how to break an aquas wall down ? pleaseee help !

Personally I'd run. Run for the hills.

🙂

Sorry that's not very helpful. I'll let the Aqua's answer this.

I would run though.

You can't, he has to do it for himself.

Unless you are a psychologist or some other behavioural therapist you've got such a small chance of being successful that it's just not even funny.
It's not your "job" to tend to his issues - it's his.

I know you want to, and are very sweet for wanting to try, but the reality is, you can only get so far with it.

Deep seated issues need deep seated work so leave it to the experts.

He'll deal with it when he's ready.

If you insist on trying to "break down his walls" you're heading for a very frustrating hurtful time. They're his walls, he has to take them down when he is ready.

Oh, I'll just add, from an astrological perspective: Aqua's HATE to be told what to do, how to think, how to deal with their own life etc. If you go in there and start telling him or pushing him to do things he's not ready for - you're out the door.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
And you can't really break down an aquas wall unless they REALLY REALLY REALLY trust you

So you're better off just being his friend... Aquas make better friends anyway

Believe this! My ex Aqua was in the same boat as this guy. He had a woman break him before me and he never, ever recovered. We were and still are great friends, but lovers... forget it.

You may have a gift for healing if this is your second Aqua run in and I know Cancer girls love their quirks; but he is telling you the truth. You can't 'fix him'. You may think you can unlock his deep emotion, trapped behind that aloof detachedness. But guess what? There is nothing hidden behind it!

My ex Aqua really, really trusts me with everything about himself but he could not love me the way I needed because it's not in his nature. He is more comfortable with friendship.

Trust me, let it go... I'm dropping pearls here

You must build, not break.




Or at least have a sense of humor about it.

"Then we started talking about relationships n he said he had a gf who cheated on him time and time again and he loved her a lot. He said he doesn't think he can ever love or trust or want to be with a women ever again. He said that over the years he's met some pretty good women but when he started to even really like them for a second he would just walk away. And he's accpeted the fact that he's gonna be alone."

Now why would a guy be stupid enough to say this to a woman? Or is he stupid? Could be a freaking genius playing on a woman's nuturing side so she'll invent excuses for his future bad behavior while he sits in the glow of 'having been hurt in the past.'

Hon, the guy has been honest with you and said he's got some personal issues with trust. You can wait all you like and tread on eggshells with "plans" and ideas, but, ultimately, it's only him that can decide to sort himself out.

i got what you're saying for sure, and it's nice you want to make the effort to do what you do - but you could be waiting for ever and playing the role of mum, psychologist, relationship advisor, friend etc etc and still get nowhere. It's draining, frustrating and upsetting at times.

Do you want this?

If he tells you he doesn't want a relationship...then he doesn't want a relationship and as hard as it is for you to want what you can't have, it's disrespectful to see him as a "challenge", which is what you see now.

Just be his friend. you can't have a relationbship without being friends anyway, so start there and put the notion of anything more than that out of your head for a while.

What he will have read from you, possibly, is this:

"I'm interested in you...but I don't trust you because of something someone else did to me". That's not going to make him feel easy or that being with you is going to be easy... that wall will stay up.

His statement? "I loved a woman, she hurt me to the core, I regret falling in love with her and am now too scared to do it again because I can't handle the hurt".

Jeez, what a mess, huh? xx

Posted by NZAqua
What he will have read from you, possibly, is this:

"I'm interested in you...but I don't trust you because of something someone else did to me". That's not going to make him feel easy or that being with you is going to be easy... that wall will stay up.

His statement? "I loved a woman, she hurt me to the core, I regret falling in love with her and am now too scared to do it again because I can't handle the hurt".

Jeez, what a mess, huh? xx

Yeah at this point its just kinda weird. He invited me to hang out with him saturday night at his friends and me and my other friends went over there and things were going good till we started talking about relationships...he got kinda upset and didnt want to talk about it, I was trying to let him know that I'll be there for him if he ever needs anyone but he just didnt want to open up to me at all. He is seriously letting that past relationship ruin him. I guess I just need to be his friend and want or dont expect anything more then that.

Aw, you sound very sweet - and you're right, the best thing for now is to be his friend. There may never be anything more to it, but as a friend you may still get to enjoy each other's company and that's nice if you can do that.

The thing is I never expected to like him this much. I really think all around he's the like the perfect guy for me, he's smart, funny, into the same things I'm into and the fact that when we hung out the first time at that party when I was kinda drunk he wanted me to be sober next time, so that if we were to kiss and hang out it would be something real and not like a drunkin mistake. I just think that is past relationships are really holding him back and I want so badly for him to open up to me and just tell me how he feels about everything, but if he doesn't want to then I can't get to know him on a more personal level. But Saturday night all I wanted to do is just get to understand him more when it came to his relationships n feelings. Clearly it made him upset and for the rest of the night he didn't even say much to me and he just went to sleep while the rest of us were hanging out. I was thinking that maybe I should text him and say sorry about upsetting him asking questions about if personal life with his ex relationship. I really didn't mean any harm. Do u think I should text him and say sorry and if so how should I word it ?

And btw thanks so much for all the adive NZAuqa, u been such an amazing help !

Even if he didn't have past relationship issues, it'll be quite some time before he opened up anyway. One, he's a man, and their ways of expressing aren't quite as descriptive as a woman's for the most part, and two, as an Aqua he'll be very private.

Nah, I wouldn't text him and apologise - the dude has to learn that when he has people in his life, at some point they're going to ask him questions about things he may not want to talk about. This is an area he has to work on, but you asking isn't a crime and if he's pissed off about it - he needs to get his head out of his ass.

As an Aqua i like to not have to deal again with things that have upset me, he may well be the same, so texting him to apologise may remind him.

And (here's the BIG clincher, winky wink, trade secret and all that lol)..... we hate ass-kissers. I'm not saying you are one, but if you cater to his moody stuff then he'll see you as one. Call him on his shit, don't apologise, because he wouldn't do the same. We like guts, we like different, we like people that will say "Oi, get over yourself, deal with your crap".

So nah, don't text and apologise, just ignore it cos it's over and done with and unless he's told you to get lost, you're free to carry on with just getting back to the friendship.

Well today I decided to text him and we were just talking and he brought up the fact that I was trying to pry just a litttle too much n it made him upset and that we hung twice and both times I tired to get him to talk about his ex a little too much and he said that upset him instead of us just relaxing having a good time. So I said to him I'm sorry he felt that way n didn't mean to upset him anyway at all. So we talked some more and I had to explain to him were I was coming from. He said he understand and to just forget about it. After that we talked some more and this weekend me and my friend ashley are going over his friends house to cook food and hang out with them. So I feel like this time I have a chance not to mess up or bring up anything about his past relationships.

Excellent!

(You see my "not wanting to be reminded" thing with his "Forget about it"?)

Yep, just rock on round to his and put it away as over and done with (the upsetting him thing). I'm sure he'd much rather hang and have a laugh than have an atmosphere.

Let us know how it goes, yeah? 🙂

Yes you were soo right about it ! You sure to know aquas pretty darn well ! And yes I will keep you updated !

Posted by NZAqua
Oh, I'll just add, from an astrological perspective: Aqua's HATE to be told what to do, how to think, how to deal with their own life etc. If you go in there and start telling him or pushing him to do things he's not ready for - you're out the door.

That is so true. When anyone does this to me in my life I get very upset and push them out. I like to figure things out on my own and learn from my own mistakes. I do things on my time. Not others. Otherwise I dont feel happy or like I controled what is going on im my life.

Your man has to do what he needs to do on his own. He'll come around if he sees you as a perfect fit. Give him affection and be there. Make him laugh. Just dont try to be to pushy or mrs. know it all when it comes to his life and feelings.

something gives me the impression that ur gonna be a high maintenance girlfriend....

U go on saying he didn't try to fuk u when u were drunk but u were the one all over him I bet if he did give it to when u were drunk u would not care its just a thing chicks say to themselves to make them feel better or to make out the other guy is a rapist.....My ex boyfriend who is a cancer and who i still live with atm "I'm getting a place" has been such a manipulative little cunt in the past and I know all theyre little tricks and if anything I think that relationship has aged me 30 years I'm care free and i dont ask for anything but hes so demanding I cant stand it. Were friends now and I'm like thank god were not so intense as we used to be otherwise id never ever talk to him again.

you seem like high maitenance lol

my prediction is u have a hot younger brother and hes trying to get to him through u 😛