too, even over little stuff. One of my New Years Resolutions one year was to be more honest with what I was feeling. Hard part was recognizing the feeling. lol!
I challenged myself to speak up right then and there instead of holding it in like I used to. Wanted to prevent resentments from building up. So, it was scary at first to speak up and say "hey, I didn't appreciate that you said _______. It made me feel like you didn't care". It was amazing to hear, "didn't mean that, I meant this". It became easier and easier. I have eventually learned that people would rather you tell them because it gives them a chance to clarify and I found that people respect me more than before, as well. Also, I'm happier because I don't carry those feelings of ill content. It is surprising about the amount of positive results you receive and it becomes less scary.
I challenged myself to speak up right then and there instead of holding it in like I used to. Wanted to prevent resentments from building up. So, it was scary at first to speak up and say "hey, I didn't appreciate that you said _______. It made me feel like you didn't care". It was amazing to hear, "didn't mean that, I meant this". It became easier and easier. I have eventually learned that people would rather you tell them because it gives them a chance to clarify and I found that people respect me more than before, as well. Also, I'm happier because I don't carry those feelings of ill content. It is surprising about the amount of positive results you receive and it becomes less scary.
Also, Feby, if you don't speak up the partner doesn't know why you shut down. They're sitting there feeling the change in demeanor, but are confused as to why you went cold all of a sudden.
Posted by DonAmanMarat
We can tell a flawed character from a mile away, and they don't like that.
+1000
@Truecap: I am not changing the core of who I am. Would you? Being stuck in your ways & not changing who you are at the core are 2 different things.
I'm not talking about the people who want you to tone down or turn up certain things within you (affection, aloofness, or stuff that sometimes have more to do with whether or not someone brings it out of you). Being intellectual for example is something I naturally am. For someone to expect me to stop thinking logically or stop being an intellectual b/c it suits THEM is a no-go for me. If anything the person asking me to change who I am at the core is the person who's stuck in their ways!
I'm talking about the folks who just flat out don't mesh well with you b/c of personality incompatibility & yet expecting me to change.
In life, sometimes 2 people just won't mesh or click. Everybody isn't going to like or want to adapt to your personality! And that's ok!!! When it gets to the point of someone having to change who they are at the core, that's when I let things/them go.
I guess a person being unwilling to change who they are at the core is the same as being set in their ways. I guess we're all set in our ways lol
I'm not talking about the people who want you to tone down or turn up certain things within you (affection, aloofness, or stuff that sometimes have more to do with whether or not someone brings it out of you). Being intellectual for example is something I naturally am. For someone to expect me to stop thinking logically or stop being an intellectual b/c it suits THEM is a no-go for me. If anything the person asking me to change who I am at the core is the person who's stuck in their ways!
I'm talking about the folks who just flat out don't mesh well with you b/c of personality incompatibility & yet expecting me to change.
In life, sometimes 2 people just won't mesh or click. Everybody isn't going to like or want to adapt to your personality! And that's ok!!! When it gets to the point of someone having to change who they are at the core, that's when I let things/them go.
I guess a person being unwilling to change who they are at the core is the same as being set in their ways. I guess we're all set in our ways lol
I'm naturally an intellectual. I may choose not to have intellectual convos with you if you're not an intellectual conversationalist yourself, BUT to expect me to change the fact that I'm an intellectual just b/c it annoys you is NOT gonna happen!
I'm naturally very into home life & family. If I come across someone who is more a rebel & doesn't value family as much as I do, that's fine, BUT if I'm not trying to change you, don't try to change me. My core values don't change. They are apart of who I am. Just b/c someone else may not feel that family is important doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to adapt to their views/morals.
I'm not gonna be made to feel guilty or bad b/c I like spending time with my family on Holidays all b/c you may not care so much for your own family. I'm still gonna be the same country bumpkin who loves being around family whether someone feels the same about their own family or not. Get what I'm saying?!
There's a difference b/w what you DO & who you ARE. Huge difference. What you do changes with the seasons & can sometimes depend on who you're around. But who you are very rarely changes. And "being yourself" means exactly what it sounds like: Being YOURSELF, not them or who they want you to be.
And if who you are at the core does change, it's b/c YOU decide to change it. There's no way in hell that anyone's approval is that important to me that I'm gonna do away with who I am just to get their respect, admiration or approval
Hopefully, that cleared some things up
I'm naturally very into home life & family. If I come across someone who is more a rebel & doesn't value family as much as I do, that's fine, BUT if I'm not trying to change you, don't try to change me. My core values don't change. They are apart of who I am. Just b/c someone else may not feel that family is important doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to adapt to their views/morals.
I'm not gonna be made to feel guilty or bad b/c I like spending time with my family on Holidays all b/c you may not care so much for your own family. I'm still gonna be the same country bumpkin who loves being around family whether someone feels the same about their own family or not. Get what I'm saying?!
There's a difference b/w what you DO & who you ARE. Huge difference. What you do changes with the seasons & can sometimes depend on who you're around. But who you are very rarely changes. And "being yourself" means exactly what it sounds like: Being YOURSELF, not them or who they want you to be.
And if who you are at the core does change, it's b/c YOU decide to change it. There's no way in hell that anyone's approval is that important to me that I'm gonna do away with who I am just to get their respect, admiration or approval
Hopefully, that cleared some things up
Who's trying to make you change your core?
Some Aquas naturally like solitude every blue moon. Not b/c they're depressed loners who withdraw b/c they have inner issues. But b/c they may just naturally be that way.
I don't mind explaining this to others. I'm not surprised sometimes when others take this about me personal. All I can do is hope that they understand & not always think me wanting a lazy Sunday by myself is a reflection of how I feel about them!
But at some point, you're gonna have to trust me & trust that I'm being honest when I say that my lazy Sunday wasn't about you on a personal level. It's about ME & what makes ME happy. I love loving others but I also love loving me! I have to be true to myself! And I notice that many people are just as annoyed by someone who isn't brave enough to be themselves. So actually, others try to have it both ways. They're ok with you being "yourself" as long as who you am matches with them. But the minute there's a personality incompatibility, suddenly they expect for you to be "them" & no longer your true self! Nuh uh! Not gonna happen!
Complaining about the fact that I like solitude sometimes isn't going to change the fact that I naturally like to be alone sometimes lol Isn't that why astrology has some credibility?! Isn't that why many people agree with certain descriptions of how "Aquarians are." If it's who we are, it is what it is! I don't go around expecting for Cancers to stop being emotional people! I'll either deal with it or keep it moving! But to stick around & drain myself trying to change them is a waste of mine & their time.
And although some of you are probably wondering who would ask for such a change, know that some people absolutely do!!! Instead of just chalking it up to personality incompatibility, they'll just spend their whole time trying to change you & then get offended when they see that they can't.
You can't always be what everybody else wants you to be. Besides, if I were to change myself for 1 person or everybody, guess what? There'd STILL be someone out there who doesn't mesh well with my new "change" either lol so it's a double-edged sword, hence the reason they say, "Just be yourself & the right people will either accept that or keep it moving."
I don't mind explaining this to others. I'm not surprised sometimes when others take this about me personal. All I can do is hope that they understand & not always think me wanting a lazy Sunday by myself is a reflection of how I feel about them!
But at some point, you're gonna have to trust me & trust that I'm being honest when I say that my lazy Sunday wasn't about you on a personal level. It's about ME & what makes ME happy. I love loving others but I also love loving me! I have to be true to myself! And I notice that many people are just as annoyed by someone who isn't brave enough to be themselves. So actually, others try to have it both ways. They're ok with you being "yourself" as long as who you am matches with them. But the minute there's a personality incompatibility, suddenly they expect for you to be "them" & no longer your true self! Nuh uh! Not gonna happen!
Complaining about the fact that I like solitude sometimes isn't going to change the fact that I naturally like to be alone sometimes lol Isn't that why astrology has some credibility?! Isn't that why many people agree with certain descriptions of how "Aquarians are." If it's who we are, it is what it is! I don't go around expecting for Cancers to stop being emotional people! I'll either deal with it or keep it moving! But to stick around & drain myself trying to change them is a waste of mine & their time.
And although some of you are probably wondering who would ask for such a change, know that some people absolutely do!!! Instead of just chalking it up to personality incompatibility, they'll just spend their whole time trying to change you & then get offended when they see that they can't.
You can't always be what everybody else wants you to be. Besides, if I were to change myself for 1 person or everybody, guess what? There'd STILL be someone out there who doesn't mesh well with my new "change" either lol so it's a double-edged sword, hence the reason they say, "Just be yourself & the right people will either accept that or keep it moving."
Posted by krysrenee7
I'm naturally an intellectual. I may choose not to have intellectual convos with you if you're not an intellectual conversationalist yourself, BUT to expect me to change the fact that I'm an intellectual just b/c it annoys you is NOT gonna happen!
I now understand what you're saying, but I have a question on this one.
So, someone isn't that intellectual and doesn't enjoy intellectual conversations. But they are nice and fun and overall good people. Maybe they like talking about lighter subjects that could be interesting (DIY projects, gardening, sports, etc). So, are you saying you would continue to want them to talk about something that bores them or something they know little about (quatum physics, droning on about astrology aspects, aeronatic engineering)? Just because you're an "intellectual". It might not "annoy" them, your subjects just might be boring to them. Are you saying you couldn't enjoy a little light conversation?
Just something that popped in my head while I was reading that.
Posted by truecap
Who's trying to make you change your core?
I've encountered a few folks along the way in life who felt their personalities were incompatible with mine. Cool, but instead of walking away or going on to find someone more compatible with their personality, they stuck around constantly expecting for me to change.
I've also noticed that a lot of the people who ask for insight/advice about Aquarians sometimes confuse the difference b/w who they are vs. what they do.
Example: "Someone help me! My Aqua guy likes to be to himself sometimes. Is there something I'm doing wrong? I told him that this about him bothers me & constantly makes me question whether or not he's mad at me or if something deeper is going on. How can I get my Aqua man to not be this way?"
9 times out of 10, the very Aqua being referenced has clarified that this about them is just how they are. But others may not like that or accept that. And 9 times out of 10, one of us will come along & say the usual, "No worries, that's just how Aquas/he naturally is."
And yet that person will still keep begging for advice on how to change that about us. It's like dude, just like I can't change that you're emotionally sensitive, you can't change that I'm not!! Is what it is!
Get what I'm saying now?
Posted by truecapPosted by krysrenee7
I'm naturally an intellectual. I may choose not to have intellectual convos with you if you're not an intellectual conversationalist yourself, BUT to expect me to change the fact that I'm an intellectual just b/c it annoys you is NOT gonna happen!
I now understand what you're saying, but I have a question on this one.
So, someone isn't that intellectual and doesn't enjoy intellectual conversations. But they are nice and fun and overall good people. Maybe they like talking about lighter subjects that could be interesting (DIY projects, gardening, sports, etc). So, are you saying you would continue to want them to talk about something that bores them or something they know little about (quatum physics, droning on about astrology aspects, aeronatic engineering)? Just because you're an "intellectual". It might not "annoy" them, your subjects just might be boring to them. Are you saying you couldn't enjoy a little light conversation?
Just something that popped in my head while I was reading that.click to expand
When I said that I may choose not to have intellectual convos with them anymore, I meant that that was my way of respecting that they may not be as intellectual as I am, thus i'll just choose to have the more in-depth convos with the friends of mine who don't mind it, while still enjoying the parts of them where we actually are compatible.
I don't mind others being different or only being able to click with 1 main part of a person. No problem there. My problem is when others expect for me to change overall b/c it may suit them & what they consider compatibility.
But if that person were to expect for me to change the fact that I'm more intellectual than I am emotional, that would be a problem.
It's like being on a dating site & seeing that someone is looking for sexual relations. Of course you may want something different, but are you going to approach them, hound them b/c they don't want what you want OR are you going to keep scrolling & looking for someone who's more on the same page as you?
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by truecapPosted by krysrenee7
I'm naturally an intellectual. I may choose not to have intellectual convos with you if you're not an intellectual conversationalist yourself, BUT to expect me to change the fact that I'm an intellectual just b/c it annoys you is NOT gonna happen!
I now understand what you're saying, but I have a question on this one.
So, someone isn't that intellectual and doesn't enjoy intellectual conversations. But they are nice and fun and overall good people. Maybe they like talking about lighter subjects that could be interesting (DIY projects, gardening, sports, etc). So, are you saying you would continue to want them to talk about something that bores them or something they know little about (quatum physics, droning on about astrology aspects, aeronatic engineering)? Just because you're an "intellectual". It might not "annoy" them, your subjects just might be boring to them. Are you saying you couldn't enjoy a little light conversation?
Just something that popped in my head while I was reading that.
When I said that I may choose not to have intellectual convos with them anymore, I meant that that was my way of respecting that they may not be as intellectual as I am, thus i'll just choose to have the more in-depth convos with the friends of mine who don't mind it, while still enjoying the parts of them where we actually are compatible.
I don't mind others being different or only being able to click with 1 main part of a person. No problem there. My problem is when others expect for me to change overall b/c it may suit them & what they consider compatibility.
But if that person were to expect for me to change the fact that I'm more intellectual than I am emotional, that would be a problem.
It's like being on a dating site & seeing that someone is looking for sexual relations. Of course you may want something different, but are you going to approach them, hound them b/c they don't want what you want OR are you going to keep scrolling & looking for someone who's more on the same page as you?click to expand
Gotcha. 😉
Just realized what I wrote didn't really fit with what you said. I guess I missed a few words. My bad.
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by truecap
Who's trying to make you change your core?
I've encountered a few folks along the way in life who felt their personalities were incompatible with mine. Cool, but instead of walking away or going on to find someone more compatible with their personality, they stuck around constantly expecting for me to change.
I've also noticed that a lot of the people who ask for insight/advice about Aquarians sometimes confuse the difference b/w who they are vs. what they do.
Example: "Someone help me! My Aqua guy likes to be to himself sometimes. Is there something I'm doing wrong? I told him that this about him bothers me & constantly makes me question whether or not he's mad at me or if something deeper is going on. How can I get my Aqua man to not be this way?"
9 times out of 10, the very Aqua being referenced has clarified that this about them is just how they are. But others may not like that or accept that. And 9 times out of 10, one of us will come along & say the usual, "No worries, that's just how Aquas/he naturally is."
And yet that person will still keep begging for advice on how to change that about us. It's like dude, just like I can't change that you're emotionally sensitive, you can't change that I'm not!! Is what it is!
Get what I'm saying now?
click to expand
Awww, give us a break man! lol!
I think some of them want confirmation that it's normal behavior. They still might not like it, but its reassuring to a lot of us to know it's their core make up. Hard not to take some of that personally, even after you get to know and understand them.
I remember what it was like trying to understand an aqua in the beginning. The folks on here were sweet and patient and kind. A big help. If it weren't for them, I'd probably had given up when it was most important to be patient.
However, I do see your point in that most of those folks just don't want to admit their core differences just aren't ever going to be compatible.
Okay, okay, had to take up for aqua dating newbies. 🙂
But really, in reflection of what you're saying, if personalities are that incompatible, then why be friends to start with? What was it about each that attracted the other?
@TrueCap: lolol
I'll admit it, we can be hard to understand sometimes! Guilty!
I don't mind explaining to someone who I am, what I am, what I'm not & why I am the way I am. I may even explain things two or 3 times. But when it gets to the point that I've spelled things out clearly & you're still giving me hell for who I am, a part of me is just like "Well sh****t, if you can't handle it then bounce! Do you keep mentioning it b/c you want me to change who/how I am or something?!" lol
We all need reassurance or validation from time to time. No wrong there. But if I'm constantly having to give you validation over the same thing over & over again, then it's apparent that you just haven't accepted or believed in what I'm telling you. And if that's the case, then why would I make any more sense to you the 99th time?! lol
I remember when you asked for insight about Aquas & I def. understood where you were coming from. Some of the info was foreign to you or completely different than what you were used to, but nonetheless you were open-minded & were all ears. After about 100 people told you that Aquas can NATURALLY (keyword) be certain ways, you finally said ok, sh****t, guess it is what it is!! lol And then from there, you made a conscious decision on whether or not you could deal with it & went from there.
Had you not been willing to put up with it or adapt, no one would've been able to knock you for it. If your personality is not compatible with someone then hey, that happens & is fair! It's like people get stressed out when someone is not their cup of tea or vice versa. There are 7+ billion people on the earth! If 1 person isn't "it," suck it up & go find the other fish in the sea that you CAN adapt to, believe or understand! No need in wasting time to change people, especially since people rarely change for you anyways!
I don't get all stressed out when I encounter a sign/person I don't understand fully. We're all different. Who cares! Some people will be your cup of tea, some won't. Life! Some kinds of personalities drive you crazy & others are right up your alley! Why spend all your time constantly defending yourself or being wedged b/w a wall, being asked to change who you are instead of just interacting with people who are either like you or admire your personality?
LOL
I'll admit it, we can be hard to understand sometimes! Guilty!
I don't mind explaining to someone who I am, what I am, what I'm not & why I am the way I am. I may even explain things two or 3 times. But when it gets to the point that I've spelled things out clearly & you're still giving me hell for who I am, a part of me is just like "Well sh****t, if you can't handle it then bounce! Do you keep mentioning it b/c you want me to change who/how I am or something?!" lol
We all need reassurance or validation from time to time. No wrong there. But if I'm constantly having to give you validation over the same thing over & over again, then it's apparent that you just haven't accepted or believed in what I'm telling you. And if that's the case, then why would I make any more sense to you the 99th time?! lol
I remember when you asked for insight about Aquas & I def. understood where you were coming from. Some of the info was foreign to you or completely different than what you were used to, but nonetheless you were open-minded & were all ears. After about 100 people told you that Aquas can NATURALLY (keyword) be certain ways, you finally said ok, sh****t, guess it is what it is!! lol And then from there, you made a conscious decision on whether or not you could deal with it & went from there.
Had you not been willing to put up with it or adapt, no one would've been able to knock you for it. If your personality is not compatible with someone then hey, that happens & is fair! It's like people get stressed out when someone is not their cup of tea or vice versa. There are 7+ billion people on the earth! If 1 person isn't "it," suck it up & go find the other fish in the sea that you CAN adapt to, believe or understand! No need in wasting time to change people, especially since people rarely change for you anyways!
I don't get all stressed out when I encounter a sign/person I don't understand fully. We're all different. Who cares! Some people will be your cup of tea, some won't. Life! Some kinds of personalities drive you crazy & others are right up your alley! Why spend all your time constantly defending yourself or being wedged b/w a wall, being asked to change who you are instead of just interacting with people who are either like you or admire your personality?
LOL
Posted by Impulsv
Why not be Freinds with someone that is different. It expands ur mind perspective n demonstrates other ways of being. I get what krys is staying mostrar people ar? in their own Ming n only point of reference is their. So an emotional person may only retreat when hurt when the practical retreat it must be because they are hurt. Using my only point of reference. I was this way in my marriage n so was the Leo ( I very much felt he tried to change me)
We forget there are other ways if being, demonstrating, n loving. It is hard to be accepting of difference . But even with the difference a Freindship can be rewarding. We don't need to be the same to walk along side with respect of our differences.
They is respecting others difference.
Bit like I said humans are flawed n usually we place ur selves as center of the universe n it is all about our point if referrance.
I completely agree. Aquas are actually known for meshing well with the underdogs. I love variety! If I love 50% of you, but don't find the other 50% of you my cup of tea, I won't try to change the 50% of you that isn't up my alley! I'll just interact with the 50% of you that I like, while getting other kinds of entertainment from my other friends who are more up my alley in certain areas.
It's kinda like how everybody has that 1 friend that they can have fun with, but never get advice from. Or the friend that you can tell everything to, but not have a great time when out with them b/c they may not be as adventurous or as spontaneous as you! That's cool! Everybody won't be all things to you 100% of the time.
That about others doesn't bother me. But it may bother them! And if I notice that the main things you're complaining about & asking me to change are the very traits that make me who I am, I won't budge. Not b/c I'm stubborn or b/c I'm set in my ways. But b/c I really value each person having their own self-identity. I'll probably never stop valuing that lol And the kind of person who would ask me to stop valuing that won't mesh well with me. And again, that's ok!! No stress my way.
I can handle "differences" but that doesn't mean that everybody else can. I agree.
I'm probably less fixed and more mutable. There's some core beliefs but even that is adaptable.
Too right. its fucking annoying when people try to make me change??_.just the other day I was leaving the house and my aunty told me to walk like a man so i made the effort to swing the door open as I was leaving and strutted out on my tippy toes. I'm only just learning to understand that a big part of fijian culture is sharing your opinion on something and let me just say that fijians are clueless when it comes to having an individual separatist mind??_.My auntie is in australia for a 3 month visit and she went to the nail salon to get a french tip manicure and then told me afterwards she's gonna get them painted normal before she goes back to fiji because people will think she's too posh whoa boy did i roll my eyes and give her my opinion??_
Its vexing that I only give my opinion when people ask, I don't find it necessary at all to tell people to change especially when its not worth them trying to change something about them thats so trivial like their look or their taste??_.unless they need an attitude adjustment people don't need to be changed for anyone else but only on their own terms.
Its vexing that I only give my opinion when people ask, I don't find it necessary at all to tell people to change especially when its not worth them trying to change something about them thats so trivial like their look or their taste??_.unless they need an attitude adjustment people don't need to be changed for anyone else but only on their own terms.
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I hate when people label us as "stuck in our ways." If we were chameleons who always changed with the weather, those same people would tell us to have a spine, backbone & to "be yourself" at all times.
I can be flexible, but don't ask me to change what makes me who I am. I may tone down or turn up what I DO, but I can't/won't do the same for WHO I am. Huge difference. I don't think some people dealing with us know the difference though
And it seems that people are offended by that. They're like how dare you not change?! How dare you continue being yourself even though who you are & what makes you tick, bothers me!
Idk maybe it's just me, but I take pride in who I am. And although I'm human & love it when others admire/respect me, I'm not gonna change with the seasons. I don't need admiration so bad to the extent that I'm willing to follow the crowd or become a chameleon. You can't train or mold me. What you see is what you get. I love who I am, flaws & all. If you can't handle that, don't like it or wish to change that, then that's on you. But as for me, who I am at the core will not change. Don't like it? Beat it!