I Need to Show Strength to this Aqua Man

I am generall a very strong woman, but I feel I have slipped a little and need to get strength back when it comes to dealing with this Aqua man.
Background.
I was set up on a blind date 2 years ago and we dated a year. Had a misundestanding and we just saw less of each other, no talk of break up or not seeing each other. Somehow we stayed in each other's life, keep bumping into each other at places that we normally wouldnt. Wild chance encounters in different cities sometimes,,,given a small worl and we ended up having mutual friends in those cities.
even though we had cleared our misunderstanding, our pattern of seeing each other changed, and he still contacts me and on occasion still tries to see me but not at the same frequency as her used to before the misunderstanding. I have always been supportive of his career and always giving him well wishes for all his career mlestones. I told him that I would always support him and be unconditional i my friendship (I am a counselor by trade, and he was rejected at birth by his biological mother, and he has always had women leave him in relationships. So I told him, that I would always be there for him, even as a friend).

LONG STORY SHORT. since our misunderstanding he had been spotted with different girls as his dates here and there. He is a classic concert musician in Florida, and he had brought a girl as his dates to some HIGH PROFILE media events 3 times over the one year. He was about to leave for an overseas tour, and told me he wants to see me romantically when he comes back from the tour. I was thinking I would love to do that and see where our friendship could lead again, UNTIL I found out he took the girl with him to be his date to the media shows.

Now that girl is a blonde tall model. Was I a fool to think I could ever compete with that? I asked an insider, and they speculated she was just a friend of his or someone he has a business arrangement with, and that he was told it would be good business to have a beauty on the red carpet with him. Now I dont understand the field. Does that make sense? The weird part is that they were not walking together, but her a few steps behind him as he conducted interviews. I never asked him, who she is to him. Because if that is someone serious, I want to leave. I really want something romantic with him again and dont want to be just friends, YET at the same time I dont want to be someone he is having an affair with.

Meaning if he is taking the blonde on MAJOR milestone red carpets, then it must be something serious right? It hurts that he would try to see me romantically if that was his main squeeze.
So anyway, he is on the tour, and I saw her (thru pictures) on the red carpet. I feel unnattractive next to her bc she is perfectly put together and looks sexy in a pornstar way(face wise, not dress wise). I am not a model, yet people still consider me attractive, but I cant compare to a model.

My dilemma is that he is booked to come back for the career milestone of his life, and I told him I would support him and be there. After finding out about the girl, I feel like not seeing him again. I feel too small to ask him who she is as that would make me look insecure. Most aquas like beauty AND brains. I feel I have both, but I dont knwo if the beauty thing is bigger for an aqua who is in entertainment, plus GET THIS ascendant in LEO!!! (ie has to show off to media). While we were dating, he never took me to a media event as a date, only on dates to restaurants or movies. I dont have access to a stylist and great clothes like the blonde model does (that is her job). So I feel like not even trying for him at this point.

Anyway, If I dont show up to his event (you know the "ignoring" thing that most girls on this board do to aquas), will he get the message that I am hurt? I mean I feel like saying why do u want to be meeting me if that is your girlfriend or someone serious?

SO...
My question to you smart aquas esp Kyserenes (sp?) is that I honestly can't be just a friend to him while he has someone seriious because I never got to see our portential. I held back a lot due to hurts from a previous relationship. The misunderstanding came because I tried to push him away (out of a fear of intimacy) by saying some hurtful things to him. We eventually talked it through and he forgave me, but he stopped seeing me regularly after that. I must have gone on a date with him a handfull of times since the last one year vs seeing him every week or 2 before the misunderstanding. The weird part is that when he does see me, things feel the same as they used to, laughter good times, dinner drinks stories reminiscing etc... THEN disappearance for 3 months (yet once a month in touch via text or email).
I ponted out the pattern did change.

So if pattern has changed, then I assume he is done with me? Is this just a new girlfriend or the new girl he is dating now?
I feel sad that I am being treated this way. No explanation by him what is going on in his head. Just weird behaior.
What is he accomplishing by seiing me then? If he forgave me, then why see me so infrequently? If he hasnt forgiven me, then why see me at all? It breaks my heart to be left confused. I want to be a strong woman again.

Even NON Aqua people with a lot of experience with the way these men think including Aqua People please give me some insight?

Is there even hope at this point? Should I disappear? Would he even notice? haha

Hey Babykay I'm an Aqua female, and the most important thing that I can think to say to you is that all women make a HUGE mistake thinking that men can read our minds...they CAN'T! If we don't take the time to talk to them and let them "KNOW" what we're thinking/feeling, then how are they supposed to have a clue as to what we want/need/expect of a relationship with them? I don't think it really matters what sign a guy is, what's more important is that you take the time to sit down and lay it all out on the table and just talk to him, share with him your thoughts/feelings or whatever you want to call them so that it's comfortable for both of you(Aquas are not fond of "feelings/emotions", but do well with thoughts)and so you both ARE on the same page, and if not at least you know where you stand. Your Aqua guy might end up surprising you when you hear what he has to say as far as what HE wants/needs/desires where you are concerned. I don't think just walking away and disappearing is fair to either of you-he might be beyond hurt since you already assured him you'd be there for him, and you deserve to at least give it a shot to see whether or not this man really is the one you'd like to have in your life as more than just a friend. And if you two can sit and clear the air completely, and share all that you're keeping hidden inside, if nothing else then at least you can end up being the best of friends, which to me is better than not having him in your life at all...wouldn't you agree? A great friend is always better to have than an ex who things ended badly with, or who was just lost because you were too scared to talk. All of this is just MY opinion, but I hope that it will give you some much needed courage to talk to your FRIEND and then decide what's best for both of you. Goodluck-keep us updated. PEACE & LOVE

Thanks Lunarbaby! You do make a lot of sense, yet I just feel insecure in this situation, and of course next to that girl I feel not good enough maybe. I know people in entetainment like arm-candy. So I think how could I fit in his life? These people need someone by there side to walk the carpets. If he ever felt I was armcandy, he could have invited me to at an event. All the events I have supported him at, he gave me VIP tickets to and for the celebration party after, but I have never accompanied him to those. We always went on real down to earth dates only like restaurant dinners, walking the dogs, drinks at lounges, and making dinner and movies at the house, etc

For This year's big career milestone for him, he told me he was given only a small handful of VIP tickets by the company, and since he has to bring relatives and his best friends of last 20 yrs, he told me he would be turning down all his friends to join him at the private VIP festivities.
So an added factor to my sadness, is that after all the spiritual and psychological support and encouragement for 2 years, he has decided that I am not as "close" as those handful of people (dont know what an aqua deems as a close friend, time of years vs quality—) I have a general ticket that I got myself, and had decided (believing his dilemma to be true about limited tickets) that I was going to still be there for him bc I truly supported him and was proud of his work knowing he struggled and worked so hard (he is a workaholic married to his career).

But now that he has invited the Blonde girl on tour with him to the events, where does that leave me? It just seems that after the misunderstanding between us, I feel like I have been even demoted to ACQUAINTANCE zone now (not even close friend!. If he doesnt even have the pull to invite me to the VIP section of his event, then he must feel no regard for me as he used to.
Does it still make sense for me to continue to support him unconditionally like a doormat?
Sure I could be wrong, but right now I feel like I don't really matter anymore. Maybe the pattern changed because he is serious with the girl. Maybe he doesnt want the girl to see me at his event? Maybe he doesnt know how to tell me he doesnt want to date me anymore, yet why tell me he wants to see me when he is done with his tour (which he describes the stress of preparing for it for several months the reason why he couldnt see me very much)

These are all the things running in my mind.

Now knowing this, feeling like I am not really important in his life, doesnt it make sense why I think disappearing quietly would be the way to do it?

The "ticket" thing is just another show from him that I am no longer important. I feel. Gosh he is the "star" of the big event. The company would likely give him as many tickets he need for friends and family. I just have to accept I am not as close as I used to be with him. I would lve to have the chance for us to be closer, but I cant do it on my own. I have shown him support, and I have shown him LOYALTY.
Yes I know by not showing up, I would no longer be the loyal unconditional friend, but it works both ways right?
What is the best approach? Of course I care for him and want his success. But I also dont want to play the FOOL, right?

Confrontation would not be a good idea before this big event too, as he gets back from the tour 2 days before it. He will be stressed as it is.
Honestly, I just don't feel like going.
OR if I go to the general admission thing, I could watch his performance and quietly leave. Do I comment on the performance like I always do by texting or calling or just watch and go? OR do I go and then try to see him and congratulate on the show, THEN disappear, and never contact him again?

If he really deemed me important, I would have signs/actions. Doesnt "Hes Not that into You" apply all men, even if he is a weird aqua in entertaiinment as well?

Oh my head hurts from thinking the variations, and the RIGHT thing to do!!!

Dear Baby, I am cappy woman, and maybe I'm not here the right one to answer your questions and doubts. and my English is not very well. But I have to tell you that I am in almost the similar situation. Ok, my ex Aqua is not in such a business and not yet sees another girls, since we broke up (actually he broke up not saying a word about it, thinking that I will get the point (??) few days ago, but he also acting disappear, not calling, not say hello at gtalk, nothing... We have mutual friends and he is stubborn about the question to call me or try with me again. Like I was done something wrong to him. Like you, I was and still I am, thanks God, very strong person, full of joy and positive feeling, full of support to him, love and understanding (he also suffered from loss of his friends, not in good relation with his parents, etc). I told him that I will always be here form him, my love and understanding will never diminish, I apologize if I ever told him bad words or for misunderstandings. He decided to break up with me because "we don't understand eachother" but I am still confused since we didn't even show ourselves what kind of persons we really are, and all the best stuff we can give. That is why I so sorry to losing him, cause I didn't have a time/chance to show him that I really am the person I am (strong, sensitive, open to communicate, to solve all problems, full of self-giving and joy, ah life is sooo short...). And he decided to stop seeing me cause he's afraid of disappointment...
But, I'm still standing on my 4 cappy legs, I will not allow that sadness makes me lost and confused person again. Again I will show what I really am and what I was, every time if I ever meet him again.
So please, be strong and loving girl as you are, go to this event with smile at you face, show him that you are confident and in peace with yourself. Do not worry about another girl, because you know very well your qualities and who you are. You did nothing wrong, you do not have to be afraid of anything. Sooner or later he WILL realize... Go there, act the best you can, or just be what you are. Follow you intuition in behaviour and keep smiling. Cause you are ok.
LOYALTY - that is the answer.

Oakley you are so sweet! I believe in you too. Hang in there. Cappys are very strong.

I know we never know the future. I have to be strong.

The only thing is I don't know what my intuition is telling me because I am doubting myself.

Also I don't want to look like a doormat, because if he is trying to show me he doesnt care about me, and then I keep on showing LOYALTY to him, what does that make me look like?

Oakley have any Aquas helped you get some perspective?

Any help for me Aquas? Please?
Is LOYALTY what u expect beyond the call of duty—

What would happen if either I don't go to the event at all, OR quietly go without him knowing and I don't comment on the performance nor approach him afterwards and just go home, and never contact him?
Is that something he wouldnt notice anyway or will the Aqua mind say that I have failed the "LOYALTY" test, even though personally I feel that is asking too much from someone they have been neglecting, even as a friend! Then again, do I believe the stress of several months of preparation he claims (the rumor in town is that his first love is his career, and even his best friend says they talk very little because he is "quiet" by nature?
But alas I do NOT want to make excuses for behavior that is not society's norm. But then Aqua men aren't society's norm.

Help!!! Anyone?

I am probably taking all this because I am a Pisces with a whole bunch of Libra in my chart..

Aquas! Please post some answers from your pint of view!

Baby, only I can tell you that you have to be CALM, strong and independent as you are within. I know that you have confusion in your head and in your heart right now, but you just should stay as you are - the best you! Go there on that event, keep on smiling, talking freely, compliment him, but stay calm and cool! Stay happy with you own. Do not let this shadow cover your eyes or your smile. You cannot enter into his mind, you cannot change his thinking or feelings, but what you can do is keep your inner peace and satisfaction with your being and all of you have done nice for him. Whatever happen, you have to be positive and sure that you have done all the best you have, no regrets.
Be the way he knew you when two of you met, be the person you used to be before you met him! be truly you. He will sense that, he will smell it.

Thank ou Oakley and Starfish, I used to have so much confidence, and I do know that I have offered support beyond what most people do because I am very emapthic towards people. I am known as the "mother" to all my friends, as I worry and care for them.
As for this case, yes I can continue supporting but I dont want to be the fool.
I mention looks, because I am wondering why I havent been out to public events. I am not superficial, but wondering if that is a marker to go by in this special case of how much he values me to the rest of the world.

I know I shouldn't compare myself, but it is natural when another woman enters the picture.

In these circumstances, does a woman put up a fight to see who gets the man, or should one just accept and move on? I am on the "fel sorry for myself and "run away" from the situation Pisces mode right now.

Maybe a fiery sign would fight to win or a predominantly air sign would stategize mentally on how to win him back, but I want to give up and run away.

I want him to come to me if he really wants me.

I want feedback from aquarians on how they view friends or partners, Now of course he obviously does not know that I am thinking all these things. I always show a nurturing, supportive and loving side for himand his career and always send him emails to encourage him when chips are down. I am feeling taken for granted now

You have to gain your true confidence again, and alone. If you're supporting someone, or him, if it's your true You, then you do not have to feel sorry, or like a fool. You are not a fool, nobody is, if you are showing your best! You will be the fool to hurt someone because of your own fears. You have to value yourself nomatter what he, or any other person thinks.
And try to accept and move. Move on for your own life. You don't NEED him, you just desire / want him. You don't NEED anything! He will miss one day your supporting words, your beautiful You. This is the low of nature. What we do not have, we want to have. What we lose, we want to get it back, sooner or later. Of course, I am talking about every mature and thinking adult, not about the fools and jerks.
I am also in the same position trying to find the answers and cope with all this that recently happened. I decided to move on strong, free and happy. And I know that wasn't my decision to be dumped, that's nothing I can do. I just have to find my inner beauty which I know I have, my peace and my satisfaction with the Life as such. I am worth of it. Not sitting and waiting that some guy consider huge mistake he done and try to win me back, or leave me forever, as friend, as acquaintance... He will have a chance to see me one day the way I was when he madly fall in love with me. And he will need this open smile again. :-)
So, keep on smiling, be steady, show him that you can go on regardless you love him.

Thanks Oakley. You are beautiful, I am sure he will miss your absence and smile.
great attitude you have.

In my case, move on without telling him how I feel, right? He will get it on his own right?
I mean if he has someone, there is no point in even telling him about my hopes for reigniting a relationship etc.. and that it is hard for me to be just friends while he has this girl whom he has given such a big status to compared to me even while we were dating. There is no point bringing up my feelings if it wont change the reality of the situation. By moving on in every way, that is all I can do. I dont want to be involved romantically if he is serious with her. Its the kind of person I am... and I am too wonderful a person to be delegated as a mistress or someone he is having an affair on her with. I am insulted that he wanted to see me romantically after the tour when she the model is in the picture.

BUMP 🙂
Takers?

Okay, I'll Bite 🙂

I read the original post (OP)

I believe if this guy said he wants to see you romantically when he gets back, he means it. We as woman need to stop giving guys so much power and control over us in trying to win them and please them, etc. He chose you. There's something he wants more so than beauty, like most guys and gals. We all lust after hotties, but who do we most often fall for or end up with ... the one who captures your attention with more than just their looks. Although aquas can be just as shallow as your neighborhood leo or libra...we definitely don't base our decisions all on looks (attraction is a must though). Brains is a MUST, personality is ridiculously important.

As for all your confusion and worries ... SPEAK to him. Communication is horrendous with Pisces and Aquarius. He isn't a mind reader so if you don't go to this function he will chalk it up to you being flakey and we hate flakey especially coming from his background where he was abandoned. We[aquas] are filled with many insecurities when it comes to matters of the heart and commitment in general so I could only imagine his insecurities with the addition of his pass. Even if he wants and needs love he may not know how to accept in his life without being guarded (with is already a natural thing for aquas).

Ask him about the woman. We aren't big on lying (though everyones capable). He'll let you know what the deal is.

I shall stress COMMUNICATION. Please communicate any and every issue you have. I'm not saying barrage him and be a nit picky individual, but f you have an issue talk it out let it be known, don't assume everything. Don't get to attached to astrology and use it as an excuse or a crutch for an unhealthy relationship. Its a great medium for understanding the basic mind and personality of an individual and just getting your frustrations out at times and gaining a little perspective.

If he's in the entertainment business and you don't think you can deal with the groupies ... do classical musicians have groupies lol?... then walk away now and remain friends.

You also need to let him know that if your in a relationship with him there is no room for industry people getting in the way and telling him who he needs to be seen with. He needs to make sure he and his cohorts are aware of the relationship and respect it. So no fake stand-in model/girlfriends allowed 😛

Hi Lady_M, thanks for your input (love the avatar btw).

Here's the problem: how do we know the he chose me? what if he just wants to see me in a sexual way when he said he wanted to see me when he gets bacK? I dont want to be some person he is having an affair with on the other? Why would he just bring the same girl at 4 events if there wasnt anything between them? wouldnt he just bring a different hot girl every time he does an event for arm candy?
That is why the confusion for me.

I dont even know if he really cares if I come to the event or not since he says that he cannot give me a VIP ticket. If I ws important then he would at least have reserved one for me given that I have supported him for 2 years.

Can fame on a grand level change an aqua to the point where he "upgrades" to a model... just because he can and it looks good? What if the girl has a nice personality too?
I am no model, but am very intelligent and am doing great in my career. I am pretty by most standards but do not have a career where I have access to the best designers, shoes and stylists and personal trainers at all times.

Posted by Lady_M



As for all your confusion and worries ... SPEAK to him. ..
I shall stress COMMUNICATION. Please communicate any and every issue you have..

I know Communication is important.
The question is "timing"... when— I cant before his big event... but my mind is churning and churning... Ive been crying so much.... Bc I am hurt and I feel left out. Boo hoo Pisces me. I have never shown him tears except for once in last 2 years and he told me that was "weakness", saying that I made the situation bigger than it was...

So obviously I cannot SHOW weakness!

Thank you K my dear for your PM . You are brilliant!

Stop worrying about your looks. Even if he just wants to see you sexually...I'm pretty sure he finds you attractive. Theres always going to be someone better looking than you, EVEN the model has someone better looking than her. She probably has the same insecurities you have as well.


"Here's the problem: how do we know the he chose me? what if he just wants to see me in a sexual way when he said he wanted to see me when he gets bacK? I dont want to be some person he is having an affair with on the other? Why would he just bring the same girl at 4 events if there wasnt anything between them? wouldnt he just bring a different hot girl every time he does an event for arm candy?"

A MAN WILL ONLY TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU LET HIM. If you don't want to be his girl-next-door woman-on-the-side....DONT BE. No one is forcing you. As for the model... you already got the scoop from one of his people. Now if you need further clarity you need to discuss that with him.

As for when this discussion takes place....thats up to you. Personally I would choose a time where there are no distractions. Just the two of you. Over the phone or over a meal, perhaps.


GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. Be confident in yourself b/c we can smell fear and weakness...it's not a good look.

I blame Cosmo for this shit...

Perhaps Lady_M was a little harsh in how she worded her message but I do agree with her (and Oakley01's) general idea. Maybe that's because I am an Aqua, too. Both my parents are fishies and I'm always told that we can come across as being rather cold-blooded, when really we just try and go along the most logical route with little regard to the emotional aspects.

Yes, Aquas don't like weaknesses and are pretty unemotional, but that doesn't mean we don't have or understand emotions. From what I have heard it's perfectly reasonable for you to be upset and angry - you have a right to be and if I was in the same situation I would be really annoyed, too.

Having said that, I agree that you should pick up your self-esteem and confidence again. Not for the Aqua-guy. For yourself. Try and put him out of your mind, if only for a little while - go for a spa or mini-break; treat yourself. Thinking continuously about the same thing can't be healthy or all that productive. It sounds like you have really taken a hit and should do something enjoyable for a change of pace.

Then examine this relationship between you and this guy objectively. Weight the pros and cons. Is this situation worth throwing away two years of friendship and support? Personally I don't think you should just leave like this. Lady_M is right - don't assume he can read your mind. It's likely he can't. Go have a one-on-one meeting with him and talk it all out calmly. Make sure you have a definite answer though. If he can't give a satisfactory reason for the model-girl than I think perhaps it's time for you to detach yourself. However, you shouldn't make a decision without having all the facts - leave no regrets. You sound like an amazing woman. Don't let yourself agonise over this before you get all the information. Get support from your friends and family - go out with them and have fun. It's not worth it to concentrate so much on this just now.

People are the most complex beings so I wouldn't sit there and try to guess at his feelings or motives. However, I think it could be a good sign that he still keeps in contact with you regularly - I'm terrible at that. In fact I was reading another thread earlier on about why Aquas don't pick up their phones. Sometimes we give out the wrong signals to people, but it doesn't mean we don't care about them. If you've been together for so long then please just talk it out and see what he says. We don't tend to lie (though people are always differen

t.

Good luck! 😄

Thanks Rain! That was so nice of you. I really like Aquas, and I wasnt offended at all by Lady M. She had a lot of good points too.
Communication is indeed important.
You guys are so sweet! 🙂

New development. Please see my new topic " Aqua hates me—"