I need help or I will loose my mind :/

This is going to be long....my friends are all over this situation so I need a good opinion here. I have been friends with an aquarius male for 13 yrs now I always had a crush on him. 10 yrs ago we began a "friends with benefits" relationship. During this time we did grow apart. Had other relationships but for the past 2 years we have been in it hard. We see each other atleast 3-4 week. We hang out. We have sleepovers. The sex is AMAZING obv or I would have never allowed this for so long. We have NEVER kissed which is wierd to me but I'm a Cancer so it's probably because I'm emo. I finally got the balls to ask him if he had feelings for me and he said as a friend. & he was sorry I felt the way I did. That we shouldn't have sex anymore. But proceeds to text and call me constantly and asked me to sleepover just the other day. I'm so confused. He definitely doesn't treat me like a friend 100% he watches me when we are out at social gatherings but at the same time will ignore me yet call me immediately when it's over to come over. I'm with him a lot having these bestie sleepovers so I know no other girls in the picture. Wtf is his deal and what should I do? Should I stick to this no sex and see him less? Completely cut him off? I can't do this if he truly has no feelings. But how do you have no feelings yet constantly want the person around you. UGH

I know it's in these guys trait to be friends first and all about independence but what separates a real friend from this... Or do they just enjoy banging their friends too lol

10 years and no feelings? Firstly I feel for you 😢 I went back n forth with a man over a period of 15 years as FWB sometimes I wanted more, sometimes he wanted more. It was destructive to say the least. If you want more and he can't give it I would suggest to walk away. At least until you can heal and perhaps find someone else THEN try to be friends with him. It is hard to be around someone all the time that you have feelings for and especially if you start sleeping together again. You can find amazing sex with someone else 🙂

Posted by Helplessinlove143

... he watches me when we are out at social gatherings... will ignore me

yet call me ... when it's over to come over.

What do you think you should do with someone who ignores you in public, but calls you to sleepover at the end of the evening when everyone is gone?

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Helplessinlove143

... he watches me when we are out at social gatherings... will ignore me

yet call me ... when it's over to come over.

What do you think you should do with someone who ignores you in public, but calls you to sleepover at the end of the evening when everyone is gone?

click to expand

Reminds me of that part in A Walk to Remember...

"like secret friends?"

Has he ever been in a relationship before? I ask because maybe he is used to having someone there with him all the time. He already told you he likes you as a friend but wants you around all the time. Maybe as bad as it sounds he is waiting for some else to come along.

He is a very social person. I'm the introvert. It's not disrespect that he doesn't socialize I'm with him all the damn time. I meant he watches me to make sure no other men approach me. It's just bizarre. And he won't let me go. As we speak hes messaging me that he wishes I wasn't acting this way and to come over. His words don't match his actions. If I'm your friend you shouldn't want me in your bed to cuddle. Sometimes we don't even have sex. And he has been in a relationship. Last one was 4 yrs ago so I'm sure he's over that.

I've noticed several posts similar to this about Aquarius males on this site. I have made one myself! I hope some Aqua males chime in on this because I would like to hear some of their input on this too. If I were you I would do what justagirl said and walk away. I don't think situations like this healthy for either party.

What do you want from this person?

You guys are right 😢 it just has to be a lost cause. Idk what I'm holding on for. I guess I'm sick and twisted and think someday we can settle down but no woman should wait for a man. Thanks people!

Posted by Helplessinlove143
You guys are right 😢 it just has to be a lost cause. Idk what I'm holding on for. I guess I'm sick and twisted and think someday we can settle down but no woman should wait for a man. Thanks people!

Not sick and twisted to love someone, which is what your story sounds like. Sick and twisted is expecting it to change or that you can love him enough to change how he feels. It will be hard. Very hard. But you can do it !

"Should I stick to this no sex and see him less? "

^^This. Yes. Stick to the no sex and see him less. Fade it out.

You're only hurting yourself if you continue. After all this time, he has not fallen in love with you and he's not likely going to. I'm sorry. I know that sucks. He likes you, obviously, enjoys spending time with you, enjoys the sex with no obligations. He's only a friend with benefits.

You deserve better and you are cheating yourself from finding someone who will love you and want more from your relationship. While you're wasting time in this dead end relationship, you've probably missed out on several opportunities to meet Mr. Wonderful who will cherish you and commit to you and treat you like you deserve to be treated.

I'm not saying the aqua is a bad guy. At least he respects you enough to be honest with you. He's probably the best friend you could ever have and will always be your friend. However, the root word there is friend. Keep him as a friend unless it hurts you or unless it keeps you from appreciating or being interested in another man.

You seem like a good and nice person. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Don't settle for crumbs because that's all you're getting here. Get out there and start looking. There are great guys all around, but I bet you haven't even noticed them. Seize the opportunity to find true happiness!!!!

Most likely, once you fall in love with someone else, he'll decide you're who he loves afterall. By then, unfortunately for him, you'll have moved on being happy with someone else and you won't even have these feelings for him anymore. I'm not saying this so you can use it as a manipulation tactic to get his attention, but it is the cold hard truth. I was interested in an aquarius man who only wanted FWB and I wouldn't do it and starting dating my current aqua. Now, the other guy is constantly telling me he missed out and he didn't see things then the way he sees it now and regrets letting me walk away, that I am perfect for him, but its his loss. I'm crazy in love with my current aqua and don't give the other one a second thought except as friends. And I have NO REGRETS! My current aqua is awesome!!!

He likes you a lot but you aren't the "one". He obviously enjoys the chemistry you both have but his heart isn't in it.

It's your call.

"But how do you have no feelings yet constantly want the person around you."



He's got feelings...... of neediness, for whatever you offer him, which is companionship and sex. It is not the same thing as being in love. Remember when some female friend demanded your full attention at some point in your life.........did you think she had feelings for you?

Besides, yours has been a very long FWB. You've overgrown its benefits. If you're looking for love and emotional intimacy now, it is alright that you asked him first. He wasn't interested, though. He said he only sees you as a friend. Please believe him and move on. You two could be friends, but only if you are not in love with him. I would recommend getting him out of your sight and mind for the time being, and dating other guys.

It's not that you are losing your mind......You are just losing the guy in your mind (e.g. the fantasy you had about you two being in a love). Let it go!

Posted by Undine
It's not that you are losing your mind......You are just losing the guy in your mind (e.g. the fantasy you had about you two being in a love). Let it go!

This^

I do agree with undine however maybe he does truly love her and am not sure about his feelings toward her and is scared of her being in love with him? and is trying to figure out what she wants from him whilst still wanting to maintain is personal freedom?

Scared of losing his personal freedom to her because he found he was in love with her and not sure how to proceed with these unknown feelings he has not before felt and so is unsure of himself and feeling very insecure about this and hateful toward her because she brings these unknown feelings out in him and he is having a hard time in dealing with said feelings. So its easier to revert back to the love style /s he had been doing before but is finding this even too hard coz he cant escape the fact he is in love with the woman and unsure of it.

If this is the case then I suggest getting on with your life and sort out the feelings as they arrive bit by bit you will understand these unknown variables and get comfortable with them.

Dont let your life slide by still go out and date other people just so you not alone with the destructive thoughts(if you stay alone or box yourself in it will make things worse for yourself) keep yourself busy however you can, coming to terms with your own way of things, rehash the old past etc and get that sorted and then once sorted you can let it go and once thats all done you can then let it all go to make room for new ideas and whatnot.

Maybe in the middle of this, it takes time to sort out the past to make room for the future. Sounds like you in the middle of this and unsure as to how its meant to go as there is no step by step procedure in eliminating your past to make way for your future.

Also if I love someone which I do when I do love someone, I would want for them to be happy and if being with another makes them happy and helps them to sort out there own way i am more than understanding of this and even though it does hurt for them to be with somoene else I realise that its best to be responsible toward those you love and those who love you and try to see that they have needs and wants that you may not be able to meet yourself and need and want to be with others to meet this needs and wants, now part of loving another is realising that its not all about you and what you can get but about realising that about others so when you realise this its much easier to let go and let them live and learn and while they do that you can get on with your life until the next time we meet.

Its not something that goes from a to b but something that goes all over the place and connected to one another.

Once you understand what your going through is ok and to be expected then you wont stress over it as much as you have been. Its a stage that only people of a disposition go through. It is difficult to get that support from others who havent been through it and they go on and on with crap that has no bearing on what it actually is you are going through and you left standing scratching your head and wondering what the fuck are they talking about and you realise they have no idea what I am going through and never have but you also realise that they are good people because they try to be their and thats what matters in the long run. It is a stressful when you realise th

It is a stressful when you realise this but its ok there are people out there that are going exactly what you are going and have been through it themselves, we are here to help as much as possible because sometimes we arent to sort it out for you but we can offer our experiences in order for you to help sort your self out. This is the difference between being a friend who is there no matter what and not being a friend. So I am a friend who will help when I can no matter what and I seem to think this more important over anything else but hey thats just me and other people view it different to me

He already told you that he didn't have feelings. He wasn't joking. What he said was very clear. So you're not confused b/c he was somehow unclear, but b/c you don't want to accept the blunt reality of the fact that you just gave all of yourself to someone who hasn't gotten the same emotional fulfillment out of it as you have.

He hasn't done anything wrong. You waited 10 years to ask him a question you should've asked (and got the answer to) a lonnnnnng time ago. So that's on you.

And yes a man will want a woman around all the time if the benefits are worth it. You let him download all your software for free & yet you're confused as to why he won't buy it.

He knows everything about you now. He's explored every inch of your body, being & soul. There is no mystery there. There is no challenge. There is no incentive to take it further than friendship b/c he's already gotten everything from you w/o much effort.

If he's never asked you for your hand in commitment in 10 years than obviously the theory can't be that he's somehow scared or possibly a commitment phobe. As you've said, he's had no problem committing to other women so cross "commitment-phobe" off of your list of theories for why he's doing this.

If you can't emotionally afford to keep giving this man all of you while getting very little in return, then there's your answer. Cut him off. It's not HIS responsibility to make sure that YOU are not giving more than you can afford to give. It's not HIS responsibility to make sure that you'll have no regrets 10 years later persay he decides that he's just not that into you. It's YOUR responsibility. YOU are responsible for your happiness YOU are responsible for being able to read between the lines.

For some reason or another, this man does not want to commit to you. Accept that. You already know that you guys can't just "be friends" when there are emotions involved, so the only way to rid yourself of this emotional bondage he has you in is to rid yourself of the friendship/situation, at least for now so you can get your head and emotions in check

He told me yesterday several times he loves me. Which is so not like him. I think the fact that I finally asked and he gave me that answer is hitting him. I went over his house to hang out and try the friend thing. We slept in the same bed and he didn't try anything with me. Atleast he's respecting my feelings. But I definitly can't get over him by still seeing him all the time I'm going to have to pull back. Maybe he will realize what he's about to loose.

They really doooo

Posted by tiziani
Aquas got game!

Smh lol it's so messed up

Posted by mfwb55
I do agree with undine however maybe he does truly love her and am not sure about his feelings toward her and is scared of her being in love with him? and is trying to figure out what she wants from him whilst still wanting to maintain is personal freedom?

I really feel like this is 100% accurate. My best friend who knows us both said the same. I can't believe him when he says I'm his friend it's like he's Tryna convince himself that lol I am his friend either way and now he's getting what he wants A FRIEND.

Well what would you do in this situation then? When you love someone yet still want to go out and persue others but dont want to hurt the one you love

Its a difficult situation what does one do in this? I really dont know I trying to give help but its just not working so I throw my hands up and say eh

I am glad he is finally confessing his feelings.. did I read that right? just be careful, seems odd that now after all these years he finally tells you/ perhaps he senses you have withdrawn from him and he's trying to keep you in his pocket per say. I'm suspicious of others and their motives, so I would be on guard with him.

@Tiziani We do, we just keep it well hidden, wouldn't want to make all those other signs jealous 😛

Posted by mfwb55
Well what would you do in this situation then? When you love someone yet still want to go out and persue others but dont want to hurt the one you love

Are you asking for me or you? That's a tough one sounds like what he's doing to me. So if this is for you I guess you need to make a choice. It really sux to be an option.

Posted by justagirl
I am glad he is finally confessing his feelings.. did I read that right? just be careful, seems odd that now after all these years he finally tells you/ perhaps he senses you have withdrawn from him and he's trying to keep you in his pocket per say. I'm suspicious of others and their motives, so I would be on guard with him.

@Tiziani We do, we just keep it well hidden, wouldn't want to make all those other signs jealous 😛

I know it probably is that. I don't know why he's so scared to loose me... I am what he needs and he def knows that but he just wants to pursue options I guess. So selfish ! But like I said above he is a good person and he's not using me for sex or he would have just cut me out his life this week instead he's clinging more.

If it takes 10 years for a guy to "sort out" his feelings for a woman, he's nowhere near relationship material. Lovable as a person, maybe. But relationship material? No.

It's 2014. If someone wants you, they better snatch you. People know that keeping someone requires emotional availability & effort that goes beyond just "kicking it" & hanging out.

If a person is willing to take the risk of losing you b/c they are unwilling to do those things then THAT right there should guide you in your decision-making.

There should be no desire to enter into a relationship with someone who takes decades to figure out AND go get what they want. 10 years? Bullsh***t. People have got to start taking their time & other's time more seriously

You teach people how to treat you. You sat there & let this man download all of your software for free & now you're suddenly expecting him to not only buy it but also WANT to buy it. Unrealistic & unfair.

He friend-zoned you. And when he did it, he was very clear. Stop adding more words to what he said. He didn't say "I was joking." There was no "LOL" after it. Don't just hear/see what you wanna hear/see b/c it fits the mold for whatever fantasy is in your head. You spare yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache that way. LISTEN & PAY ATTENTION! His actions (non-committal) have given you all the answers you need

Helplessinlove143-

Unsure who i was asking for, I know myself if i were to be in this situation facing the possiblity of liking more than one person at a time, which i do at times what I would do but for this particular person I am trying to understand what would be best for them which i really I dont know at all so its best to go with what feels best for yourself and go from there

Every Artist needs pain in order to produce their own unique works

Use the pain
for the gain
come what may
instill your brain
and break those chains

Hey a little whatever for you to do with however you wish. May like to keep it as it will help keep you focused on what really important during those hard times. Wish you Goodluck now and always.

I would like to ask a little question-

Do you know?

I love my friends, but it doesn't mean I'm in love with them or want to be with them.

I think your only option is to step away, limit contact, withdraw from tnis relationship. Take a few months. Let him analyze and see what his life is like without you. Maybe he will realize you're the one. Maybe he will just miss the friendship. Maybe you will each finf someone else.

But you're getting nowhere maintaining the status quo. You're only hurting yourself and not making him make a decision. He needs to analyze his feelings and can't do that while you are spending time together. He needs to realize he either steps up or lose you.